Bored husband & Punting

[IAmNotFamous]

So if I burgle your house and don't get caught I haven't committed a crime?

Yes. If took something of no significance and I didn’t notice it. Then you haven’t committed a crime.

[Doc Holliday]

Yes. If took something of no significance and I didn’t notice it. Then you haven’t committed a crime.

Wow.

[Doc Holliday]

Totally agree. Because this is the real world and not the moralistic (out of a dictionary) explanation the Doc wheels out.

An ace up your sleeve at the poker table is cheating.

Let’s say you’re in a loving relationship with a wonderful woman. The only problem is the physical side of things is terrible and always has been. You’re together because everything else within the marriage is perfect.
You have a decision to make. Punt or seek out an affair with another woman.
The affair of course brings into play all kinds of emotional issues.
The punt doesn’t.

Let’s say in this particular story. You know that if you told your wife about your punting it would cause her emotional stress. The fact she suspects (because after all you are a man with needs) is ok with her. Just as long as you are discreet about it.

Is it cheating. Or is it being considerate. 😂

It's cheating.  Nothing to do with morals or dictionary definitions. It's about honesty. Your response is the classic punter justification for dishonesty. You can only determine if it is 'ok with her' if she knows about it. Being considerate by not telling her and upsetting her is just another self justification 

[southcoastpunter]

i think Doc you are on a loosing debate with some of these guys.

I think its fair to say that if you asked a selection/sample of women drawn at random and asked them it would be 90+% YES ITS CHEATING. It doesn't really matter what we think, its what most women think and specifically the woman you are with. A few (very few) will turn a blind eye if everything else in the relationship is good and even fewer will give permission to their man to punt. But the overwhelming majority will see it as cheating. Any man who thinks differently just doesn't know women!

[daviemac]

Yes. If took something of no significance and I didn’t notice it. Then you haven’t committed a crime.

FFS, castle walls, short planks and pig's shit all spring to mind.   

[norwichfunseeker]

FFS, castle walls, short planks and pig's shit all spring to mind.   

Love that DM! 😊

Can, I add school custard 🍮 to the list too please?

[Doc Holliday]

i think Doc you are on a loosing debate with some of these guys.

I think its fair to say that if you asked a selection/sample of women drawn at random and asked them it would be 90+% YES ITS CHEATING. It doesn't really matter what we think, its what most women think and specifically the woman you are with. A few (very few) will turn a blind eye if everything else in the relationship is good and even fewer will give permission to their man to punt. But the overwhelming majority will see it as cheating. Any man who thinks differently just doesn't know women!

I don't think I've ever 'won' debating this topic over the years on punting forums.  ... and yes I agree with the rest of your post.

The reality is that those who punt while in loving relationships that they value, but that they see as sexless do feel guilty, but are desperate to convince themselves that having sex with someone else and paying is justified to reduce that guilt. They are just not being honest with themselves.

Some will go to extraordinary lengths to justify dishonesty and I think Iamnotfamous wins that prize 

[IAmNotFamous]

I don't think I've ever 'won' debating this topic over the years on punting forums.  ... and yes I agree with the rest of your post.

The reality is that those who punt while in loving relationships that they value, but that they see as sexless do feel guilty, but are desperate to convince themselves that having sex with someone else and paying is justified to reduce that guilt. They are just not being honest with themselves.

Some will go to extraordinary lengths to justify dishonesty and I think Iamnotfamous wins that prize 

I take offence to that. Who are you to pass judgement?  I know right from wrong. I feel guilt when I do wrong. With punting I don’t feel guilt. Which means I’m right (and you’re wrong).

Am I dishonest? No. I’m just smart. End 😘

[Doc Holliday]

I know right from wrong.

Yes. If took something of no significance and I didn’t notice it. Then you haven’t committed a crime.

 

[IAmNotFamous]

That’s me writing in the perspective of a victim rather than perpetrator.

[belamy85]

Just a couple of things to add: Punting is like Pringles - one you pop you can't stop. After that first punt you'll be a punter, and there's no going back to just being a civvy.

Of all the replies I've read here this is the one that has spoken most to me. I think this is very true. Once you've done it once, once you've crossed that threshold, you'll always go back. There can be gaps in your punting life, maybe even long gaps, but sooner or later the urge will return and since you've already indulged you won't have any qualms doing it again.

