Tips for punting when my wife is working at home

[geostorm1]

This is actually something I've been thinking about recently too. My Mrs is at home a lot now too and I've been working remotely for a few years anyway.

It does help to have a genuine hobby or excuse. My go-to was the gym. I'd often say I'm going to the gym in the evening and actually I'd just see a WG. Depending on how local it is, sometimes I'd just relax in the car after for half an hour, perfect bliss!

Although one time, I did the opposite of the gym and had a pizza in the car after seeing a WG, good times.

Regarding scent, as long as the girl wasn't covered in ultra strong perfume I can get away with it. I usually just plaster myself in deodorant and with the gym it's a perfect excuse (I usually shower at home after gym anyway)

I've been thinking of taking up golf as an actual hobby (never played before but driving range sounds decent) then as others have said, either visit WG on way there or back, or skip the golf altogether!

[Bonker]

How about - you've volunteered for a charity that saves "fallen" women. Requires you to visit them and take them to a safe place.

[Easygoingdude]

Car has to go to the dealership as it's got a warning light or losing power - buy you a few hours??

[SN5]

Just to add that the trick is not to find an excuse for a particular occasion, but to cultivate a life whereby you're out of the house on a regular basis. If you punt every time you go out you're likely to be caught out by anyone checking.
If you genuinely go out semi regularly (ie to play tennis) then odds are anyone checking will normally find you playing tennis, which looks more believable.

100% this.

If you have an activity you leave the house for regularly, then leaving the house on your own won't get questioned. Like hiding something in plain sight.

[Jayf]

I have this same problem. I usually get weekdays off,  so I'd go punting during the day whilst she's at work. At the moment, shes working from home until October. I managed to go for a punt one night by telling her I was going to see a mate.  I got away with it. But I usually like to go for a massage and happy ending, but that would be pushing it, coming home covered in oil lol. As for cash, I have a joint account and a couple of my own accounts that I put money into.  Can't wait  for things to go back to normal

[Fredbone]

Do-it.org has lots of volunteering roles - I do ad-hoc driving for an volunteering organisation - they email me possible drives and I confirm the one that suit. Once established do some of the drives and reject others (so you can punt), but you have ready made reason with details to be out - but do delete the emails turning down the drives.

Added extra Google maps will show you pictures of the addresses - nice house / run down / big garden.  My experience after the first few drives (actual drives) the questions stop or are limited.

The other half things you are doing good, the volunteer origination get help and you get to punt.

Three wins.  😎😎😎

[Home Alone]

Congratulations, Fred; you're the first person I've head of who's managed to turn this bloody pandemic to his advantage - and come out looking like a hero!!👏 👏 👏

[Fredbone]

Just need to look at all the  angles.

Plus I get a badge to show my involvement with the volunteering organisation.

Only down side is the time it takes to get vetted - volunteering organisation are not the best organised.

[unclepokey]

Fredbone has mentioned an excuse that I employ in order to be 'out and about'
. The charity I drive for is all about taking outpatients to their various appointments. The bookings all come by telephone and some I can't do. But I try to accept a couple a month. I punt only about once a month so a non existent patient is easy to slip in especially when they are going in for a more complex series of tests .
As the NHS tries to catch up on outpatient appointments I'm anticipating opportunities on Saturdays soon.
As to evening appointments I'm stuffed presently. I did have opportunities via a particular hobby but that has ceased for the moment.

[user1437]

I'm jumping on this thread a bit late but I may have found a fairly believable one. During lockdown I invested in a bike and have been going on bike rides around the area. I'm usually out for 2-3 hours at a time, if not more since I'd generally end up in a random park to sit down and enjoy a bit.

This might be a good thing to use for the future, "I'm going on a bike ride " 

[RedKettle]

I'm jumping on this thread a bit late but I may have found a fairly believable one. During lockdown I invested in a bike and have been going on bike rides around the area. I'm usually out for 2-3 hours at a time, if not more since I'd generally end up in a random park to sit down and enjoy a bit.

This might be a good thing to use for the future, "I'm going on a bike ride " 

I have thought about this one and there are a few practical problems. Many WGs are located in areas where you probably do not want to leave even a well locked up bike unattended and if nicked you may have some explaining to do. Then it needs to be a WG well within cycling range and one where either you can shower on arrival or they like a sweaty man.

Works better if you can say that you are taking the bike on (or in) the car to a different area to cycle. In the car is ideal if you can, otherwise again there is an issue with the bike perhaps being nicked from on the car.

Even better if you can make it a multi day trip where you are staying away.

