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Author Topic: 'I'm a virgin and I've never booked an escort before.'  (Read 6876 times)

Offline NIK

'I'm a newbie virgin and I've never booked an escort before. I'm nervous because I have a bent cock and I've heard if you give oral your tongue might drop off, and if you do anal or bareback your knob will shrivel up.
Advice guys please. lol'

We seem to have had a spate of these twattish type posts lately. Anymore will be banned like the one yesterday.  :angry:

yorkshire123

  • Guest
'I'm a newbie virgin and I've never booked an escort before. I'm nervous because I have a bent cock and I've heard if you give oral your tongue might drop off, and if you do anal or bareback your knob will shrivel up.
Advice guys please. lol'


We seem to have had a spate of these twattish type posts lately. Anymore will be banned like the one yesterday.  :angry:

Looks like i bought your book for fuck all then  :lol:

Good :hi:


vorian

  • Guest
If they took their time and looked around the site before joining and posting they would find all the answers they were looking for.  It's irritating when they don't even look before asking questions.

Offline CBPaul

Great move Nik, we do seem to have had more than usual recently.  :thumbsup: The ironic thing is many of them do actually need to book a prossie for 30 minutes instead of trolling the internet between wanks - they just don't realise it. 

If they took their time and looked around the site before joining and posting they would find all the answers they were looking for.  It's irritating when they don't even look before asking questions.

Yes, it is extremely irritating when someone joins and post 1 is 'I'm new to this sort me out my ideal punt' without bothering to provide details of what they like and where they are and expecting other members to jump to attention for them  :angry:

Offline NIK

Maybe I'm jealous because we didn't have such resources when I started. Even Prossienet  didn't exist, and I genuinely didn't really know what to expect, wondering would it be merely a massage.  :blush:

Rochdull lad

  • Guest
Maybe I'm jealous because we didn't have such resources when I started. Even Prossienet  didn't exist, and I genuinely didn't really know what to expect, wondering would it be merely a massage.  :blush:

More or less the same here; and that's only 10 years ago.  I guessed it'd be more than just a massage but I wasn't sure how much more!

Offline wristjob

Well NIK, you came to the right place for advice on punting. The most important thing about punting is it's all about the biscuits - definitely see if they have ginger nuts. Also don't expect more than 15-30 seconds of actual sex during an hour booking.

vorian

  • Guest
Well NIK, you came to the right place for advice on punting. The most important thing about punting is it's all about the biscuits - definitely see if they have ginger nuts. Also don't expect more than 15-30 seconds of actual sex during an hour booking.

And make sure you tip them before the booking 20% to 30% at least. Oh and only book Romanian prossies they are the best.

GeeWiz

  • Guest
If you turn up at a girl's place and she fails to meet your expectations, then just say that you left your 'punting bag' in the car.
« Last Edit: June 04, 2014, 10:39:43 am by GeeWiz »

Offline wristjob

Before you go punting go down the hospital and see if they can check you out, you need to know how much body fat you have. Girls really get off on guys who know that sort of thing.

a10

  • Guest
Before you go punting go down the hospital and see if they can check you out, you need to know how much body fat you have. Girls really get off on guys who know that sort of thing.

Who could you be referring to I wonder?  :rolleyes:

Of course the really good, switched on, punter would have a method of estimating their own body fat without anyone else being able to comment.

Oh, and martial arts training...  :lol:

vorian

  • Guest
Ensure you wear a full HAZMAT suit and decontaminate before and after or your cock will drop off within a couple of hours.

vorian

  • Guest
Make sure if you do a review,  you send it to the prossie first so she can check it and make any required amendments.

Offline wristjob

Make sure if you do a review,  you send it to the prossie first so she can check it and make any required amendments.

Not always necessary. %%% also accept reviews, but only up to 40 characters long. If you do a bad review make sure to mail the girl though so she can get it removed without delay.


touch.and.go

  • Guest
Make sure if you do a review,  you send it to the prossie first so she can check it and make any required amendments.

You have forgotten to say that puunters should always use their real name and give the WG their address so subsequent STIs can be reported. Also, make sure you leave your wallet in the bedroom when you go for a shower - it should be fine.

a10

  • Guest
Also; if the pro$$ie doesn't bear a resemblance to their profile picture and/or written description, this is IN NO WAY A PROBLEM. You should, in fact, not even mention this as it will show you up as a horrible person and effect the service received.

Mentioning any weight gain by the SP since profile pictures have been taken is a no-no as well.

It's your fault if you don't find them attractive.

