"Yes i fucked her, but i LOVE you"

[chodu1]

Is it really possible to pull that off as an excuse? (Eddie Murphy I think said it) 

I know only marginally different to us blokes, but would wives or GFs prefer it to have been a cold fuck with a prostitute rather than an emotionally-invested affair? Or would they think you are a real lowlife to have paid for sex?

Has anyone been in this situation?!

[Jayj]

Really difficult to say all depends on the wider details, let’s say you could spin it was a drunken moment it was only a hand job, she was just a prostitute nothing in it, sex with a civvies requires planning emotionally tie on both sides, the down side is your now tainted as a punter in her mind your lower than whale shit a bloke that pays for sex, it also means you probably did it before and will do it again sex with a prostitute is easy an affair is trick.

I’d say your in a world of pain ether way lol

[Blackpool Rock]

It needs some smart talking either way but apparently a woman's reaction does vary depending on this "Love" issue.

Basically if you tell a woman you don't love her anymore then that's fairly terminal for the relationship, same thing goes if you say or she thinks you love someone else.
Saying the other fling / event was a stupid mistake and only physical plus you don't love the other person but love your wife / GF may claw you back from the edge but the people involved and the overall state of relationship will also be a big factor

[lillythesavage]

If you get in that situation and she does not know you paid for it, then keep it that way, nothing makes a woman feel unloved like paying another for sex.

[Fuzzyduck]

I think Eddie said: "Yeah I fucked her. But I make love to you". Try that shit and see how it goes down with the missus. As others have said, you're seriously fucked either way.

Personally I think saying it was a one-off with a civvie who you didn't know might be the easiest to save to save your ass from.

[MissWolf]

Tbh the only people qualified to answer this hypothetical question are the women who find themselves in this situation

Slight problem there as this is a male orientated punting site

On a personal note I would much rather any man of mine had a paid punt than a raging affair.....HOWEVER I may be bias and more open minded due to the fact I'm a prossie 

I and the rest of the ladies who reside here may not be a true representation of the female population 

[Vic69]

For me, if my Husband had sex with an Escort I would be more forgiving than if he had an affair.  Having said that I know of a guy who has been seeing escorts for years and eventually got caught by his wife, she told him she would have sooner he had had an affair.  From my point of view sex with an escort is transactional and feelings arent involved, whereas an affair is so much more, seeing an escort is scratching an itch lol.

[southcoastpunter]

That song by Shaggy springs to mind -  includes the verse:

Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Creeping with the girl next door
Picture this, we were both butt-naked
Banging on the bathroom floor
I had tried to keep her
From what she was about to see
Why should she believe me
When I told her ...IT WASN'T ME

[Fuzzyduck]

That song by Shaggy springs to mind -  includes the verse:

Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Creeping with the girl next door
Picture this, we were both butt-naked
Banging on the bathroom floor
I had tried to keep her
From what she was about to see
Why should she believe me
When I told her ...IT WASN'T ME

There is a train of thought that continual denial is a reasonable strategy, to put the doubt into the mind of the accuser. You only have to look at how some very successful leader of nations have employed this approach.

[lillythesavage]

Tbh the only people qualified to answer this hypothetical question are the women who find themselves in this situation

Slight problem there as this is a male orientated punting site

On a personal note I would much rather any man of mine had a paid punt than a raging affair.....HOWEVER I may be bias and more open minded due to the fact I'm a prossie 

I and the rest of the ladies who reside here may not be a true representation of the female population 

Lol, bias maybe, the nearest you are going to get of a female wife point of view is this, from my wife, paying for sex hurts far more than with a civvy one off, an affair is a different story, the fact you have paid to have sex with someone else makes them feel totally useless and plays on their mind for years, and they will constantly think you are doing it again.

[Blackpool Rock]

There is a train of thought that continual denial is a reasonable strategy, to put the doubt into the mind of the accuser. You only have to look at how some very successful leader of nations have employed this approach.

Anyone specific / recent or too many to mention (which we can't anyway) 

But yes you are right that it's a strategy that can work, i've been in meetings where there's a major issue and nobody knows anything about how to resolve it or the basic facts.
Some Bullish gobshite pipes up and makes a statement but does it with such conviction and confidence that they go unchallenged as while it doesn't seem to quite pan out nobody else can prove otherwise and they don't actually have the correct answer themselves.

[Blackpool Rock]

Lol, bias maybe, the nearest you are going to get of a female wife point of view is this, from my wife, paying for sex hurts far more than with a civvy one off, an affair is a different story, the fact you have paid to have sex with someone else makes them feel totally useless and plays on their mind for years, and they will constantly think you are doing it again.

Yes perhaps we are looking at this from slightly the wrong perspective, in terms of an affair Vs a 1 night stand then you may get away with the 1 night stand on the basis it was a 1 off drunken mistake.
Seeing a Prossie is different as like an affair it requires some planning, what we also need to factor in here is that the majority of peoples perception of a Prossie is the stereotypical street corner junkie with an STI.
Obviously we know the majority of prostitution isn't like this but try explaining that to your wife while she's going ape shit at you "No No it's OK it's not like you think it is etc"
The wife may realise you've done it for physical release if she doesn't put out however if sex is on offer at home then it would be classed as an insult that you've paid to go elsewhere, bit like the wife saying she's doing a nice meal later on and you replying "Nah i'll pass and get a Maccy D's instead"

[The0neAnd0nly]

Yes perhaps we are looking at this from slightly the wrong perspective, in terms of an affair Vs a 1 night stand then you may get away with the 1 night stand on the basis it was a 1 off drunken mistake.
Seeing a Prossie is different as like an affair it requires some planning, what we also need to factor in here is that the majority of peoples perception of a Prossie is the stereotypical street corner junkie with an STI.
Obviously we know the majority of prostitution isn't like this but try explaining that to your wife while she's going ape shit at you "No No it's OK it's not like you think it is etc"
The wife may realise you've done it for physical release if she doesn't put out however if sex is on offer at home then it would be classed as an insult that you've paid to go elsewhere, bit like the wife saying she's doing a nice meal later on and you replying "Nah i'll pass and get a Maccy D's instead"

Good point but shagging the missus is more like a Gregg's steak bake, so a Maccies is a upgrade if anything 

[Fuzzyduck]

Anyone specific / recent or too many to mention (which we can't anyway) 
...