[mrbluerunner]

For me it's a mix of running and cycling; I usually cycle to a park, do a run and then cycle back - arriving pretty hot and sweaty so I go straight into the shower.

I simply replace the running with a punt, I will have a shower at the venue but just to wash off the excesses from having been enjoying RO.  So I cycle home after the punt having worked up something of a sweat so straight into the shower.  Has worked for me for years.  NB.  One point to note is that you'll need to "forget" to start your garmin/activity watch as you don't want it recording your visit to the SP location.

[smiths]

I hope I'm posting this in the right place. If not, feel free to redirect me.

I've been punting on and off for a few years now, so that I can enjoy the variety cancelled out by married life without fear of the consequences.

I mostly work from home whereas my wife doesn't. In usual circumstances, when needs must, I can sneak out in the middle of the day; satisfy my needs then return home and scrub up before she suspects a thing.

With the pandemic easing up, I really fancy another punt. However, with the wife at home, it seems quite risky. I was wondering if anyone (who has already navigated a similar situation) had any tips as to how I could minimise risk, or is it completely unadvisable?

My main tip is don't risk bringing WGs back to your home as your wife may see them. Seriously though I assume you aren't a prisoner of your wife so you have free movement, you could say you are going out for a drive to get some air, make the reason one she cant disprove.

[Slaveofnature]

Been racking my brain on this one as I'm in the same situation. I've decided that the frozen shoulder that I've had for several months hoping it would just go away now needs attention and I've phoned the doc for a consultation.  Hope that I'll get some physio appointments that would cover seeing an SP for an hour. Or even some fake appointments that I can use as an excuse.
Thought about the bike thing as well but don't think thats a goer for me as my son likes to come out with me as he is in lock down with my wife and I and he likes to get out.

[user1437]

I have thought about this one and there are a few practical problems. Many WGs are located in areas where you probably do not want to leave even a well locked up bike unattended and if nicked you may have some explaining to do. Then it needs to be a WG well within cycling range and one where either you can shower on arrival or they like a sweaty man.

Definitely a big risk. I'm lucky enough to be in London where the choice is big and I can control the places I'd go and leave my bike - I wouldn't try unknown neighborhoods if I was to go there cycling for sure

[Malvolio]

Using cycling as your excuse for heading out for a punt is OK in the summer, but it will fail when the weather turns and it's dark by 4pm.

How about developing an interest in trainspotting?

[RedKettle]

Using cycling as your excuse for heading out for a punt is OK in the summer, but it will fail when the weather turns and it's dark by 4pm

Bike lights. 

[bhudda]

are all your other halves lazy lumps? I do go for walks and go cycling, but my other half always wants to come with me!

There is a sport I follow that she hates that has sometimes given me the chance to escape, but currently spectators aren't allowed so that's fucked 

[Steely Dan]

2 fake job interviews.  And one I even got a second interview.  But that = 3 punts in 5 months 

I wish I could pretend to like golf.

[RedKettle]

I know I should not gloat but I just cannot help myself......... my wife has gone back to work 

Happy days.

[standardpostage]

I know I should not gloat but I just cannot help myself......... my wife has gone back to work 

Happy days.

Lucky man, very lucky indeed 

[Ahalfa Carling]

Go fishing. I mean really go fishing. You'll be gone for hours and can punt on the way there or the way back. You can even send the wife some photos from the lake or river bank or you can ignore her and say you had no signal.

That's a good idea, even if you came back smelling of fish it'd be just fine 

I totally concur with the angling - a great way to get out of the house all day from before the crack of dawn, usually out of mobile phone signal range.
What's more, some of those attractor liquids you can add to your groundbait smell/stink to high heaven, thus masking the scent of sex if a shower is not available at the punt.

[bhudda]

What puts me off fishing is the thought of actually catching a fish. When my boy was little he was mad keen to go fishing so i took him a couple of times and fortunately we never caught a thing. This had two advantages, a) i didnt have to work out how to get the poor thing off the hook without permanently maiming it , and b) he went off fishing

[bigboy96]

I've had a life-long interest in transport, and often go out for several hours, so a massage somewhere is usually no problem. The oh has always accepted this. I must admit that I've only done local walks since March, but I'm willing to wait a bit longer before resuming travelling and massages!

[Maxf]

Somewhere on another forum an escort is asking how she can visit clients whilst her husband is working from home...

Maybe one of you is unknowingly this ladies other half. 😀

[Home Alone]

Using cycling as your excuse for heading out for a punt is OK in the summer, but it will fail when the weather turns and it's dark by 4pm.

How about developing an interest in trainspotting?

