New to the scene looking for advice

[pafc1]

I've been reading the forums for some time and I was hoping you might be able to offer some advice/guidance. Long story short my wife and I haven't had sex for almost 2 years. I'm absolutely gasping, but at the same time I really don't want to cheat. And what I mean by cheat is have sex with someone else.
I've been to some strip clubs here and there to try and release the frustration, but in reality they probably only make it worse. I don't think I'm looking for sex at this stage but I'm definitely looking for something more than a strip club. Also I decided that if I was going to go down this route I'd happily pay a bit more money to get someone I found really attractive than settle with something that's not right.
What's the issue? Well I'm finding the request a bit odd. I was messaging well with one of Cardiff's favourites, I won't say who but let's just say she's at the top of a lot of your lists as a great first girl and great girl in general. I was very into her look and comms. The date was set (and to be honest I was shitting myself) and when it got to me saying exactly what I wanted, which wasn't sex, but to watch her/have her tease me and probably finish with at most a handjob/facial she stopped comms and said it wasn't her scene. I guess it could have been anything I said that put her off (I mentioned I was married for instance, is that a mistake?), but it left me asking am I looking in the right place for what I want at this stage and if I am whether there are any specific South Wales girls you think could be good options for me to try who wouldn't balk at me essentially perving on them for the best part of an hour. Oh yeah, in addition, I'd be into using toys and pleasuring her. I'm definitely also looking for the companionship/connection element.
I'm a fairly decent looking guy in his thirties just going through a bad patch and looking to let off some pent up sexual frustration. I don't mind paying for what I want either. I'd rather have one memorable session than 3 or 4 that I end up regretting.
Any and all advice would be hugely appreciated. You seem like a really good bunch and I've enjoyed reading your posts and reviews. This thread might sink without trace, and so be it if it does, but huge thanks to anyone who helps a guy out.
Cheers.

[np500]

If I was you o p, I'd definitely sort my head out first, I don't think I'd go in to this hobby with the conflicting thoughts in your head, this hobby can be a total head fuck at the same time as the best of fun, it's addictive and very expensive, all these things while having guilt over betrayal, infidelity,  the lies, dishonesty etc could drive the most stable of men mad, as with the girls we see and the men we are, you have to have a specific mind set to take this hobby in your stride, if in doubt, leave it out.

[puntingpumping1920]

I'm definitely also looking for the companionship/connection element.

 
My advice is too seek counselling with your wife. This industry is not the best place to seek a connection/ companionship

[Husqvarna360]

Hi Pafc,

I feel for you reading your message, Red has summarised it spot on and I agree with his comments completely and sammy is also spot on.  If I was you I would go down the counselling route which will be the best to improve your marriage and relationship with your wife. 

If you get to a place where you still have an urge to satisfy what you looking for you could create a reverse booking where you enter date, time, duration, incall or outcall, what your prepared to pay and in the comments box enter what your looking for, then girls who are willing to provide the service your looking for can bid and it's your choice to accept one of them or decline.  Maybe that's an option.

Good luck and I hope it turns out well for you.

Cheers

[Mil 34]

It sounds to me like your looking for a special kind of encounter that you could never ask your wife for, there are girls who will give you that and it's better to be upfront with them before you meet.

As red has already said it's probably better to sort out the things with your wife first if possible as this hobby/addiction can be very expensive, also it can be very satisfying if you get the punt that you need. But it will take you a good number of crap punts to find the right one.
When you find what your looking for you won't stop there.

[iverthickone]

Hi mate.

Agree it would be best to try to sort it out, and the comments above.

On a practical level, I would think most girls would be happy to do what you ask though.  Just send a few a message on the aw system, and look at the replies and she which one sounds like they are most genuine about it.

Trouble is, 15 years ago I went in to this in the same way.  I only wanted girls to give me handjobs or blowjobs.  Didn't take that long though before I was having full sex with them.

So do think about it first.

[pafc1]

First up I just wanted to say a massive thanks for your thoughtful and well considered advice. I had no idea if I'd even get a reply, so the fact that you've all been so open about what you think I should do whilst also offering advice should I chose to go forward means a lot. You've all been hugely supportive.

The counselling option sounds pretty boring (and more expensive) compared with what I had in mind, haha. I know you're right though. It's just so hard to think straight sometimes when you haven't had sexual contact, or even some kind of connection for so long. It's like walking around like a teenager again, I'm ruddy rabid. And as for the expense, I know it's a lot but I've blown way more on strip clubs and cam sites (yes, I'm that desperate) in the last two years, and I've just been coming to the conclusion that doing this 2-3 times a year would actually be cheaper and more satisfying. As for connection/companionship what I mean by that is a good GFE. To feel for that hour that I'm chatting to a nice girl, she's engaged and we're enjoying each others company and having fun. I'm in no way looking to strike up any kind of relationship here. In fact, quite the opposite.