I decided to let the reader make his own call to whom I might have been referring.

[anyfucker]

I decided to let the reader make his own call to whom I might have been referring.

Some years ago the missus caught me shagging a FWB and said "at least it wasn't an escort"
They have some pretty harsh things to say about punting on mumsnet

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Some years ago the missus caught me shagging a FWB and said "at least it wasn't an escort"
They have some pretty harsh things to say about punting on mumsnet

The bits i've read on there that is Very much the case. A mistress , affair a spur of the moment thing all well sort of tolerated but a prozzie thats a BIG no no!...

[Mr Sinister]

When men cheat it usually is just all physical, you simply just want to blow your load get something else from a different woman that you're not getting at home like having your dick sucked on demand.

When a woman cheats its usually emotional, you've been neglecting her, relationship gotten too routine some other guy comes along and makes her all wet just having a normal conversation with her because he stimulates her emotions. If a woman cheats constantly for physical then her chemical make up is all wrong from past history then she cannot pair bond with a man for a relationship.

Back to the question yes you could use the physical excuse but....

- It cannot be with a prossie, due to our moral upbringing people cannot except sex workers so it looks bad, especially that you have paid for it, sex in many ways is transactional but we just tend to focus on that area.

- A civvie you could swing it with a big enough speech, something that will play into a woman's mind especially if it's just a one off that the other woman pursued you, saw you as attractive amongst all the other men and wanted to give herself to you. she wants to compete with that.

[stampjones]

For me, if my Husband had sex with an Escort I would be more forgiving than if he had an affair.  Having said that I know of a guy who has been seeing escorts for years and eventually got caught by his wife, she told him she would have sooner he had had an affair.  From my point of view sex with an escort is transactional and feelings arent involved, whereas an affair is so much more, seeing an escort is scratching an itch lol.

See, to me that makes total sense, but I had a discussion about this with my wife once (just one of those bullshit conversations) and she said she’d be more likely to forgive an affair than seeing an escort. I really dont understand that.

[lillythesavage]

See, to me that makes total sense, but I had a discussion about this with my wife once (just one of those bullshit conversations) and she said she’d be more likely to forgive an affair than seeing an escort. I really dont understand that.

I can tell you from experience of both, the fact you paid to fuck someone other than the wife cuts deeper, it may be transactional but it is the choosing to pay, with joint money, and the deliberate act of doing so and not something that just happens through attraction that makes the difference.


If you are being paid for sex you will obviously see it differently, as Sp posts show, but for most the deliberate decision to go out and pay for sex hurts more.

[pantywetter]

“I fucked her but I love you” can in fact be true regardless of she would take it.

I fuck lots of girls but it doesn’t change how I feel about my girlfriend.

Sex and love are completely seperate in my mind even if they wouldn’t be in hers!

I actually wouldn’t mind if my girlfriend paid for sex.  Would be more upset by an affair, but even then I understand sexual needs are different to love.  Lesbian affair would be even better, so long as I can watch! 

[lillythesavage]

“I fucked her but I love you” can in fact be true regardless of she would take it.

I fuck lots of girls but it doesn’t change how I feel about my girlfriend.

Sex and love are completely seperate in my mind even if they wouldn’t be in hers!

I actually wouldn’t mind if my girlfriend paid for sex.  Would be more upset by an affair, but even then I understand sexual needs are different to love.  Lesbian affair would be even better, so long as I can watch!

Neither would I with the wife, but it reinforces my point, SP,s and punters would be less hurt by paying, those that are neither it is most certainly the other way round in most cases.

[stampjones]

I can tell you from experience of both, the fact you paid to fuck someone other than the wife cuts deeper, it may be transactional but it is the choosing to pay, with joint money, and the deliberate act of doing so and not something that just happens through attraction that makes the difference.


If you are being paid for sex you will obviously see it differently, as Sp posts show, but for most the deliberate decision to go out and pay for sex hurts more.

Yeah I guess but its still the wrong way round to me. Ive done both and the affair felt much more of a betrayal than paying for it. But ultimately if she finds out neither are going to leave you looking great in her eyes 

[anyfucker]

I can tell you from experience of both, the fact you paid to fuck someone other than the wife cuts deeper, it may be transactional but it is the choosing to pay, with joint money, and the deliberate act of doing so and not something that just happens through attraction that makes the difference.


If you are being paid for sex you will obviously see it differently, as Sp posts show, but for most the deliberate decision to go out and pay for sex hurts more.

Ah yes, I'd forgotten about with the "family" money that could have been spent on new shoes or hairdresser for her

[Blackpool Rock]

Ah yes, I'd forgotten about with the "family" money that could have been spent on new shoes or hairdresser for her

Yes but if it was an affair the woman would still be complaining about the joint money that had been used to take the mistress out for meals and flowers etc, this is the same joint money that women refer to as "My money"