What the fuck? Tell me I've been stupid (EAS)

[jimbobted]

Yes, another of those threads. I'm venting/asking for advice or a reality check because I don't have anyone in "real life" to turn to.
I know this will boil down to "walk away" but I'm confused and perhaps someone will have some insight.

So I'm a very unhappily married guy in my mid 40s. Been punting for 5 years because there was no sex at home and I didn't want the complication and hassle of an affair. I saw punting as a "safe" way to get what I need. But also there is zero (and I mean zero) affection shown to me from Mrs jimbobted. That's background.

So I've had shit punts, OK punts and great punts. And the occasional punt where you "click" and it feels real for the hour or two you're together. Sometimes it's made me realise what I'm really missing at home is kind words and soothing chatter, but I've always known it is what it is, some rented affection and sex.

I saw this girl first a while ago, and she was one that clicked. A fair gap due to COVID etc, but saw her again towards the end of last year, about 3 hours in a hotel room. During the booking she complimented me on various things and I said "Oh I bet you tell all the boys that" which offended her slightly. I took her for lunch after and we had a nice chat.
We messaged back and forth about another meeting, and during that she again complimented me and told me how much I turned her on.
Anyway, another meeting duly arranged, again a long booking and this time agreed I'd take her for a drink in between the end of mine and the start of someone else's booking.
We had an awesome time together in the booking, then went for some cocktails. She ended up being late for the other guy because neither of us wanted to leave. During the drinks I broached the idea of some kind of relationship - totally open ended as to what that might be but suggested FWB. She didn't run away.

Again messages back and forth later telling each other we had a nice time. At this point I email her to explain myself a bit better, my thoughts on what a relationship might be, how we could take small steps to work out if it's what we want etc and promised I wouldn't interfere with her escorting (she's had that with a punter she went into a relationship with before). Acknowledge we barely know each other and have no idea whether we'd be good for each other but suggest it might be fun to find out and see where we go which could well be nowhere.

Now I knew she had a non sex appointment in town followed by an overnight booking last week, so I whatsapped her suggesting we meet for a few hours doing fun stuff (not in the bedroom) and a few drinks before she was due at the overnight. She agreed.
So we meet up. She immediately links her arm with mine as we walk down the street. We visit some places, laugh a lot, she sat on my knee at her suggestion at one point. We hug, we hold hands walking down the street. We go for some drinks, cuddled up in a booth and discuss the sexual adventures we want to have together alongside general life stuff. We have a great time.
As we're sat there we are either holding hands or hands on each others thigh. She tells me at one point I'm good looking.
I walk her to the tube and we say goodbye. Instead of the usual peck on the cheek, I snog her. I didn't mean to, she expressed surprise as did I, we had another little snog and off she went.

Sent her a WhatsApp as usual after the weekend  (as I knew she was busy working and didn't need me in the way) saying thanks for a good time and hope to see again soon. No response at all, not even read. Thought perhaps the snog was a step too far and sent another message mid week apologising if I'd made her feel uncomfortable. Again not read.

Now, I've always paid her for sex, but drinks, lunches etc have always been no payment to her (though if course I pay all the drink etc costs).
During this last meeting she was looking forward to coming flying with me, and asked me if I'd shoot some porn with her and help fulfill some of her kinks.
We know a lot about each other, real names, she told me how she lost her virginity, about her son (including his name), her brother, where she lives etc. A lot of trust both ways. We were planning to meet regularly (paid and unpaid) as my work pattern will allow it.

Sadly I can only assume she no longer wants to see me as a friend or punter. But what have I done wrong? We've done every imaginable sexual act together including loads of kissing in paid sessions. We've done stuff that was new to her, new to me or new to both of us and enjoyed exploring together.
Surely a single accidental snog outside of a paid session can't have offended her to such an extent she can't even bring herself to tell me to fuck off? Especially with the mutual flirting. It's just a bit weird.