Also... I haven't actually given you the full story. About a year ago on a drunken night in Cardiff I went stumbling into every strip club, paying the door fee, then after about ten minutes walking back out unsatisfied. I ended up in the last one on the list and  talking to a nice girl, and I drunkenly explained I just needed more that night. She advised I head up to City Road, I can't remember the name of the place, but I staggered over there, at this point it was about 4 in the morning, and I had what can only be described as the exact opposite of the experience I was hoping for. I was pretty naive to this world back then, I didn't know this site for instance. It was ugly in every sense of the word, but fortunately cost me barely anything, and fortunately I didn't get past the handjob anyway. So whilst this might have served to put me off it actually only made me think that yes, I was satisfied I could put myself into that situation, but the next time I do it I want to try and get it right for me. Which kind of led me here. I've been researching and reading the boards since.

I'll do my best to work on things guys, and thank you for trying to refocus me on that. But I've got to say, when you've been using your hand to 20 months, you've pretty much wrung dry pornography and cams it's fucking difficult when you're looking at girls like Welsh Kandice, Welsh Annabelle and I've got a soft spot for Ashlee at Portfolio too, and thinking that it would be so easy to book an hour with them... well, not that easy because I clearly ballsed up the comms when I tried last time. To go from thinking I had a booking to making a right hash of it in the comms was pretty gutting. I felt like such an amateur... couldn't even book myself an escort, haha.

Again, thanks all. I do genuinely appreciate the time you all took to reply.

[Mil 34]

Well I've seen all three of those escorts you've mentioned and you won't go wrong with either of them if you do go ahead mate. The three of them are really good
All the best

[pafc1]

Thanks Mil. Well I've already cocked it up with one of them. 2 chances left I guess.

[cardiff1]

Dive in the deep end; get a threesome on the go and have the girls play with each other whilst you sit and watch. If you get the urge go over and explode over their faces 

Hope this helps 

[MrMatrix]

If I was you o p, I'd definitely sort my head out first, I don't think I'd go in to this hobby with the conflicting thoughts in your head, this hobby can be a total head fuck at the same time as the best of fun, it's addictive and very expensive, all these things while having guilt over betrayal, infidelity,  the lies, dishonesty etc could drive the most stable of men mad, as with the girls we see and the men we are, you have to have a specific mind set to take this hobby in your stride, if in doubt, leave it out.

Hi OP. You are not alone in your problem, I've suffered a lot longer than you before I started punting and all the guilt etc. However Red gives you some sound advice and you should take it for he is spot on with his assessment. Your in your 30's and  have the rest of your life ahead with your OH. Reading between the lines you'd probably prefer to have sex with the OH and before you taste the forbidden fruit I too recommend counselling. Its no where near as expensive as a divorce or getting hooked up on this hobby which is not cheap, and you will in time spend more money on escorts than counselling.  Red is right in saying it can be a total head fuck, as there are many pit falls and you will make mistakes. If you are a family man you really should try counselling first. Out of interest why is your OH like this, do you even know why she is like this?. Best of luck.

[np500]

Cheers Mr M , I speak from the perspective of a man in his early 50's who's wife has not the best of health and stoped the sex 8 years ago, I was faced with never having sex in my life ever again, after much turmoil and fighting with my own demons, I made a decision to take the plunge once to clear my head of the constant sexual urges , every night and day if home banging off to porn, well once the damn has Brocken ! 2 years later approx 60 punts and some 7.5 k down, as I say , it's addictive and expensive, all I can add is , once I'd done one punt , if the o h had found out , no question, devorce , so another one ( hundred ) won't make any difference, blokes mentality !

[HughJardon]

Cheers Mr M , I speak from the perspective of a man in his early 50's who's wife has not the best of health and stoped the sex 8 years ago, I was faced with never having sex in my life ever again, after much turmoil and fighting with my own demons, I made a decision to take the plunge once to clear my head of the constant sexual urges , every night and day if home banging off to porn, well once the damn has Brocken ! 2 years later approx 60 punts and some 7.5 k down, as I say , it's addictive and expensive, all I can add is , once I'd done one punt , if the o h had found out , no question, devorce , so another one ( hundred ) won't make any difference, blokes mentality !

