Men support groups (Mental health)

[mace-window]

I think I have a lust addiction. It has now only dawned on me when my Ex told me to choose between her and paying "hoes"...and the outcome led to me, well...choosing "hoes". God forgive me for the pain I have caused her.

Any addiction can turn bad and affect your life if you let it. I never had a "lust" addiction but I did in my younger days had an alcohol addiction where I drank till I black out. Luckily I never had many serious problems but when the last couple of night outs end with me waking up in women's beds who I know nothing about, waking up with cuts and bruises or not remembering what happened that night out, I needed to change my life. Not going to go into full details but spent 2 years (most of the lockdown) cold turkey, doing some work on my mental health, and joining the gym and I never look back.

Back to you by the way. Just make sure your lust doesn't destroy a relationship with someone you really care about. I know most UKP members are jaded with typical modern-day relationships but if your lust addiction ruined a relationship with someone you cared about, you will regret it for the rest of your life.

[Payyourwaymate]

Any addiction can turn bad and affect your life if you let it. I never had a "lust" addiction but I did in my younger days had an alcohol addiction where I drank till I black out. Luckily I never had many serious problems but when the last couple of night outs end with me waking up in women's beds who I know nothing about, waking up with cuts and bruises or not remembering what happened that night out, I needed to change my life. Not going to go into full details but spent 2 years (most of the lockdown) cold turkey, doing some work on my mental health, and joining the gym and I never look back.

Back to you by the way. Just make sure your lust doesn't destroy a relationship with someone you really care about. I know most UKP members are jaded with typical modern-day relationships but if your lust addiction ruined a relationship with someone you cared about, you will regret it for the rest of your life.

It's good to hear you managed to get yourself sorted  .

You know, I never really thought I had a problem because alone I was able to manage it, I was never impacted financially or hurt anyone.  When I did realise it was a problem was when I found myself hurting someone telling them I do not really see myself stopping and in the back of my mind a voice was saying "one will never be enough" but I know if I told her that I don't even know how she would have reacted. I've never seen anyone in so much pain before, it's very harrowing to cause someone to feel such a way, yet I still know I most likely won't stop so I can't go back to be in a relationship and now the person thinks they were never enough and something was wrong with them when really the problem was me. I keep saying I am the problem and they won't believe me. Will I regret it? I don't know, it's not like the relationship was all roses; but I've come to understand I am more selfish than I initially thought, there were many things I was prepared to sacrifice and did, but some I would never budge, with this realised lust addiction/paying for sex being one of them and it has now led to me emotionally traumatising someone  .

[mace-window]

It's good to hear you managed to get yourself sorted  .

You know, I never really thought I had a problem because alone I was able to manage it, I was never impacted financially or hurt anyone.  When I did realise it was a problem was when I found myself hurting someone telling them I do not really see myself stopping and in the back of my mind a voice was saying "one will never be enough" but I know if I told her that I don't even know how she would have reacted. I've never seen anyone in so much pain before, it's very harrowing to cause someone to feel such a way, yet I still know I most likely won't stop so I can't go back to be in a relationship and now the person thinks they were never enough and something was wrong with them when really the problem was me. I keep saying I am the problem and they won't believe me. Will I regret it? I don't know, it's not like the relationship was all roses; but I've come to understand I am more selfish than I initially thought, there were many things I was prepared to sacrifice and did, but some I would never budge, with this realised lust addiction/paying for sex being one of them and it has now led to me emotionally traumatising someone  .

Thanks man. I just happy I moved on. Especially with the people who I used to hang around who used to do drugs like LSD, Cocaine and other psychedelic mind wrapping drugs.

Anyways back to you. Well good thing is that you are not seeing anyone while punting but I don't know. Maybe have a talk about this with a therapist. Yeah I know most aren't that good and likely don't want to reveal your secret hobby to the outside world. But I think you need to do some inside work on yourself before it is too late.

Just my 2 cents but hope you are well pal.

[Payyourwaymate]

Thanks man. I just happy I moved on. Especially with the people who I used to hang around who used to do drugs like LSD, Cocaine and other psychedelic mind wrapping drugs.

Anyways back to you. Well good thing is that you are not seeing anyone while punting but I don't know. Maybe have a talk about this with a therapist. Yeah I know most aren't that good and likely don't want to reveal your secret hobby to the outside world. But I think you need to do some inside work on yourself before it is too late.

