Guilt

[Spanish Lad]

Not sure if this should go here or in Off Topic but anyway please feel free to move if needed moderator.

I, like a lot of blokes on here have a wife and normal family life and enjoy the occasional punt which is obviously kept secret. I know not all punters are in the same boat but I guess we all feel guilt to a certain degree and maybe for different reasons.

In my earlier punting life I would experience great anguish and guilt which maybe lasted for 2 or 3 days at a pretty high intensity but then would disappear to nothing. These days I experience less guilt and possibly no anguish at all and the guilt lasts for no less than a few hours.

However, overall I am starting to feel guilty in a different kind of way. During the earlier years it was a feeling of guilt post punt which was quite intense but more recently I am starting to feel more of a general feeling of guilt. This is quite difficult to explain and I am struggling to find the right words but it seems as if there now exists a constant mid level of guilt where as before the peaks and troughs were more exaggerated. Perhaps this is complacency or routine?

Another thing to add to the equation is that even though our sex life is petering out we seem to be stronger together as couple if that makes sense?

I am not really sure why I am starting this thread but I guess it is for reassurance that I am not the only deviant cunt out there and thus possibly ease my guilt somehow?

[Tjkooker]

You feel more together for one reason. You are no longer seeking sex from her 60% of the time. She is therefore no longer spending 99% of her time avoiding sex.

[vorian]

Guilt,  put the word in the search bar and you will find many, many threads on the subject.

[Gigabyte]

Are you sure its guilt now and not fear that you will eventually be caught by your OH?

[hendrix]

I'm a selfish, cheating, lying cunt. It used to bother me in the early days, but I'm ok with that now. It's who I am.

[Dani]

Another thing to add to the equation is that even though our sex life is petering out we seem to be stronger together as couple if that makes sense?

So you are stronger together now you are not pestering her for sex and are getting it elsewhere but have a sense of guilt over it.  I should imagine that is quite normal especially as you said you are stronger as a couple now.  You are lying or deceiving her so are bound to feel guilty if you love her.  However do you think she is happier now or before your punting and asking her for sex?  I would imagine that if she does not want sex and is happy to never bother then she is probably much happier now that she does not have to keep making up excuses or avoiding the issue.

I think you have to weigh up the guilt against the happiness you both have and decide if it is worth it. Which feeling is stronger, your sense of guilt or the strength your relationship now has.  do you want to lose the guilt and go back to how it was?  Can you live happily with the guilt?  Do you think the wife would be happier if you stopped punting and went back to her having to keep saying no?
Only you know if the guilt is worth it
For me it would not be as I feel terrible telling white lies to my partner and find guilt too hard to live with but if it has made your relationship better perhaps you don't need to feel so guilty

[YouOnlyLiveOnce]

I look at it this way: how can it be "cheating" if she isn't being cheated out of anything?    Nothing she actually wants from me, anyhow (she has no interest in sex anymore).

I'm not at all bothered about the fact that I'm "playing away".  The only thing I feel guilty about is the money I'm spending. But there are other guys with expensive hobbies.

[Curious6705]

At least you're in touch with your feelings of guilt. Whenever I see one of those recurring threads or posts where someone is basically slagging off the rest of UKP, as though they themselves are somehow better than other punters, I think "Nah mate, that's bollocks -  you're feeling guilty, and you're unable to acknowledge it even to yourself, so you're projecting it on to other people."

Examples, are when someone in their 30s says that anyone who punts with WGs with a larger age gap than they do has something wrong with them - or the other day when someone basically said anyone who fancies a grown up woman WG dressed in a school uniform has something wrong with them. To be honest, I think posters like that are immature and unable to acknowledge their own feelings of guilt. So, like I say, IMO fair play to you for at least not doing that.

[Matium]

If your wife's not interested in sex any more then deep down she knows you'll play away.

If she's so turned off sex then she won't even be "bovver'd" by that.

Most women, however, get more upset about the amount of money spent on prostitutes, "her money", since as every married man here knows, once you're married, all your money becomes hers.

[Sienna_Bronze]

Guilt is a hard emotion to deal with. Only you know if you can cope with how you feel. If it is starting to eat away at you then maybe you should take a break from punting.

