Punting in retirement

[Nigel57]

Does anyone have any advice re punting in retirement.

I will no longer have an office to hide my punting phone, spend time researching & texting WGs to arrange meets. I like to arrange a few days ahead and come up with a plausible work related excuse to be in the area, etc. that disappears once retired.

I'm considering a part time job as an excuse to be out.

How do people explain or hide their second (punting) phone.

[scutty brown]

Get a hobby that needs a garden shed /man cave.
Model railways maybe?

[NervousJ]

join a gym... always an easy hour to sneak off ..

[A Decent Fist]

Take up cycling. You can be gone for two, three hours or more. Get a good lock though – or that's a new set of lies to invent if the bike gets nicked while you're shagging.

[Newtothisstuff]

RC Cars.
They're great for needing a shed or bit of privacy. £200 will get a decent 'crawler' kit. People then spend hours changing all the different parts and fine tuning the setup to get the performance they want. Begs the question why they bought the bloody kit if they're just going to swap half the bits in it.
Should give you the excuse to spend hours doing your research. Parts can cost a small fortune too, so it'll help hide the punting cost.
Then..  there's the RC car meets. They meet up at tracks or rocky places and spend hours playing.... errr.... driving round the course.
All in.... you've got the perfect excuse to spend hours in the shed doing the research and a reason to leave the house for a booking.  Just don't forget to put the toy car in the boot before you leave or your wife is going to guess something's up.

[A Decent Fist]

Don't get the solutions which involve disappearing into a shed. One knock on the door by a trusting wife bringing tea and biscuits and you’re sunk.

[JontyR]

Volunteer. Adult Education classes. Hobby groups. Coach trips.

[webpunter]

Mention to the OH that you are going to start your own business
Part time
Tied in to what you did before
To keep you occupied & to generate some cash so you & the OH can do xtra holidays 
Get a laptop & find a flexi office which you can rent by the hour etc
Sole reason getting yourself out of the house
Buy a secondhand work laptop cheap & start some projects
Yiou never know you might get to make some money
Not the primary objective, obvs

Or you could take up snooker / pool, like CueBall
He used to do an evening with mates every now & again
Like fuck he did 
if you know some blokes suggest a frame or two see if you can get them into it
& the first few times you actually meet them
Call the OH when playing even invite her over
She might visit once
Pretty sure that CueBall with his cue in a case in the hall never even played 

Some time apart from the OH even with punting will probably be beneficial for yoiur relationship
& getting the tanks emptied

Or bin the missus get divorced sell the house 50/50
Buy a cheaper place even a nice static home on a park *
& spunk the difference over the next few years & get shagged senslesss before you cant
The Gambia springs to mind to start your adventures
* you wont be there much so doesnt make much difference where you live here
As long as you are resident here & get access to healthcare pensions etc
& you can ship some in

 

[webpunter]

External Link/Members Only

[SOSPunter]

Golf - a good 4/5 hours away from home gives you time to punt and travel outside your home address. Gym if it's more local. I've punted more since retirement than before. And loving it.

[EclipseBlue]

Mention to the OH that you are going to start your own business
Part time
Tied in to what you did before
To keep you occupied & to generate some cash so you & the OH can do xtra holidays 
Get a laptop & find a flexi office which you can rent by the hour etc
Sole reason getting yourself out of the house
Buy a secondhand work laptop cheap & start some projects
Yiou never know you might get to make some money
Not the primary objective, obvs

Or you could take up snooker / pool, like CueBall
He used to do an evening with mates every now & again
Like fuck he did 
if you know some blokes suggest a frame or two see if you can get them into it
& the first few times you actually meet them
Call the OH when playing even invite her over
She might visit once
Pretty sure that CueBall with his cue in a case in the hall never even played 

Some time apart from the OH even with punting will probably be beneficial for yoiur relationship
& getting the tanks emptied

Or bin the missus get divorced sell the house 50/50
Buy a cheaper place even a nice static home on a park *
& spunk the difference over the next few years & get shagged senslesss before you cant
The Gambia springs to mind to start your adventures
* you wont be there much so doesnt make much difference where you live here
As long as you are resident here & get access to healthcare pensions etc
& you can ship some in

Any recommendations or suggestions for by the hour office space?

[WestMids74]

Golf - a good 4/5 hours away from home gives you time to punt and travel outside your home address. Gym if it's more local. I've punted more since retirement than before. And loving it.