It's a shame as I started to view her as an opportunity for both physical and a little bit of emotional therapy. Perhaps the cocktails, the very bright spot in my week meeting her instead of being browbeaten at home and a dawning realisation my needs aren't just physical have conspired both to make me snog her and contributed to my angst that she hasn't given me a second thought since.
Hence I realise I have a case of EAS.

Fortunately I'm not in a position that she's actively trying to rinse me till I'm penniless. But it's hard to take. She's a lovely lass and physically and sexually perfect for my tastes (and I mean perfect).

So yeah. What do I do? And where did it go wrong? Particularly interested in views of anyone whose been in a similar situation, SP or punter.

And I know, I'm a daft cunt and just need to get over her.

[Punting2022]

She's over you, she probably had a think and thought no.
one tick on WhatsApp means blocked or not sent. But very rare for people to have no internet connection. Try booking her via her escort number on another phone. If she responds you have your answer.

[RandomGuy99]

The mistake you've made is blur the line between a business transaction and a relationship.

It's always a business transaction. It should be mindfuck free.

Move on.

Find new SPs to shag.

Enjoy it.

Don't blur the line.

[Jumping Jack Flash]

She’s a WG that will tell you anything to keep you and your wallet coming back for more. She’s played you and you fell for it.

Absorb that lesson and move on.

[Al R]

There are numerous reasons she could have behaved the way she has - all guesswork

The fact is she’s ignoring you, trying to think of why’s and wherefores are just going to lead to more stress and upset - for you. It really isn’t worth even trying to look for answers.

[FiveKnuckles]

Try booking her via her escort number on another phone. If she responds you have your answer.

Stop being a helpful cunt until you've written a few reviews.

So get her on another phone number, turn up and look desperate/stalker? 

Best thing for OP is get over it and book a different girl

[Problem Child]

Sounds like you had almost a first “date” and after that date for whatever reason she doesn’t want to see you anymore. You’ll never know,  could be because she has strong feelings for you and doesn’t want to get involved with a marred man for fear of getting hurt, could be after spending time with you she doesn’t like you and wants nothing to do with you or could be anything in between? If she’s ghosting you there’s fuck all you can do except move on unfortunately.
Sounds like she’s a decent sort as she’s not using this to her advantage to “rinse” you, so at least you’re lucky there.
One thing tho if she’s ghosting your number, DONT contact her using an other number as suggested above, sometimes you just have to take shit on the chin and accept it..

[sniffer]

You're not a daft cunt and you're not unusual. It's part of the punting journey. Many of us have been through a similar experience and either baled out in time or been knocked back, like you. The girl was wise enough to see what was happening and knew it wouldn't end well. Think well of her, she has been kind to you and dropped you rather than taking advantage. Don't stalk her, just go and get yourself a good shag somewhere else.

[daviemac]

She's over you, she probably had a think and thought no.
one tick on WhatsApp means blocked or not sent. But very rare for people to have no internet connection. Try booking her via her escort number on another phone. If she responds you have your answer.

And make him look like a stalker?   

[daviemac]

Stop being a helpful cunt until you've written a few reviews.

His review count has nothing to do with you. 

[big-al93]

Agree with all Problem Child had to say, but thought I'd add that you should have a serious thought about your marriage. Many married men are in sexless marriages, or with little sex. However with you describing a relationship devoid of affection, that cannot imho be healthy for either of you, and even if there are kids involved, it may not be best for them in the long run to stay together.

As far as punting goes, forget about this girl, and stick to max 1 hr bookings and don't visit the same ones time and again as you seem to be quite vulnerable to EAS and the next one may well rinse you.

[contentguy]

Sorry to hear, but I suspect you need to get over it, as she’s moved on.

I was surprised she saw you again after you’d sent the “relationship structure” email.
Who knows her view but it’s clear yours was more than transactional.

“At this point I email her to explain myself a bit better, my thoughts on what a relationship might be, how we could take small steps to work out if it's what we want etc and promised I wouldn't interfere with her escorting (she's had that with a punter she went into a relationship with before). Acknowledge we barely know each other and have no idea whether we'd be good for each other but suggest it might be fun to find out and see where we go which could well be nowhere.”

