"Wish I'd known that......."

[Mr lovepants]

I always make as much time between initial contact and meet so i can get there early and suss out parking etc then drive away and come back later for the punt.
If they say you can park on the drive way.
Don't.
Just carry you cash plus a little bit more for extras and your phone.
Normally wear a watch for time keeping.

[Fugly]

Just spotted this thread. Good drills BLC; thanks for starting it.

Few points to add:

Two cars on my drive.  One has satnav which when interrogated by hostile forces (Mrs Fugly) will tell you where the car's been even if you didn't use the satnav for your journey, one is a small, cheap car for teens/wife to use locally. I take the small car punting - no one knows where its been.  I concur on pre-punt recce using Google Maps btw; never park where you pork.

Like many of our brotherhood I carry only cash and no ID.  When travelling around in London by tube I don't use swipe in/out with bank cards or Oyster; they're trackable.  I use the good old-fashioned machine-issued travelcard bought with cash. No one can tell where you've been.

Never tell anyone about your hobby, however much you think you can trust 'em.  Never identify yourself on here or any other forum.  Very few friendships last forever and people are judgemental/vindictive about whoring.

Never leave this site or the purple one open on your browser if you walk away from the machine (even if only for a second).  Eventually you'll forget/get distracted, leave the site open and get pinged by the Mrs/kids/in-laws/Bishop of Ramsgate

This last one's a personal foible, but my whoring-related admin is generally carried out over onion browser; always some cunt watching in this sceptred Isle

Happy punting chaps 

[Bum Lovin Criminal]

Just spotted this thread. Good drills BLC; thanks for starting it.

Few points to add:

Two cars on my drive.  One has satnav which when interrogated by hostile forces (Mrs Fugly) will tell you where the car's been even if you didn't use the satnav for your journey, one is a small, cheap car for teens/wife to use locally. I take the small car punting - no one knows where its been.  I concur on pre-punt recce using Google Maps btw; never park where you pork.

Like many of our brotherhood I carry only cash and no ID.  When travelling around in London by tube I don't use swipe in/out with bank cards or Oyster; they're trackable.  I use the good old-fashioned machine-issued travelcard bought with cash. No one can tell where you've been.

Never tell anyone about your hobby, however much you think you can trust 'em.  Never identify yourself on here or any other forum.  Very few friendships last forever and people are judgemental/vindictive about whoring.

Never leave this site or the purple one open on your browser if you walk away from the machine (even if only for a second).  Eventually you'll forget/get distracted, leave the site open and get pinged by the Mrs/kids/in-laws/Bishop of Ramsgate

This last one's a personal foible, but my whoring-related admin is generally carried out over onion browser; always some cunt watching in this sceptred Isle

Happy punting chaps 

I would absolutely love to have a punting buddy but I know that like you said, allegiancies change as do friendships and relationships that could take

pleasure in dropping your arse in the grinder for fun/revenge.

Damn good tip...TELL NO-ONE.... just the lads on here..

[Marmalade]

I thought this one was excellent.

*  If poss, have a tiny bottle/packet of your usual shower gel if showering at her gaff and wet wipes in the car.  Wives/girlfriends are like 'Columbo' when it comes to shit like that.

A person smells different after sex. I think it’s due to changes in pH levels.
I quite enjoy the smell but then you need to get the smell off, so “usual toiletries” are a must to meet and greet an o/h afterwards.

It’s also possible, though I think slightly less obvious, to tell if someone is freshly showered. So you want to drive around a bit, go to the gym or do some shopping or something.

I largely agree with the clothing comment though it depends on circumstances. Stuff that’s easy-on easy-off is nice, stuff with zip pockets is desirable. Old worn clothes tend to have a smell of their own and less noticeable for marks, whereas a freshly-ironed white shirt more easily catches the slightest bit of shit. The less clothes the better. Personal preference. No need to get hyper over it though.