Rochdull lad

  • Guest
'I'm a newbie virgin and I've never booked an escort before. I'm nervous because I have a bent cock and I've heard if you give oral your tongue might drop off, and if you do anal or bareback your knob will shrivel up.
Advice guys please. lol'

We seem to have had a spate of these twattish type posts lately. Anymore will be banned like the one yesterday.  :angry:

Awh, NIK; can we not just play with them for a bit before Adam or you ban them, please?! ;)  :D

I wondered about just responding to the next one by posting a link to this thread; then banning them!

Offline smiths

'I'm a newbie virgin and I've never booked an escort before. I'm nervous because I have a bent cock and I've heard if you give oral your tongue might drop off, and if you do anal or bareback your knob will shrivel up.
Advice guys please. lol'

We seem to have had a spate of these twattish type posts lately. Anymore will be banned like the one yesterday.  :angry:

Good to see this being addressed, it was becoming ridiculous in my view. Genuine newbies can search for countless threads answering such questions. :thumbsup:

SeekingtheTruth

  • Guest
Got to love half term, kids and the internet.....

vorian

  • Guest
Good to see this being addressed, it was becoming ridiculous in my view. Genuine newbies can search for countless threads answering such questions. :thumbsup:

You can tell the genuine ones as they post with some knowledge of how the site works and normally have a few options in mind,  before asking for everyone's opinions.

GeeWiz

  • Guest
On the day of your first booking don't forget to text her at least half a dozen times.  They absolutely adore this.

yorkshire123

  • Guest
On the day of your first booking don't forget to text her at least half a dozen times.  They absolutely adore this.

And loads of xxxxxx's

jcdmj12

  • Guest
Much as a you dislike stickies, is it getting to a point where the untidiness caused be a single "READ THIS BEFORE POSTING" sticky (followed by bans for those who don't read it and pay attention) is outweighed by the number of idiotic first posts?

Offline Matium

'I'm a newbie virgin and I've never booked an escort before. I'm nervous because I have a bent cock and I've heard if you give oral your tongue might drop off, and if you do anal or bareback your knob will shrivel up.
Advice guys please. lol'

We seem to have had a spate of these twattish type posts lately. Anymore will be banned like the one yesterday.  :angry:

It'd be a good idea to keep an eye on the dates of school half term holidays as most of the trolls and juveniles appear then.

Offline house music dave

I sympathise with nervousness to an extent.
I did a lot of research before going into my first parlour at 21. Did the research help? Not a bit, It certainly was not belle de jour stylee, mid 30's broad welsh accent old school "tart with a heart" type. wet wipes and oil in the corner wipe down bed.  I  wasn't prepared for the mental leaps i'd have to make in my brain in terms of how the woman looked, where I was, and what people would think if they found out.   The only thing that kept me going through with it was the fact that I was a disabled 21 year old who was still a virgin. I felt like I had to do it to lift a weight off me. Question is do some guys need to be in a "balls on the block" situation to go through with it?

I only went through with it due to anger and being horny.

HMD     

Offline Dani

  • Service Provider
  • Posts: 2,603
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It does seem odd to have had so many at the same time as half term but also some people really don't have a clue.  I saw one guy about two weeks ago who had no idea about punting and was definitely a virgin with no experience of even kissing someone. (he nearly broke my nose slamming his face against mine in a sort of goose pecking motion).
I pointed him here for better advice and hopefully he has joined as he is the sort that will get royally ripped off without some sound advice as he really thought my fee was for meeting and then I would charge him for everything else on top and as he had booked an hour a less honest person would have took him for a mug.
Now he wasn't a young lad by any means and was easily late forties and was more naïve than any other punter I have ever met

Offline Matium

It does seem odd to have had so many at the same time as half term but also some people really don't have a clue.  I saw one guy about two weeks ago who had no idea about punting and was definitely a virgin with no experience of even kissing someone. (he nearly broke my nose slamming his face against mine in a sort of goose pecking motion).
I pointed him here for better advice and hopefully he has joined as he is the sort that will get royally ripped off without some sound advice as he really thought my fee was for meeting and then I would charge him for everything else on top and as he had booked an hour a less honest person would have took him for a mug.
Now he wasn't a young lad by any means and was easily late forties and was more naïve than any other punter I have ever met

Late forties and a virgin?

I shudder to think of the life he's had.

Offline house music dave

It does happen.
You feel you are not part of the club and have no chance therefore, to save yourself pain and hurt you just lock up your sexuality and boot it to the back. Happens to a lot of people with disabilities, (apologies for going on about disabilities)

Offline wristjob

Nobody is going to think about booking a WG, find this place and then decide to ask a load of strangers without reading some posts at least. If they read some posts they would invariably find one of these moronic threads with a page of useful info before the OP gets banned.

