When punting crosses over into personal life

[MrBridger]

Phew, near miss. I have a vague memory of success with a milf at Newton Abbott not far from a large Tesco.

I suspect most of your preferred ladies rarely stray far from sources of sustenance HP.

[spkmstr48]

Got back home last night after two days away

Day 1 long punt
Day 2 work event

Punting kit still in boot of car including a selection of riding crops, etc, etc

Then this morning at breakfast OH reminds me it's her day off and can I give her a lift into town on my way to work and she normally puts her shopping trolley in the boot.

Thinking quickly, I say that the boot is full of work stuff so she will have to put it on the back seat.

Got away with it this time.

 

[OpalFruit]

My one punt so far was a fairly drab, forgettable experience, and as it was a 30 min booking followed by a shopping trip to nearby Westfield to buy a shirt for upcoming wedding, I thought I would put it behind me by the time I got home. It was a spur of the moment thing and so I didn't have time to purchase a phone and sim.

Later on that evening, around 1230am when with friends, I receive a missed call from the girl I saw. Even though I'm single, i froze. Then  stared at the phone for what seemed an eternity as my mates carried on. Luckily no messages or further calls came so I put it down to an accident.

Never again. Have purchased a cheapo phone which stays in car boot and is for emergency use if anyone asks.

[OpalFruit]

My one punt so far was a fairly drab, forgettable experience, and as it was a 30 min booking followed by a shopping trip to nearby Westfield to buy a shirt for upcoming wedding, I thought I would put it behind me by the time I got home. It was a spur of the moment thing and so I didn't have time to purchase a phone and sim.

Later on that evening, around 1230am when with friends, I receive a missed call from the girl I saw. Even though I'm single, i froze. Then  stared at the phone for what seemed an eternity as my mates carried on. Luckily no messages or further calls came so I put it down to an accident.

Never again. Have purchased a cheapo phone which stays in car boot and is for emergency use if anyone asks.

I meant 'for an upcoming wedding'. Not 'my wedding'!

[lostandfound]

A friend was passing through town and asked to meet him at his sister's place. So, we're sat in her lounge drinking tea and her mobile's going nuts, calls she doesn't take and texts pinging through. Finally, she switches off her phone and looks up. She knows what I'm thinking and makes some horrified remark.

[Hawkwind71]

A friend was passing through town and asked to meet him at his sister's place. So, we're sat in her lounge drinking tea and her mobile's going nuts, calls she doesn't take and texts pinging through. Finally, she switches off her phone and looks up. She knows what I'm thinking and makes some horrified remark.

oh you can't  stop there. What was the remark and what shade of red was her face??????? 

[lostandfound]

oh you can't  stop there. What was the remark and what shade of red was her face??????? 

It wasn't much more than an exclamation, and she went white, not red. A horrible moment.

[regular_guy]

A friend was passing through town and asked to meet him at his sister's place. So, we're sat in her lounge drinking tea and her mobile's going nuts, calls she doesn't take and texts pinging through. Finally, she switches off her phone and looks up. She knows what I'm thinking and makes some horrified remark.

I bet you've spent hours searching for her profile 

[lostandfound]

I bet you've spent hours searching for her profile 

Nope.

[TheNewSeeker]

Hello, I have planted my first raspberry bush and it has grown very well. From a £2 8 inch twig to nearly 6 feet already in about 5 months! My question - no fruit this year so do I prune in this manner or leave until next year? Thanks

[azrael]

Hello, I have planted my first raspberry bush and it has grown very well. From a £2 8 inch twig to nearly 6 feet already in about 5 months! My question - no fruit this year so do I prune in this manner or leave until next year? Thanks

     how's this related to the thread?

[Bigus Dickus]

    how's this related to the thread?

Bush=Cunt!

His gardening and punting habits are being blurred?  Fuck knows!   