Then you move in for a snog on a social meet, perhaps she thought you were blurring boundaries, but who knows 

Move on, transactional sex is best if you’re planning on keeping your wife.
And if you’re looking form a relationship, seeing SPs isn’t a great route to that.

[contentguy]

Posted in error instead of edit

[shed]

Jimbobted : I have empathy with your loveless married life. Been there and sacrificed finding a loving relationship elsewhere for the sake of my children. Plus nothing would have made me abandon them. So I started punting. When my children grew up and left home I amicably separated from the missus. Hence I started punting. I learned that a full time relationship for me again wouldn't work. So have avoided it ever since. I have met many great ladies those working and in civvie life.  But I enjoy my own company and freedom to do what I want. So move on mate with this one. Think what she has missed out on. Good luck

[jimbobted]

She's over you, she probably had a think and thought no.
one tick on WhatsApp means blocked or not sent. But very rare for people to have no internet connection. Try booking her via her escort number on another phone. If she responds you have your answer.

Two ticks per message. She hasn't blocked me.

[jimbobted]

To all, thanks for taking the time to read and give your thoughts. Yes I guess in a way it was a "first date" and perhaps the snog was a step too far too soon. In my defence I will say I and been considerably egged on (at least in my perception).

Yeah I kind of expected the email to make her run but it didn't. In fact she told me she was impressed with the openness and way I'd laid things out plainly.

Re my marriage. The only reason I'm still around is for our 2 boys. My plan has also been to leave amicably when they are both out of the home, but I'm not sure I can take another 15 years, give it take.

I think there was a genuine attraction, so it's taught me that I ought to find someone else whilst I'm still reasonably attractive if I want to be something other than miserable.

Hard to have had a little taste of something great, but that's the way it goes.

[jimbobted]

She’s a WG that will tell you anything to keep you and your wallet coming back for more. She’s played you and you fell for it.

No, hard disagree there. She knows I'd happily book many more sessions with her, in fact we had several already planned, just not sorted dates.
Doesn't make sense for her to allow me to get more personal and then not rinse me hard.
I don't hink it was genuine and I've fucked it up.

[limarasa9]

promised I wouldn't interfere with her escorting (she's had that with a punter she went into a relationship with before)

Once bitten twice shy!! I guess she might have found some time for herself to think over this whole thing and might have decided not to pursue further. Of course things can be ended in an amicable way but I guess you just have to wait and see if she eventually responds. Till that time you just need to put this on the back burner.

[Problem Child]

To all, thanks for taking the time to read and give your thoughts. Yes I guess in a way it was a "first date" and perhaps the snog was a step too far too soon. In my defence I will say I and been considerably egged on (at least in my perception).

Yeah I kind of expected the email to make her run but it didn't. In fact she told me she was impressed with the openness and way I'd laid things out plainly.

Re my marriage. The only reason I'm still around is for our 2 boys. My plan has also been to leave amicably when they are both out of the home, but I'm not sure I can take another 15 years, give it take.

I think there was a genuine attraction, so it's taught me that I ought to find someone else whilst I'm still reasonably attractive if I want to be something other than miserable.

Hard to have had a little taste of something great, but that's the way it goes.

Don’t beat yourself up mate, always better to try and fail than not try and always have that “what if” nagging doubt in yer mind.

[PaulRuff]

Sounds like you had a lucky escape mate, these dalliances with WGs rarely end well - you can get on REALLY well and feel they're almost perfect for you but at the end of the day they're most likely fucking dozens of different guys a month and chances are that will REALLY do your head in as the relationship progresses.

Some blokes can cope with that, but most of us can't...suck it up & move on.

[PilotMan]

+1 to what @Sniffer & @Problem Child said.

You sound like a sensible bloke, you tried, it didn't work, stay positive

Good things come when you look for them and when you're ready for them.

[MissWolf]

She's over you, she probably had a think and thought no.
one tick on WhatsApp means blocked or not sent. But very rare for people to have no internet connection. Try booking her via her escort number on another phone. If she responds you have your answer.

More and more dodgy events time you post

[stampjones]

And make him look like a stalker?   

