Small talk

[rockssss]

Hello 🙋..  I struggle a lot with small talk when ever a girl approaches me either in a pub or strip bar or even fkk.. I see other blokes having real good laughs... It could  be I am shy but thought if anyone has got tips for me..

[Grenadier36]

On a punt or in general OP?

[Ali Katt]

This was covered in another thread recently. I'm on my phone so can't link it.

[GingerNuts]

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=232614.0

[Ali Katt]

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=232614.0

[JamesKW]

Yes, I am good at keeping a conversation rolling with women for hours on end but crap at that initial small talk/banter to get them into bed.In my case its a good thing as I have avoided having affairs because of this.I have never been good at this don't know whether to be jealous of men that are or not,most likely they lose a lot in divorce settlements so it saves me cash as I am.

[JamesKW]

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=232614.0

The topics are different,one is small talk with WGs this is small talk with civvies.

[JamesKW]

One suggestion is that if you are in London go on one of the Ken's walks on meetup.com(or the cultureseekers group),you get a fair amount of women on these of various nationalities and ages and if you get bored with one you find an excuse to move up and down the line,the conversation flows very freely on these,I didn't get any sex, but it is good practice to hone your conversation skills and give you more confidence.You get bigger groups on the summer walks.They always end in a pub.I did encounter some quite hot girls on these walks.Avoid the single meetups or groups which have a sexual/massage/tantric slant as these are male top heavy for young people but can be more even gender wise for older groups.

[JamesKW]

The other advantage is,is that they are cheap and everyone buys their own drink and food.

[signy]

Talk with women you don't know, but with whom you DON'T want to have sex. The small talk is the same, but the pressure is off.

[WARSZAWA16]

Always found with women it's best to be a good listener and just say the odd word or nod or shake your head in the right places when you can get a word in!

[Gordon Bennett]

Talk with women you don't know, but with whom you DON'T want to have sex. The small talk is the same, but the pressure is off.

That does make sense but why just women though? The chaps I know who have the gift of the gab are non-stop with it.... They do it with all genders and ages. Obviously it pays dividends when they're on the pull but it's something they can do with anyone.
This makes me think shy people should practice small talk with everyone they meet just for the sake of being cheerful and friendly as opposed to focusing solely  on hot chicks. If someone is generally morose and taciturn I think it's unlikely they can suddenly and convincingly turn on the charm for a lady they have their eye on. But, if they have cultivated a more open and chatty persona by dint of gabbing to all and sundry I reckon they'll be able to do it naturally with a busty blonde too.

[Ali Katt]

I'm introverted. I still manage it though. I have a genuine interest in people and like finding out what is going on underneath the surface; small talk isn't really my thing, but from small talk you get deep conversation, I'm also not a good flirt, but it's fun trying.

[JamesKW]

That does make sense but why just women though? The chaps I know who have the gift of the gab are non-stop with it.... They do it with all genders and ages. Obviously it pays dividends when they're on the pull but it's something they can do with anyone.
This makes me think shy people should practice small talk with everyone they meet just for the sake of being cheerful and friendly as opposed to focusing solely  on hot chicks. If someone is generally morose and taciturn I think it's unlikely they can suddenly and convincingly turn on the charm for a lady they have their eye on. But, if they have cultivated a more open and chatty persona by dint of gabbing to all and sundry I reckon they'll be able to do it naturally with a busty blonde too.

Yes,I am good at conversation with women,always have been,but its a case of getting out of that friend zone and getting to friends with benefits,something I am crap at.In my case it doesn't matter as I have an O/H and it has probably saved me a lot in cash and stress in the long run.There are some men which are naturally gifted at flirting with women,but one of these I know is on his fourth wife,luckily some men can afford this others can't,its cheaper all round to use WGs.

[freeze44]

Difficult as can get stuck in a chat with someone dont share much with or is boring or finds you boring but as has been said it can be fun finding out. The post christmas and new year talk can be good as a way to see what people been up to and share a laugh.

With a woman I like and want to test the water and change from friend zone to fuck zone, would try to up the ante a bit with some banter and try and read the signals and then just ask them out...after hundreds of failures the knock backs dont hurt so much anymore! 

[django0700]

The hit and miss method would be your friend. Think of it as a numbers game and slowly you will start building confidence and know what works and what does'nt.

A very thick skin and positivity in the face of failure and rejection is required. Persevere and think of it as a game, where if you lose you move on to the next girl and if you win you get to have sex with her...

[Ali Katt]

Yes,I am good at conversation with women,always have been,but its a case of getting out of that friend zone and getting to friends with benefits,something I am crap at.In my case it doesn't matter as I have an O/H and it has probably saved me a lot in cash and stress in the long run.There are some men which are naturally gifted at flirting with women,but one of these I know is on his fourth wife,luckily some men can afford this others can't,its cheaper all round to use WGs.

I honestly don't know 100%, but a theory exists that men who are "gifted at flirting" simply start talking and flirting with girls earlier such as pre-teen. Men I know who grew up with older or similar age sisters are usually good at this for that reason. I think some people are more comfortable, but IMHO it is something which is learned.