+1 - I'm not retired but this would seem very logical. Throw your clubs in the car, tell your mrs you're off for a 'round' and jobs a gooden.

[Nigel57]

External Link/Members Only

I forgotten all about that song!   

[Nigel57]

I’ve already got a volunteer job lined up that gives me an excuse to disappear for a few hours & that can explains being in a ‘strange’ location. What do folks do about their punting phone & contacting girls?

[mr.bluesky]

join a gym... always an easy hour to sneak off ..

Gym is ideal, good for your health * , I go the the gym on a regular basis then enjoy a nice relaxing massage afterwards.  If you're going shagging it's probably better to leave the gym till afterwards as you might not have the energy to shag after a gym session. 
* some nice gym bunny's on view where I go puts you in the mood too.
Keep your punting phone hidden away inside your trainers inside your gym bag.

[ZeroCount]

I certainly wouldn't have the energy to gym after a shag session either. 

[Charliehutton]

Golf - a good 4/5 hours away from home gives you time to punt and travel outside your home address. Gym if it's more local. I've punted more since retirement than before. And loving it.

Perfect. It's even better if you don't play golf; you can buy a second hand set of clubs on Gumtree as cheap as chips - it's the first thing a family sells when the old boy snuffs it - and your OH won't know where you play or who you play with, because they won't exist, so your alibi will be watertight.

Depending on how far you want to travel, you can play 18 or 9 holes, or just have a quick lesson with the local pro, as it were. Keep the bag in the boot, stick your punting phone in with your balls - as it were again - and you're away.

 

[GoldTop]

join a gym... always an easy hour to sneak off ..

Till the wife realises you're still unfit as fcuk 

[Private Parts]

Go fishing. 

[RedKettle]

Things like golf and the gym sound good but for me i prefer to have a reason to be in the general area of my punt.  Unfortunately this is for personal reasons somewhat harder for me now.

[RedKettle]

I’ve already got a volunteer job lined up that gives me an excuse to disappear for a few hours & that can explains being in a ‘strange’ location. What do folks do about their punting phone & contacting girls?

I think those with great hiding places for punting phones are unlikely to want to advertise it on here!  That said if you search on here (or Mumsnet) you will find suggestions.

[badsin]

What do folks do about their punting phone & contacting girls?

Google "where do prisoner's hide their mobile phone's" that should give you an idea   

[Nigel57]

Google "where do prisoner's hide their mobile phone's" that should give you an idea   

Not a long term option 😵‍💫

[webpunter]

Any recommendations or suggestions for by the hour office space?

Regus, nationally
Look locally where you are
With the increase of WFH office landlords becoming more flexible as demand reducing
This will acclerate as many companies are keeping offices open as they are tied into leases
Different when the leases come up for renewal

[webpunter]

What do folks do about their punting phone & contacting girls?

Numerous threads about this

Edit:  one of my mates has an app on his phone which generates a different untraceable number same as PAYG
Think its hidden in another app unlocked by a PIN code so if OH were to look at your phone nothing obvious
If you have an iphone i would suggest resetting your PIN & using face ID, a further protection against a nosey OH

[Newtothisstuff]

Don't say Golf or any other sport.  It sounds great.... right up until the wife says "I'll come and watch" or "you could teach me and we can play together." It also offers the possibility of the unknown fuck-up. Some random person she knows has a husband at the club and says they've never seen you there. Or, she wants to meet the people you play golf with.  Too much can go wrong.
What about metal detecting?  Okay... so it's a fair weather cover story...  but it puts you out in a field where nobody can deny not seeing you.  Few sports are solo games. So that leaves the risk that you don't have people who can vouch for you if you're put on the spot.

[Newtothisstuff]

The punting phone is the easy bit.
Everyone has an old handset lurking in a draw. Use that. Pin lock it so only you can access it and before you get home, take the SIM card out. The SIM is tiny so you shouldn't have any trouble hiding it. Taped under a draw.... tucked under a box in the garage. If the wife finds the handset, it's easy to explain. It's your old one and you're keeping it in case you drop or damage the new one. If she finds the SIM, tell her to bin it as it's an old one from a previous contract.