[MysteryManNo.7]

Of all the replies I've read here this is the one that has spoken most to me. I think this is very true. Once you've done it once, once you've crossed that threshold, you'll always go back. There can be gaps in your punting life, maybe even long gaps, but sooner or later the urge will return and since you've already indulged you won't have any qualms doing it again.

Yeah I can recall when I first started thinking quite often that 'this is the last one, never again' and being so nervous about getting caught somehow. Now I go regularly and it's no big deal at all. I get more nervous sometimes going to the shops than booking a punt.

[norwichfunseeker]

Yeah I can recall when I first started thinking quite often that 'this is the last one, never again' and being so nervous about getting caught somehow. Now I go regularly and it's no big deal at all. I get more nervous sometimes going to the shops than booking a punt.

Why, do you tend to forget to pay for your shopping?

[Dipper]

Why, do you tend to forget to pay for your shopping?

These days the shopping is probably the bigger expense.

[norwichfunseeker]

These days the shopping is probably the bigger expense.

Fair comment.
And probably done under cover of darkness for fear of being mugged for a box of Yorkshire tea, a packet of pasta and some loo roles.
I'll not mention the eggs....

[Stevelondon]

Of all the replies I've read here this is the one that has spoken most to me. I think this is very true. Once you've done it once, once you've crossed that threshold, you'll always go back. There can be gaps in your punting life, maybe even long gaps, but sooner or later the urge will return and since you've already indulged you won't have any qualms doing it again.

Which of course has nowt to do with what this thread is on about. 😂

[Stevelondon]

I don't think I've ever 'won' debating this topic over the years on punting forums.  ... and yes I agree with the rest of your post.

The reality is that those who punt while in loving relationships that they value, but that they see as sexless do feel guilty, but are desperate to convince themselves that having sex with someone else and paying is justified to reduce that guilt. They are just not being honest with themselves.

Some will go to extraordinary lengths to justify dishonesty and I think Iamnotfamous wins that prize 

I’ve never felt desperate in my life. That’s saying something cos I’m a Toon supporter 😂

I think you’re being far to Wikipedia judgemental.
Cheating is this, cheating is that.
Far more complex than simple words from a dictionary.

[Tender.french.kiss]

I think you’re being far to Wikipedia judgemental.
Cheating is this, cheating is that.
Far more complex than simple words from a dictionary.

+1

[MrMatrix]

Shower before you go, or when you get there. Service providers expect a clean body.

You could just try a massage with a happy ending, for your first encounter.

If you've had sex 10 times (with your partner) already this year, your lucky 

Indeed. Im not sure Ive had it 10 times in the last decade

[Doc Holliday]

I’ve never felt desperate in my life. That’s saying something cos I’m a Toon supporter 😂

That explains everything then. My deepest sympathy. 

[pbrown355]

No sympathy currently necessary

[Doc Holliday]

No sympathy currently necessary

Remarkable turnaround doesn't cover it. I think they must be cheating?

[Stevelondon]

That explains everything then. My deepest sympathy. 

😂😂😂
Oh the trauma I’ve endured.

[geezer_breezer]

OP,

If you play golf or go to the cinema then these offer long periods of being out of contact and, as such, are plausible cover stories for punting.

So is swimming, which has the extra benefit of allowing you to shower.

 

[Slow grinder]

Doc Holiday..are you married?

[eats_shoots_leaves]

I guess there are two things here - firstly trying to convince oneself it's not cheating to deal with the guilt of doing it (if you feel guilty maybe that's a telling sign?) secondly if caught it doesn't matter whether this forum or the OP considers it cheating or not - his wife will most likely believe it is and the consequences are the same - trying to argue some kind of technicality because it's not emotional doesn't help anything and may well make it worse. As mentioned in other posts - the outside view can often be that punting is far worse than an affair, even if punters think it's not.

It's not hard to convince yourself that it's meeting a need/isn't emotional/whatever - hell I did that when I started punting and was married (several years ago now) - I got caught, it ended badly and suddenly I was single and free to punt whenever I wanted to - at a hell of a cost.

So this is probably the unpopular post - but OP - you can take all the precautions suggested - just make sure you're okay with what could happen if it does go to shit and you get caught.

[Doc Holliday]

Doc Holiday..are you married?

Yes.

