Question for Married men

[The Bandit 5342]

Never mind 1 - 8

I seem to have two women in my life - who know about each other. One has passed our 40th anniversary. The other I think the world of.

I totally run one home and help keep another one together.

It works - God knows how - and I like it that way.

Some may say I got spannered - but I view it as putting another mum and two kids into a better place - with my wife's acquiescence.

6 - ??????

[hsn23]

Actually you can't say what the fuck you want. A free country it may be but this is a punting forum and there are rules. I suggest you go and read them.

As for your opinion? At this moment in time it means jack shit on here. Time no doubt will tell.

I read the rules. No where did what I say contravene them.

If thats your opinion so be it. But guess what, I couldn't give a hairy rats arse what you think.

[OakTree]

I read the rules. No where did what I say contravene them.

If thats your opinion so be it. But guess what, I couldn't give a hairy rats arse what you think.

I didn't say you had broke the rules. I was giving you guidance on your belief that as it's a free country you can say what you like in here. You crack on if you wish, I'm sure your pontificating is going to go down well on here. 

[hsn23]

I didn't say you had broke the rules. I was giving you guidance on your belief that as it's a free country you can say what you like in here. You crack on if you wish, I'm sure your pontificating is going to go down well on here. 

I will crack on thank you very much.

[RobbieLondon]

How many of you (like me) fit this description? I want to know if I am an abnormal freak:
1. Happily married - not happily married but VERY married.
2. Love the wife , zero thought of divorce, or even "greener pastures" by her or me. No really, think about it a lot but typicall boom and bust in our relationships
3. No sex with the wife for 5+ years - have had sex, some great sex but unfrequent.
4. Kids - I have three
5. Sleep separately (I.e. Not even the pretense of sex as a possibility) Yep a lot.
6. Total guilt free punting (me, she has no clue) Yep all the time.
7. Would never tell her about number 6, other than a gun to my head. NOT EVEN THEN
8. Likely survivable if number 6 revealed (other than access to this forum or punt phone...that detail would be too disturbing to her and lead to divorce. Going on and on about the nuanced quality of OWO and CIM and RO would be....a death warrant! ) . Sucky if she found out I was "seeing prostitutes"  but not end of it all. Not sure where the question is.
9.  But a real affair would be a nuclear holocaust. YEP

I am curious if this is a semi-common mid age marriage accommodation , or I lucked out (at least I consider it lucky. I like number 6).
Are there others out there? YEP me

[thebrummy41]

Am getting married next year but me and my missues been together for 9 years now. no love making for the past 4 but we really do get on.
Partner has no idea but has said to me that she would not mind as she has health issues with legs and hips so love making is a no go for her am afraid to say!
Still were both very happy! Going for my first wg experience in a couple of weeks.
That said I was in fuertenventura a few weeks back with the lads and we all paid a visit to some local parlour, but thats another story which i will write about after posting this.... 
Laters

[mrhappypants]

...Bet they'd love all these deeper insights into the mail psyche over there  : ...

I don't think they are that interested in postmen.

[Punter115]

All the best Brummy ......but I would never admit to her you are seeing wg's...no matter what she says about it being acceptable to her .

[flybynightpm]

Sex with OH has been off the table for 5 yrs (together 30) and I was getting more and more sexually frustrated, it was eating away at our relationship and I was beginning to hate her, so punting released a whole load of pressure from me and things are better now... I'd prefer to be intimate with her but she's just not interested... so be it...

[Pondy]

I'm 45, been married for 12 years, together for 18 years. Not happily married, sex 4 or 5 times a year, I've only starting punting since the start of the year, although I'm terrified of bringing something home it's just been hr so far, as I'm terrified of bringing something home and passing it on.
I have a teenage  stepson.
Would the relationship survive her finding out, not a chance.

There is zero affection and I suppose that's why I don't feel any real guilt.

[5th Musketeer]

I'm 45, been married for 12 years, together for 18 years. Not happily married, ......
Would the relationship survive her finding out, not a chance.

There is zero affection and I suppose that's why I don't feel any real guilt.

So why do you stay?

[AlwaysLooking]

Late 30's male, married, no kids (can't have them - not going into where the issue is)

Love her to bits, but the sex life has dropped off the scale over the last few years - lucky if I get any a couple of times a year.

