"No Talk Testing"

[ik8133]

No Talk Testing is an express testing service for busy people who would like a check up for sexual infections but do not feel they need to speak to a doctor or nurse. You will be offered the same tests as if you were seeing a doctor or nurse.

You are suitable for NO Talk Testing if you are 16 or over and:
•
Heterosexual (straight) - you are not a man who has sex with men
•
Have no symptoms or concerns you wish to discuss
•
Not a victim of sexual assault
•
Not at risk of pregnancy ( If you have had sex without contraception or condoms since your last period then you should speak to a doctor or nurse)
•
Not been informed that you are a contact of a sexually transmitted infection/currently have a sexually transmitted infection (Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea, HIV or syphilis)
•
NEVER injected drugs or had sex with someone you know has injected drugs
•
Never paid for sex or been paid for sex

This is being offered in a local clinic, would tell a little lie and go for this even though you have paid for sex?  Maybe if you visited the Gum every three months there would be no need for a "talk" visit every time?

[LL]

Believe it or not I actually enjoy the chat with the staff at the clinic I go to. They make me feel like I'm normal when I talk about my sex-life with them. Things that would make my best friends shocked and disgusted (cheating on a regular partner with prostitutes) the staff don't bat an eyelid at. I feel they are the only people I can talk to about it in real life (notwithstanding my fellow pervy-fuckers here) and it  relieves some of my guilt.

Not to mention that they are the only people to give me reliable sexual health advice which can put my mind at rest and aid me in making choices about the level of risk I want to take in punting.

[ciscoxxx69]

Believe it or not I actually enjoy the chat with the staff at the clinic I go to. They make me feel like I'm normal when I talk about my sex-life with them. Things that would make my best friends shocked and disgusted (cheating on a regular partner with prostitutes) the staff don't bat an eyelid at. I feel they are the only people I can talk to about it in real life (notwithstanding my fellow pervy-fuckers here) and it  relieves some of my guilt.

Not to mention that they are the only people to give me reliable sexual health advice which can put my mind at rest and aid me in making choices about the level of risk I want to take in punting.

Totally +1
I have been SOO impressed by the whole service....it almost MAKES me want to be more responsible about it. Just the way it should be.....

[hendrix]

Believe it or not I actually enjoy the chat with the staff at the clinic I go to. They make me feel like I'm normal when I talk about my sex-life with them. Things that would make my best friends shocked and disgusted (cheating on a regular partner with prostitutes) the staff don't bat an eyelid at. I feel they are the only people I can talk to about it in real life (notwithstanding my fellow pervy-fuckers here) and it  relieves some of my guilt.

Not to mention that they are the only people to give me reliable sexual health advice which can put my mind at rest and aid me in making choices about the level of risk I want to take in punting.

Definitely. The last time I was in there, they asked me (as usual) if I had any particular concerns and I said "I was in a group situation and my condom split" and the guy said "Cool!!....no, wait, not cool! not cool!"

[vorian]

Definitely. The last time I was in there, they asked me (as usual) if I had any particular concerns and I said "I was in a group situation and my condom split" and the guy said "Cool!!....no, wait, not cool! not cool!"

Guess it depends on the area  but I found the staff at my GUM clinic quite a decent bunch and you can certainly have a bit of a laugh and a joke with them. No embarrassment factor at all.

[wristjob]

Believe it or not I actually enjoy the chat with the staff at the clinic I go to. They make me feel like I'm normal when I talk about my sex-life with them. Things that would make my best friends shocked and disgusted (cheating on a regular partner with prostitutes) the staff don't bat an eyelid at. I feel they are the only people I can talk to about it in real life (notwithstanding my fellow pervy-fuckers here) and it  relieves some of my guilt.

Not to mention that they are the only people to give me reliable sexual health advice which can put my mind at rest and aid me in making choices about the level of risk I want to take in punting.

If only the rest of the NHS worked as well as the GUI....

When I first went I was a bit sheepish, it was always an old GF, one night stand etc. Last time I mentioned paid for, expected some follow up questions and they didn't come.

[LL]

If only the rest of the NHS worked as well as the GUI....

When I first went I was a bit sheepish, it was always an old GF, one night stand etc. Last time I mentioned paid for, expected some follow up questions and they didn't come.

Yep. And it pays to be honest with them too. Admit to seeing "sex workers" and you get offered Hep B shots. At least that's vaccination against one of the STIs.

[Dani]

Yep. And it pays to be honest with them too. Admit to seeing "sex workers" and you get offered Hep B shots. At least that's vaccination against one of the STIs.

You also would not get a throat swab as it would not be classed as needed as you don't visit sex workers

[LL]

You also would not get a throat swab as it would not be classed as needed as you don't visit sex workers

I've told this story before but for the benefit of those who haven't read it before.  The only time I was offered a throat swab at the GUM clinic was when I ticked the wrong box on the form I got from reception.  I ticked "male" next to what I thought was a question about my own gender (it later transpired that the question related to the gender of those that I tended to have sex with) I was handed an envelope and a small plastic sample pot and directed to the toilets.  The envelope contained two swabs - one pink, one blue.  After a few minutes of retching I obtained the throat sample using one of the swabs, carefully following the instructions.  The other swab, I still have nightmares about to this day.  Let's just say that as a heterosexual male, I'm not used to sticking things up my arse, OK?

Regarding throat swabs.  I've not been offered one on other occasions when I pay more attention to filling the forms in correctly.  I don't do RO with WGs so I was told there was no need for me to do a throat swab.  Some people think you can catch shit from French kissing but gonorrhoea of the throat affects the throat only, not the mouth, and my tongue isn't that long. 

[fredpunter]

when I was a young man a) the number of girls I got to fuck was not huge and b) aids hadn't yet been invented and c) everyone was on the pill, so my experience of using condoms was very limited until I started seeing prossies a few years ago. To cut a long story short, I sometimes struggled to get them on. On one of my first visits to the clinic I mentioned this to the nurse and suggested that maybe they were too small? She took a plastic cock out of her cupboard that was about 12 inches long, unwrapped a condom and placed it over the cock completely covering it. She then asked me if my willy was bigger than that? Then she gave me a handful of condoms and told me to go away and practice. Lovely girl she was.   

[Gigabyte]

Definitely. The last time I was in there, they asked me (as usual) if I had any particular concerns and I said "I was in a group situation and my condom split" and the guy said "Cool!!....no, wait, not cool! not cool!"

That made me laugh

[vt]

when I was a young man a) the number of girls I got to fuck was not huge and b) aids hadn't yet been invented and c) everyone was on the pill, so my experience of using condoms was very limited until I started seeing prossies a few years ago. To cut a long story short, I sometimes struggled to get them on. On one of my first visits to the clinic I mentioned this to the nurse and suggested that maybe they were too small? She took a plastic cock out of her cupboard that was about 12 inches long, unwrapped a condom and placed it over the cock completely covering it. She then asked me if my willy was bigger than that? Then she gave me a handful of condoms and told me to go away and practice. Lovely girl she was.   

When she said go away and practice, did you say 'just give me a moment, luv!' as you waited for your raging boner to subside!