I dont see how it’s stalking? If he tries to book her once on a number she’s never seen before (eg on hushed) and she’ll either reply or not. At that point he’ll have a better idea what tge situation is. If at that point he ceases communication there’s no stalking involved but he has his answer.

[alabama1]

I dont see how it’s stalking? If he tries to book her once on a number she’s never seen before (eg on hushed) and she’ll either reply or not. At that point he’ll have a better idea what tge situation is. If at that point he ceases communication there’s no stalking involved but he has his answer.

What the fuck are you on about ?. It's irrelevant wether she replies or not if she doesn't know it's him ! Or have i missed something 

[MissWolf]

I dont see how it’s stalking? If he tries to book her once on a number she’s never seen before (eg on hushed) and she’ll either reply or not. At that point he’ll have a better idea what tge situation is. If at that point he ceases communication there’s no stalking involved but he has his answer.

She's still escorting so booking her on another number won't tell him anything other than she is still escorting

It won't tell him if she is ghosting him because if she has her number displayed for bookings it could be anyone, she won't know its him

Now if he used a different number and told her it was him and he'd changed his number and she then didn't reply that would tell him there was an issue

If he booked anonymously,  turned up and surprised her that would be stalking and well out of order.

[jimbobted]

Once bitten twice shy!! I guess she might have found some time for herself to think over this whole thing and might have decided not to pursue further.

PaulRuss makes a similar point.
I'd seriously be OK with it, not looking for a life partner (don't think I ever want to try that road again), just someone I can reliably hook up with for some escapism (be that in the bedroom or in a bar) a couple of times a month. Part of what makes her interesting to me is her sexual adventures and open-mindedness, both escorting and privately. I wouldn't want to change that.
But of course it's easy for me to understand there will always be a high degree of skepticism about that.

[jimbobted]

She's still escorting so booking her on another number won't tell him anything other than she is still escorting

It won't tell him if she is ghosting him because if she has her number displayed for bookings it could be anyone, she won't know its him

Now if he used a different number and told her it was him and he'd changed his number and she then didn't reply that would tell him there was an issue

If he booked anonymously,  turned up and surprised her that would be stalking and well out of order.

She doesn't ever display her number and she isn't stupid so would probably put 2 and 2 together anyway.
If she's actually avoiding me because I or the situation is something she doesn't want to have to deal with, then the last thing I want to do is cause her further stress.
She has actually had a punter she didn't want to see again do just this and then turn up for an appointment. I'd never be that guy.

[jimbobted]

+1 to what @Sniffer & @Problem Child said.

You sound like a sensible bloke, you tried, it didn't work, stay positive

Good things come when you look for them and when you're ready for them.

Thanks 

[contentguy]

@OP we’re in danger of analysis paralysis here, move on, you know it’s the right thing to do.

But on the relationship thing, 15 years is a long time to wait  to  “resolve”, perhaps consider getting some advice / therapy on that.  Either to resolve or to help you plan. 

Get the right expert and they’ll have heard it all before and can help you understand your options.

Wishing you all the very best.

[jimbobted]

@OP we’re in danger of analysis paralysis here, move on, you know it’s the right thing to do.

But on the relationship thing, 15 years is a long time to wait  to  “resolve”, perhaps consider getting some advice / therapy on that.  Either to resolve or to help you plan. 

Get the right expert and they’ll have heard it all before and can help you understand your options.

Wishing you all the very best.

Thank you.
I kind of don't have a relationship at the moment. I just happen to live with a woman who doesn't particularly like me and we try to bring 2 kids up together (granted she does the lion's share of that) which just causes more friction.
There is no resolution tonit other than walking away and neither of us is quite prepared to do that, though I am getting close.

