Writing punting off as a business expense

[GingerNuts]

Never directly. I'm PAYE so the most I do is charge for a hotel I didn't use (and do a cancellation on the hotel). Not normally even to see a WG. Sometimes I'm in range of staying with one of my cousins or uni mates, especially in London. Never found a good way to fake a meal receipt believably, besides, I'm a fat ass, if work is gonna give me a food budget, I'm gonna use it

Wouldn't dream of trying to self assess tax claims with punting expenses, apart from the aforementioned hotels.

I've heard tales from dad when he was a Director of some security firm he'd have a credit card with 5k budget to spend on hotels, food, drinks, golf, concerts and yes, lap dance clubs, no questions asked especially for international clients (the deals were in the 7 to 8 figure mark, 5k is pocket change)

Hopefully you don't end up losing your job with a criminal conviction thrown in for good measure.

[alpharius]

*shrug* half the time they don't even care for a receipt, I just get my budget submission pre-approved. I see your point though

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Never directly. I'm PAYE so the most I do is charge for a hotel I didn't use (and do a cancellation on the hotel). Not normally even to see a WG. Sometimes I'm in range of staying with one of my cousins or uni mates, especially in London. Never found a good way to fake a meal receipt believably, besides, I'm a fat ass, if work is gonna give me a food budget, I'm gonna use it

Wouldn't dream of trying to self assess tax claims with punting expenses, apart from the aforementioned hotels.

I've heard tales from dad when he was a Director of some security firm he'd have a credit card with 5k budget to spend on hotels, food, drinks, golf, concerts and yes, lap dance clubs, no questions asked especially for international clients (the deals were in the 7 to 8 figure mark, 5k is pocket change)

My daughter was working for a big sales operation some years ago she had an expenses  card like that to "keep the customers happy" seems she was told that "if a gentleman wanted a lady for the evenng we have an agency for that" dunno which it was but most girls were getting around 3 - £5,000 fecking grand a night!!

And this was a few years ago now!!

[paper7]

surely you will need receipts?

You do, your books have be audited once a year (AKA approved by God!) if you can't produce receipts then you can't claim it.

[paper7]

I don't bother even trying to, accommodation, mileage & meals are already accounted for during my travels. The cost of the prossie comes out of my pocket as its just not worth playing games with the tax man. If he gets you in his sights your in for a world of pain for a few years to come.

Very, VERY true. Slightly different circumstances but I knew a guy who was successful in winning a case against the V.A.T.-man (Excise before they were HMRC) Within a week of the judgment going against them, they were back, and took EVERYTHING they could physically move, papers, files, even his business computer, which wasn't a laptop but a Mainframe, so heavy you needed more than a pair of sack-trucks to move it. He lost the case, and as he had no way of running his business, he lost that too.

[MilleMiglia]

If you look at the European agencies, you'll see that there is often a special deal for a 48 hour weekend, which is lower than the same time period during the week. Apparently, most bookings occur during the week, and the special rate is designed to encourage bookings during the quieter period. Whether the money for bookings during the working week is being claimed back on expenses is another matter.

[alpharius]

Very, VERY true. Slightly different circumstances but I knew a guy who was successful in winning a case against the V.A.T.-man (Excise before they were HMRC) Within a week of the judgment going against them, they were back, and took EVERYTHING they could physically move, papers, files, even his business computer, which wasn't a laptop but a Mainframe, so heavy you needed more than a pair of sack-trucks to move it. He lost the case, and as he had no way of running his business, he lost that too.

Never fuck with HMRC. They are slower and less petty than the American IRS but they will crush when they feel the need.

[MilleMiglia]

Very, VERY true. Slightly different circumstances but I knew a guy who was successful in winning a case against the V.A.T.-man (Excise before they were HMRC) Within a week of the judgment going against them, they were back, and took EVERYTHING they could physically move, papers, files, even his business computer, which wasn't a laptop but a Mainframe, so heavy you needed more than a pair of sack-trucks to move it. He lost the case, and as he had no way of running his business, he lost that too.

Was once talking finance with an art dealer, and he told me that the ones you really don't want to mess with are, indeed, not the HMRC, but VAT.

[GingerNuts]

Was once talking finance with an art dealer, and he told me that the ones you really don't want to mess with are, indeed, not the HMRC, but VAT.

How old is this anecdote?

HMRC have dealt with VAT since they were formed by the merger of HM Customs and Excise and the Inland Revenue 15 years ago.

[B4bcock]

A mate of mine was quite high up in Inland Revenue when they were merged with Customs & Excise.   Apparently, the C&E bosses marched in like the Gestapo, assuming they would be running everything.

[MilleMiglia]

How old is this anecdote?

HMRC have dealt with VAT since they were formed by the merger of HM Customs and Excise and the Inland Revenue 15 years ago.

Going back a way - I heard it in 2005/6, and it probably dated from well before that. Doesn't help that I got Inland Revenue/ HMRC confused.

[Colston36]

Just wondered if any self-employed folk had written off punting whilst away as a “business expense” and if so, how did you do it, i.e. what did you list it as?

As others have pointed out this is a silly idea - but it recalls the palmy days of yore ... and something amazingly stupid done by my former employer, at that time the highest paid man in Britain.

My former business partner ran an agency in Malaysia and then later in Lagos. In Malaysia his greatest source of new business was via a friendly arrangement with the Madam of the best brothel in Kuala Lumpur. In Lagos he used to drive around (slowly and erratically I imagine)  while getting blowjobs.

My former boss here, Sir Martin Sorrell, lost control of his business, at that time the world's largest (and had a VERY expensive divorce) because he was seen and reported by employees emerging from a brothel in Shepherd Market - where he paid with company credit card.

The happy ending for him is that he's back in business doing very well, thank you. So there's hope for us all!

[rubric]

As others have pointed out this is a silly idea - but it recalls the palmy days of yore ... and something amazingly stupid done by my former employer, at that time the highest paid man in Britain.

My former business partner ran an agency in Malaysia and then later in Lagos. In Malaysia his greatest source of new business was via a friendly arrangement with the Madam of the best brothel in Kuala Lumpur. In Lagos he used to drive around (slowly and erratically I imagine)  while getting blowjobs.

Some years back when the EE market was opening up there were a few of agencies that used to hire out girls (usually university students) as booth girls for trade shows on the understanding that extra-curricular activity would take place after the show

There's a certain torturous/delicious anticipation in watching a tight arse in a business skirt all day knowing you are going to pork it by night.

[mj]

Unless you are George Muppet you punting cost are very unlikely to be wholly and exclusively business related, so not genuinely business expenses.  If you can afford to punt in the first place why take the extra risk of your job/business/prosecution?