[Indefatigable]

Am I right in thinking Vivastreet is generally almost always a waste of time? Always false marketing and bait & switch? Any tips to weed out the bullshitters on VS?

[Bum Lovin Criminal]

          ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS Deny any knowledge of UKP if a WG asks if you know about it..

Feint ignorance and ask if it's a site like Viva or Adult and move on..   "Hell hath no fury like a Pro$$ie Negatived..Scorned". .

[Atrueyorkie]

          ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS Deny any knowledge of UKP if a WG asks if you know about it..

Feint ignorance and ask if it's a site like Viva or Adult and move on..   "Hell hath no fury like a Pro$$ie Negatived..Scorned". .

What’s….. a UKP? 

[Bum Lovin Criminal]

Am I right in thinking Vivastreet is generally almost always a waste of time? Always false marketing and bait & switch? Any tips to weed out the bullshitters on VS?

There's no 100% foolproof way but a few tips are:

Always right click mouse on the image, use Tinyeye or some other tool to check photos that look TGTBT.

All boxes ticked? No face pics/blocked by phone? Profiles with just Bum and Tits? Tattoos in some pics but not others? Town, city location not matching?.

Avoid profiles asking for deposits/bank transfers, miserable smacked arse faces, rates too good/low for a hot babe profile,

Phone the girl, ask questions and ask if she's the girl in the ad, say you'll walk if not.  A lot can be learned from a casual chat.   

Finally, check for reviews on here..lots of reviews have photos,  That's what Uncle UKP is for..

[Bum Lovin Criminal]

What’s….. a UKP? 

Good Lad..

[Dr Talueng]

What’s….. a UKP? 

I think it's a site for UK plumbers ...

[Tender.french.kiss]

I think it's a site for UK plumbers ...

Really? I thought it was Plasterers!

[scutty brown]

What’s….. a UKP? 

a club for failed politicians with a spelling problem

[Bum Lovin Criminal]

As if this hobby wasn’t risky enough, Punters should also avoid that other disease, EAS,  (Emotional Attachment Syndrome).

Very easy to contract usually by believing a hot SP’s hype and patter, (something she probably says to 8+ different punters a day.  If left untreated can

swiftly travel to the brain and lead to mentally irrational decisions, neglect of work and social commitments and a rapid depletion of funds.  Fortunately it’s

easily treatable with a bite from a 'reality' sandwich..ie, asking said SP for a free shag..

[simon07]

I mean Nina Hartley
External Link/Members Only

Heck - I learnt a lot from this.
Not sure how many WG allow finger inside like Nina does.
Sunny Lane is hot 

[big-al93]

Heck - I learnt a lot from this.
Not sure how many WG allow finger inside like Nina does.
Sunny Lane is hot 

That kind of depends on the type of WG you book, often not available from Roms or Asian. But then RO is often not on the menu with those either. If the WG allows RO, once you get down there get started and asks if she likes a finger inside, most say yes (even some who do not have fingering on their likes list), Start with one then depending on the size of your hand she can tell you if she wants more or you can ask her totell you if she wants another. I have quite big fingers so never use more than 2 unless the WG specifically asks for more.

[Home Alone]

That kind of depends on the type of WG you book, often not available from Roms or Asian. But then RO is often not on the menu with those either. If the WG allows RO, once you get down there get started and asks if she likes a finger inside, most say yes (even some who do not have fingering on their likes list), Start with one then depending on the size of your hand she can tell you if she wants more or you can ask her totell you if she wants another.I have quite big fingers so never use more than 2 unless the WG specifically asks for more.

One of the - few - good things about being A. Shortarse-Punter is that my hands and fingers are in proportion to my my general build. Which goes quite a way to explaining why RO's one of my favourite parts of a punt!

[big-al93]

One of the - few - good things about being A. Shortarse-Punter is that my hands and fingers are in proportion to my my general build. Which goes quite a way to explaining why RO's one of my favourite parts of a punt!