[stampjones]

She's still escorting so booking her on another number won't tell him anything other than she is still escorting

It won't tell him if she is ghosting him because if she has her number displayed for bookings it could be anyone, she won't know its him

Now if he used a different number and told her it was him and he'd changed his number and she then didn't reply that would tell him there was an issue

If he booked anonymously,  turned up and surprised her that would be stalking and well out of order.

yeah I agree with all of that. I thought he was just trying to see if she was not around at all or just not around for him. Sounds like he’s sorted anyway so problem solved

[contentguy]

Thank you.
I kind of don't have a relationship at the moment. I just happen to live with a woman who doesn't particularly like me and we try to bring 2 kids up together (granted she does the lion's share of that) which just causes more friction.
There is no resolution tonit other than walking away and neither of us is quite prepared to do that, though I am getting close.

I’m not suggesting you walk away, just get some professional advice / help.
An accountant can help you plan your financial escape, a relationship therapist could help you tolerate or leave each other, or you could take stock of your relationship with help.

From what you say, you’re both miserable together.  Spend a few quid to help you both work through that.  At worst you’re a couple of hundred out of pocket, at best, things get better.

But you sound like you both need a reset. Anyway, this is a punting forum, that’s my 2 cents FWIW.
I’m getting into my ‘other life’

Guy

[Thephoenix]

Being in a sexless marriage can still work for many people, particularly if you're able get sex elsewhere as this site demonstrates, but no sex and no affection is another thing altogether.
It seems that maybe you've been vulnerable and sensitive to the apparent affection, real or not, shown to you by this woman.

Time will allow you to recover, and so will carrying on punting.

However you're only in your 40s, and when the dust has settled you may need to ask yourself whether you can improve your relationship with your wife.
Maybe some counseling?

Only you know the answer to that......good luck!

[Chazz]

I kind of don't have a relationship at the moment. I just happen to live with a woman who doesn't particularly like me

You and me both, brother, you and me both. 

It sounds to me like your SP is a good person. A lot would've fleeced you for everything you've got, but instead she's tried to stop things in the cleanest way she can before it all turned to shit and you both got hurt. Try and appreciate the experience that she's given you and move on. (Easier said than done, I know).

[Bonker]

Punting is not a replacement for a romantic relationship. People going into punting looking for this, or those who get drawn into it,  are at risk of being hurt.

[Punting2022]

Two ticks per message. She hasn't blocked me.

Prob has read reciepts off. Or your muted in archived chats. This is what i figured with my GF/arrangement. Leave it. She will prob respond soon

[magnetico]

She immediately links her arm with mine as we walk down the street.

What if your wife's friends spot you?

[Stevelondon]

I suspect there are an awful lot of people in loveless relationships. Who stay together simply for the same reasons the OP and his wife do.
Kids, home etc etc.

I am certainly no expert here and I do feel for the OP somewhat.
There will be those punters out there who treat the hobby completely emotionless. Its only ever going to be a physical sex act for them.
Thats fine.
There will also be a few who don't.

But if I have to offer my tuppenceworth.
Take a deep breath in OP.............and walk away from this SP. If she wants to have some kind of relationship with you. Then she will be the one to get in touch. Then you need to decide whats best as far as your marriage is concerned.

[Dogfather]

Could be any manner of things. Best to not sit there trying to guess. You will just waste your time.

Avoid bookings longer than an hour, as suggested above, with any hooker. You are vulnerable to EAS exacerbated by home life.

I have to question why you are so keen to "formalise" everything and trying to lock her down. Give her some space and time to breathe.
Women are the ones who give you the "What are we?" question when they are good and ready.
Men seem insistent on trying to get women into relationships nowadays.
Take your time and let it happen naturally. If it happens then so be it. Don't contact her until/if she reaches out.
There are hundreds of women out there who'd love to meet you. Men seem to get fixated on one for some reason.

One sure way to make a woman leap away from you is to heavily pressure her into a relationship.
BTW I have used this as a tactic successfully in the past, to make her reject me, and not get my car keyed or worse
Win win.

[JontyR]

OP - If and when you do split with your wife and you decide to try and find a girlfriend you will realise that few get to their mid-40s with out some kind of attachment to something in there past. Be that an ex who was abhorrent, or one they are still in love with. Some will have kids that are with them 100% of the time. Others will not want anything to do with your kids. Some will be desperate to have some. That's before we get to individual neuroses, traumas etc.

