Xmas Laugh - Definitions for Phrases used on AdultWork Profiles

[BearBehind]

As we all know Adultwork profiles can often fall victim to hyperbole, over-enthusiasm and of course bare-faced lying.
So just for a Christmas laugh I thought we might all chip in with accurate definitions for what the profiles often say...a kind of Dictionary of truth shall we say.

I'll kick off with a few of my favourites:

Curvy - actually means fat
Mature - haggard
Experienced - more likely jaded and disinterested
Passionate - fucking nuts
Nationality Portuguese - Romanian
Nationality Finnish - Romanian
Nationality Lithuanian - Romanian

Anyone else care to add to the list? 

[Billy no mates]

At my discretion- not going to happen.
“Gentlemens” - Eastern European.

[kuck]

English Girl- Add £100
Highly Educated - I bought a copy of the Sun for my verification picture
Elite International - I have been to Dubai
I am not an escort - I am a liar
Deep throat - I have a throat
No hassle booking - I mess up comms
Genuine pictures - Fake pictures
New girl - I work in a shared flat
Phat Ass - I am a black girl
I'm addictive - I like to use meaningless words
Picture taken with a selfie stick - Sergei wants you to think I'm independent

[Lelouch]

No rush - "cum for me babeeh"
Porn Star [insert name] - shit romanian punt
Courtesan - +£100
CIM + £20 - I will dodge the fuck out of the way when you cum
On tour - I will have back to back bookings all day, I may well double book you, I definitely will rush you out the door to get the next punter in
Shower facilities - how about a nice damp towel the last punter used to dry his balls

[ninian25]

30 year old = 40 year old ( etc … )
Second Language:English = I know three phrases : "You pay now", "We fuck now", "You leave now"
A picture of a naked woman drawn using text characters = I copied a template profile ( because who has time to do that stuff ?)
Luxury private apartment = flat where the shower works
Private apartment = flat where the shower doesn't work
Available 24/7 = Available after I get up at 11am, if you insist

[Bonker]

No timewasters - men leave as soon as they see me. Cos I'm so ugly.

[LLPunting]

Nationality...
   ...Hungarian = Romanian
   ...Italian       = Romanian
   ...Spanish     = Romanian

Hindu/Indian/Pakistani/Asian princess = Romanian

"British babe for lovely Gentlemans" = naturalised EE girl of questionable looks and service

"Open minded girl, just ask about services" = Pay to play WG who will empty your wallet for her mediocre and brief efforts.

"Cum fuck me now" = Get in line and wait your turn, I'll let you in when I've put my panties back on (wiped snatch "at my discretion").

Japanese babe  =  Not Japanese girl

Tantric = Not tantric

Sensual = I might touch you

This is not a sexual service = You may be aroused by my relaxing massage and have an "accident".  Cleaning fees will depend on whether your accident involved my hands, breasts, face, mouth, bum or vagina.

[gonewest]

DFK = An almost imperceptible touch on the lips 

[lebon121]

As we all know Adultwork profiles can often fall victim to hyperbole, over-enthusiasm and of course bare-faced lying.
So just for a Christmas laugh I thought we might all chip in with accurate definitions for what the profiles often say...a kind of Dictionary of truth shall we say.

I'll kick off with a few of my favourites:

Curvy - actually means fat
Mature - haggard
Experienced - more likely jaded and disinterested
Passionate - fucking nuts
Nationality Portuguese - Romanian
Nationality Finnish - Romanian
Nationality Lithuanian - Romanian

Anyone else care to add to the list? 

- Spanish meam brazilian
- Russian means lithuanian, latvian, estonian or belarussian
- Moroccan means romanian or columbian
- Arabic means persian or romanian
- Aussie means white south african or new zelandese
- American means canadian or Australian.

You won't know about their nationalities until you meet and confront them .

- Fk at discretion means no fk at all or  extra to pay
- Oral mean no oral without or extra to pay
- Anal at discrestion means extra to pay and if you are not big.

 You find these likes in the list of brazilan and romanian profiles
- sometimes British are chinese or brazilian background.
 
Punting is full of lies
Better pump and dump.

[samson02]

City of London - anywhere between Middlesex, Suffolk, Hertfordshire, Kent and Sussex.

What's the square mile anyway?

[hawkzville]

Girlfriend Experience - face like she's chewing a wasp as she nags you into coming quickly.
15 mins "quickie" - standard service regardless of how long you book.
Pole Dancing - an Eastern European "jig" performed in celebration as yet another dissatisfied punter leaves with an empty wallet and an awful lot of frustration.
Height - 5 ft "whatever" = deduct 6 inches for heels.