]

My favourite too . Not that uncommon for me to not get around to penetrative sex, just spend the whole booking on mutual oral. Only occasionally do I regret that later, but as long as I enjoyed the punt, I can always return for sex.

[samanderson]

Having multiple user profiles on phone.

Most of the android phones supports multi user profile. Don't know about iPhones though. Having a secondary login to phone with isolated apps takes away the worry when the missus want to use the phone. With one click the secondary login will be wiped clean.

Sorry if someone explained this earlier.

External Link/Members Only

[jimbobted]

          ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS Deny any knowledge of UKP if a WG asks if you know about it..

Feint ignorance and ask if it's a site like Viva or Adult and move on..   "Hell hath no fury like a Pro$$ie Negatived..Scorned". .

A WG asked me if I knew of UKP once. She seemed curious rather than accusatory so I said "Yeah, that's how I found your profile, someone reviewed you and you sounded great, so here I am". She went "Ooh, I have a review do I? Well let's see if I love up to it". She did!
But I never broach the subject unless asked. Usually I'll say"Oh I've heard of it but don't use it".

[summernirvana]

This thread is the most pertinent I found that's related to punting tips that's reasonably recent. I hope it's OK.

Could anybody more educated on the subject enlighten me if my practice is correct?

In terms of shaving and grooming, I like to shave - my dick and balls really - 1 day prior to a punt because I assume, even if you do not nick yourself, the very act of shaving (with a razor) causes micro lesions which would then theoretically make one more susceptible to catching something.

And if you do nick yourself, punting with a recent wound is probably not wise, I assume?

Is there anything to this assumption at all?

And if I obviously let the hair down there grow for too long, 2 days prior to a punt I'll use a body trimmer to trim it down (so it's easier on the razor), shave the next day, and punt on the following day.

I don't punt much (costly), but that's more or less my grooming ritual that I've developed myself. I wonder if people do more or less of the same. Thx.

[jimbobted]

This thread is the most pertinent I found that's related to punting tips that's reasonably recent. I hope it's OK.

Could anybody more educated on the subject enlighten me if my practice is correct?

In terms of shaving and grooming, I like to shave - my dick and balls really - 1 day prior to a punt because I assume, even if you do not nick yourself, the very act of shaving (with a razor) causes micro lesions which would then theoretically make one more susceptible to catching something.

And if you do nick yourself, punting with a recent wound is probably not wise, I assume?

Is there anything to this assumption at all?

And if I obviously let the hair down there grow for too long, 2 days prior to a punt I'll use a body trimmer to trim it down (so it's easier on the razor), shave the next day, and punt on the following day.

I don't punt much (costly), but that's more or less my grooming ritual that I've developed myself. I wonder if people do more or less of the same. Thx.

I'm really hairy all over my body. The only body hair I shave is the pubes that grow on the shaft of my dick, and even that's only if I can be arsed/remember. Everything else I allow to run wild. No WG had ever mentioned it, some profess to prefer it. I offered to trim/shave for a girlfriend once and she didn't want me to,.said she preferred hairy.

[Jumping Jack Flash]

This thread is the most pertinent I found that's related to punting tips that's reasonably recent. I hope it's OK.

Could anybody more educated on the subject enlighten me if my practice is correct?

In terms of shaving and grooming, I like to shave - my dick and balls really - 1 day prior to a punt because I assume, even if you do not nick yourself, the very act of shaving (with a razor) causes micro lesions which would then theoretically make one more susceptible to catching something.

And if you do nick yourself, punting with a recent wound is probably not wise, I assume?

Is there anything to this assumption at all?

And if I obviously let the hair down there grow for too long, 2 days prior to a punt I'll use a body trimmer to trim it down (so it's easier on the razor), shave the next day, and punt on the following day.

I don't punt much (costly), but that's more or less my grooming ritual that I've developed myself. I wonder if people do more or less of the same. Thx.

I think you’re overthinking it.

[summernirvana]

I think some girls like or prefer hairy - but I suppose that's more for relationships and not punting. I think most WGs prefer clients clean shaven.