Yes; I can't imagine there's a wife anywhere in the country who'd willingly go with you on one of those expeditions!

But how about if you have an interest in engineering and/or history - or possibly better, both? Could you not spend a day volunteering at a local heritage railway site?

If I were in the OP's situation - which I'm not - and lived not too far from the East Lancashire Railway - which I do - I'd tell the OH that I was volunteering there. There are loads of these heritage railway lines in various parts of the country so you don't all have to come to the E.L.R!  For example, for those who live in London, you're not that far from either the 'Bluebell Line' in Sussex or the 'Watercress Line' in Hampshire. A day out at a Heritage Railway? Again, I can't imagine too many wives/partners rushing to join you there!

Or how about channeling your inner Michael Portillo - episodes from his British railway journey series were repeated this week on Freeview Channel 25 - by telling your wife/partner that, now that restrictions have been lifted, you fancy a day trip on a scenic railway route such as the the Settle and Carlisle railway line. Or maybe the Snowdon Railway?

[B4bcock]

Yes; I can't imagine there's a wife anywhere in the country who'd willingly go with you on one of those expeditions!

But how about if you have an interest in engineering and/or history - or possibly better, both? Could you not spend a day volunteering at a local heritage railway site?

If I were in the OP's situation - which I'm not - and lived not too far from the East Lancashire Railway - which I do - I'd tell the OH that I was volunteering there. There are loads of these heritage railway lines in various parts of the country so you don't all have to come to the E.L.R!  For example, for those who live in London, you're not that far from either the 'Bluebell Line' in Sussex or the 'Watercress Line' in Hampshire. A day out at a Heritage Railway? Again, I can't imagine too many wives/partners rushing to join you there!

Or how about channeling your inner Michael Portillo - episodes from his British railway journey series were repeated this week on Freeview Channel 25 - by telling your wife/partner that, now that restrictions have been lifted, you fancy a day trip on a scenic railway route such as the the Settle and Carlisle railway line. Or maybe the Snowdon Railway?

Sound advice, HA.    As you leave the house you can look the OH straight in the eye and say   "I'm just off for a ride on an old boiler, Dear."

[sub_marine]

Car has to go to the dealership as it's got a warning light or losing power - buy you a few hours??

Exactly, you hit a kerb and the wheel keeps losing air, alignment will need checked, wheel might need refurbed.

I bought a 100ml bottle from ebay that I keep some of my shower gel in just for punts, well I actually bought four of the bottles as they are a handy size for plane carry-on toileteries, so its not unusual to see these bottles kicking about in the bathroom or backpack at home.  Also I use the gel deoderant as they come in slim pocket sized units, and becasue i can only get them at the big out of town boots, I buy about 5 each time, so again there are a few of those kicking about also.  One SP laughed when I pulled out my own shower gel and deodorant after a punt. 

[Fredbone]

Michael Portillo and tips for punting in the same message - WOW.

This does show wide range of ways to get out of the house without the other half wanting to come two.

Should give a prize for the best one off reason and a prize for the best weekly reason.

[Ahalfa Carling]

  One SP laughed when I pulled out my own shower gel and deodorant after a punt.

I've done that as well (including shampoo & Conditioner), but I have an excuse - due to my job I have to shower before leaving work and as such arrive home smelling faintly of my regular shower-gel/shampoo/conditioner combo (Tea Tree smell) - questions would be asked if I came home smelling of lavender/roses/coconut etc that SP's tend to have.

I also like the tingle of Original Source Tea Tree shower gel on my bits!!!

[Home Alone]

Michael Portillo and tips for punting in the same message - WOW.

Oh, I've a broad range of interests, Fred. 

Collecting stamps and football programmes didn't seem particularly useful for this thread, though!

[AlwaysLooking]

I'm in a similar boat. Now work from home, with the Mrs. There used to be a WG the other side of town who I've visited a couple of times pre lockdown, so would have been easy to get there with a just going out for a run/cycle, but she's now moved. Otherwise where I live is a ghost town for WG, so it's a good 15mile drive to the next local big place (which is Luton - and that's shit).

My normal meeting time was Friday afternoons, as I could knock off work at lunch time, have a session and either pop back into the office for an hour, or just go home. Was great when I was using public transport, as if I smelt of perfume, I'd just say this women on the bus/train whatever stank of it, good job I don't smoke else I'd have gone up in flames. 

[mh]

2 fake job interviews.  And one I even got a second interview.

  Superb, do you think she might twig if you were called back for a third and fourth? 

However if this is your only means of escape it may cause you to subconsciously flunk real interviews... 