Yes the Double transgression theory,  fucked one girl so may as well go ahead and fuck as many as poss. I understand now why you love a double header 
But OP there's some great advice here,  the counselling isn't that kooky an idea if your wife hasn't given you a taste in over 2 years,  something by the way that blows my mind.
Puntings not for the faint hearted or the guilt ridden,  and because of the nature of this site I say "Go get some"
Enjoy -

[Mil 34]

Thanks Mil. Well I've already cocked it up with one of them. 2 chances left I guess.

Mate we've all struggled with our personal issues before punting, putting myself in your shoes there's no way I could go without sex for the rest of my life if my wife suddenly lost the urge.
I would rather punt than start an affair though.
As everyone else has said though mate this addiction is not cheap, prepare to lie and feel guilty to your wife.
Just one tip, if you can't afford the spare cash don't punt

[pafc1]

Thanks guys. This has really helped to crystalise my thoughts and current predicament. Clearly I'm not in that bad a situation here, and I should be thankful for what I've got, but being horny 24/7 can really cloud your perspective can't it. I'm going to take some time to think things through over Christmas. I've got to do something to switch up from masturbation though. I might pop to Ann Summers and see if the fuss is justified for male masturbators, and dive back into the porn. I'm usually a pretty level headed guy, but I just wander round these days staring at women and fantasising about fucking them. I guess it could be a lot worse than that right.
I'm probably going to an away game in London in early January and a place I've researched (Tantric Massage London) sounds like it gives pretty much the best hand job I could wish for. Lots of edging and teasing and mild submission (a huge fantasy of mine)... and I can almost certainly convince myself it's just a massage... done by two hot, well trained girls who happen to be naked. I'll need to check what the rules are on multiple cumming though as I couldn't come back from the edge of a seat at the moment let alone an orgasm if a hot girl was touching me.
So let's see what happens. Hopefully this will pass, and I think the best point made here is that there's plenty of time. The girls aren't going anywhere. I'm kind of in no doubt that I'll end up using escorts at some point in my life, but if I can hold out longer then all the better, especially at the stage I am in my life now.
I'll keep you posted on progress. Thanks again. I really fucking appreciate all your responses and support.

[Grumpy Pumpy]

OP, you've had (and acknowledged) some cracking advice from some top quality, genuine, posters. 

If you do decide to punt (and in some ways I hope you don't) you'll find this Welsh board a a great source of guidance and support. And you've seen evidence of this already

[MrMatrix]

Thanks guys. This has really helped to crystalise my thoughts and current predicament. Clearly I'm not in that bad a situation here, and I should be thankful for what I've got, but being horny 24/7 can really cloud your perspective can't it. I'm going to take some time to think things through over Christmas. I've got to do something to switch up from masturbation though. I might pop to Ann Summers and see if the fuss is justified for male masturbators, and dive back into the porn. I'm usually a pretty level headed guy, but I just wander round these days staring at women and fantasising about fucking them. I guess it could be a lot worse than that right.
I'm probably going to an away game in London in early January and a place I've researched (Tantric Massage London) sounds like it gives pretty much the best hand job I could wish for. Lots of edging and teasing and mild submission (a huge fantasy of mine)... and I can almost certainly convince myself it's just a massage... done by two hot, well trained girls who happen to be naked. I'll need to check what the rules are on multiple cumming though as I couldn't come back from the edge of a seat at the moment let alone an orgasm if a hot girl was touching me.
So let's see what happens. Hopefully this will pass, and I think the best point made here is that there's plenty of time. The girls aren't going anywhere. I'm kind of in no doubt that I'll end up using escorts at some point in my life, but if I can hold out longer then all the better, especially at the stage I am in my life now.
I'll keep you posted on progress. Thanks again. I really fucking appreciate all your responses and support.

Can you share with us as to why the OH has gone like this. You really need to be looking at a solution for you both- not just you. I went down same steps as you porn, wanking, looking at totty, talking about it, arguments with the OH, more porn etc. Why did my OH tolerate the porn, because it meant she could avoid the issue. So move forward decades and I punt. My first punt was the big hurdle. I knew this was to be the case - it wasn't the best experience and I was shocked that I'd done the deed- but having done it I thought bugger it I'm carrying on. My head was well screwed up for a year or so. If you want to avoid all this shit OP, I really suggest counselling for both of you. Or ask her if you can have a fuck buddy as you cant live like this and see what she says. May just give her an incentive to do something. The other thing is are you sure shes not having an affair herself and she cant two time you with another. You need to find out what her issue is....let us know how it goes.MM

[mrdiamond77]

Well I've seen all three of those escorts you've mentioned and you won't go wrong with either of them if you do go ahead mate. The three of them are really good
All the best

I have seen Kandice and Annabelle and would also recommend them.  Also worth looking at Layla Grace and Mollie Matthews.