Then again I love my balls sucked and licked - if one is not into that, then hairy is probably fine.

-

And yes, I obviously am haha.

[Jeffe]

This thread is the most pertinent I found that's related to punting tips that's reasonably recent. I hope it's OK.

Could anybody more educated on the subject enlighten me if my practice is correct?

In terms of shaving and grooming, I like to shave - my dick and balls really - 1 day prior to a punt because I assume, even if you do not nick yourself, the very act of shaving (with a razor) causes micro lesions which would then theoretically make one more susceptible to catching something.

And if you do nick yourself, punting with a recent wound is probably not wise, I assume?

Is there anything to this assumption at all?

And if I obviously let the hair down there grow for too long, 2 days prior to a punt I'll use a body trimmer to trim it down (so it's easier on the razor), shave the next day, and punt on the following day.

I don't punt much (costly), but that's more or less my grooming ritual that I've developed myself. I wonder if people do more or less of the same. Thx.

Yep I follow a similar pattern, sometimes 2 days before as don’t want any recent nicks affecting things

[norwichfunseeker]

Nair hair removal cream is good, couple of quick from savers, does the job and no nicks etc.

Kudos to the previous ukp member who mentioned it before and put me onto it.

[jimbobted]

I think some girls like or prefer hairy - but I suppose that's more for relationships and not punting. I think most WGs prefer clients clean shaven.

Then again I love my balls sucked and licked - if one is not into that, then hairy is probably fine.

-

And yes, I obviously am haha.

Never had an issue getting my balls sucked. In fact I offered to shave them with a regular and she said "No, please don't"!

[big-al93]

Nair hair removal cream is good, couple of quick from savers, does the job and no nicks etc.

Kudos to the previous ukp member who mentioned it before and put me onto it.

I tried this and it's pretty good, although a prefer to use it a day or 2 before a punt, as it can leave the skin a little sensitive, for me it needs to be on the full 10 mins (says on box 5-10). I get it from poundland as it's either £1 or £1.50. The ones specially for men are more like £10.

[norwichfunseeker]

I tried this and it's pretty good, although a prefer to use it a day or 2 before a punt, as it can leave the skin a little sensitive, for me it needs to be on the full 10 mins (says on box 5-10). I get it from poundland as it's either £1 or £1.50. The ones specially for men are more like £10.

Poundland didn't have any when I went and some one suggested savers.
Yes it can take a couple of applications, and a good shower down afterwards, but with semi regular applications it does the job very well.
There are different versions available,  sensitive skin, armpits, bikini area etc. Not sure of the difference in product but given where it was going I got the sensitive one!

Crazy isn't it women's razors cost more than mens, but mens hair removal cream more than womens!

[HornyHemel]

Poundland didn't have any when I went and some one suggested savers.
Yes it can take a couple of applications, and a good shower down afterwards, but with semi regular applications it does the job very well.
There are different versions available,  sensitive skin, armpits, bikini area etc. Not sure of the difference in product but given where it was going I got the sensitive one!

Crazy isn't it women's razors cost more than mens, but mens hair removal cream more than womens!

I've used Woo Woo (bought from Superdrug) removal cream in the past and it was excellent as long as you don't leave it on for more than 5 mins!!   Left my sack and crack smooth and hair free for ages!

[snoopy]

I try to crack one out on the day or a few hours before I want to punt and reassess if I really want to still punt with whoever I've got my eye on.  It's helped me a few times avoid a bit of a drive and saved money.

Yeah, just had a wank and the urge has gone completely.

[Thephoenix]

Never had an issue getting my balls sucked. In fact I offered to shave them with a regular and she said "No, please don't"!

Your bollocks don't look as nice as you age.
Wrinkly, dangling balls need to be hidden with as much hair as possible.


