vomit corner -- oily review cliches

[Rockhead]

This comes from a recent review of one of my favourite girls - Sofia, but it made me groan for all the wrong reasons. It included these gems:

"Treat her well (an introductory gift is always a good idea) and you will be rewarded. She really appreciates being treated well in every sense"
Oh FFS! She's lovely, but fuck off!

"Her chocolate soft skin is so creamy and silky it feels like satin and running your fingers across it is just sheer pleasure"
Like shopping for a new duvet cover...

"I had two hours of absolute rapture with the lovely Sofia...her genuine moans and shudders were enough to make any man explode as my cock thrust into a pussy that was full of sweet melting juices"
'Sweet melting juices' FFS!

"When I was younger I went with many beautiful women, but Sofia is something very special. She is one very classy lady and if you treat her well you will experience a touch of heaven."
That's THREE 'treat her wells'.

Make it stop! Make it stop!

[MilesPrower]

What the fuck do you keep reporting posts to admin for, do you think its a school playground and Admins your mother, you come accross as a total fucking idiot (no offence and all that shit)

Sorry Dad x

[agent47]

Saw these two recently

 ''She touched up her war paint, smoothed out her hair, I had been running my hands thorough it a lot. And off she wafted''

And this

 ''We enjoyed our 'connection' and moved effortlessly between positions. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it was as though we could read each other's mind as to what to do next''. FFS   

[Horizontal pleasures]

I am pleased that I have not detected any quotations from my reviews, treat me well please gentlemen!






OK I shall get my coat..........

[will-ow]

" she loved every second "
" I made her cum x times"

[Ali Katt]

"I didn't want to write a report as I want to keep her to myself"


Shit Jokes - "Only Victoria knows the secret" etc. "I came across her profile, not literally of course".


"So good, I should have paid double"

A variation on treat her well "Don't take the piss or you will have to answer to me" - undercover fluffy.

[Sex Bob-omb]

I am pleased that I have not detected any quotations from my reviews, treat me well please gentlemen!



 


OK I shall get my coat..........

[SamLP]

Usually found in a reply to a review:
"I'm so jealous"
"Lucky fucker"

[will-ow]

I saw this one today:
" I can't wait for her to quit and become my sugar baby"
That poor delusioned fellow..

[Azucar D Artagnan]

''all eyes were upon us, as we entered the Michelin star restaurant'' 

Because everyone knew you were a cunt wasting that money on a Whore ! 

[Ali Katt]

"I wish she was my girlfriend" - creepy

"If Carlsberg did escorts" - if escorts matched Carlsberg - insipid, poor taste and overrated.

"I tasted her sweet honey" - what a load bollocks.

[Zeusthedoc]

"I wish she was my girlfriend" - creepy

"If Carlsberg did escorts" - if escorts matched Carlsberg - insipid, poor taste and overrated.

"I tasted her sweet honey" - what a load bollocks.

Her honey tasted like bollocks?

[Ali Katt]

Her honey tasted like bollocks?

More likely than bee nectar.

[Horizontal pleasures]

Curves in all the right places.

[Marmalade]

Curves in all the right places.

That must be one of your ealier efforts you're quoting?

More recent contributions from HP have been more imaginative. "We did a woof-woof" and "I extracted my drippy umbrella" (yeah I bet your brolly sees some drips!)

Why can't men who like lard tubs just use the word fat in the summary??? If it's not a negative for them at least the word helps those that don't like fatties avoid: and without toiling through paragraphs of hills and soggy dales. Ahhhh

 

[Spartacus123]

She looked up at me and smiled as she devoured my cock - yeah, this happens to me all the time

[Colston36]

She said I was so good she should pay me.

Quite so. Ended up when desperate and stupid with a ghastly fat hag in Bristol  - and she should have. Still quake with shame when I think about it.

[Nagilum]

We looked deeply into each other's eyes and came together 

Now excuse me while I pile drive my a face into wall.

[SunshineBoy]

"She seemed to enjoy our action as much as i did"...

Translation - top actress and thinking of what to buy with the money she just got !

[Horizontal pleasures]

Quote from: Horizontal pleasures on July 26, 2016, 04:45:16 am
Curves in all the right places.

That must be one of your ealier efforts you're quoting?

More recent contributions from HP have been more imaginative. "We did a woof-woof" and "I extracted my drippy umbrella" (yeah I bet your brolly sees some drips!)

Why can't men who like lard tubs just use the word fat in the summary??? If it's not a negative for them at least the word helps those that don't like fatties avoid: and without toiling through paragraphs of hills and soggy dales. Ahhhh

 

'Curves in all the right places' is the prose the ladies use, to describe their 50 inch hips. I have never ever used this phrase.

[Marmalade]

Quote from: Horizontal pleasures on July 26, 2016, 04:45:16 am
Curves in all the right places.

'Curves in all the right places' is the prose the ladies use, to describe their 50 inch hips. I have never ever used this phrase.

I'll take your word for it. One should not underestimate the diligence and skill you use in making fat lardiebums sound attractive. 

[bristolqwerty]

  " truly a gorgeous girl, thanks sweetie " when talking about a Ts escort with a knob and bollocks dangling away  makes me both angry and sick 

[Jim Panzee]

Hidden Image/Members Only

Ooh fuck. wrong thread!