Got married young, I'd not really had much (if any) of a sex life before I met her, so guess there are now things I'm just getting out my system (and not just cum before someone says it)

[wakemeup]

How many of you (like me) fit this description? I want to know if I am an abnormal freak:
1. Happily married
2. Love the wife , zero thought of divorce, or even "greener pastures" by her or me.
3. No sex with the wife for 5+ years
4. Kids
5. Sleep separately (I.e. Not even the pretense of sex as a possibility)
6. Total guilt free punting (me, she has no clue)
7. Would never tell her about number 6, other than a gun to my head.
8. Likely survivable if number 6 revealed (other than access to this forum or punt phone...that detail would be too disturbing to her and lead to divorce. Going on and on about the nuanced quality of OWO and CIM and RO would be....a death warrant! ) . Sucky if she found out I was "seeing prostitutes"  but not end of it all.
9.  But a real affair would be a nuclear holocaust.

I am curious if this is a semi-common mid age marriage accommodation , or I lucked out (at least I consider it lucky. I like number 6).
Are there others out there?

f*** me who are you, spitting punting life as me except No 5 Still sleep in the same bed

All else spot on

[Pondy]

So why do you stay?

I don't really know, biggest thing I suppose is splitting half the house with her, value currently around 400k ish

[Titti Tatti]

How many of you (like me) fit this description? I want to know if I am an abnormal freak:
1. Happily married                  Check
2. Love the wife , zero thought of divorce, or even "greener pastures" by her or me.  Well maybe not Zero, but no desire to act on this.
3. No sex with the wife for 5+ years    Funny how in all the posts above 5 years of drought seems to be the magic no to get you on here.  +1...Was a hot relationship once, 25 years ago. I read somewhere that a woman loses interest in sex once they no longer see themselves as attractive. Plus hormones etc do make it harder for them to keep the weight off. However she made it clear sex is pretty much over for her and yes that indicates a lack of “care” for me and my needs.  The really odd thing is that since that discusion and me taking this up 14 months ago, we've had sex twice, when on holiday.  I didn’t' forsee that.
4. Kids      Check
5. Sleep separately (I.e. Not even the pretense of sex as a possibility)     I'm a light sleeper and there was no reason not to move out once she put on weight and started to snore. Not saying its her fault but if I hadn't moved to my own room with a wifi Kindle I'd never had discovered AW, Pornhub, UKP etc. Net result is I don’t sleep any more than I did before!
6. Total guilt free punting (me, she has no clue)   The only guilt I feel, is about why I don’t feel guilty. My conscience suggests I should.
7. Would never tell her about number 6, other than a gun to my head.   Really my only fear is getting so ratfaced i'd give my self away. Have done this a twice in my life where I've spoken what I felt was  the truth and the repercussions weren’t good.  So chalk up another benefit of Punting – I'm  more conscious  of the need to keep my drinking moderate!
8. Likely survivable if number 6 revealed (other than access to this forum or punt phone...that detail would be too disturbing to her and lead to divorce. Going on and on about the nuanced quality of OWO and CIM and RO would be....a death warrant! ) . Sucky if she found out I was "seeing prostitutes" but not end of it all.          We had a few arguments about the lack of sex. The last one she said “If its' that much of a problem then you should do something about it.”  I dont' think she'd thought it through and I wont be checking to see if this is what she meant, but it does help me rationalise tha at least she'd have to listen if I got careless and she discovered.
9. But a real affair would be a nuclear holocaust.     I wouldn’t do this unless I somehow though it was for real and might lead to a new life.  But again I'm not looking.  Punting has allowed me to have more of the experiences I should have had as a young man, but now I can see that sex is sex and that there's more to love than that.  An affair would be far more likely with someone who's interests more closely aligned with my own, at my age I doubt sex would overcome us.



I can well understand that my younger self would be appalled at the situation I'm now in.

For those who wonder why I stay.

 We have a great life – together.  I'm nearing retirement so I've met and worked with many women but although there are some who I find more physically attractive, I haven't met a single one who I feel would make me happier or that I could make more hoppy than the current edition.  I've lived long enough to know I'm an awkward cuss and so is she. The fact we can make each other laugh and enjoy life together is something worth having.

As long as she doesn't try to rein in the time I need for myself (this is not my only hobby), I think things will be fine and we will grow old gracefully together.  I hope to be loving her long after my need for sex has passed.