[cockneybstrd]

Guilt is a funny old emotion. It creeps up on you at strange moments

On Saturday afternoon I spent it with a Civvy bird who while trying to hide did have a boyfriend (who was either at the cup final or watching it) did it so poorly. I actually felt pretty bad for the geezer and did feel a bit guilty about having mildly interesting sex with his girlfriend (I also used his L'Occantine products in the bathroom)



No Link--- Overall it was Negative - Bareback was offered but declined and she also spent around twenty minutes on the phone to her brother (pimp/boyfriend/other geezers) over the afternoon answering a number of texts and calls. Also she touted herself by sending me a text today saying she was free on Thursday evening

[threechilliman]

No guilt whatsoever. Strange, as I'd been faithful (apart from one slip about 15 years ago) up until recently, discovered AW by accident, joined, formed HL, had first punt, enjoyed it. But felt absolutely nothing afterwards. She was away at the time and when she returned I carried on as normal. Have had several punts since, same lack of feeling, to me it's a game. That said I've completely deceived her on a number of things over the years, one I revealed late last year after 19 years of hiding it - I just volunteered it!! And our relationship has never felt stronger.............. Odd indeed.

[Spanish Lad]

Are you sure its guilt now and not fear that you will eventually be caught by your OH?

Yes Gigabyte, I am sure that the risk of eventually being caught out is a factor in there and perhaps it is more of a fear rather than guilt that I am experiencing.

[Spanish Lad]

I'm a selfish, cheating, lying cunt. It used to bother me in the early days, but I'm ok with that now. It's who I am.

However hard it is to hear this, yes, it is pretty much the score I guess. Although apart from that I am a pretty nice guy really. 

[wristjob]

Guilt, lol.

Women - don't want to have sex with you, don't want you to get it elsewhere. Of course you can leave her then you ose the kids and the house and all because you are a "whoremongering perverted bastard" - it truly is a man's world.

In my marriage sex was pretty much the only thing that was right so it's hard to say how it would be if I were in that situation. I think I would actually be pretty blunt that sex was an issue so divorce, we do it together, or she doesn't ask. Can't imagine that would go down well but hey ho you should trust each other and communicate in a marriage yeah? I think I'd probably be like you with the guilt actually and would resent effectively being put into that situation.

Of course you could try "dressing it up" so offer to mow the lawn for a BJ - turning the tables. If she refuses put the lawnmower for sale on ebay.

[hendrix]

However hard it is to hear this, yes, it is pretty much the score I guess. Although apart from that I am a pretty nice guy really. 

Nobody is ever just one thing or the other.. the thing to do, for me at least, was to make peace with myself about who I was, rather than try and change that to please others and be unhappy about who I'd become as a result.

[Roland D Hay]

I'm a selfish, cheating, lying cunt. It used to bother me in the early days, but I'm ok with that now. It's who I am.

Self awareness and acceptance is very important if you are to avoid self loathing.

I think most will experience guilt to some degree, unless you are a complete sociopath, you either come to terms and rationalise it or it drags you into a dark hole. If it's the latter then punting ain't for you.

[jcdmj12]

Never understood guilt as an emotion - not something I've ever suffered from.

Why feel guilty about something? Either do it or don't do it.  Doing it and then spending your time thinking you shouldn't have done it seems daft.     

[jcdmj12]

Guilt is a funny old emotion. It creeps up on you at strange moments

On Saturday afternoon I spent it with a Civvy bird who while trying to hide did have a boyfriend (who was either at the cup final or watching it) did it so poorly. I actually felt pretty bad for the geezer and did feel a bit guilty about having mildly interesting sex with his girlfriend (I also used his L'Occantine products in the bathroom)



No Link--- Overall it was Negative - Bareback was offered but declined and she also spent around twenty minutes on the phone to her brother (pimp/boyfriend/other geezers) over the afternoon answering a number of texts and calls. Also she touted herself by sending me a text today saying she was free on Thursday evening

Wow - she sounds like a real catch for her bloke.

[smiths]

Not sure if this should go here or in Off Topic but anyway please feel free to move if needed moderator.

I, like a lot of blokes on here have a wife and normal family life and enjoy the occasional punt which is obviously kept secret. I know not all punters are in the same boat but I guess we all feel guilt to a certain degree and maybe for different reasons.