[Punterperson1971]

I was having a punt with a regular earlier this month and after we had finished we were just standing there naked just having a relaxing chat with no rush to get me out the door.

[Grenadier36]

The hit and miss method would be your friend. Think of it as a numbers game and slowly you will start building confidence and know what works and what does'nt.

A very thick skin and positivity in the face of failure and rejection is required. Persevere and think of it as a game, where if you lose you move on to the next girl and if you win you get to have sex with her...

Good post 
As someone who is clueless with women, when I did go on "dates" with civvies I'd treat it as a paid social for the price of a cup of coffee. Set my phone to vibrate in 40 mins time and then bail

[Hobbit]

Hello 🙋..  I struggle a lot with small talk when ever a girl approaches me either in a pub or strip bar or even fkk.. I see other blokes having real good laughs... It could  be I am shy but thought if anyone has got tips for me..

Listen to what they say, keep eye contact and ask them questions based on what they say. Link statements with personal experiences or questions. Women want attention.

[Ali Katt]

Listen to what they say, keep eye contact and ask them questions based on what they say. Link statements with personal experiences or questions. Women want attention.

yup. In conversations there are clues as well where to speak and when to listen. In all honesty I think the OP is over thinking it, for some reason he hasn't replied since.

[Hobbit]

yup. In conversations there are clues as well where to speak and when to listen. In all honesty I think the OP is over thinking it, for some reason he hasn't replied since.

Body language is also very important. Watch how they move and behave. It lets you know if they're interested or not. I think the OP is shy of us as well as women. My advice would be, get a whisky down ya and just relax.

[JamesKW]

yup. In conversations there are clues as well where to speak and when to listen. In all honesty I think the OP is over thinking it, for some reason he hasn't replied since.

Yes,maybe they only post every couple of years around the 23rd January.We haven't even had a thanks for our advice.

[magnetico]

To move to off-topic?

[Bobbyplastic]

I'm sure there are a few good books on conversation. I am introverted, and shy. But to look at me you would not know it. You need to develop your self confidence, and have a 'couldnt give a shit attitude'. It's the couldn't give a shit that really helps.

How did I do this? I had a session with a counselor . He helped a lot. Doing a lot of punts and talking to the girls there helped. Those girls really got me out of my shell. When I was lying there with them after a sweaty session, we'd cuddle up and chat  about  crap. I would ask them about their lives , and they would ask about mine. I changed from a stuttering idiot to squeezing a girls breasts in a nightclub after a few minutes of chat (but that would be called assault now, so I've stopped that.)

So, my tips. You should ask more about the girl , than talk about yourself. Show an interest in their lives, be nosy. What they are wearing or driving, their phone are good starters.
Practice with strangers in supermarket queues. I look in their shopping basket for convo starters. If they have a cheap wine , you could suggest a better alternative. Maybe you know when the prices are reduced and tell them that .
Chat with the checkout girls, get to know their names. Ask them things like, are they on a long shift?, Would they recommend this wine, pay them a compliment, etc.

Good luck.

[jok32]

Knowing about topics helps.
Mate knows tons of detail about gym and workouts as well as motors and TV shows.
Can gab hours on end with girls and keep them captivated.

[Ali Katt]

To move to off-topic?

He did mention he has trouble talking to WGs. I would leave it.

[Ali Katt]

I forgot about this from puntingwiki:

Punter Patter: Many punters "breaking the ice" initial conversation that is often a culmination of overly-polite comments, getting the escort to list her dos and dont's and even discussing embarrassing sexual encounters. The result is often a turn off for both the punter and escort alike.

External Link/Members Only

[Sonny Crockett]

Small talk is just bollocks anyway.

[Ali Katt]

Small talk is just bollocks anyway.

From small talk you get deep conversations. It's disorientating to people if you talk about big stuff after a few minutes, even I can keep it light for a few minutes.

[fallentrees1321]

Talk with women you don't know, but with whom you DON'T want to have sex. The small talk is the same, but the pressure is off.

Definately agree with this advice . I generally consider myself to be alright at small talk and chatting birds up . But even I notice the difference in quality of banter and general chat between workmates and females in my personal life that I dont want to have sex with .

[JamesKW]

Small talk is just bollocks anyway.

Not really,a good flirter is halfway there to getting a civvie into bed,once you get into more serious discussion you start to enter friend zone,which is hard to get out of.

[Grenadier36]

Not really,a good flirter is halfway there to getting a civvie into bed,once you get into more serious discussion you start to enter friend zone,which is hard to get out of.

I wouldn't have a scooby doo with any of that. I have the flirting ability of a burglar's dog and the face to match 

[Ali Katt]

Not really,a good flirter is halfway there to getting a civvie into bed,once you get into more serious discussion you start to enter friend zone,which is hard to get out of.

You only enter the friend zone if you become a sponge for their problems especially ex-boyfriends and topic which are really for their girlfriends and siblings.