Carry on Punting!

[Pedalwall]

So, turned up to a punt with Natalie in Oldbury External Link/Members Only. She let me know house number as I was padlocking my bike – classy way to travel but gets me about - to street sign close by when I saw bloke from water company doing a survey heading towards the pen door with Nat hiding behind it!! Think both of them got the surprise of their lives!!!

Thought could join this and other scenarios together to form the script to revive Carry On genre.

Second scenario from me was getting massage from Thai woman in the front room of a house with a large bay window. The curtains were drawn but not close against the window but straight across creating a space behind them and the window. During the massage I was aware of other voices in the room and realised there was another women behind the curtain in ‘her office’ taking phone calls and making appointments!!

[Rook69]

Lol. These situations can sometimes become surreal.
I had an incident where I was having a massage in a certain Northfield Chinese household when a number of people came in and stood in the room next to me arguing in Chinese while I was butt naked having a very nice massage some 10 feet away. The lady massaging me apologised and turned up the music.

[shed]

Lol. These situations can sometimes become surreal.
I had an incident where I was having a massage in a certain Northfield Chinese household when a number of people came in and stood in the room next to me arguing in Chinese while I was butt naked having a very nice massage some 10 feet away. The lady massaging me apologised and turned up the music.

And your review is where?

[Dick N Tits]

Before anyone asks "where is your review?" This Carry On scene happened many, many moons ago.

Picked up a street walker in Walsall (Sarah, blonde, around 22, anyone remember her?)
Parked behind some shops on a gravel drive. Doing the deed and I suggested that we get out of the car as it was a balmy night. She stood with the passenger door open with one hand on the door and one on the roof whilst I banged her doggy grasping her tits for all I was worth. As the sap rose, I lost my footing and my right leg slipped on the gravel pushing my full weight on to her. She slammed forward in to the corner of the door frame. I ended up on my knees and looked up as she turned around and I saw a bright pink gash... and when I looked further up I saw another large gash... in her head.
Long story short. I took her to A & E. We sat together in the waiting area with me in my suit and her in knee length boots, fishnets, leather mini skirt, mascara and blood running down her face holding a swab to her gash (the one on her head).
In comes two coppers and a drunk bloke - who I recognised - with cuts to his face. As they walk past us they stop and one of the coppers says "Hi Sarah. Busy night?" And the drunk says "Hi - my name" tilts his head towards Sarah and says "They charge extra if you make em bleed".

I had many more times with Sarah over the next few months, including a run in with her pimp. But that's a story for another night.

[GingerNuts]

Before anyone asks "where is your review?" This Carry On scene happened many, many moons ago.

Where is any review? You've been a member over 3½ years and still a big fat zero.

[temptation]

Before anyone asks "where is your review?" This Carry On scene happened many, many moons ago.

Picked up a street walker in Walsall (Sarah, blonde, around 22, anyone remember her?)
Parked behind some shops on a gravel drive. Doing the deed and I suggested that we get out of the car as it was a balmy night. She stood with the passenger door open with one hand on the door and one on the roof whilst I banged her doggy grasping her tits for all I was worth. As the sap rose, I lost my footing and my right leg slipped on the gravel pushing my full weight on to her. She slammed forward in to the corner of the door frame. I ended up on my knees and looked up as she turned around and I saw a bright pink gash... and when I looked further up I saw another large gash... in her head.
Long story short. I took her to A & E. We sat together in the waiting area with me in my suit and her in knee length boots, fishnets, leather mini skirt, mascara and blood running down her face holding a swab to her gash (the one on her head).
In comes two coppers and a drunk bloke - who I recognised - with cuts to his face. As they walk past us they stop and one of the coppers says "Hi Sarah. Busy night?" And the drunk says "Hi - my name" tilts his head towards Sarah and says "They charge extra if you make em bleed".

I had many more times with Sarah over the next few months, including a run in with her pimp. But that's a story for another night.

Great story thanks

[Rook69]

And your review is where?

Somewhere in the 'Best FBSM' thread that was active a while back. L Do you want me to locate the page and text for you?

[peter purves]

Where is any review? You've been a member over 3½ years and still a big fat zero.

Hidden Image/Members Only

[Rook69]

Loved the story by the way Dick n Tits - made me laugh. 
I went for a massage at a dodgy house in West brom many moons ago, where the tired, old woman doing the massage hardly used any oil and nearly gave me friction burns before she nearly passed out from the exertion.
That's also somewhere in one of those threads before I get questioned by the review police.