In my earlier punting life I would experience great anguish and guilt which maybe lasted for 2 or 3 days at a pretty high intensity but then would disappear to nothing. These days I experience less guilt and possibly no anguish at all and the guilt lasts for no less than a few hours.

However, overall I am starting to feel guilty in a different kind of way. During the earlier years it was a feeling of guilt post punt which was quite intense but more recently I am starting to feel more of a general feeling of guilt. This is quite difficult to explain and I am struggling to find the right words but it seems as if there now exists a constant mid level of guilt where as before the peaks and troughs were more exaggerated. Perhaps this is complacency or routine?

Another thing to add to the equation is that even though our sex life is petering out we seem to be stronger together as couple if that makes sense?

I am not really sure why I am starting this thread but I guess it is for reassurance that I am not the only deviant cunt out there and thus possibly ease my guilt somehow?

I long ago threw away feelings of guilt, it was affecting my punting fun. I accepted the fact i am a selfish cheat and indulged. I punt for the sex, but i also want to love and be loved so also desire relationships, a case of having my cake and eating it.

[King Nuts]

Not sure if this should go here or in Off Topic but anyway please feel free to move if needed moderator.

I, like a lot of blokes on here have a wife and normal family life and enjoy the occasional punt which is obviously kept secret. I know not all punters are in the same boat but I guess we all feel guilt to a certain degree and maybe for different reasons.

In my earlier punting life I would experience great anguish and guilt which maybe lasted for 2 or 3 days at a pretty high intensity but then would disappear to nothing. These days I experience less guilt and possibly no anguish at all and the guilt lasts for no less than a few hours.

However, overall I am starting to feel guilty in a different kind of way. During the earlier years it was a feeling of guilt post punt which was quite intense but more recently I am starting to feel more of a general feeling of guilt. This is quite difficult to explain and I am struggling to find the right words but it seems as if there now exists a constant mid level of guilt where as before the peaks and troughs were more exaggerated. Perhaps this is complacency or routine?

Another thing to add to the equation is that even though our sex life is petering out we seem to be stronger together as couple if that makes sense?

I am not really sure why I am starting this thread but I guess it is for reassurance that I am not the only deviant cunt out there and thus possibly ease my guilt somehow?

Your feelings are not unusual, and as you can see from the responses here, a lot of us feel the same way.

Question is, how are you going to deal with it?

Guilt, like paranoia, anxiety and other similar states of mind, can be managed. If at the root of your feelings of guilt lies a fear you will be caught, then you owe it to yourself and to your missus NOT to get caught out. That requires a little bit of effort but not that much. Use a condom always, have a spare punting phone, erase browser memory, have a ready explanation in case you're spotted in a part of town you're not expected to be in, etc etc. Stick to that, and your chances of getting caught out will be as close to nil as makes no difference.

More general guilt can be challenged by asking yourself what damage your behaviour is doing. One could argue that by managing your sexual needs by going to a paid professional, you're doing yourself (and missus) a favour. The alternative is an affair, which would be a lot messier.

[pokenn]

I long ago threw away feelings of guilt, it was affecting my punting fun. I accepted the fact i am a selfish cheat and indulged. I punt for the sex, but i also want to love and be loved so also desire relationships, a case of having my cake and eating it.

Pretty much sums it up for me too.

[CBPaul]

I long ago threw away feelings of guilt, it was affecting my punting fun. I accepted the fact i am a selfish cheat and indulged. I punt for the sex, but i also want to love and be loved so also desire relationships, a case of having my cake and eating it.

Perfect.

I retired myself from punting when I got married. After the first punt when I came out of my self imposed retirement I felt terribly guilty for a day or two and when I realised I'd got away with it I went back for more, the feeling of guilt disappeared long ago, to be replace by feelings of dread and fear of being caught out.

It's easy to say that I punt because I don't get enough at home. That may be a driving force, but I punt because I can and have the desire to fuck as many different girls as possible who satisfy the type I want to fuck on any given day. Amoral bastard that I am.

[jcdmj12]

Perfect.

I retired myself from punting when I got married. After the first punt when I came out of my self imposed retirement I felt terribly guilty for a day or two and when I realised I'd got away with it I went back for more, the feeling of guilt disappeared long ago, to be replace by feelings of dread and fear of being caught out.