Now what relevance is this? Well I didnt see a mention of the age of the target of your affections. You don't really mention  - you may not know - what her life goals are and how a bloke (And specifically you) can fit into them.

So I don't think she was necessarily playing you, or rinsing you. But my god, you are potentially so wide of the mark you may look back at this and cringe.

It's just as likely that she saw you as a potential bit of fun, that someone that she may have been able to kick loose with. And she may have picked you because you may have presented as someone who wasn't going to fall foul of any stupid romantic delusions. Heck, I used to love shagging married women for exactly the reasons. And they used to enjoy my company for this reason too. If this is what she thought, yeah...you've fucked it.

Fact is, there is no good outcome that can come from pursuing this. If she genuinely has any feeling for you she will make contact. If she doesn't....well that sucks...but just remember nothing dries a twat up more quickly than the tears and whining of a desperate bloke.

Another thing, if you can't be bothered to even consider making this kind of effort with your wife, well, then thats not particularly fair on either of you. You, your wife, and even your kids, are worth more than that.

But one last point. Don't ever, ever, ever take anyone else's advice. If you do not feel strong enough to make your own decisions then you first need to put yourself in a position where you can.

Good luck

[s0whatsnew?]

A couple of possibilities for her behaviour;  disease  (cancer etc),  family crisis..... stuff that doesn't stop her seeing other guys on a purely transactional basis but would be impossible to hide from a deeper-level relationship with you.   If she doesn't want the complications of getting in deeper with you then the only way out is to keep you away.   As others have said, she's maybe doing you a favour by doing that.   But certainly I can sympathize with the head-banger you must be feeling.   
https://www.ukpunting.com/Smileys/kolobok/hi.gif

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Simple this one.

Get Divorced.

Find a good Civvie, they do exist.

Be happy..

IT CAN BE DONE JUST DO IT!!!

[estats]

I have every sympathy for jimbobted, but I do think he has crossed a few boundaries and ended-up in an inevitable place, EAS.

Undoubtedly, as you seem to recognize, your home life is putting you in a vulnerable and low point. You then identified you didn't want the complexity of an affair, but then you describe trying to turn a paid relationship into an affair, which is even more complicated and full of pitfalls.

Whether the woman involved played you or not, IMO that is none of your business, that was her decision and don't torture yourself with over analysis. From your perspective you need to move on IMO, enjoy what you had, when you had it and move on NOW, whether that means seeking a resolution at home or to a new paid companion. However, also understand the vulnerable position you are in and don't repeat these mistakes. If you don't move on, you risk doing more damage to yourself and causing further issues with the lady.

And BTW I don't think the lady has behaved wisely here, either. As the professional she has blurred the boundaries and created confusion here.

On the wider point, It struck me thinking on this topic, it is no wonder we get such complicated issues arise. We seem to lack a description or structure for the escort-client relationship, which leads to all kinds of issues. It jumbles together so many elements of relationships it is not, the boundaries can easily get confused.

[v54]

Must admit I didn't read the whole thread, but have you thought about the possibility that her phone was stolen or unintentionally flushed down the toilet, or similar.  Did she have an alternative method of contacting you, because if she didn't, how would she make contact?  You are married, which makes things difficult.

All of the "move on" guys will no doubt be saying I'm giving false hope, but I'm just saying.

I've been in similar situations in the past (I'm in an on/off one at the moment).  Craziest one was a woman who used to advertise her services in the local newspaper, who I lost contact with for some weeks, then got a panic call from her, she's stuck in [some Middle Eastern country] with no money, could I wire her some money for a flight back to UK.  "Noooooo", yes, I know, but I did...  You know what?  She was good as her word, bringing a cute gift back for me too, and we continued for a while afterwards.  After I finally lost contact with her, I did a search on her name on t'internet, turned out that she was arrested at around the time in question for some misdemeanour I can't disclose here, and sorting that out had left her out of funds. She certainly led a double-life which would make interesting reading, but I can't!