In my early days - since PN started anyway and before AW - I used reviews for 1 main reason. basically it proved a girl did a specific service. If I read a review saying a girl did OWO, CIM, Anal with some guy then she'll do it with me right. Bear in mind this is before you could really find this stuff out. Also if the other guy didn't get bashed over the head and left for dead in a ditch then probably I wouldn't. These are the kinds of things a newbie wants to know and they are all in the reviews  but pretty much no newbie here ever wants so see one of the reviewed girls. Just doesn't really sit right.

Offline house music dave

pretty much no newbie here ever wants so see one of the reviewed girls. Just doesn't really sit right.

very good point

Offline smiths

It does seem odd to have had so many at the same time as half term but also some people really don't have a clue.  I saw one guy about two weeks ago who had no idea about punting and was definitely a virgin with no experience of even kissing someone. (he nearly broke my nose slamming his face against mine in a sort of goose pecking motion).
I pointed him here for better advice and hopefully he has joined as he is the sort that will get royally ripped off without some sound advice as he really thought my fee was for meeting and then I would charge him for everything else on top and as he had booked an hour a less honest person would have took him for a mug.
Now he wasn't a young lad by any means and was easily late forties and was more naïve than any other punter I have ever met

I agree there are some really sad blokes about, i sympathise with them but they can read so many threads on here already giving advice by just taking some time to check the archive. The forum will become dear Deirdre otherwise in my view, and thats quite apart from the trolls and other assorted low lifes who post such threads up in an attempt to disrupt the forum.


vorian

  • Guest
Nobody is going to think about booking a WG, find this place and then decide to ask a load of strangers without reading some posts at least. If they read some posts they would invariably find one of these moronic threads with a page of useful info before the OP gets banned.

In my early days - since PN started anyway and before AW - I used reviews for 1 main reason. basically it proved a girl did a specific service. If I read a review saying a girl did OWO, CIM, Anal with some guy then she'll do it with me right. Bear in mind this is before you could really find this stuff out. Also if the other guy didn't get bashed over the head and left for dead in a ditch then probably I wouldn't. These are the kinds of things a newbie wants to know and they are all in the reviews  but pretty much no newbie here ever wants so see one of the reviewed girls. Just doesn't really sit right.

Very good points you raise,  I think most people are happy to help the genuine newbie but, most people would read the forum before jumping in and asking questions. I think I lurked for about 18 months before joining and all my best punts have come from reviews on this site in that time. Maybe some people are just lazy and want it all handed to them on a plate. Punting takes a bit of effort to get right.

Offline 385North

Is there really any advice left to give on punting?

new_punter

  • Guest
Late forties and a virgin?

I shudder to think of the life he's had.

It does happen and probably more than a lot of people would think.  I was 40 myself.

I can't remember how or why I started looking at escorts, then I found %%% and read a few threads for recommendations for guys in the same situation.  Booked the well-known Linzie Mae and the rest is history as they say.

Perhaps a sticky with recommendations for decent WGs who will take newbies, won't take the piss and will leave the guy with a smile on his face is in order.

vorian

  • Guest
Is there really any advice left to give on punting?

There are always new things that will come up time to time. Also a new review in some ways is advice to those interested.

Offline house music dave

As prostitutes come up with new ways to time waste and bullshit, there will always be a need for new advice :)

Offline 385North

As prostitutes come up with new ways to time waste and bullshit, there will always be a need for new advice :)

does that include not wasting police time? I'm guessing this guy wasn't a UKP member.
External Link/Members Only

Offline house music dave

Yeah I've seen that article, I'm somewhat surprised he didn't alert others via the martin lewis money saving website  :sarcastic:

Offline wristjob

I can't remember how or why I started looking at escorts, then I found pro$$ienet and read a few threads for recommendations for guys in the same situation.  Booked the well-known Linzie Mae and the rest is history as they say.


If you are a virgin or just a punting virgin I'd say your first time with an WG will not be a trivial thing. You come across PN, AW, here whatever by doing research. You are investigating what is out there. Surely part of that research would be reading some of the existing threads, especially the ones that are still on page 1, regional boards and reviews, using the search function to help you maybe???

To come here, totally dismiss reading anything that is already here and ask about XYZ on your first thread is frankly disrespecting this site and the people who contribute to it.

Apart from that you said you read a thread on PN with girls for people in your situation. I bet being new to it the most important thing was a girl who would be sympathetic to your situation, wouldn't laugh, rip you off whatever. Big tits, nurses uniform, PSE, threesome - they can all come later, you just want to get nerves and noobishness out the way first right?

