You have some choices to make. The first is to realise that what is beautiful today is going to age and change over the coming years. There is an old saying that women marry men hoping to change them, men marry women hoping they'll never change. Being a short arse Asian dude puts you near the bottom of the pile for women generally, something you are beginning to accept. Those beautiful young women you dream of don't dream of you (or me).
Your choices then:
Option A: set your sights a little lower
Option B: spend the rest of your life alone and poor, scrimping around trying to find a few quid for a meaningless encounter, while you get older and become even less desirable.
Punting is supposed to be a pleasant pastime and that's it. I have some great punting memories and have shagged some beautiful women but they are nothing in comparison to the memories I have from the relationships I've enjoyed.
If you want to optimise your punting budget then punt once a month, do you research and treat yourself. If it's a mind blowing positive then allow yourself to punt the next week, if not then you stop yourself punting for a month.
+1
Punting is suitable and easy for a guy of any age and it won't be going anywhere even when he's older (although admittedly things might not be heading in the right direction). The same is definitely not true for getting a "high quality" gf.
At least for the moment, as others have suggested, stick to only the very best and only occasionally (save the rest). That way you won't miss out now and will be very well prepared to spend later (and in the meantime you can hopefully get a good gf).
Could be time to lower your sights a bit and settle for a mid-quality girlfriend rather than a quality one.
Given how many girls he seems to have approached I don't think his standards are all that high.
To answer your question, yes there a few short Asian guy I know with quality girlfriends. But these are the exception, not the norm. So yes it can happen and I have seen this.
However, as said as well, I do not start at the same ground as average guys and It's much harder for a guy like me to find a quality girlfriend, and when it happens, it doesn't last as long.
So for someone like me, It's an enormous amount of effort for little reward. I know way more short and non attractive guy that are single that in couple. I consider these as exceptions.
You've changed the goalposts here a bit with your addition of the word "quality" (which you never mentioned before). Nonetheless, the vast majority of Asians I know (who all tend to be on the small side, a few very small), especially those in their 30s and above, are all married. A few are in relationships and a few are single. As for quality that's debatable because there's more than just looks to consider. In my experience good looking girls who are also not mental/annoying in the long term are extremely rare, as such a "quality" gf is not only tricky to get, it takes a while to identify if they really are "quality" or not.
Personally, my advice would be to find a relationship but don't get married or have kids (unless you really want them and can afford them - which at the moment you definitely can't). That gives you great flexibility and includes almost all of the upsides with the fewest downsides. You can also still punt to get your fix of variety but you shouldn't need to do it too often (and always focus on ensuring that the sexual standards in your relationship don't slip too much, if they do then get rid and get a new one - preferably find the new one before you totally get rid of the old one).
Anyway, you seem to know an awful lot of single guys who sound like losers, generally these aren't the kind of people in my friendship groups, perhaps it's a sign you need to find other people to hang out with.
I know sometimes I can 'win' this game but I have to give so much of myself I don't think it worth it.
You've totally missed the point. You don't have "give so much of yourself" at all. In fact, it's all about self improvement in all aspects of your life.
Life is short. If I see a single attractive girl of course I'll try. Of course I ask for numbers. Of course I always message back on tinder when there is a match. And of course when I get a number or Facebook I ask the girl out..... and of course I'll escalate (get closer,try kiss, etc.) If I get a date.
I know you were just trying to be brief but I don't think you've grasped the most important parts of "escalation" during a date. Anyway, this is exactly what I've been saying:
But no way I spend more energy and effort working hard to get a girl. If I exercise it would be for me. If I dress up it would be for me. And if I go out and socialise it would be for me having fun.
Hence why I said:
You're also forgetting the many advantages self improvement (confidence, attitude, physical etc) will have on every other area of your life as well as romantic. Confidence and a good attitude are key to success in the work place/business, never mind great for your social life and every relationship you have not just romantic ones.
Also, things like Tinder can be done while you're sat at home in your underwear watching the football, not exactly much effort (once you've put in a bit to get good pics and a decent profile). Besides, you really don't need to go out of your way to find someone, especially if you're social and you find some enjoyable hobbies that involve others (or others could easily be invited to join you). Even if you don't, you should be enjoying yourself so it's not wasted time.
No I won't anymore go to courses / classes to meet girls, or spend days on the street to meet and get numbers, or spend hours on tinder to get matches...
No one has said you should go on courses to learn how to meet girls etc. I think most (myself included) would think that's pretty sad, excessive and possibly counter productive (if you're trying to do too much/learn too much in such a short space of time). I'm not saying that there aren't things to learn or improve though.
As for Tinder, that shouldn't be taking you hours. Stop spending so long perving on their pictures and just get swiping! Also, you shouldn't be spending ages talking, yes you should build up a bit of rapport but after that just ask them out. There is usually very little to be gained from drawn out conversations and it's better to learn that they're a timewaster/just looking for validation etc sooner rather than later.
For you to understand the level of difficulty I have:
Tinder:
I must need to do about 500 like to get 1 match. That's the type or ratio I have. And out of these matches, 70% of the time I get unmatched immediately after.
So when I used tinder with the improved profile and picture about 3h/day doing likes, in a week I only had 2 girls who were chatting with me. We never manage to meet as they refused or unmatched me after.