[pafc1]

Another weekend over, and another weekend without any sexual contact whatsoever. I'm struggling, to say the very least. It's so hard checking out all these girls and not to just think fuck it, what's the harm, especially after a drink. I've been using cams again, which I enjoy, but just makes me more desperate for actual contact in the longer term I reckon. And I spend most of my alone time cruising escort profiles (not healthy I know) and compiling my favourites.

MrMatrix... I don't want to go too far into it, but it's a number of reasons. We got together a long time ago. I've now been with my wife longer than I haven't. This means our sex life at it's peak isn't even that frequent. I'd say a few years ago, it was absolutely fine. Definitely kept the wolf from the door, but certainly not at it like rabbits. And she's hot, I can honestly say that after all these years I still find her very sexually attractive. Now this isn't going to paint me in a great light, but she got very ill during pregnancy, which changed the nature of our relationship. I essentially took on the role of carer. Since our baby was born we've had so much going on that our own relationship has been very much on the back burner... or no burner at all to be honest. I think we're both aware of the elephant in the room, and it's causing tension and some pretty huge arguments, and just spiralling worse rather than improving. The nature of our relationship changed and then we've suddenly been dealing with something so all consuming that even the possibility of sex seems completely alien. It's been so long now that I can't even see a way back, but obviously reading here I can see that people have had it much worse, and that counselling would definitely help if I can get us there.

So yeah, basically I'm a massive asshole. My wife carried our child, got very ill, and now I'm sat here thinking "I could really do with a shag". But I can't control the way I feel. Fucking testosterone.

[cardiff1]

Okay start off with some massage with a HE; I tried this the other day and was amazing; and its not cheating surely. Give Nicole a try; she is currently off AW as she has gone home for Christmas but only for a week. You will love it I promise.

[HughJardon]

It's either this

Hidden Image/Members Only

Buy one if these - 2 bags though

Hidden Image/Members Only
External Link/Members Only

Or follow this up the stairs

Hidden Image/Members Only

You plight is similar to mine a few years ago.My partner and I decided on mutually separating but my kids are my universe. Won't go into any more details but I'm the happiest I've been for years I needed to find my vitality in life,  and I did.

I think you need to sit down and thrash it out with your wife. Make a decision if that decision is punting we will all guide you to where you need to be- find the right girl-advice on meetings etc

Anyway I wish you all the best

[np500]

Cardiff1 , don't get me wrong, but handing money over in any way, shape or form to a woman that is not the o h for any sexual practice is grounds for devorce behind my door, pacf1 has a lot of stuff he needs to sort out before doing anything, as much as he may want to, best knock one out as often as needs be to deflect the urge, until he sorts him self out, and when that time comes ( if that time comes ) it needs to be planned well in advance , punting in haste is when the mistakes are made. I rushed to get to one the other week and nearly blew it, patients.

[Sticky]

Could alternatively find an Asian masseuse or similar masseuse who can do a proper massage. Get a nice positive out of it by helping work your stresses away, get a nice pair of tits to ogle at if the girl goes topless and can also choose whether or not to get a wank at the end with no coercion or pressure.

[Mil 34]

I think so many of us can relate to how your feeling mate. If you still want to stay married then in my opinion punting if done correctly can improve your mental state.
That's if you stick to a few ground rules.
Never punt if you can't afford it.
Only do it when you really really need to, if you let it take over it will become an addiction.
Use only girls your going to get a real quality service from. A poor punt will only make you have another asap.

A good girl you could start off with would be fleur at portfolio escorts. She's a great little punt.

I think your driving yourself crazy here thinking about it.

[Rhodri Mawr]

The option of a massage and HE may be a way forward for you.  If you can separate it in your head from punting it will help and you have ...in a technicality not committed adultery.  Hope this helps.   It is also cheaper!