Rochdull lad

  • Guest

Apart from that you said you read a thread on PN with girls for people in your situation. I bet being new to it the most important thing was a girl who would be sympathetic to your situation, wouldn't laugh, rip you off whatever. Big tits, nurses uniform, PSE, threesome - they can all come later, you just want to get nerves and noobishness out the way first right?

Dead right; certainly in my case, wristjob.  I went into one of Sandy's Parlours aged 58 3/4, told the Receptionist that it was my first time in any Parlour, that I was dead nervous [as if she couldn't tell!]; and asked if she could sort out the best girl on that afternoon for me.

She did; and the girl was so good that my next visit was the next time the same girl was on at that [Prestwich] branch.  When we were in the room on that second occasion I told her that one reason why I was back was that she had seemed dead sympathetic to me.

"Oh", she replied, totally misunderstanding what I meant, "I didn't feel sorry for you!"

Offline NIK

If you are a virgin or just a punting virgin I'd say your first time with an WG will not be a trivial thing. You come across PN, AW, here whatever by doing research. You are investigating what is out there. Surely part of that research would be reading some of the existing threads, especially the ones that are still on page 1, regional boards and reviews, using the search function to help you maybe???

To come here, totally dismiss reading anything that is already here and ask about XYZ on your first thread is frankly disrespecting this site and the people who contribute to it.
Apart from that you said you read a thread on PN with girls for people in your situation. I bet being new to it the most important thing was a girl who would be sympathetic to your situation, wouldn't laugh, rip you off whatever. Big tits, nurses uniform, PSE, threesome - they can all come later, you just want to get nerves and noobishness out the way first right?

Exactly. This is why it's fairly obvious most of them are fucking trolls.   :angry:

Offline Sedlmayer

Absolutely right - you went into a walk-up, or phoned a number on a newsagent window card, and all you knew was that you were going to see a prostitute. No other information whatsoever.
Punters now have it so easy that it does irritate me when people pretty much seek guarantees here that they are going to get a good punt without wanting to do any work or research themselves.
(This was supposed to quote NIK's post - don't know why it didn't work)
« Last Edit: June 04, 2014, 11:31:54 pm by Sedlmayer »

Offline wristjob


"Oh", she replied, totally misunderstanding what I meant, "I didn't feel sorry for you!"

I laughed at that. You didn't pick her for her brains did you  :D

new_punter

  • Guest
If you are a virgin or just a punting virgin I'd say your first time with an WG will not be a trivial thing. You come across PN, AW, here whatever by doing research. You are investigating what is out there. Surely part of that research would be reading some of the existing threads, especially the ones that are still on page 1, regional boards and reviews, using the search function to help you maybe???

To come here, totally dismiss reading anything that is already here and ask about XYZ on your first thread is frankly disrespecting this site and the people who contribute to it.

Apart from that you said you read a thread on PN with girls for people in your situation. I bet being new to it the most important thing was a girl who would be sympathetic to your situation, wouldn't laugh, rip you off whatever.

Not sure why you seem to be "having a go" at me.

Offline wristjob

Not sure why you seem to be "having a go" at me.

I absolutely was not, the opposite. You went and found the threads with info you needed and went from there - or it sounded like that. That's the right way IMO.

Rochdull lad

  • Guest
I laughed at that. You didn't pick her for her brains did you  :D

No, wristjob; certainly not.  If you laughed at that, you'll love what actually happened.

The pedant now known as Rochdull lad began to try to explain the difference between "sympathy" and "empathy" to her! :wacko:  In the 1/2 hour he'd just paid Sandy's for her time and companionship!!

Guess who's the son of a teacher?! :rolleyes:  Guess who wouldn't do it these days?!  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

Offline Marmalade

'I'm a newbie virgin and I've never booked an escort before. I'm nervous because I have a bent cock and I've heard if you give oral your tongue might drop off, and if you do anal or bareback your knob will shrivel up.
Advice guys please. lol'

We seem to have had a spate of these twattish type posts lately. Anymore will be banned like the one yesterday.  :angry:

Amen. Those tossers would keep a thread going for 30 pages on prossienet.   :rolleyes:

If there's ever a genuine fwould-be punter that comes on here with that line, there is little hope for him anyway. What does he do in his spare time...? Turn up for a Swiss Mountaineering expedition and say he's never done that before either, and would someone give him some advice cos he's scared of heights and hasn't brought his glasses??

pokenn

  • Guest
Why not just have a sticky thread for newbies. Just with all the basics that experienced punters take for granted.