Sits down and waits to see where this is going? 

Ironically I see the OP has been banned for cheating also.

[Stevelondon]

Yes.

Sits down and waits to see where this is going? 

Ironically I see the OP has been banned for cheating also.

      You couldn’t make it up could you 

[Stevelondon]

I guess there are two things here - firstly trying to convince oneself it's not cheating to deal with the guilt of doing it (if you feel guilty maybe that's a telling sign?) secondly if caught it doesn't matter whether this forum or the OP considers it cheating or not - his wife will most likely believe it is and the consequences are the same - trying to argue some kind of technicality because it's not emotional doesn't help anything and may well make it worse. As mentioned in other posts - the outside view can often be that punting is far worse than an affair, even if punters think it's not.

It's not hard to convince yourself that it's meeting a need/isn't emotional/whatever - hell I did that when I started punting and was married (several years ago now) - I got caught, it ended badly and suddenly I was single and free to punt whenever I wanted to - at a hell of a cost.

So this is probably the unpopular post - but OP - you can take all the precautions suggested - just make sure you're okay with what could happen if it does go to shit and you get caught.

Who (or what) the hell is this outside view ?

[IAmNotFamous]

Yes.

Sits down and waits to see where this is going? 

Ironically I see the OP has been banned for cheating also.

A WG who usually asks that type of question does it because they like you…I suspect this might lead to a coffee date…

[Johnnyb0y]

I guess there are two things here - firstly trying to convince oneself it's not cheating to deal with the guilt of doing it (if you feel guilty maybe that's a telling sign?) secondly if caught it doesn't matter whether this forum or the OP considers it cheating or not - his wife will most likely believe it is and the consequences are the same - trying to argue some kind of technicality because it's not emotional doesn't help anything and may well make it worse. As mentioned in other posts - the outside view can often be that punting is far worse than an affair, even if punters think it's not.

It's not hard to convince yourself that it's meeting a need/isn't emotional/whatever - hell I did that when I started punting and was married (several years ago now) - I got caught, it ended badly and suddenly I was single and free to punt whenever I wanted to - at a hell of a cost.

So this is probably the unpopular post - but OP - you can take all the precautions suggested - just make sure you're okay with what could happen if it does go to shit and you get caught.

OP - thank you for sharing this as food for thought about the dire consequences. Do you mind me asking if there was any particular thing you did which gave you away?

I think any man who has any clue on how the female brain works knows the risks especially if you are still shagging.  Over the years my OH has often started a conversation about someone we know getting D because the man had an affair. I always quip with “the poor bastard was probably not getting any” which gets the frown look. 

[MrMatrix]

OP - thank you for sharing this as food for thought about the dire consequences. Do you mind me asking if there was any particular thing you did which gave you away?

I think any man who has any clue on how the female brain works knows the risks especially if you are still shagging.  Over the years my OH has often started a conversation about someone we know getting D because the man had an affair. I always quip with “the poor bastard was probably not getting any” which gets the frown look.

Well I'd be thinking that as well

[sim0256]

Get out and just do it. Time is not your side.  I procrastinated for far too long til a special birthday came along, and I said right now or never. I never looked back.

Ther are some great girls out there but also some female dogs (bitches). Choose carefully and use this site always. Some you will win some you will lose.

Take some care about what you're up to and the OH probably won't cop on, any questions fob them off, you might have done so before anyway.

Good luck and it's great to feel a woman that lets you fuck her. Even if you are paying her for the pleasure

[datwabbit]

If you are in a relationship and you have sex with someone else and without the knowledge and approval of your partner, then you are cheating.

By all means try and convince yourself it isn't, to ease your conscience ... but it is 

I don't like to call it cheating.

Adultery has more gravitas.

[Garage man]

Which supermarket does cashback (still?!)

I get cash back at Waitrose. Not tried recently but I’m sure all the others will as well.

[sensualencounter]

It's cheating.  Nothing to do with morals or dictionary definitions. It's about honesty. Your response is the classic punter justification for dishonesty. You can only determine if it is 'ok with her' if she knows about it. Being considerate by not telling her and upsetting her is just another self justification 

Doc, I completely agree with you. If you’re doing something that your other half doesn’t approve of then it’s cheating. The justifications so many punters try and go through are just to ease their own guilt.