[pafc1]

Thanks everyone. Mil, I'm definitely driving myself up the wall with it, sometimes it feels inevitable I'll see an escort, but then others I feel like I've got a handle on it.
I think the massage/HE could definitely be a route. I actually get quite nostalgic for the days of hand jobs in my life. It's been years since I've had a decent handy. Would love to have a girl plunge her hand down my pants and get busy. Would I look elsewhere for this than Adult Work? I'd need a parlour right, rather than an escort? I'll take a look through the boards and see what I can find. My main concern with this one is that I'm pretty out of practice and would pop superquick, whereas with an escort I'd have the option of going again, and going better even if all I was asking for was handjobs. If I'm going to go through with it (which I'm not saying I will) I want it to be definitely worth my while. No half measures. As you say, I'd only be back if it wasn't what I wanted. I also wouldn't want someone who was just going to beat away, but take there time and do it properly.
Anyway... as I said, driving myself nuts thinking about the what ifs. The good news is that I cancelled my Adultwork account when I stuffed things up with my first attempted booking, and now it won't let me back in. I went on drunkenly the other night to look into the reverse booking process and couldn't get in. A good little failsafe in that to get back on I'll have to set up a new email account to register with. I'll never be arsed to do that when drunk so I'll need to be completely sober to do it.
Also, thanks for the post Hugh... haha. That puts it plainly doesn't it. I like the look of those stairs... must... resist.

[MrMatrix]

Another weekend over, and another weekend without any sexual contact whatsoever. I'm struggling, to say the very least. It's so hard checking out all these girls and not to just think fuck it, what's the harm, especially after a drink. I've been using cams again, which I enjoy, but just makes me more desperate for actual contact in the longer term I reckon. And I spend most of my alone time cruising escort profiles (not healthy I know) and compiling my favourites.

MrMatrix... I don't want to go too far into it, but it's a number of reasons. We got together a long time ago. I've now been with my wife longer than I haven't. This means our sex life at it's peak isn't even that frequent. I'd say a few years ago, it was absolutely fine. Definitely kept the wolf from the door, but certainly not at it like rabbits. And she's hot, I can honestly say that after all these years I still find her very sexually attractive. Now this isn't going to paint me in a great light, but she got very ill during pregnancy, which changed the nature of our relationship. I essentially took on the role of carer. Since our baby was born we've had so much going on that our own relationship has been very much on the back burner... or no burner at all to be honest. I think we're both aware of the elephant in the room, and it's causing tension and some pretty huge arguments, and just spiralling worse rather than improving. The nature of our relationship changed and then we've suddenly been dealing with something so all consuming that even the possibility of sex seems completely alien. It's been so long now that I can't even see a way back, but obviously reading here I can see that people have had it much worse, and that counselling would definitely help if I can get us there.

So yeah, basically I'm a massive asshole. My wife carried our child, got very ill, and now I'm sat here thinking "I could really do with a shag". But I can't control the way I feel. Fucking testosterone.

I would have to disagree with your statement "basically I'm a massive asshole". You are not. Many of us here have similar journeys some better some a lot worse and at the end of the day most blokes need to have sex. preferably with our OH's. You will find that we are all behind you and in your court as most of us have been there one way or another.
I do think you need to have honest dialogue with the OH. Don't either of you lose your tempers (easier said than done, as I well know), If you've not tried counselling give it a go.
You could ask her what her opinion is for a fuck buddy and see what she says. If she says No, ask her well obviously I would rather be with you but as your not interested in me any more what do you suggest I do. Bounce the ball back in her court. let her make the decision. When I did this to my OH last year she said rather you didn't, and I said why. She said cos I would tell everyone. Not strictly/ true- but she didn't say no. I didn't pursue the fuck buddy cos I'm that vulnerable I'd be stupid enough to fall in love and thats not what I want and I'd get totally cunt struck. So I stick to WGs. Read the thread again- look at the advice and reconsider your approach. This is a big decision. Best of luck . MM

[snaitram99]

I think the massage/HE could definitely be a route.

I'd need a parlour right, rather than an escort?

As long as you definitely want a massage, Chinese or Thai massage shop can be a good option with HE often available at £20 extra to the girl (speak to her directly, not on phone or in reception).

[pafc1]

Pissed again and looking to reactivate my AW account. It's proving a ballache and so I'm gonna set up a new email address and a new account on that. The good news is that that wipes the slate clean with the girl I screwed up with... although she has my mobile as we were texting so I guess I'm fucked unless I get punting phone like people recommend on the forum. God knows where I'd keep it though. She actually texted me a couple of days after I texted her (pissed) as I was with my wife on my birthday. It had been a lovely day and I actually said "what the fuck is this" and showed her the message. It just said something like "Been away sorry sweetie, around this weekend". Got away with that. So naive. It dawned on me what it was a as I showed her and my stomach dropped through my arsehole. Idiot. Would love to see her though so perhaps worth a payg sim in an old phone? That would work right?
Oh fuck. What a fucking nightmare. So fucking desperate for company and to feel some pussy. How I'm going to get through this I've no idea.