Hidden Image/Members Only

[Bopcrown]

  I have a cover story for vists all ways I have a Walter Mitty sort of split persona. I work in property refits an invisible sort of trade and I use the trades within this area to mantain a beliveable but easy to repeat story, Tempory office site covering work in area ect Ive got it of to pat now some regulars have ask me if I could reccomend tradesmen ( Ive felt this is a guies to know more about me FFS Why?)
Burner phone as I said before and the reason for having if found....easy one of lads on site left so am hanging on to it ...this often happenns as we dont allow phones on working sites  thats the reason its a cheap one    And lastly dont mix ED drugs (as I did and scared myself    ) to become Superman just just one to be Iron Man

Problem is is my punting persona got to convincing, and I got a job in the industry.
Now Punting me is a courier for Hermes.

[norwichfunseeker]

Problem is is my punting persona got to convincing, and I got a job in the industry.
Now Punting me is a courier for Hermes.

Would the girls you visit confirm you deliver!
I'll get my coat.

[Doc Holliday]

I don't think I read this thread first time around only after it has recently been bumped. There is much good advice but the 'alphabet' cunnilingus technique is bollocks 

[WelshClipper]

I have always considered myself to have a pretty good technique. I could also be deluded.

I was thinking of trying the alphabet technique but considering I have a grandson at that magic age, the temptation to sing the tune as my tongue swirls might be one step beyond don't you think. 

[Doc Holliday]

I was thinking of trying the alphabet technique but considering I have a grandson at that magic age, the temptation to sing the tune as my tongue swirls might be one step beyond don't you think. 

  Singing the song may actually be as effective 

[Southernbloke]

I have always considered myself to have a pretty good technique. I could also be deluded.

I was thinking of trying the alphabet technique but considering I have a grandson at that magic age, the temptation to sing the tune as my tongue swirls might be one step beyond don't you think. 

That could possibly ruin the mood 😆
Bloody funny though

[bops909]

No-one has said it yet....

If you're visiting someone new, always go in ready to walk out if they don't live up to the profile.

Doesn't matter how sure you think you are from your research beforehand.

Have an excuse ready (I've left the money in the car) or be prepared to front it out and leave if they're not who they say they are.

[alabama1]

No-one has said it yet....

If you're visiting someone new, always go in ready to walk out if they don't live up to the profile.

Doesn't matter how sure you think you are from your research beforehand.

Have an excuse ready (I've left the money in the car) or be prepared to front it out and leave if they're not who they say they are.

I can't understand why anyone would use that as an excuse, it's just cringy. The WG won't believe it, and you are just making excuses for her, instead of growing a pair and saying ' Look, this pic on my phone isn't you, goodbye ! They can't argue with that .

[Southernbloke]

I can't understand why anyone would use that as an excuse, it's just cringy. The WG won't believe it, and you are just making excuses for her, instead of growing a pair and saying ' Look, this pic on my phone isn't you, goodbye ! They can't argue with that .

Couldn’t have said it better myself .

[Thephoenix]

I can't understand why anyone would use that as an excuse, it's just cringy. The WG won't believe it, and you are just making excuses for her, instead of growing a pair and saying ' Look, this pic on my phone isn't you, goodbye ! They can't argue with that .

I prefer being cringy to being confrontational.

[big-al93]

I prefer being cringy to being confrontational.

Maybe if you feel unsafe, otherwise being honest (not necessarily confrontational) at least lets them know the true reason you are leaving. If they don;t know they can't change it.

[MissWolf]

Maybe if you feel unsafe, otherwise being honest (not necessarily confrontational) at least lets them know the true reason you are leaving. If they don;t know they can't change it.

This 100%

Please be honest with us, we can spot an excuse a country mile away and it's quite disrespectful or at least I find it so, I'm all grown up, i know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, we must have had decent comms to get to the arrival point so if a client not feeling it then I'd like to know what has put them off so I can try and address the issue in the future.

As you say no need to be rude or confrontational just be polite

[alabama1]

I prefer being cringy to being confrontational.