[bristolqwerty]

As our bodies intertwined she made no fuss of my overweight, hairy and moley 50yr body compared to her lithe flawless, 20yo, gym toned chassis.  Our movements became more frenzied as my Viagra kicked in.  We moved as one.  She allowed my love juice to enter her via a condom and for this I will forever be thankful.  We laid there gazing into each others eyes, love-struck until the next I take £120 out of the hole in the wall It didn't feel like a transaction and I genuinely feel she enjoyed it too.
 

[Chuckman]

She looked up at me and smiled as she devoured my cock - yeah, this happens to me all the time

Turns out she's a cannibal.

[Ali Katt]

When she kissed me it felt like she was my girlfriend.

[Marmalade]

Has anyone covered Roma-loverboy reviews?

They usually start, "This girl's Romanian but she's an exception to the rule..."

[Ali Katt]

Has anyone covered Roma-loverboy reviews?

They usually start, "This girl's Romanian but she's an exception to the rule..."

This girl's Romanian but she's an exception to the rule she wasn't using a caravan and didn't try to read me palms.

[bristolqwerty]

It's when her shit hole is described as "the cave of delights" or "chamber of secrets" and the guy was given the keys to enter.

[WeekendSport]

This

External Link/Members Only

[cueball]

It's when her shit hole is described as "the cave of delights" or "chamber of secrets" and the guy was given the keys to enter.

And I thought I were being fluffy calling it her "wrong un" or her "rusty sheriffs badge" 

[bristolqwerty]

 

[Chuckman]

This

External Link/Members Only

One there for Pseuds Corner.

Must be the easiest money Mila has ever earned - sit there for a couple of hours and try not to act too bored while he spouts this dribble.

[Marmalade]

It's when her shit hole is described as "the cave of delights" or "chamber of secrets" and the guy was given the keys to enter.

It's neither unless you are into hard sports 

[bristolqwerty]

It's neither unless you are into hard sports 

Like the "marathon" or "Tour de France" 

[Zeusthedoc]

Like the "marathon" or "Tour de France" 

Are you saying that because I've run marathons I get to shit on WGs? Can I shit in the same girl 3 times or do I need to shit on three different girls? What other sports count?

[bristolqwerty]

Are you saying that because I've run marathons I get to shit on WGs? Can I shit in the same girl 3 times or do I need to shit on three different girls? What other sports count?

hard sports

[NIK]

This

External Link/Members Only

I've seen some fluffy bollocks in my time, but this is up there with the best. It's right up there with 'Cornishman's' reviews that used to be on Northern Angels, which were the benchmark for fluffy cack.
I don't think he shagged her. In fact I don't think he even saw her as he probably doesn't even exist. It just looks like some abstract fluffy bollocks made up by the agency. 

[Nagilum]

I've seen some fluffy bollocks in my time, but this is up there with the best. It's right up there with 'Cornishman's' reviews that used to be on Northern Angels, which were the benchmark for fluffy cack.
I don't think he shagged her. In fact I don't think he even saw her as he probably doesn't even exist. It just looks like some abstract fluffy bollocks made up by the agency. 

"I will see her and only her until she leaves for home finally. Thereafter I shall see no one. I will have no need. Mila, to you I extend a deep, profound and very sincere 'Thank you' "

 

I expect he will chop of his Crown Jewels.

[Colston36]

"I will see her and only her until she leaves for home finally. Thereafter I shall see no one. I will have no need. Mila, to you I extend a deep, profound and very sincere 'Thank you' "

 

I expect he will chop of his Crown Jewels.

Did anyone notice that he writes "in purely metaphysical terms". So either he's marooned way up his own arsehole or the whole load of drivel was made up

[Type_O_Negative]

This

External Link/Members Only

In "good old days" there was a guy here - west8...

[bristolqwerty]

I had a "treat him well girls" feedback on AW recently  fluffy mare 

[ickydicky]

fucken hate it when folk post something and end their post with "just saying" it is infantile and puerile.

[Brazilian Martian]

fucken hate it when folk post something and end their post with "just saying" it is infantile and puerile.

[Horizontal pleasures]

fucken hate it when folk post something and end their post with "just saying" it is infantile and puerile.

which I suppose is what you were just saying.

[yumyum3]

Fuck me, I'm with HP and pleased none of my descriptions have come up 
But just to chip in, I see some fucking members who pay silly prices are sticking the boot in 
And here's one that keeps creeping further and further on to this forum: VFM    You're paying for sex.  It is a very expensive hobby and even if you're paying £60 for half an hour that's much, much more than most ordinary people could dream of earning 
Great thread by the way, Marmalade 

[E.L. Wisty]

Treat her well.

[LL]

I hate it when the term, "creature" is used to describe the prossie, as if she's not from this World. E.g, "I would have given a limb to spend just 5 more minutes holding the hand of this gorgeous creature". Also when the review starts with one sentence in a paragraph on its own in order to set the scene for the inevitable fluff that follows it. E.g...

"Today I met Adele."

...

I think both examples came from memories of reviews by West8. In fact I could write a whole book on review cliches, citing his reviews as examples in all cases.

[shaunogg]

I have one which is petty of me.
'Shes been on my radar for a while'

You have a radar for whores?

Fuck off, what you have is 2 eyes and the ability to be visually stimulated.

[Zeusthedoc]

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=108053.0;topicseen

This whole review belongs here!