When punting crosses over into personal life

[SirFrank]

Have you ever had an instance where punting and personal life have inextricably crossed paths? Today I made a monumental fuck up. I text a WG about a potential meet while in the office using my punting phone. We exchanged a few texts, which quickly became quite jokey/flirty. The duchess then text my personal phone to ask what the plan was for tea - I'm not only a demon in bed, I'm also the guv'nor in the kitchen, so we started discussing grub options. I'm sure you can see where this is going...

Anyhow, the girl asks me what I fancy doing to her when we meet and before I reply my boss phones me on the office phone to tell me about his new idea, which he wants to run up the flagpole to see if the cat wants to lick it. After briefly talking shite with him I replied to the text to say I wanted to fuck her slut mouth but sent it to the duchess by mistake using my own phone. As soon as I'd hit send I realised my mistake and cursed myself for my inability to multi-task.

However, luckily for me, my wife knows I'm a potty mouthed cunt who talks shit. She quickly replied - you're such a dick. Who the fuck do you think you are - Peter North? I then talked some shit but obviously never said sorry that was meant for a prossie I'm hoping to fuck this weekend. It did however leave me in a cold sweat and I've put the punt on ice for this week. What a prize cunt. If that shit came out, they'd throw my father out of the masons/golf club.

[Deviant]

I thought it was prossies only at some of the Masonic "ladies nights"?

[Fabaceous]

That was the biggest LOL I've had for a while. Reminds me of that Freudian slip I made. I meant to say "can you pass the salt please dear?"  But for some reason I said "you've ruined my life you bitch. "

[MrBridger]

Office move around a while ago - changed desks. Desk phone number changed, told Mrs B new number but forgot to change speed dial on home phone. Punting one afternoon, Mrs B thought I was at work but work thought I was on an afternoon off. Diverted desk phone to mobile, all fine I thought but then Mrs B called my old desk phone. Luckily the new occupant was away and didn't answer (and office full of selfish cunts who never answer each other's phones) but would have taken a lot of explaining!

It's always the small things. Never been that complacent since. Also have a punting phone that looks very different to my other mobile.

[yorkshire123]

Not to that extent Frank but I can remember the Mrs asking me quite bluntly after an extended round of RO where the fuck did you learn that.

To be honest I didn't have the heart to tell her I'd gone through quite a few very expensive personal trainers to get to that level of competence so I copped out & said watching lesbian porn.

Ungrateful bitch called me a fucking pervert 

[azrael]

Had one similar to that S.F, pulled up out side a wg's place i get a text off the boss about comming in early to do stock take, so i text her back saying yeah im up for it.

Then decided to find adequate parking shot off a text asking for her flat number and buzzer number, several minutes later im like why aint i get a response look at my phone i sent the bleeding text to my boss, several hours later my boss sent a reply, talk about an uncomfortable few days at work 

[Wilson85]

I had £130 punting tokens in my jacket, which unknown to me fell out of the pocket in front of two family members. They must have thought I'm a flash twat having that much cash on me and being careless with it too.
I suspect one of them has me sussed out anyway. They keep suggesting that I go to Berlin for a weekends holiday.

 As well as that is coming home with make up on my face, not been rumbled yet.

[Dime]

I remember I was in a uni tutorial and I had a punt planned with an agency. During the class, the agency texted me to say a certain girl wasn't available and I responded by asking them who was. We exchanged 3 or 4 continuous texts and my phone was constantly whistling (ringtone) and  the tutor was talking the whole time. He then stopped and asked me what was so interesting and important that I had to text during his class   

[Dime]

I remember I was in a uni tutorial and I had a punt planned with an agency alter that afternoon. During the class, the agency texted me to say a certain girl wasn't available and I responded by asking them who was, and if I could book another girl. We exchanged 3 or 4 continuous texts and my phone was constantly whistling (ringtone) and  the tutor was talking the whole time. He then stopped and asked me what was so interesting and important that I had to text during his class 

[rafatheira]

I remember I was in a uni tutorial and I had a punt planned with an agency. During the class, the agency texted me to say a certain girl wasn't available and I responded by asking them who was. We exchanged 3 or 4 continuous texts and my phone was constantly whistling (ringtone) and  the tutor was talking the whole time. He then stopped and asked me what was so interesting and important that I had to text during his class 

About 8 years back when I was in my final year of school, the teacher would take the phone and read the message out loud in such a situation.