[webpunter]

I cant remember which UKPer it was who had a collection of his old mobiles in a drawer [edit: his man drawer]
Hiding the punting mobile in plain sight, PIN locked [coveniently forgottoen]
Women have a short attention span & will look at the phones dismiss too complicated & go back on FaceWank 

I do feel for UKPers with OHs, especially nosey ones
The civvy is far enuf away not to drop by unannounced
Even then juggling life / business stuff with a relatively clear 'run' on our fave sport & combining with the SP / massage burds availability + travel etc can be a challenge

I've previously done it [OH], the wheels are often destined to fall off & when the stars somehow line up its a result but it can be an exhausting process
Not like popping by some shop which is easy, but to try & line up a real fiitie who ticks all the boxes  yes please
Especially if she's only in your locale for a short period of time
& thats before they move the booking time     

[chandlerhandler]

Find the Mrs a job, then all your time is your own 

[ZeroCount]

Find the Mrs a job, then all your time is your own 

Not just the time either, it also frees up a lot of the joint finances for putting towards your hobby. If she doesn't see how that's a win-win situation then she's just being plain selfish!

[Iamforreal]

 

[fredhiggins]

What about metal detecting?  Okay... so it's a fair weather cover story...  but it puts you out in a field where nobody can deny not seeing you.  Few sports are solo games. So that leaves the risk that you don't have people who can vouch for you if you're put on the spot.

That has ruined Detectorists for me.

[webpunter]

Hows about train spotting ?
External Link/Members Only

[Charliehutton]

Don't say Golf...  it sounds great.... right up until the wife says  "we can play together."

Blimey, Ntts, what an appalling thought. None of the old boys I play with would tolerate such a thing, but you do get one or two, and God help you if you find yourselves on the tee behind a mixed foursome. May as well go back to the bar.

Mind you, if you're a golfer, you'll know there's nothing sexier than an attractive young woman with a good swing, especially if she's wearing shorts and has good legs. Alas, there aren't many about, not where I play, anyway.

[Coops72]

+1 - I'm not retired but this would seem very logical. Throw your clubs in the car, tell your mrs you're off for a 'round' and jobs a gooden.

And then you can play the back 9…………. 🍩

[Newtothisstuff]

Blimey, Ntts, what an appalling thought. None of the old boys I play with would tolerate such a thing, but you do get one or two, and God help you if you find yourselves on the tee behind a mixed foursome. May as well go back to the bar.

Mind you, if you're a golfer, you'll know there's nothing sexier than an attractive young woman with a good swing, especially if she's wearing shorts and has good legs. Alas, there aren't many about, not where I play, anyway.

Probably about 30 years ago - a friend of my parents got found out like this. His wife arrived at the club to surprise him (maybe she suspected) only to be told he wasn't a member and nobody knew him.
It's why I mentioned it. I play golf occasionally. Well.... I randomly distribute golfballs around the course. Members get to know eachother. Scorecards get submitted. More women play now so there are more chances a wife could meet a female member and start talking.
My advice is to pick a hobby that doesn't require other people. Witnesses you can't produce if you're put on the shot.  RC cars, metal detecting etc. Definitely not the old nugget - bird watching. If you're going to pull that one off, you'll have to get some books and start studying in case the wife asks about some random bird she just saw.
Metal detecting is such and easy excuse. Just pick up a cheap detector and buy some cheap metal odds and sods from a car boot. Cover them in mud and bring one or two out from time to time as crappy 'finds'.

[glenmere]

Here are my thoughts from someone who was caught - clothes in black bin bags in the street etc, etc …. So do bear this in mind when reading my pearls of wisdom! - I am in a similar situation,
I find excuses to be absent during the day every couple of weeks - trip to the barbers & had to wait ‘it was a nightmare but decided to wait it out’ obviously have to have a trim & organise a meet near to the hairdressers

The car has a nail in the tyre - the place was really busy / I’ll do the big shop ‘the store was jammed’ race round get the shopping done & to a meet & back - Dentist was running late, Doctors….got to pop in for a blood test - how was the test - forgot to say everything all ok

Takes a bit of organising main idea is stretching out an actual real appointment to pull in a half hour meet !

[Iloveoral]

I cant remember which UKPer it was who had a collection of his old mobiles in a drawer [edit: his man drawer]
Hiding the punting mobile in plain sight, PIN locked [coveniently forgotten]

I do this, its been in a drawer in the lounge for years in plain site. I leave the sim in but blank all messages and calls before I get home. If it was ever turned on it looks like a blank phone, though because old the battery is always dead, I charge it in the car and use then turn off, the next day the battery is always dead after the short charge.