[JustaPunter]

She's still escorting so booking her on another number won't tell him anything other than she is still escorting

It won't tell him if she is ghosting him because if she has her number displayed for bookings it could be anyone, she won't know its him

Now if he used a different number and told her it was him and he'd changed his number and she then didn't reply that would tell him there was an issue

If he booked anonymously,  turned up and surprised her that would be stalking and well out of order.

Agreed that trying to make a booking on a different number is a huge Red Flag.

Though the fact it is going to two ticks on WA would suggest her phone is on, you can read a message without opening it fully so the message can be read without showing two blue ticks.

As far as the OP situation goes it would seem she has had a moment of clarity and has pulled back.

You will likely never know why and now begins the process of accepting her decision.

[yandex]

Interesting story and a cut above some of the more usual EAS ones.

OP, it looks to me like you wanted a fairly transactional type relationship without paying for it. I don't mean that unkindly and I'm not suggesting you wanted something for nothing.

It's just that sending an email laying out your ideas on how the relationship should proceed is hardly likely to fill a potential partner with joy and probably isn't what they're looking for. Let's be honest, she would probably get paid for that sort of thing.

I'd agree with the voices of experience on here and suggest that she's 'treated you well' and is avoiding the pitfalls of unwanted advances. People may laugh but WGs are women and have the same boundaries as others. An unexpected snog after a friendly drink is viewed very differently in this age.

[Billy no mates]

Don’t apologise for the story JBT, it’s another warning to all of us how easily we can have our heads turned.

I’m sorry to say what the majority has said, and tell you to move on, but it looks like this is the case this time.

Marriage can have ups and downs, it’s kinda part of the deal, perhaps continuing your current paid sex side stuff and play happy families at home, who’s to say how things might work out when your boys move on, and you get to be yourselves again.


Thanks for the story.

[alabama1]

What you must remember OP, is that when we visit a WG, (even a regular), we are seeing them, (and also they are seeing us), at their/our best. They always appear in a good mood, never moan, always willing to please you, never a dirty look , or crossed word, (the good one's anyway) lol. It's an hour or so of pure fantasy, it's not how things are in real life. I've had a WG tell me that some of her clients want to take her away on holiday. Her reply was along the lines of, 'Why would you want to do that, you don't even know me, you would probably have a shit time' !

[Jomoore]

Re my marriage. The only reason I'm still around is for our 2 boys. My plan has also been to leave amicably when they are both out of the home, but I'm not sure I can take another 15 years, give it take.

I sympathise with your background story, I and many others have been there, sought the same solution as you (punting) and tried to stay for the kids. 

This isn't about your main point, but here goes: Just bear in mind (something I was oblivious to at the time) that the kids are living in that environment too.  Every little snipe, coldness, altercation between the parents will be noticed and will build up in their minds over the years and affect them badly.  So when you arrive at the time to take your leave "amicably", in or near your 60s, with two decades of hurt and loneliness weighing you down, you may even find the kids resent you for all they've been through.  It happens.  Sorry but that's life.  So despite someone suggesting you never take advice, I'd say on the contrary, get advice and consider acting on it carefully.  Good luck.

[a1000punts]

Fortunately I'm not in a position that she's actively trying to rinse me till I'm penniless. But it's hard to take. She's a lovely lass and physically and sexually perfect for my tastes (and I mean perfect).

So yeah. What do I do? And where did it go wrong?

Doesn't seem like she was in it for the money or a possible scam. It seems like you had a real connection, and she found herself catching feelings and got scared.
You did nothing wrong, don't beat yourself up.

And I know, I'm a daft cunt and just need to get over her.

Not daft at all. It's all business as we are very well aware, but we're all people at the end of the day, so while very rare (and no one should go into a meet with a WG with expectations like that), it's also not impossible for something real to develop, after two people meet.
So my guess is that she probably liked you and your company, and thought it would be cool to have a friend and fuck buddy, but then felt like it could develop into something more serious with strong feelings that she wouldn't be able to control, and she nipped it in the bud.

I second what others have said, that you'de probably be better off pursuing a civvie and divorcing your wife, instead of trying to hang on for another 15 years.
Good luck!