My ex-wife pulled the "if you want to see the children, then pay up" stunt on me when we divorced; having been totally humiliated by my own stupidity at the end of my marriage (ie caught out punting as I have recently posted) I really had no option but to put up and shut up, so I took it all on the chin.
It's dawned on me over the years that during the 10 years I was with my ex if i am super generous then maybe we had sex 1,000 times (probably 90% of which was in the first 3-years); if I'd paid for 1,000 hours with even some of the top-priced WG's in London then it would still only equate to a drop in the ocean of the cost of the divorce........
But, the irony was that once my children became adults they moved in with me; for me then having them in my life was worht countless times more than "just money" to pay the ex off in the divorce.
Conclusion then; marriage can be hideously expensive IF it doesn't work, but for me it was worth it to have the children.
As I don't wish to have further children, then my desire for a further relationship is zero; does it bother me that one day I'll be incapable of punting, stuck on my own blad-de-blah? For a nano-second, yes, but then I'd rather be old and lonely than old and trapped with someone i don't want to be with......
Obviously reading this my experience is unusual, As a single fella i have always rented a small pad and spent everything on enjoying life, cars, holidays, punts, short relationships, booze, all the normal things. Both my wives pushed me to buy property, contributed by working hard, and i came out with a big lump i would not have had if i was single.
Both times they moved out and in the second case i am still living in the marital home, will be sorted soon though i expect, i really cannot have any complaint as it was my playing away that caused the problems. Second punting had a lot to do with it, not with the same vindictive result thankfully.
As for my son from first marriage, she knew i really enjoyed my weekends and was happy to hand him over thinking it would ruin my weekend, she went on to have 2 more quite quickly and i would often have them and cousins during school holidays and weekends, either baby sitting or taking them out. Was easier as they kept themselves amused playing in a group.
I think it is very easy to see negatives in any break up, as you have pointed out there is always some positives if you want to see them. I am still friends with both wives and all the children, even those not mine, the parents of both wives as well as siblings.Often stay with some of them on my work travels.They come to my Son and i when they need new wheels.
It beggars the question of our attitude towards a break up, of course your vindictive break up changes things, but if you hold your hands up and except most of the fault when it is your fault and avoid anger towards your partner it does not have to be quite so terrible. No point trying to fix something beyond repair.
I can honestly say,even though the first left for a fella i knew and i gave her plenty of reasons to do so, there is no resentment at all on my part and i look back as it being part of my life story not count the cost. You can,t take money with you to the grave and both those big white weddings, the second lasted over a week and took in two countries, i was not counting the cost but the 35k put aside was not enough, were worth every penny if only for the great parties with great friends.
Would i do it again? Yes Probably, maybe not with the big white do, but if i met the right women and now being older,wiser, and not so much the player yes i would.