It's being honest, not confrontational. You don't have to wait and listen to her excuse/explanation. Simply tell her the reason why you are leaving, then walk out. No drama required. What possible comeback could she have ?

[Crockers]

I've only ever walked out once. See my review below.

I didn't tell the truth as we both knew  the real reason why I walked. No way did her pics match her looks.

I was polite.

I did feel sorry for her.

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=296711.0

[willie loman]

work out how to use viagra to enjoy max benefits, work out what time of day is best for you, always arrive a wee bit early, make sure there are nearby toilets , in case, not doing a no 2 any day soon in a girls flat, not even too happy about it in a sauna, bring your own lube, condoms, a trip to the gym or swimming pool beforehand seems to help the blood flow, cut your nails, not forgetting your toes, girls notice, if off grid have a reason .

[Doc Holliday]

Please be honest with us, we can spot an excuse a country mile away and it's quite disrespectful or at least I find it so, I'm all grown up, i know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, we must have had decent comms to get to the arrival point so if a client not feeling it then I'd like to know what has put them off so I can try and address the issue in the future.

As you say no need to be rude or confrontational just be polite

You are of course right and 'the wallet in the car' is feeble, but it isn't always that easy as the reaction may not be how I am sure you would react.

I once did a walk in at a 'regular haunt' parlour following a quick phone call telling me of a new to the scene girl who had only just started that day.
Duly arrived and the receptionist (who was not one of the usual ones), showed me upstairs and the girl appeared from the bedroom doorway. I instantly recognised her as someone who I had seen the week before elsewhere and it had been a shocker ... so much so that she was given the boot by the owner.

She of course also recognised me and sheepishly retreated back towards the bedroom. I politely apologised to the receptionist, saying I would prefer not to book her. All hell broke out.
"What do you mean? Why not? Look at her she is gorgeous".

I replied saying that the SP might explain to her why and the girl agreed and said it was fine just let him leave. But the receptionist wouldn't have it and continued with the abuse as I walked down stairs to exit. "Don't bother coming here again you walk in wanker" etc

None of it bothered me, but could have been very intimidating for others.

[Crunchie]

A fair number of summers ago I got my sack and crack smoother than my chin after a great deal of effort, first sitting backwards on the toilet with a beard trimmer, then shaving in the shower.  Right chuffed with the result I was.

Then I went for a drive, and it seemed like my bollocks went for a wander too, right underneath my thigh, stuck like a gooden. I was twisting and turning, got my hand right down there and tried to ease the offending bollock out from under my leg but it was like damp silicon on glass sticking to anything and everything. The only respite from the sticky playdo that were my bollocks was making sure I made a neat cup in my cotton boxers to nestle the crown jewels in before I drove off.  This added at least another 5 mins to my journey.

Never again the perilous shave, neat trim with the beard trimmer ever since 

[Thephoenix]

This 100%

Please be honest with us, we can spot an excuse a country mile away and it's quite disrespectful or at least I find it so, I'm all grown up, i know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, we must have had decent comms to get to the arrival point so if a client not feeling it then I'd like to know what has put them off so I can try and address the issue in the future.

As you say no need to be rude or confrontational just be polite

In an ideal world your right, but I can think of a few occasions in my 30/40 years of punting when the wallet in the car and swift exit were more prudent.

[jimbobted]

This 100%

Please be honest with us, we can spot an excuse a country mile away and it's quite disrespectful or at least I find it so, I'm all grown up, i know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, we must have had decent comms to get to the arrival point so if a client not feeling it then I'd like to know what has put them off so I can try and address the issue in the future.

As you say no need to be rude or confrontational just be polite

Absolutely.
I have walked a couple of times. I just say "Sorry but I'm not feeling it". The girl has always been understanding, if a little disappointed but it's always resulted in a respectful chat and an assurance that it's nothing specific, just not my type. Sometimes it's a looks thing but more usually personality/demeanor/x factor.

But then I'm always very careful not to punt girls who may have a Sergei with a baseball bat waiting in the next room.