If you were a WG ,,,,,,, ?

[Matium]

It's easy enough to criticise WGs but what terms, conditions and clients would you insist upon if you were a WG?

I know one thing, if I were a WG, I would never see anyone like me!

 

[cunnyhunt]

No blacks or asians.............

[hockogrockle]

I would go to a good solicitor and get a comprehensive set of terms and conditions drawn up to be signed by the client as soon as he arrived.
Disclaimer: the above sentence is not to be taken, considered, regarded or otherwise used as professional advice. It is the personal opinion of the poster, who will not be liable for any consequences, whether adverse or otherwise resulting from any actions taken upon it, whether by workers in the sex industry or otherwise.

[akauya]

No sweaty, stinking, halitosis punters 

[vorian]

No Anal, I'm far too tight for that. 

[Closet freak]

It's easy enough to criticise WGs but what terms, conditions and clients would you insist upon if you were a WG?

  I'd be a gay WG  strictly no men

 
I know one thing, if I were a WG, I would never see anyone like me!

  really why is that ?
 

[hendrix]

No Anal, I'm far too tight for that. 

You're off my hotlist!

If you don't take a shower when I politely ask you to take one...there will be no owo or rimming

[vorian]

You're off my hotlist!

If you don't take a shower when I politely ask you to take one...there will be no owo or rimming

I might make an exception in your case Hendrix, if you are gentle and it will of course be an extra. 

[akauya]

You're off my hotlist!

If you don't take a shower when I politely ask you to take one...there will be no owo or rimming

If you were a prossie punters would have to do a month's gym workout and take a truckload of viagra before coming to see you

[grandmaster-ram-rod]

I would insist that all clients approached the door quietly, slip an envelope thur the letter box with agreed fee, then then quietly turn around and go home 

[vorian]

If you were a prossie punters would have to do a month's gym workout and take a truckload of viagra before coming to see you

That's another new keyboard and a cup of coffee you owe me. 

I think Hendrix would give the ultimate PSE, would be bloody expensive though. Maybe a duo with him and Cisco, would be a hell of a review.

[hendrix]

If you were a prossie punters would have to do a month's gym workout and take a truckload of viagra before coming to see you

..at least you know you won't get any of that "courtesan" shit with me.

I would insist that all clients approached the door quietly, slip an envelope thur the letter box with agreed fee, then then quietly turn around and go home 

The perfect punter! 

I might make an exception in your case Hendrix, if you are gentle and it will of course be an extra. 

I don't pay extra's as you know!   

[Anallover6969]

Id tout on forums and put fake reviews stating.

"how we conversed for ages and she took me to heaven".

and finish with

"Treat her well guys"!!

[oldfart]

If i was a WG.  I would take an overdose,
          ......how them girls fuck, sweaty,cheesy,ugly,slobbering stinking men every day, i dont know
                                       

[herbie007]

I'd strap a mattress to my back and shag anyone 24/7 for 6 months then go see the world and chill.

But no bare backers or hard sports.

[oldfart]

best thread ever this... haha

[vorian]

I'd strap a mattress to my back and shag anyone 24/7 for 6 months then go see the world and chill.

But no bare backers or hard sports.

Watersports OK then 

[herbie007]

Watersports OK then 

Yeah sure

As long as the price is right and you give me enough notice 

[vorian]

Yeah sure

As long as the price is right and you give me enough notice 

Bloody prossies, all about the money with you isn't it, what about feelings 

[herbie007]

Bloody prossies, all about the money with you isn't it, what about feelings 

Oh all right, seeing as it's you I won't charge extra for the OWO 

[Matium]

I'd trawl through Adultwork and Girls of Paradise until I found a girl who looked like Petra Verkaik then arrange to offer duos with her, making sure, of course, I spent more time on her than on any Client.



As for any Client who asked for anal, he would get it - on him!

I'd get the biggest, thickest, blackest strap-on and then proceed to give him a right royal bobbing!

 

[Rochdull lad]

I'd show myself as being 55 years old and refuse to see anyone under the age of 40!

[londonmaxxy]

I'd eat a lot of cabbage & beetroot, offering specialism in farting & humiliation services.
However once Wayne Rooney or Rio Ferdinand visited me I would fart on them many times & take their money, but then sell my story to the Daily Mail & retire.

[hendrix]

Bloody prossies, all about the money with you isn't it, what about feelings 

It's an extra £20 for the "feelings" experience..

[webpunter]

No tactical knocking one out before allowed
Coz i don't want to suffer from 'handjob elbow' to get the fuckers to finally come
Wankers - literally

[webpunter]

No blacks or asians.............

Is it coz I iz blick ?

[cockneybstrd]

I d be a domaintrix. Spend my days making the lives of my subs less worthless. There would be no touching of me but I get to peg them with 'winston' my trusty strap on

[dantheman]

Cisco, Vorian and Frenchie. MMMF
But then again, You couldn't afford me bitches.

[LanceVance]

Two golden rules for me:

1) Be clean and respectful and use proper English when making contact.

2) If it isn't on my likes list, don't ask for it!

[sexpest]

if i was a wg omg i can only dream.

1. be discreet, dont call me or text unless we have an appointment
2. dont ask me pointless question already on my profile

lol i feel like a wg writing these rules. SHAVE THEM BALLS BOYS

[Matium]

WGs should read this thread to know how they should act!

 

[hendrix]

Also don't send me 10 fucking messages about some elaborate role play you want to do. Spell it out in one message and then book me and turn up. Wanker.