It's easy to say that I punt because I don't get enough at home. That may be a driving force, but I punt because I can and have the desire to fuck as many different girls as possible who satisfy the type I want to fuck on any given day. Amoral bastard that I am.

"my moral standing is lying down"   

[Rochdull lad]

As a single bloke, there's no need for me to worry about the sort of guilt many of you have already discussed.  I wondered, however, if I could broaden out the discussion because this thread got me thinking about a different kind of guilt, which on reflection I never remember suffering from, either.

From things which various members have posted on here in the past, I know that I'm far from being the only lapsed RC on the Board.  When my punting career began almost 10 years ago, I'd long since stopped believing any of the stuff they peddle; but I've never had the least qualm of guilt which I might have expected if the old saying [by the founder of the Jesuits, if I remember rightly]:"Give me the boy to the age of 7 and I'll give you the man." were true.

Rather than feeling guilt about committing a mortal sin , I'm just grateful that there are girls available for me to shag at a reasonable price.

And I bet I'm far from being the only lapsed RC to feel like that every time he hands his money over.  Aren't I?

[smiths]

As a single bloke, there's no need for me to worry about the sort of guilt many of you have already discussed.  I wondered, however, if I could broaden out the discussion because this thread got me thinking about a different kind of guilt, which on reflection I never remember suffering from, either.

From things which various members have posted on here in the past, I know that I'm far from being the only lapsed RC on the Board.  When my punting career began almost 10 years ago, I'd long since stopped believing any of the stuff they peddle; but I've never had the least qualm of guilt which I might have expected if the old saying [by the founder of the Jesuits, if I remember rightly]:"Give me the boy to the age of 7 and I'll give you the man." were true.

Rather than feeling guilt about committing a mortal sin , I'm just grateful that there are girls available for me to shag at a reasonable price.

And I bet I'm far from being the only lapsed RC to feel like that every time he hands his money over.  Aren't I?

My view on religion is its a fairy story used as a control tool throughout history which has resulted in untold suffering and misery through wars. However, if religion gives a person comfort good for them.

[Curious6705]

As a single bloke, there's no need for me to worry about the sort of guilt many of you have already discussed.  I wondered, however, if I could broaden out the discussion because this thread got me thinking about a different kind of guilt, which on reflection I never remember suffering from, either.

From things which various members have posted on here in the past, I know that I'm far from being the only lapsed RC on the Board.  When my punting career began almost 10 years ago, I'd long since stopped believing any of the stuff they peddle; but I've never had the least qualm of guilt which I might have expected if the old saying [by the founder of the Jesuits, if I remember rightly]:"Give me the boy to the age of 7 and I'll give you the man." were true.

Rather than feeling guilt about committing a mortal sin , I'm just grateful that there are girls available for me to shag at a reasonable price.

And I bet I'm far from being the only lapsed RC to feel like that every time he hands his money over.  Aren't I?

I think the RC church is something of a busted flush when it comes to sexual morality after all of those paedo scandals! 

[Boundless]

I'm a selfish, cheating, lying cunt. It used to bother me in the early days, but I'm ok with that now. It's who I am.

Love it!!
I wudn't say you're a cunt.   

[Siadwel]

I always felt more guilty about spending the money on something/someone other than my family.

Separated now, kids grown up, so no more guilt there.

[webpunter]

No Link--- Overall it was Negative - Bareback was offered but declined and she also spent around twenty minutes on the phone to her brother (pimp/boyfriend/other geezers) over the afternoon answering a number of texts and calls. Also she touted herself by sending me a text today saying she was free on Thursday evening

Got to be up there for "post of the month".  Such simplicity & bringing it back into UKP speak

Guilt isn't black or white - but shades of grey.  And different shades for different people
IMO feelings of guilt will be much better being replaced with thinking about how not to get caught by the OH

If feeling guilty then maybe a good idea to think about the final period of time before you shoot your load
With loads of edging then this can last quite a long period of time.  Awesome when it takes up 50%+ of the duration of the punt
When if ever is this likely to happen with the OH ?
The guilt feelings soon evaporate or pretty much all but so !