[The Vicar of Dibley]

I can well understand that my younger self would be appalled at the situation I'm now in.

That's interesting. Never thought of it like that, but very true for myself also.

[howrude]

That's interesting. Never thought of it like that, but very true for myself also.

I guess I did but I'd have had to be very young as I was relatively young when I first ever saw a prostitute.

[Knicks]

I stumbled on this site whilst looking for a tantric massage on  the net and this thread that got me to register for the site.

Happily Married Yes, although we have our ups and downs like all couples.
Love the wife, no chance of leaving her.
Last time for sex, technically a few weeks ago but her comment of ' This isn't doing it for me' killed it straight, before that couple of years maybe, there's been the odd hand job or we've played with toys, got her to come etc.
Kids, no
Sleep together, yes
Guilt free punting, Just considering it. I need something.
If I did would I tell her, hell no.
Would our marriage survive no. We've always said we would forgive each other a drunken one night stand, but consciously seeking out a WG not a chance.

We've been together 11 years but a combination of my ED with her anxiety and depression has turned out sex life into a disaster.

Last week was the prime example, she travels a lot for work and is usually knackered at the end of the day, I'm busy myself and not always up for it, anyway she had just come off her period and Thursday night she tells me Friday night she's all mine.

So far so good, I'd stopped knocking one out for a few weeks and was fantasising about pretty much every female with a pulse. I took the afternoon off sent her a flirty text at work telling her I'm waiting, not to be late etc I pop 100 mg of Sildenafil and am rock hard. I then get a text as she's leaving work saying she's not in the mood, stressed at work and her anxiety had kicked in.Grrrrrrrrr!!!

She complains it's never spontaneous and doesn't like to plan it (Friday was her idea). She doesn't seem to get it can't be that spontaneous and I'm not going to continually pop ED drugs just in the hope that she is in the mood. 

In every other way our relationship is great but I think the both of us feel like throwing in the towel on our sex life.

[cognito]

How many of you (like me) fit this description? I want to know if I am an abnormal freak:
1. Happily married Stable marriage. Not terribly happy but not unhappy enough to walk out.
2. Love the wife , zero thought of divorce, or even "greener pastures" by her or me. Yes
3. No sex with the wife for 5+ years.Holiday sex may be twice a year. No passion on her side even when this is on offer.
4. Kids.Yes.
5. Sleep separately (I.e. Not even the pretense of sex as a possibility).No. Rebuffed every time I try to initiate sex. Makes me feel like a dog being kicked away. I've given up trying now.
6. Total guilt free punting (me, she has no clue).Still feel very guilty about it. Punts have been very few and far between over the years.
7. Would never tell her about number 6, other than a gun to my head.Yes.
8. Likely survivable if number 6 revealed (other than access to this forum or punt phone...that detail would be too disturbing to her and lead to divorce. Going on and on about the nuanced quality of OWO and CIM and RO would be....a death warrant! ) . Sucky if she found out I was "seeing prostitutes"  but not end of it all.50:50
9.  But a real affair would be a nuclear holocaust.Yes

I am curious if this is a semi-common mid age marriage accommodation , or I lucked out (at least I consider it lucky. I like number 6).
Are there others out there?

[MrMatrix]

Sex with OH has been off the table for 5 yrs (together 30) and I was getting more and more sexually frustrated, it was eating away at our relationship and I was beginning to hate her, so punting released a whole load of pressure from me and things are better now... I'd prefer to be intimate with her but she's just not interested... so be it...

+1, sounds like we have the same T shirt FBN. I gave up trying 14 years ago. Real shame. Silly girl 

[MrMatrix]

I don't really know, biggest thing I suppose is splitting half the house with her, value currently around 400k ish

As you want to avoid the drop, Have you tried counselling Pondy. She must be feeling the same as you surely, therefore its got to be worth a go to get things up and running again. Just a thought mate.

[Georgejetson]

Titti Tatti--thanks for the thoughtful response. Very interesting. Sounds like parallel lives we are leading.

[5th Musketeer]

Thursday night she tells me Friday night she's all mine.

So far so good, I'd stopped knocking one out for a few weeks and was fantasising about pretty much every female with a pulse. I took the afternoon off sent her a flirty text at work telling her I'm waiting, not to be late etc I pop 100 mg of Sildenafil and am rock hard. I then get a text as she's leaving work saying she's not in the mood, stressed at work and her anxiety had kicked in.Grrrrrrrrr!!!