Imagine 

[threechilliman]

Not to that extent Frank but I can remember the Mrs asking me quite bluntly after an extended round of RO where the fuck did you learn that.

I've had that. Mrs tcm has also said 'you're much better at sex than me'. I always think very carefully before answering. Usually something to do with the amount of porn I watch (which she knows about). I nearly once said 'I get more practice than you my little chocolate pudding' but just managed to stop myself.

To answer SirF, I always pause before sending texts to check just what I'm sending and to who. I try and keep my punting phone activities separate from my normal phone activities, but its always worth just pausing for a moment before pressing send.

tcm

[tazz]

I remember I was in a uni tutorial and I had a punt planned with an agency. During the class, the agency texted me to say a certain girl wasn't available and I responded by asking them who was. We exchanged 3 or 4 continuous texts and my phone was constantly whistling (ringtone) and  the tutor was talking the whole time. He then stopped and asked me what was so interesting and important that I had to text during his class 

Didnt realise students could afford escort agency girls. Would it not be easier trying to chat a student girl up in a bar?

[cueball]

The nearest I've come to a cross over was at work talking about false tits, I were saying how they differ quite a lot, some are solid, some are soft, some are done better than others, some show the scars etc etc

How do you know all that then? Was a reply, err, I've podged one or two with false tits, err, found myself in a bit of a tricky corner, the truth is I've laked with loads of false tits but I tried to gloss over my glut of knowledge.

Never ever inadvertently sent punting texts on my normal phone, punting phone only on when I'm punting our sniffing, never do anything punting related at work, always in my home alone windows.

[Hawkwind71]

OK I am gunna get raked for this but I believe this site is honest so what the fuck.

I have been Mr so fuckin innocent all my life that what I do in my punter life is just so ...out there... that no-one would believe it even if I put a sign up. To my family I am a goddamn goody two shoes, it has served me well even before punter life. Once I was sitting on my computer with AW on one tab and UKP on the other completely absorbed, wife walked up with a cuppa, deposited the tea on the desk and carried on with what she was doing.

Either she knows in which case who gives a shit, or she is so oblivious, so utterly beyond ever imagining that I would ever do anything like this, that she misses everything and suspects nothing. I must be more careful but if ever I slip up this is how it will be. I am just very fortunate that so far they are utterly clueless.

and before you ask, when I go punting I have the perfect fucking alibi.

[Pompoy123]

On my way Saturday to shot punt (see review) and rang the number to the maid of establishment whilst running to catch bus. Just as I get on bus the driver states you dropped your keys so I'm bending to pick them up phone to ear just about to ask if WG is available when my mum answers the phone asking how I am.  No my mum has not become a maid lol. I've hit the wrong number on speed dial. Note to self get a punting phone lol.

[MrBridger]

 As well as that is coming home with make up on my face, not been rumbled yet.

Yes but you might want to tone down the blusher a bit, can make you look tarty. 

[LanceVance]

One time at work, me and some colleagues of mine were chatting over lunch when the conversation turned to prostitution. There were about 6 of us, evenly split between girls and guys. One woman starts spouting off about how it should be illegal and another goes on about how the Nordic Model is a brilliant idea. I was trying to keep cool, not saying much except that it should be legal to keep the girls safe. Luckily, a couple of others, including another female colleague, were arguing more loudly than me on the pro-side, meaning I could sit quietly, feign disinterest and avoid anyone asking me 'How come you know so much about it then?' .

[Zeusthedoc]

I never punt when in a relationship - however - an ex of mine was up for a lot, but nothing 'degrading'.
Whilst going hammer and tong doggystyle once, I kinda forgot myself, grabbed her and pushed her head down as proceeded to put my foot on her face.

Suffice it to say, she was not best pleased and left my with blue balls telling me that she felt like a piece of meat blah blah. I apologised etc but never had the heart to tell her that the most appropriate response is to open wide and use your tongue!

[LanceVance]

On my way Saturday to shot punt (see review) and rang the number to the maid of establishment whilst running to catch bus. Just as I get on bus the driver states you dropped your keys so I'm bending to pick them up phone to ear just about to ask if WG is available when my mum answers the phone asking how I am.  No my mum has not become a maid lol. I've hit the wrong number on speed dial. Note to self get a punting phone lol.

Absolutely, it gives you so much peace of mind.

[LL]

That was a lucky escape for you!