[webpunter]

I do this, its been in a drawer in the lounge for years in plain site. I leave the sim in but blank all messages and calls before I get home. If it was ever turned on it looks like a blank phone, though because old the battery is always dead, I charge it in the car and use then turn off, the next day the battery is always dead after the short charge.

You fessed up 
Thats hard work though adding numbers to then delete
Keeping up the routine without fail

I don't have an OH issue & the civvy is sporadic so much easier
I find that especially when it comes to repeat visits message trails like with addresses / prices / options etc are easier
So after a session if decent & i wanna revisit i'll drop a message, like 'wow that was lovely must do again' blah blah - any old crap
Then a follow up when green light etc on or if on GT / Vulva, like 'hiya any availability for today / tomorrow ?' etc 
The hit rate IME sky rockets
Just sayin

[Iloveoral]

I tend to prefer to try out new fresh Thais touring (not sure if anyone ever noticed  ), so little point keeping there details after the deed is completed.
A couple stored are Nat in Derby saved as Chris bricklayer, Jennifer in Hucknall is Steve plasterer 
If the missus ever picks the phone up, even if she got past the pin after charging it, I doubt it would worry her as we do know a Chris that’s a bricky and Steve that’s a plasterer 

[webpunter]

I'm assuming that Jennifer can end up resembling a plasterer's radio ? 

[Iloveoral]

Hopefully, as long as Chris don’t give me his brick (just checking I spelt it right  )

[chatman]

Gym is ideal, good for your health * , I go the the gym on a regular basis then enjoy a nice relaxing massage afterwards.  If you're going shagging it's probably better to leave the gym till afterwards as you might not have the energy to shag after a gym session. 
* some nice gym bunny's on view where I go puts you in the mood too.
Keep your punting phone hidden away inside your trainers inside your gym bag.

I too, use the gym excuse. I actually go to the gym about 1 time out of 10! The other 9 visits are meeting up with some hottie for alternative exercise. 
I even take a towel with me, which I use to shower afterwards and come home as if I have been to the gym. My gym membership is the best VFM.
 Over the year, it works out as a few extra quid per punt and well worth it for an excuse to be somewhere.
And re the punting phone, I also have a drawer full of old phones & hard drives, just collecting dust

[jessie100497]

Golf - a good 4/5 hours away from home gives you time to punt and travel outside your home address. Gym if it's more local. I've punted more since retirement than before. And loving it.

Before reading the comments, my first thought was golf. As you say, 4 to 6 hours isn't out the way for a round of golf, with a bit of travel. You are unreachable as etiquette is to not have your phone ringing while on the course

[Iloveoral]

Not forgetting the new phones have trackers on it, if your sharing your location with the o/h
I thought about leaving the phone in a gym locker and popping out for a bit, to return after fun, shower and take the wet towel home 

[Leiclad1234]

Surely a dual SIM phone is fine if set up in the right ways?

Just get one for holidays/roaming purposes and then use that. Unless someone is particularly tech savvy they probably wouldn't be able to find much out if you set it up correctly

[ZeroCount]

Surely a dual SIM phone is fine if set up in the right ways?

Swings and roundabouts, innit? If your main worry is that a second handset might be too conspicuous, then dual SIM is a good solution.

I'm more worried about something going wrong (human error or otherwise) on a dual SIM phone, and ending up with a text popping up on my main handset while it's lying around in front of my partner, saying something like "just confirming our meet for 4pm, don't forget the strapon and lube! luv Juicyflaps x"

[Newtothisstuff]

It's fine. Just put Juicyflaps in the contacts list as "Mother In Law."

[l1mpd1ck]

You could see if there is volunteer drivers scheme nearby (or sign up as an UBER driver).  Plenty of scope then for you to be out and your car seen in unusual places

[webpunter]

You could see if there is volunteer drivers scheme nearby (or sign up as an UBER driver).  Plenty of scope then for you to be out and your car seen in unusual places

I like your thinking 
Volunteer driver adding to the community etc however more likely to be local trips
At inconvenient times
uBer driver you have to deal with the public who are in your car 
Courier i reck, part time & flexible
Even more part time than the OH thinks

Make a bit of money & invest some most of it in our fave sport
Take the OH on a cruise on the Rhine or sumfink like that once a year so she sees the benefit of your efforts

& the OH says to her friends that you want to keep yourself active
You most certainly do !

Some time apart from the OH & you might even start to like each other
Especially when you've had the tanks emptied
Darling i've made your favourite tea
Thank you