Just my 2 cents but hope you are well pal.

I feel you but with therapists, unless they have lived it I just don't see how they could understand. I'm doing better now, feel my focus coming back. As for relationships, I think I will just have to conclude that is dead in the water for me. I've changed too much and relationships are too much hassle. If I got into a relationship before I started paying and having unbridled access to sex, maybe it could have been different but then again over time ending up in a deadbedroom situation like other members, I may have still ended up here anyway.

[mace-window]

I feel you but with therapists, unless they have lived it I just don't see how they could understand. I'm doing better now, feel my focus coming back. As for relationships, I think I will just have to conclude that is dead in the water for me. I've changed too much and relationships are too much hassle. If I got into a relationship before I started paying and having unbridled access to sex, maybe it could have been different but then again over time ending up in a deadbedroom situation like other members, I may have still ended up here anyway.

Yeah I get you. Especially with the therapists comment. For me it is all well and good for just talking about our problems but they must be a solution to my problems and I mean the right solution that is. That and I feel like therapists these days lean far left-wing politics. I got nothing with the politics but when in the USA recent APA's guidelines for example is a problem talking about stoicism, competitiveness, dominance, aggression or any traditional male/conservative qualities is harmful/toxic then I doubt the therapists got my best interest in helping my mental health (e.g. video for example - External Link/Members Only).

Don't get me wrong the mentioned things I talked above can be bad when push to the extremes (like being very aggressive) but at the same time they can also be helpful in bettering yourself. I also feel like this "let talk about your problems to me" mental health rave feel like make people feel good for a day or two (mostly on international men's day and mental illness day) and get back talking how bad males are. These will be the same people who will say it is ok to talk to them about your mental health then call you incel or woman hater when you mention something that they don't like hearing. And it is worst with some females who say it is ok to talk to them about any of your mental health issues but don't want to do anything with you once you open up to them as they find you unattractive/wimpy mentioning your problems. Then act surprised why some men don't want to open up to some females especially when the same men see that said female sleeping with some man who is cold and don't treat her right.

Anyways back on track. For me a good therapist that got X amount of experiences and willing to put me accountable to my actions is the best. Problem is it is hard to find such people these days. That said it is good that you are doing better. I get you on that deadbedrooms comment. Maybe you feel it is over for you with relationships but I think you should have your windows open to one just in case regardless how bad modern relationships are in todays climate. For me I have never experience such relationship situation but being on here and talking to married men in the past make me feel like I would not like to be in relationship in today climate if it ends up in miserable marriage. That said I have not reached the jadded feeling about relationship and will be open to one. But from looking around me, I not holding my hopes up with today's modern relationship in the west.

[MrMatrix]

This is really quite a useful thread. And as mens mental wellbeing is an ongoing issue in our society, I thought I'd resurrect this thread as theres bound to be more contributions.

[Spacecowb0y]

I am your typical male. Keep stuff mainly to myself and occasionally talk to mates about "general" stuff.

Late last year I lost a parent after a long illness, it really hit me hard, to the point I couldn't function very well and any stress at work would leave me useless and off sick.
My manager pointed me to our company Employee Assistance Program, and I have to say it was a revelation.
I rang and after confirming my company details and employee number, was put straight through to a counsellor for an initial 30 minute phone consultation.
That conversation was followed by a further 3 face to face sessions which have helped with my grief and return to work.

All this from a guy that thought he had life figured out and a counseller could offer nothing.

[MrMatrix]

I am your typical male. Keep stuff mainly to myself and occasionally talk to mates about "general" stuff.

Late last year I lost a parent after a long illness, it really hit me hard, to the point I couldn't function very well and any stress at work would leave me useless and off sick.
My manager pointed me to our company Employee Assistance Program, and I have to say it was a revelation.
I rang and after confirming my company details and employee number, was put straight through to a counsellor for an initial 30 minute phone consultation.
That conversation was followed by a further 3 face to face sessions which have helped with my grief and return to work.

All this from a guy that thought he had life figured out and a counseller could offer nothing.

Sorry SC to hear the grief youve been through. Losing a parent is tough, especially when you are close. I was close to my father in law and that  was the 1st of our paents to die. It was awful. I had no counselling, but from what you say it would have helped.
Trust you are much better now and geared up for more punting