You clearly didn't bother to read my previous posts as you've missed key points and it's pretty obvious why you're not getting much success:
You've missed the 2 most important points about Tinder:
1) I assume you just made improvements to your existing tinder account rather than creating a whole new one (using a new facebook profile or phone number). Doing that was a big mistake because Tinder assigns you a rating (known as an ELO score) which is based on numerous things - one of which is how many girls swipe right on you. Since I presume you were having little success when you started, even if you make improvements, it's an uphill battle to improve your ELO score. You'd be much better off starting a new Tinder account (using a new fb or phone number). The loss in mutual friends appearing will have minimal effect. Also note that if you swipe right on everyone (or more than 80% of girls) then your ELO score is very likely to take a massive dive and it will severely restrict your ability to get matches and certainly good ones.
2) Your photos are almost the only thing that matter on Tinder. On average, you only get about 0.5-1 second to make an impression so they really need to be great - particularly your first one - your first photo will make or break Tinder for you. Just saying you "posed for pictures" is meaningless and the fact that's almost all you said on the matter suggests you don't fully appreciate the importance of them on Tinder (on other dating sites they're important but less so and in real life looks are much less important). I'd strongly recommend getting professional pictures taken. I don't mean photos taken in a studio and airbrushed (you're not a bloody prossie) - I mean intriguing shots taken outside with a good camera and someone behind it who knows exactly what they're doing and how to get the best out of you. They should know exactly what the photos are for too. There are even companies that specialise in "dating photography". If you want a link to one of them, plus a link to learn more about my first point, feel free to PM me.
A final point, Tinder Gold could be worthwhile so you don't miss out on anyone who has swiped right on you before you have. Also, use the free boost you get wisely. Research shows one of the best times to use it is Sunday evening because that's usually when Tinder has the most users online. In my experience it is rather effective.
Street game:
I use to dress up (even tried with costume like Barnet for a while) and with some players we spent days (10-12h/day) on the street, shops, clubs, pubs talking to girls. We walked from shop to shop, commercial centre to centre, pubs to other pubs on evenings to meet as many girls as poasible.
Out of 100 girls meet, I would get maybe 1-2 phone numbers. Out of 30 phone number, 15 would be fake numbers and 10 would only answer sporadically. Out of the 5 who would meet, 4 of them would only want to be friend. I would probably end up dating 1 out of 30 numbers I get.
That's how tough it was for me. I had many coaches who all told me It's in my mind. Change this. Change that. Just talk to them. Just try. Etc. Etc.
These guys always had better results doing the same thing of course. That's what I've seen.
Have I mentioned I've been doing the game for almost 10 years? And results didn't improve much?
That sounds crazy. Nonetheless, I'm inclined to agree with your "coaches". In the past I've been involved in teaching numerous people (involving a fairly high amount of communication skills) and I've often had them say to me things like "But I've been doing exactly what you demonstrated" but in reality they hadn't picked up on the some of the important details such as body language, tone of voice etc. However, some people naturally do seem to struggle with some of these things including projecting confidence so I presume you're one of those people. If you really need hands on help, instead of going for a dating coach, I'd choose someone who's more about life improvement, key skills and/or counselling/psychology. The net effect will be better for other areas of your life and still probably manifest as a big improvement in your romantic life too.
I just can't do that anymore and want to be happy and relaxed and not be stressed by girls and working hard for them. Just not worth it.
As I've said, no one has suggested that you should do that anymore. We also think that "getting girls" shouldn't mean you have to go significantly out of your way (unless perhaps you're not very social). Any hard work involved shouldn't just be about girls, it should primarily be about you. The fact that you feel "stressed by girls" suggests you have some fundamental issues that need sorting.
I've pretty much decided a while ago it is going to be OPTION C:
- Spend the rest of my life single and self sufficient. Living a simple life with minimum cost and enjoying my life with friends and punt whenever I feel like it. (Budget permitting)
I'm not poor and probably won't be rich,
Yeah, spending loads of money on rent isn't exactly very self sufficient. Also, at this stage of your life, given your living circumstances and everything else you've described, I would definitely say you are pretty poor. At the very least, your standard of living is clearly poor.
but I pretty much plan to have sufficient passive income to never have to worry about basic necessity such as food or accomodation. If my needs/costs are low, then the required passive income is much lower as well.
I do not need to buy properties to invest. Currently doing p2p investments and index funds.
No one said buying property was the only way to invest (although of course it is one of the safest ways and still often leads to good returns). But given that you seem to be too thick to realise that at least owning your own place is fundamental and that money spent on rent is money down the drain, I find it very difficult to believe that you know what you're doing when it comes to investing. If you do, then please name just one semi-successful investor who doesn't own their own primary residence (although I suppose some might not have one if they travel around a lot but you're clearly not one of them so you can exclude that).
Hey thanks the thread wasn't to validate any decision...
It was to share tips on how to optimise the punting budget!! There are some tips there and there..
You were the one who chose to reveal details about your personal life. Given that's what you did and how defensive you've been, saying that you were seeking validation is very reasonable. It's just clear that you've failed to do so. Anyway, it's good to see that you've now finally admitted that there are some budget tips, it's a shame I had to point of them out to you because you missed them the first time.
This hobby is for disposable income...
Not for hand to mouth...
Afford it but be extremely vigilant not to spiral out of control..
Can't afford it then don't dabble
If someone offered me £10k for 1 month punting budget I would try 100% to convince them let me buy expensive watch/expensive cinema sound tv sysyem/car instead instead..
Shows far more important things to spend money on than expensive overpriced escorts..
Still will do the super honey hotties at £150 to £250 per hour about 4 of them.. 1 per week... near abouts same as now.
Simpletto. ..
+1 (although you need to be careful with the other luxuries you like too, e.g. I really don't need another expensive watch).