My wife and I don't normally use condoms but one time we're away on holiday and she's forgotten to bring her birth control pills with her.  We go out and get drunk at the end of the holiday and both want a shag - so I buy some condoms.  Then in the drunken fumble that follows in the bedroom I wait for her to put the condom on me and when she doesn't want to I say, "well you always put it on me!".  She never has of course - in my drunken state I'm getting confused and thinking back to punting experiences where the prossie always puts the condom on.  Luckily she didn't put two and two together.

[JustAnotherPunter]

I once sent a text meant for a Prossie to my Mother , luckily for me all it said was something along the lines of " I'll be there in 5 minutes " so could just say it was meant for a mate 

[LoneWolf2020]

ok 2 incidents, several years ago there was a wg called bustymilf jackie, decided to save her number for a rainy day. Unfortunately ive got an aunty called jackie too. i rung the first jackie in my address book one day when i got the horn and stupidly i kept asking 'hi is that bustymilfjackie'? the voice on the other end kept saying 'what'? then it hit me, i had phoned my aunty. Anyway im not just tring to make myself feel better but i dont think she understood what i was saying as i was saying it quietly, i then had to make small talk and pretend that i called for a chat...something i never do. she sounded so baffled on the other end with me mumbling on about the weather.

seperate incident i got the last digit wrong in a prossie's phone number and was asking some civvie woman stranger if she did all sorts of filthy things, thankfully she didnt brand me a pervert and she laughed her head off when she realised what had happened. Even ending the call with a bit of micky taking  

im a bloody idiot

[LanceVance]

So many of these incidents could have been avoided with a punting phone. 

[NickFury]

No punting phone here .... Think the thrill of getting caught secretly thrills me!
Anyway, one time I texted an agency to book a girl and they replied... Then it dawned on me both were iMessages and the missus was at home using my iPad which is also logged on using my account! 
I had cleared outgoing messages on the iPad but surely she would see the reply, so I quickly called and asked innocently did she received some random message with an address and time? Said I also received some random message and not sure what it was. Luckily the message was professional and she never suspected any thing ( or so I think)
The thrill certainly made the sex with the escort that day more enjoyable than usual!

[Hawkwind71]

No punting phone here .... Think the thrill of getting caught secretly thrills me!
Anyway, one time I texted an agency to book a girl and they replied... Then it dawned on me both were iMessages and the missus was at home using my iPad which is also logged on using my account! 
I had cleared outgoing messages on the iPad but surely she would see the reply, so I quickly called and asked innocently did she received some random message with an address and time? Said I also received some random message and not sure what it was. Luckily the message was professional and she never suspected any thing ( or so I think)
The thrill certainly made the sex with the escort that day more enjoyable than usual!

This is my biggest threat, the random casual text/message that is innocent but inexplicable. The message wouldn't slay me. But the sudden red face, stammering and awkward demeanor would quickly draw questions that would tickle out way more information than I would care to give.

[King Kenny]

No punting phone here .... Think the thrill of getting caught secretly thrills me!
Anyway, one time I texted an agency to book a girl and they replied... Then it dawned on me both were iMessages and the missus was at home using my iPad which is also logged on using my account! 
I had cleared outgoing messages on the iPad but surely she would see the reply, so I quickly called and asked innocently did she received some random message with an address and time? Said I also received some random message and not sure what it was. Luckily the message was professional and she never suspected any thing ( or so I think)
The thrill certainly made the sex with the escort that day more enjoyable than usual!

You can, and must, disconnect the iMessage from your iPad. Go into settings, and you can associate the iMessage with your phone number or an email address. I had them turning up on my iPad and iMac too. Luckily none from senders that would cause embarrassment,

[Madone1]

I made the same iPhone,iPad  mistake in my pre punting phone days lucky for me the wife was out as the iPad was lit up like a Christmas tree with me trying to sort out an hour of arse fucking. Always turn iMessage off

[Swansea lad]

I think the common theme here is that we are all so normal in our everyday lives that others miss the clues of what we get upto on the quiet.

[iPad3]

I think the common theme here is that we are all so normal in our everyday lives that others miss the clues of what we get upto on the quiet.

Possibly but NEVER get complacent if you have anything to lose is my veiw.

[Hawkwind71]

Possibly but NEVER get complacent if you have anything to lose is my veiw.

Never complacent. But its hard not to interpret every normal life activity with a punter eye.