[vw]

Hello, I have planted my first raspberry bush and it has grown very well. From a £2 8 inch twig to nearly 6 feet already in about 5 months! My question - no fruit this year so do I prune in this manner or leave until next year? Thanks

Who blows raspberries on your belly ?  Do you have a link ?

[TheNewSeeker]

Hello, I have planted my first raspberry bush and it has grown very well. From a £2 8 inch twig to nearly 6 feet already in about 5 months! My question - no fruit this year so do I prune in this manner or leave until next year? Thanks

Feck me, what the fuck have posted on gardenersworld.com

 

[yorkshire123]

Hello, I have planted my first raspberry bush and it has grown very well. From a £2 8 inch twig to nearly 6 feet already in about 5 months! My question - no fruit this year so do I prune in this manner or leave until next year? Thanks

No pruning required, snap the fucker off at the base & tarmac over it 

[MrBridger]

Hello, I have planted my first raspberry bush and it has grown very well. From a £2 8 inch twig to nearly 6 feet already in about 5 months! My question - no fruit this year so do I prune in this manner or leave until next year? Thanks

Have you been using Asda Viagra on it?

[socks]

Hello, I have planted my first raspberry bush and it has grown very well. From a £2 8 inch twig to nearly 6 feet already in about 5 months! My question - no fruit this year so do I prune in this manner or leave until next year? Thanks

Four inch stillettoes would be lovely hun. Facial to finish and would like to lick it off. Piss in a glass again ;-) ?

[azrael]

Have you been using Asda Viagra on it?

F**k me thats some potent rasberrys, id be happy with the 8 inches but,  6 feet jeeze louise  and he's still complaining. Just let us know which wg's you see so i can strap a plank to my self so i dont fall in 

[Montgolfier]

I've been punting for about 4 and a half years now, mostly Asians and a couple having turned from regular punts into proper affairs (yeah I know). I have punting phone with a PiN lock code, it's not a smart phone so there's no chance of seeing a message appear. I keep it hidden in the car and its on silent ring.

However I have had two close calls. The first is because i keep a blog, a private one just as a personal diary of all the naughtiness and craziness I've been up to. I have to use my iPhone to view this obviously as it requires a browser and I'm always very careful to close the open windows and make sure I always use "private browsing" mode. I also ensure I switch back to normal mode so that the private browsing is hidden. One day my wife is using my phone to check something in the Internet. She hands it back to me and I decide to go check some naughty site or other so switch to private mode only to see my blog sitting there it all its glory - I'd forgotten to close the private window! I got really lucky she didn't see this. There's no way I'd still have my balls if she did. This thing is to me what wiki leaks was to the U.S. Government, details of absolutely everything from sexual to relationship details, the fucking lot.

Second close call was with an oriental girl I had a relationship with. She was back in Hong Kong and had messaged me a photo of her birthday celebration. This was a secure messenger app so no worries there, but as I locked my phone I must have stupidly pressed the home as well as the power button and taken a screenshot of her sitting there with a birthday cake surrounded by her friends and family. Of course my wife's then browsing through my photos and suddenly asks me "who's this?". Of course ive no idea what she's even looking at so the fucking blood must have drained from my face when I saw the photo. Thinking on my feet I said it must have been an accidental screenshot from some friend of a friend on Facebook. She seemed to accept that thank god. Fortunately it was a perfectly innocent photo rather than one of the open pussy shots she has sent me in the past :-)

Clearly I'm gonna get caught eventually, but then again part of me probably wants to get caught. Crazy bugger, go figure.

[DG]

I always text a girl after a meet to thank her. Was texting my regular the following morning opening with "Hi xxxxx, how are you this morning?" Unfortunately I was the victim of an iPhone idiosyncrasy; sometimes you inadvertently scroll down your recent texts. On this occasion I sent the text to my boss. Fortunately I noticed in time to send a follow up to him, as the girl's working name is a term of endearment I could get away with explaining was a text to my daughter. It was just extremely lucky I wasn't describing what had gone on in our meet rather than enquiring about her well being.