[webpunter]

I'd give out handjobs using a special lube - Swarfega

Suggested threads of the month:  April = Cunts by SirF  /  May = this one

[pleasure]

I'd:-

* Post recent unretouched pictures that are actually of me.
* Write my profile in English, and use it to explain everything that people might want to know.
* Offer the services that are actually on my likes list.
* Reply to emails, texts and bookings promptly.
* Actually be around for the appointments I arranged.

Yeah, I don't think I've quite got the hang of this.

[Johny Stone]

Dont lie about age

Dont use pictures colected from the internet

Take bookings at 3 am just because no one else will take them 


PS. Im laughing like an idiot, this topic is brilliant 

[SirFrank]

I'd move to west Wales and I'd set up a profile thus: Bendy Wendy from Hendy

[Rochdull lad]

I'd move to west Wales and I'd set up a profile thus: Bendy Wendy from Hendy

       SirFrank, you're wasted on here!

[Ali Katt]

I would be an 'igh class courtesan, how could I be anything else? £250 an hour, minimum two hour booking. We have a long chat about my Ivy League education whilst we drink tea and eat value digestive biscuits (just because I'm a prossie it doesn't mean I'm not tight). Once rumpy pumpy is suggested I ask the man to go out for some nodders (the nearest shop is two miles) and when he gets back I'm ready to get them out and give a back massage and what do you know, time seems to have miraculously and conveniently ran down.

[webpunter]

I'd pay a specialist clock repairer [in kind of course] to make my very large clock on the wall to run 5-10 minutes fast each hour
And then magically stop & reset itself when it gets to the next hour

[DaveMugabe]

I'd log onto this forum as a punter and end every post with "Haha xxx"

Haha xxx

[yorkshire123]

I would probably starve to death.
The way I've let myself go nobody in their right mind would pay to fuck me 

[Rochdull lad]

I'd log onto this forum as a punter and end every post with "Haha xxx"

Haha xxx

Why not "lol", Dave?

[grandmaster-ram-rod]

I would probably starve to death.
The way I've let myself go nobody in their right mind would pay to fuck me 

you would be supprised 

[akauya]

I would probably starve to death.
The way I've let myself go nobody in their right mind would pay to fuck me 

HP would probably book you

[Cornish sub]

No blacks or asians.............

.........because of bad experiences in the past.   

[wristjob]

Don't send loads of complicated texts the 30 minutes before the punter is due, oblivious that they might be driving.

At a parlour I go to the girls always jump in the shower briefly at the end - does wonders for confidence they are clean.

Ages ago with an agency girl she met me in a LBD. While I was in the shower she got changed in to some lingerie - that was really cool.

Usual profile stuff - only list services you do, proper, recent photos and if you go with pro photos mix normal photos in there. Don't actually steal photos off some model either.  Don't have profile pics of me sucking off 2 guys, spunk dribbling down my chin and a marrow up my snatch.

Don't do BB

Learn how to do a fecking BJ (can it really be that hard?)

Don't get greedy with the extras. Extras should NEVER be more than 50% over the basic price.

Go to the gym

Realise I won't earn as much when I'm 40 as when I'm 20 so don't spend every penny on handbags and shoes.

[wristjob]

Argh, missed one.

I've create an account on UKP and post girly chit chat tripe til I got banned. I'd then create a new account posting "poor moi, what are you picking on me meanies" and more girly tripe - til i got banned.

I'd then create an account pretending to be a punter on UKP and ask for info on my WG profile, then post a review for me - then get banned.

Well, you get the idea.

[socks]

For me it would be cleanliness, clarity and respect.

CLEANLINESS - No cheesy cocks, shitty arses. smelly armpits, mouldy teeth or bad breath. No open fucking cuts either and no cold sores or the like. I'd list everything I did and restate the ones that are most often lied about for clarity in my profile, something like

CLARITY - "Yes when I say I do DT I mean I will take the full length of your cock into my mouth and as far down my throat as is necessary to get balls deep"
"Yes you can cum anywhere on me with the only exception being not on or in my bare cunt or arsehole"
"Yes I do allow you to film the session, whatever you like, however many cameras or views you want included in the fee. Personal use only!"
"If you have any doubt about the service I provide, ask in advance with full details of exactly what you want. It's no trouble for me at all and I will get back to you asap"

RESPECT - I'm a person offering you a service and will treat you as the most important person in the world during your time with me. Likewise I expect that you will treat me as well as anyone else who you might take a service from. Unless you're a cunt of course in which case I expect you to treat me as well as any non-cunt would

[Cornish sub]

I'd make my outcall charges a set amount extra over incall charges, to take into account travelling time and expenses, eg., £10, £20 or whatever, not different amounts for different length outcalls. The time and taxi fare/petrol cost to get to an outcall is exactly the same, whether it's a 1 hour booking or 2, 3 or however many hours.

[Sienna_Bronze]

For me it would be cleanliness, clarity and respect.

CLEANLINESS - No cheesy cocks, shitty arses. smelly armpits, mouldy teeth or bad breath. No open fucking cuts either and no cold sores or the like. I'd list everything I did and restate the ones that are most often lied about for clarity in my profile, somr ething like

CLARITY - "Yes when I say I do DT I mean I will take the full length of your cock into my mouth and as far down my throat as is necessary to get balls deep"
"Yes you can cum anywhere on me with the only exception being not on or in my bare cunt or arsehole"
"Yes I do allow you to film the session, whatever you like, however many cameras or views you want included in the fee. Personal use only!"
"If you have any doubt about the service I provide, ask in advance with full details of exactly what you want. It's no trouble for me at all and I will get back to you asap"

RESPECT - I'm a person offering you a service and will treat you as the most important person in the world during your time with me. Likewise I expect that you will treat me as well as anyone else who you might take a service from. Unless you're a cunt of course in which case I expect you to treat me as well as any non-cunt would

Love this list. If only every punter thought like that!