[Rook69]

Hidden Image/Members Only   

[l1mpd1ck]

Loved the story by the way Dick n Tits - made me laugh. 
I went for a massage at a dodgy house in West brom many moons ago, where the tired, old woman doing the massage hardly used any oil and nearly gave me friction burns before she nearly passed out from the exertion.
That's also somewhere in one of those threads before I get questioned by the review police.

Sounds like Rozie

[l1mpd1ck]

Sounds like Rozie

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=241076.msg2467016#msg2467016

[Dick N Tits]

Where is any review? You've been a member over 3½ years and still a big fat zero.

Oh dear. Here we go again. Gingernuts: this site isn't only about reviews. It's a source of information, advice and shared hobby experiences.
I post information and advice when I can.

I haven't ridden a motorbike in a while since a serious crash and I haven't punted in a while since finding a woman who fulfils me in every way. I come on here for the same buzz that I get from my motorbike websites... I read what's new, what people are riding and what the performances are like :-)
If my circumstances and health change in the future then I'll offer reviews to both sites, but until then I'll have to remain what the self-proclaimed punting police call a lurker.

[Brumish]

Oh dear. Here we go again. Gingernuts: this site isn't only about reviews. It's a source of information, advice and shared hobby experiences.
I post information and advice when I can.

I haven't ridden a motorbike in a while since a serious crash and I haven't punted in a while since finding a woman who fulfils me in every way. I come on here for the same buzz that I get from my motorbike websites... I read what's new, what people are riding and what the performances are like :-)
If my circumstances and health change in the future then I'll offer reviews to both sites, but until then I'll have to remain what the self-proclaimed punting police call a lurker.

Fuck sake DNT! please dont compare this to a motorbike website 
Next youll be saying, trainspotting is largely similar to punting, as we know it 

[Dick N Tits]

   Jotting down numbers, lurking around, full head of steam, minding the gap... Yep, pretty similar   

[Brumish]

  Jotting down numbers, lurking around, full head of steam, minding the gap... Yep, pretty similar   

 

[GingerNuts]

Oh dear. Here we go again. Gingernuts: this site isn't only about reviews. It's a source of information, advice and shared hobby experiences.
I post information and advice when I can.

I haven't ridden a motorbike in a while since a serious crash and I haven't punted in a while since finding a woman who fulfils me in every way. I come on here for the same buzz that I get from my motorbike websites... I read what's new, what people are riding and what the performances are like :-)
If my circumstances and health change in the future then I'll offer reviews to both sites, but until then I'll have to remain what the self-proclaimed punting police call a lurker.

You brought up the subject

I haven't ridden a motorbike in a while since a serious crash and I haven't punted in a while since finding a woman who fulfils me in every way. I come on here for the same buzz that I get from my motorbike websites... I read what's new, what people are riding and what the performances are like :-)
If my circumstances change in the future then I'll offer reviews to both sites, but until then I'll have to lurk :-(

Déjà vu.

[Dick N Tits]

It's called 'cut and paste'... Saves time when dealing with mouth breathers.

[Rook69]

Sounds like Rozie

I think your right reading the link. I could be tempted to visit again if she is still working.
As for the review police, I tend to reply to threads and not review because the people I go and see are normally regularly and extensively reviewed on this site already, so my review would probably be a cut and paste of theirs.
Give me a 'must try harder' ticket and a good old fashioned review police beating. 

[GingerNuts]

It's called 'cut and paste'

It's called 'copy and paste'.

No point in wasting a good excuse though.

[Dick N Tits]

Cut and Paste
noun
1.
a process in which text or other data is moved from one part of a document and inserted elsewhere.
verb
1.
move (text or other data) using cut and paste.

Gingernuts; now that you've hijacked what was an interesting anecdotal discussion thread, maybe you'd like to move away from this section of the forum and PM me instead?

[l1mpd1ck]

Strange that this thread starts at the same time as this piece appears in The Guardian:

External Link/Members Only

[Roadster]

Strange that this thread starts at the same time as this piece appears in The Guardian:

External Link/Members Only

Looks like that Stuart Heritage knobhead spends entirely too much time staring at his own belly button.

[antony8821]

I had many more times with Sarah over the next few months, including a run in with her pimp. But that's a story for another night.

come on, you cant leave it hanging like that. what happened with her pimp?