[sublimetoridiculous]

On the smell issue, we have some fairly smelly hand sanitiser we keep in the car.

Returning just now I did my hands and 'accidentally' sprayed some over myself. So went into the house stinking of hand sanitiser.

[Horizontal pleasures]

AHA! an invitation to visit a client in Buckinghamshire next week, yippee, can make a punt.

Then the missus asks where and decides we can go on a country walk in a beauty spot! Ah well, it will be fun even if not the fun of my first choice.

[francescototti]

Blimey, all these scenarios  seems like the best advice is don't get married 

[Home Alone]

Blimey, all these scenarios  seems like the best advice is don't get married 

Welcome to my world!

I've often commented that, if I were married, I couldn't have been a punter because I was such a rotten liar.

[RedKettle]

Welcome to my world!

I've often commented that, if I were married, I couldn't have been a punter because I was such a rotten liar.

I am married, a punter and a rotten liar! 

I have to keep my punting simple - for example always have a reason to be in that area and no complicated excuses to be out and about.  I could never get away with pretending I had a job interview for example.

Frankly I am amazed that I have got away with this double life for so many years.

[Grumpy Pumpy]

OP, I'm in a reasonably similar position to you. And I'm afraid I've resigned myself to not punting for some time. The risk of being caught out is just too high.

Though, to be fair, even if I had excuses to get out and about I probably wouldn't punt for a few months yet due to Covid concerns

[Boundless]

are all your other halves lazy lumps? I do go for walks and go cycling, but my other half always wants to come with me!

There is a sport I follow that she hates that has sometimes given me the chance to escape, but currently spectators aren't allowed so that's fucked 

Not cricket by any chance?

ahh the good old days when Michelle Indy lived right opposite Edgbaston! 

[user1437]

I have to keep my punting simple - for example always have a reason to be in that area and no complicated excuses to be out and about.  I could never get away with pretending I had a job interview for example.

Likewise to be honest. I just never go anywhere far away so I'm not out too long. In normal days I usually go to the gym after work so it's easy to just have a shorter session and go for a punt nearby since I work in Central London. I've never had to justify it or was asked for it, and would rather be this way rather than having to lie about where I'm going

[bhudda]

Not cricket by any chance?

ahh the good old days when Michelle Indy lived right opposite Edgbaston! 

such a nuisance that the games last a few days so sometimes you have to stay away in a hotel ...

[Siliconfan]

I’m a sales exec, work mainly from home. In a typical week, though, I’m out visiting customers maybe two days and one in the sales office. Easy to find time to visit an obliging lady. Covid 19 means no sales calls and no visits to the office. How do I escape for long enough to lighten the load in my balls? Nearest WGs I know I would enjoy would require 1 hour round trip travel plus the 30 minutes of pleasure. My favourite gal would take half an hour more. Any good ideas to get me out of the house without suspicion?

[KentAde]

I am married, a punter and a rotten liar! 

I have to keep my punting simple - for example always have a reason to be in that area and no complicated excuses to be out and about.  I could never get away with pretending I had a job interview for example.

Frankly I am amazed that I have got away with this double life for so many years.

Jeez.....the spitting image of my life and you must be married to my sister's (fake) twin!   

[Boristheboy]

Superb, do you think she might twig if you were called back for a third and fourth? 

However if this is your only means of escape it may cause you to subconsciously flunk real interviews... 

About 7 years ago I had a two hour punt immediately before a genuine job interview, taking advantage of having a rock solid excuse to be travelling to a particular town. I then had the interview and got offered the job. That was a good day.

[ik8133]

About 7 years ago I had a two hour punt immediately before a genuine job interview, taking advantage of having a rock solid excuse to be travelling to a particular town. I then had the interview and got offered the job. That was a good day.

The punt must have calmed your nerves and made you feel vitalised to come across well in the interview, maybe a technique we should all use! 

[Kimeen]

One option is a hobby that you need to drive to.

Mountain biking perhaps?
Dinghy sailing. Kayaking. Open water swimming.
Tennis? As long as there is no risk of your supposed partner giving the game away.

Otherwise a trip to the ‘dump’  queues are long you know!
Trip to B&Q?

[Home Alone]

You are aware of this thread: https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=279538.0 , aren't you, Siliconfan?

[Fuzzyduck]

You are aware of this thread: https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=279538.0 , aren't you, Siliconfan?

Do you really expect a sales exec to do some research and legwork on their own when they can ask someone else?

[Home Alone]

Sorry, Fuzzy; I stand properly rebuked! 

In my defence, I've never worked in retail, so I didn't know how much initiative to expect a sales exec. to display!