She complains it's never spontaneous and doesn't like to plan it (Friday was her idea). She doesn't seem to get it can't be that spontaneous and I'm not going to continually pop ED drugs just in the hope that she is in the mood. 

In every other way our relationship is great but I think the both of us feel like throwing in the towel on our sex life.

Are you sure she was at work?   

[Spacecowb0y]

Sex with OH has been off the table for 5 yrs (together 30) and I was getting more and more sexually frustrated, it was eating away at our relationship and I was beginning to hate her, so punting released a whole load of pressure from me and things are better now... I'd prefer to be intimate with her but she's just not interested... so be it...

^^^^ that's my married sexual life. The more she rejects my advances the more I resent her. Great mother and home maker,so not bad enough for me to leave but the poor sex life has been an ongoing issue throughout our marriage. Tonight she was telling me about what's in the fridge as she is off to her parents for a couple of days , I basically snapped and told her do go do one, as i'm perfectly able to cook,clean and iron for myself!!!!!!!

[BlueRock]

I was in a sexless relationship. Initially it was great and she'd do almost anything. As time went on it became "I'll fit him in before eastenders" sex. Then none, the constant rejection led to rages and depression. She shouted I'm not a whore once and I thought no your not but I know where to find one.
First punt I felt terrible but truth was it was the only thing that kept the relationship viable.
5 years of sex with her a couple of times a year later and I couldn't see the point and shipped out. She was devastated, should of took her bloody drawers off! Some women are just stupid if I could do a minor task a few times a week that meant a woman was a joy to live with I would do it so why don't they!

[hsn23]

I basically snapped and told her do go do one, as i'm perfectly able to cook,clean and iron for myself!!!!!!!

I'm of the opinion you should have directed that anger and used it to express your frustration at your lack of a sex life. Women tend to respect an honest and direct man a lot more than the ones who try to for instance sneak their way into some sex. It shows leadership qualities. 

[rockstar]

1. Happily married - never married but together 24+ years.
2. Love the wife , zero thought of divorce, or even "greener pastures" by her or me. yep thats us. She is quite a bit older than me (15+ years) and I am in my late 40's.
3. No sex with the wife for 5+ years again spot on.
4. Kids 2 both 20 odd but living at home.
5. Sleep separately (I.e. Not even the pretense of sex as a possibility) yep-got a man cave with all mod cons including bed. Anyway I fart and snore too much
6. Total guilt free punting (me, she has no clue) yeah this too.
7. Would never tell her about number 6, other than a gun to my head. again yes.
8. Likely survivable if number 6 revealed (other than access to this forum or punt phone...that detail would be too disturbing to her and lead to divorce. Going on and on about the nuanced quality of OWO and CIM and RO would be....a death warrant! ) . Sucky if she found out I was "seeing prostitutes"  but not end of it all. it would be survivable - just !
9.  But a real affair would be a nuclear holocaust. done it once - never again.

Would never leave her. She was never that much into sex anyway but in all other areas we are great together. Punting is far better than an affair for me.

[MrMatrix]

I was in a sexless relationship. Initially it was great and she'd do almost anything. As time went on it became "I'll fit him in before eastenders" sex. Then none, the constant rejection led to rages and depression. She shouted I'm not a whore once and I thought no your not but I know where to find one.
First punt I felt terrible but truth was it was the only thing that kept the relationship viable.
5 years of sex with her a couple of times a year later and I couldn't see the point and shipped out. She was devastated, should of took her bloody drawers off! Some women are just stupid if I could do a minor task a few times a week that meant a woman was a joy to live with I would do it so why don't they!

Hi Bluerock- You story sounds so familiar. However I cant say the sex was great initially though, it was shit then as well. Apart from that my story is almost the same up until the shipping out as I'm not convinced pastures are greener else where. More your just changing one set of problems for another. How have you found life since you shipped out. And I agree with your last sentence entirely- silly women could have so much more if they gave up 30 minutes a week for some TLC.