See a pretty girl, used to say 'nice tits'.   Now I think 'wonder what her going rate would be'

[Ralph]

The reply to the OH when she says anything like...you are so much better than me at this, or, where did you learn that etc, should always be.  You must bring out the best in me or words to that effect

[threechilliman]

The reply to the OH when she says anything like...you are so much better than me at this, or, where did you learn that etc, should always be.  You must bring out the best in me or words to that effect

Etched in my mind!

tcm

[markc65]

Etched in my mind!

tcm

+1

[hornybobby]

Had to laugh, sat here reading this post and our receptionist barges into my office without knocking!  Little bit of irony there I guess!

[Bumbuttass]

I was once texting my OH whilst arranging a punt and mistakenly sent my clothing request to my OH instead of the WG... Fuck me I was shitting bricks all afternoon, didn't know what to say or do so kept silent and thought I'd take it like a man when I get home.  No reply or any other message from the Mrs either.

Come 6pm, i arrive home, have a fag in the car outside the house, still can't think off anything to say.  I sheepishly walk to the door in what seems like an eternity, open the door & find the Mrs standing in the hallway, wearing nowt but heels & stockings (my preferred clothing request for WG's), she's says 'you've never asked me to do this before' to which I replied 'It's been on my mind all fucking day'

That was probably the best shag of my life.  The next day i invested in a punting phone

[jimmytick]

say I wanted to fuck her slut mouth

Did the mrs oblige and gobble your sausage?

[Timmy2]

Not having a punting phone, I know stupid, but I was not going to do this for long...doooh
I was Whatsapping 2 working girls and getting flirty with both, one was/is dirty the other not so.  Then Mrs Raddy started whatsapping me and I carried on talking to the 3 of them, and ended up sending a dirty reply to the cleaner girl.  She said what the fuck... that could so have gone to the missus
 
Raddy

[Weyoun]

OK I am gunna get raked for this but I believe this site is honest so what the fuck.

I have been Mr so fuckin innocent all my life that what I do in my punter life is just so ...out there... that no-one would believe it even if I put a sign up. To my family I am a goddamn goody two shoes, it has served me well even before punter life. Once I was sitting on my computer with AW on one tab and UKP on the other completely absorbed, wife walked up with a cuppa, deposited the tea on the desk and carried on with what she was doing.

Either she knows in which case who gives a shit, or she is so oblivious, so utterly beyond ever imagining that I would ever do anything like this, that she misses everything and suspects nothing. I must be more careful but if ever I slip up this is how it will be. I am just very fortunate that so far they are utterly clueless.

and before you ask, when I go punting I have the perfect fucking alibi.

I know exactly what you mean. I am in the same situation as you. Family, friends have no idea. I often browse AW and UKP in the same room as the OH, she is so immersed in Youtube and Pinterest she's oblivious in which lies part of the problem and one of the reasons I punt. I've done things punting that my mates can only dream of (the best being a duo with Tamara Grace and Jasmine Jae) and I can't say shit to anyone.

[dizietsmae]

I was once texting my OH whilst arranging a punt and mistakenly sent my clothing request to my OH instead of the WG... Fuck me I was shitting bricks all afternoon, didn't know what to say or do so kept silent and thought I'd take it like a man when I get home.  No reply or any other message from the Mrs either.

Come 6pm, i arrive home, have a fag in the car outside the house, still can't think off anything to say.  I sheepishly walk to the door in what seems like an eternity, open the door & find the Mrs standing in the hallway, wearing nowt but heels & stockings (my preferred clothing request for WG's), she's says 'you've never asked me to do this before' to which I replied 'It's been on my mind all fucking day'

That was probably the best shag of my life.  The next day i invested in a punting phone

Fucking quality 

[FLYING BLUE]

A few years back when I used to fly a lot of long haul, Kiev was a regular destination. The crew would head downtown for the clubs but I would get a Wgirl delivered on 'room service' instead (since alcohol was strictly off limits)....
A stunning blonde thought it was a great idea to steal my jacket and cap whilst I was in the shower leaving me to try explain (with blatant lies) the missing parts of my uniform to the rest of the crew next morning. ........ severe red face

[SirFrank]

Did the mrs oblige and gobble your sausage?

If she went down faster than Cheryl Coles BMI I wouldn't be punting. I'm probably due some action around Christmas time, if I'm lucky

[SirFrank]

Had one similar to that S.F, pulled up out side a wg's place i get a text off the boss about comming in early to do stock take, so i text her back saying yeah im up for it.