[akauya]

I never felt guilty. Initially I felt angry and frustrated that Mrs A, by refusing sex, drove me to become a cheating, pervy scumbag. Actually I think I went a bit overboard really. I always punted since my teens but stopped whenever I was involved in a "meaningful" relationshit. When I got married it was all great initially until we got kids. Then it all dried up and that was that. So I got lovers, loads of them. At one point I had three going at the same time - not advisable, it costs too much and takes it out on you; three women demanding attention from you (four if you count the wife) is maddening; although it's great for the ego.

Then I got into swinging big time. I really did enjoy swinging, some of the best sex I had was with filthy swingers. However, with hindsight I now realise that all that time I was secretly and foolishly wishing to be "found out" all my philandering was just my way of getting back at her. When she did find out it took me aback how upset and hurt she was. I really didn't think she would take it that badly. So I stopped fooling about with lovers and swingers, with the exception of a fuckbuddy, they just take way too much time and effort, so back into punting. It's easier to hide an hour or two during the day for a punt rather than hours and hours fooling about with lovers.

After all that I realised that apart from sex, Mrs A is a very good woman and an amazing mother for my kids and despite her being an annoying silly cow at times I do love her. Also she really is a bit of a saint for putting up with me. I can be a cantankerous old bastard and very difficult to live with, so she gets brownie points for that. But on the whole, I don't fell guilty. Things are just the way they are, I have a great relationship with Mrs A and it's only sex that's missing so I punt. No guilt.

[Rochdull lad]

I never felt guilty. Initially I felt angry and frustrated that Mrs A, by refusing sex, drove me to become a cheating, pervy scumbag. Actually I think I went a bit overboard really. I always punted since my teens but stopped whenever I was involved in a "meaningful" relationshit.

Freudian slip at the end of that sentence, a?!

[akauya]

Freudian slip at the end of that sentence, a?!

Not really RL. I intentionally added the 't' - have done it before. Because, sadly, that's how they feel sometimes don't they.

[Rochdull lad]

Not really RL. I intentionally added the 't' - have done it before. Because, sadly, that's how they feel sometimes don't they.

Too subtle for me, then, akauya.     Yep; I guess loads of relationships become relationshits.

That thought ties in with something that went through my mind earlier tonight.  There's an item in the Manchester Evening News tonight tied in with the drama series beginning on BBC1 @ 9.00 pm about the IRA bomb going off in the city 18 years ago.  Some photos were taken just after the bomb had gone off in the city centre; one was of a just-married couple running away from the Register Office with the little bridesmaid.

The woman is interviewed in tonight's paper and she said that the marriage only lasted 6 months; "I think the bomb was a warning; we shouldn't have got married", she says in tonight's paper.

Sorry for going off-topic.

[Stoking]

I have "always" seen sexual and personal relationships as separate.

Even before I started punting I had sex with many girls with no intention of a personal relationship.

Problem is only while a fair few girls believe in the same concept, only less than 1% would actually be fine with you shagging someone else while your in a personal relationship with them.... especially if they're not present!

It's not even like I have a bad sexual life with my other half, it's simply when I have some spare cash and want something different I will go for a punt. I might feel bad next time I see her, not because of what I've done, more to do with I'd feel bad for the upset she would experience if she found out.... and the possibility of dealing with her nagging.... which no matter what any guy will tell you is the main issue (after friends and family finding out and loosing kids).

[JV547845]

As a single bloke, there's no need for me to worry about the sort of guilt many of you have already discussed.  I wondered, however, if I could broaden out the discussion because this thread got me thinking about a different kind of guilt,

I'm single and was worried about about guilt too before I started punting.  Turned out I was worrying over nothing.  I've had a couple of weird punts where the SP's not been comfortable with GFE stuff or wants it rough (and even then they decided to get in this game, nothing's stopping them from learning to budget, becoming thrifty and trying to find a civvie job or sign on (if they're not EE)). 

With most of my punts if I'm enjoying myself and she's enjoying herself and we're playing safe then what does it matter if I paid them if I can afford it?  I'm guessing online dating sites don't have very many good looking girls in my area who take it up the arse, do OWO and facials so I'm very glad to be single at the moment.

[Horizontal pleasures]

"my moral standing is lying down"   

yes indeed