[BlueRock]

To be frank they are obviously mentally impaired. I was given little treats like cakes, sweets, gifts, massage but no sex. Massage or a bit of cuddling led to me chancing my arm and being rejected. Gifts I started to give away as looking at them just reminded me of another celebration where there was no sex. Who the fuck wants a cake on valentines day! Problem is I go for women who are very attractive (I know don't we all). I'm not George clooney just play the longer game of using my wit. As many friends have said attractive women are insane. Either that or they realise after a few years they've got a man who makes em laugh but fails to float their boat looks wise. Better a donkey that you can ride regular than a race horse that keeps going lame I'm starting to think.

[JamesKW]

I meet most of the criteria except the sex didn't wain off until after 20 years and I do still get it occasionally.The problem here is that it cannot be spontaneous as I need to visit GUM and wait for results as it is bareback.
I am not in separate beds and everything else is fine.
Most fathers will not wish to separate unless they really need to as no one is a winner,as everyone is worse off financially and emotionally.Also there may not be funds available for punting so it will be completely sexless.
To be fair my O/H is still better looking than most 20 year olds I see on the street.

[Turtle1]

Let's see how many people relate to this...

Mid 30's in a serious relationship. Will Marry very likely. Wonderfully stunning GF. Plenty of sex....... Yet I still fucking punt? Fuck knows what's wrong with me at times I punt with girls who are no way near as pretty as the Mrs. Yet I feel it's perfectly normal. Iv had numerous affairs and sex buddies, yet I still paid for the services of WG's on the side. Id be fucked if she ever found out. One aspect is that I do things with WG's that I'd never do at home. I don't even think it's sex I'm addicted to. I'm addicted to prostitutes.

Iv been caught once, somehow blagged my way out. I'm in the clear now.....back to punting again 

[RobE23]

Bit of an odd situation for me, been married 25 years this year, I'm 53 have three kids, been separated for 15 years, neither of us has needed divorce and youngest is not quite 16 so gives them some extra financial security should I peg it. Been with my girlfriend for about 9 years, lived together for nearly 7. We all get on and spend Xmas together and socialise now and again. Sex with girlfriend is good and on offer, but I a crap at relationships, I fall into routines easily and this just leads to me withdrawing, which is what caused split from wife although very amicable. I just started visiting professional ladies about a month ago and have 5 appointments, I have found this stimulates me, breaks my routines, my slight guilt has made me make more effort with my g/f, improving things between us. That's just my weird brain process....

[MrMatrix]

Let's see how many people relate to this...
Mid 30's in a serious relationship. Will Marry very likely. Wonderfully stunning GF. Plenty of sex....... Yet I still fucking punt? Fuck knows what's wrong with me at times I punt with girls who are no way near as pretty as the Mrs. Yet I feel it's perfectly normal. Iv had numerous affairs and sex buddies, yet I still paid for the services of WG's on the side. Id be fucked if she ever found out. One aspect is that I do things with WG's that I'd never do at home. I don't even think it's sex I'm addicted to. I'm addicted to prostitutes.
Iv been caught once, somehow blagged my way out. I'm in the clear now.....back to punting again 

Turtle1 what are you up to man. If I'd had your OH as described I wouldn't be on this forum and I wouldn't be punting. You are taking a high risk here for what seems to be a minimal gain. If you get caught again and you may - this forum is littered with punters being caught out for various reasons you will lose your stunning GF who is up for a regular fuck and no its not perfectly normal IMO and it is my opinion only. I'd love to be in your shoes mate, to have that regular intimacy with someone I love. That I think is priceless. You need to reconsider your priorities, you could lose an awful lot other wise. Best of luck Turtle. 

[Georgejetson]

Turtle. I have been there. And Actions speak louder than any  sentimental blather. You are the sum of your actions, not the sum of your thoughts and postings.  It isn't "addiction" or any other excuse that makes you wander. It's you. You want out. It's clear. Do her and mostly yourself  a favor, and man up and admit it to yourself. Up your teepee and move  on. Follow the buffaloe.   To stay is bad faith.

  My 2 cents and pop psychiatry

[Pondy]

Turtle. I have been there. And Actions speak louder than any  sentimental blather. You are the sum of your actions, not the sum of your thoughts and postings.  It isn't "addiction" or any other excuse that makes you wander. It's you. You want out. It's clear. Do her and mostly yourself  a favor, and man up and admit it to yourself. Up your teepee and move  on. Follow the buffaloe.   To stay is bad faith.

  My 2 cents and pop psychiatry

Think mr jetson is spot on. Totally agree