Then decided to find adequate parking shot off a text asking for her flat number and buzzer number, several minutes later im like why aint i get a response look at my phone i sent the bleeding text to my boss, several hours later my boss sent a reply, talk about an uncomfortable few days at work 

I did that pre punt phone. But the other way round. I text a girl (some tantric specialist) who I was meeting that afternoon thinking she was a colleague. Running late be there in 15 mins. She said we ain't meeting till this afternoon. Oh yeah sorry wasn't meant for you. It could have been worse - Luckily I didn't ask him if he could stick his thumb up my arse while he was polishing my cock

[azrael]

It could have been worse - Luckily I didn't ask him if he could stick his thumb up my arse while he was polishing my cock

Pure class as always a joy to read S.F 

[Gooner]

My closest encounter was when I was on my way to a punt. Driving along and all off a sudden I see a car behind me flashing their lights. Thinking to myself who the fuck is this and praying it's not the police pulling me over. I check the mirror carefully and see its my mate who just bought s new car so I didn't recognised the car. I pull over for a quick chat and he asks where I'm going. Luckily the girls place was on the same route I could take to my job so I told him I need to go there to get something I forgot.

He then says he will follow me as he is heading that way too. So I had to drive all the way to my work place while I was nearly late for the punt already and then lose my friend off my tale and then drive back to see the girl.

[Horizontal pleasures]

Field reports, that is what reviews were called on a site I used very many years ago when it was new. and maybe you used but which name I think I may not mention, but the owner was named Galahad.

I was in Devon on holiday in a cottage with family and I had opted gallantly to do the supermarket big shop next day, and so was looking for a fast punt while I was out. Missus HP looked in when I thought she had gone to bed and saw 'field reports' but did not take in the detail and I was able to suggest it was work-related and on holiday I should not really be looking at work should !? So if I looked shifty I had a reason. This was in the days when even a Mac portable needed a trolley.

Phew, near miss. I have a vague memory of success with a milf at Newton Abbott not far from a large Tesco.

[TheNewSeeker]

TNSess runs out of cash (again), seeks to replenishment by rooting in my work bag to rifle my wallet, punter phone located
"Whose is this phone ?"
" Oh, that's bloody Angela (office admin), she left it on my desk. Must remember to give it her back, I think it's an emergency office spare or something."
Notes to self:
i) this excuse looks flakey if used again
ii) this phone must never be seen again
iii) create hidden pocket in work bag to secrete PP
iv) legitimise PP's existance

 

[threechilliman]

If she went down faster than Cheryl Coles BMI I wouldn't be punting. I'm probably due some action around Christmas time, if I'm lucky

Not if Santa gets to the Duchess first!

tcm

[superchamp]

This happened today.

Arranged a punt yesterday with a regular for 4.00pm today following a meeting I had to attend in London. At the meeting I put both my work phone and my own phone on the table. I have to mention that my own phone has had an update recently so that a new text message automatically appears on the screen rather than having to open the message app. Anyway, at some point I got up and left the room to go for a piss. When I came back my phone screen had lit up and there's a message "Hun, can we do 4.30? What shall I wear? wg's name xxx". Luckily the meeting was in a boardroom with just 6 of us spread out along a huge table. Usually these meetings are in a much smaller room and we're all cramped around a small circular table. Nobody was giggling so I'm confident that I've got away with this one.

[Hawkwind71]

This happened today.

Arranged a punt yesterday with a regular for 4.00pm today following a meeting I had to attend in London. At the meeting I put both my work phone and my own phone on the table. I have to mention that my own phone has had an update recently so that a new text message automatically appears on the screen rather than having to open the message app. Anyway, at some point I got up and left the room to go for a piss. When I came back my phone screen had lit up and there's a message "Hun, can we do 4.30? What shall I wear? wg's name xxx". Luckily the meeting was in a boardroom with just 6 of us spread out along a huge table. Usually these meetings are in a much smaller room and we're all cramped around a small circular table. Nobody was giggling so I'm confident that I've got away with this one.

I wouldn't be too sure. But that's part of the excitement, almost getting caught, almost revealing your secret life to a trusted friend. Then so glad you missed the bullet 

[superchamp]

I wouldn't be too sure. But that's part of the excitement, almost getting caught, almost revealing your secret life to a trusted friend. Then so glad you missed the bullet 

Haha. Have you found a Stacia lookalike to punt yet?