And I’m married too and under no illusions that it’s cheating. I could argue it’s a shit marriage, no love, no sex and punting is better than having an affair but that’s just giving slightly different shades to it. I don’t ever feel good about what I’m doing and wouldn’t want to hurt my wife if she found out but I still do it. I’m not proud of it and I wouldn’t expect any sympathy if I was found out.

Now I do think that there are different levels of cheating and I would say that someone in a loving relationship with good sex from their partner but just simply can’t keep his cock in his trousers is probably the worst form of cheating. But it’s all cheating unless you’ve got explicit permission from your partner.

[norwichfunseeker]

I get cash back at Waitrose. Not tried recently but I’m sure all the others will as well.

Aldi did last week when I was there.

[Stevelondon]

Doc, I completely agree with you. If you’re doing something that your other half doesn’t approve of then it’s cheating. The justifications so many punters try and go through are just to ease their own guilt.

And I’m married too and under no illusions that it’s cheating. I could argue it’s a shit marriage, no love, no sex and punting is better than having an affair but that’s just giving slightly different shades to it. I don’t ever feel good about what I’m doing and wouldn’t want to hurt my wife if she found out but I still do it. I’m not proud of it and I wouldn’t expect any sympathy if I was found out.

Now I do think that there are different levels of cheating and I would say that someone in a loving relationship with good sex from their partner but just simply can’t keep his cock in his trousers is probably the worst form of cheating. But it’s all cheating unless you’ve got explicit permission from your partner.

😂😂😂.      Oh sorry. I was just laughing at the  swerve into supermarket advertising.

This too of course.

[Home Alone]

Doc, I completely agree with you. If you’re doing something that your other half doesn’t approve of then it’s cheating. The justifications so many punters try and go through are just to ease their own guilt.

And I’m married too and under no illusions that it’s cheating. I could argue it’s a shit marriage, no love, no sex and punting is better than having an affair but that’s just giving slightly different shades to it. I don’t ever feel good about what I’m doing and wouldn’t want to hurt my wife if she found out but I still do it. I’m not proud of it and I wouldn’t expect any sympathy if I was found out.

Now I do think that there are different levels of cheating and I would say that someone in a loving relationship with good sex from their partner but just simply can’t keep his cock in his trousers is probably the worst form of cheating. But it’s all cheating unless you’ve got explicit permission from your partner.

I'd been brought up by devout RC parents, so even though they were long dead before my first punt, I would have felt that I would have been cheating if I'd started punting before the OH had pissed off with the bloke she'd been having it off with. Because of those circumstances, I didn't suffer as much financially when we went our separate ways. So that meant I could go at it - punting, that is ‐ like the proverbial kid in a sweetshop!

[Slow grinder]

Doc Holiday.. Too many times in 'Keyboard' debates the person or people argue or put forward their point,we find out are 'Keyboard' warriors who argue for arguments sake, yet actually have no real understanding...so thank you for your answer..so now at least I can see you understand as mean what your saying i.e. The sanctity of marriage... I disagree with your 'argument' as you do with mine.

[Slow grinder]

So is it worse for someone to say that Punting is cheating and then carry on punting or for someone who says that Punting is Not cheating and carries on punting.At least, for me, when I visit a masseuse/escort/prostitute, I'm not thinking "I'm cheating on my wife/ partner" and still carry on with the punt with the " I know but I don't care" attitude. But maybe that's what turns a few blokes pn!

[MrMatrix]

Doc, I completely agree with you. If you’re doing something that your other half doesn’t approve of then it’s cheating. The justifications so many punters try and go through are just to ease their own guilt.

And I’m married too and under no illusions that it’s cheating. I could argue it’s a shit marriage, no love, no sex and punting is better than having an affair but that’s just giving slightly different shades to it. I don’t ever feel good about what I’m doing and wouldn’t want to hurt my wife if she found out but I still do it. I’m not proud of it and I wouldn’t expect any sympathy if I was found out.

Now I do think that there are different levels of cheating and I would say that someone in a loving relationship with good sex from their partner but just simply can’t keep his cock in his trousers is probably the worst form of cheating. But it’s all cheating unless you’ve got explicit permission from your partner.

I agree with you SE. As you know I'd sympathise with you. I dont think I've ever felt guilty as I've had to turn to punting out of desperation to have a sex life of sorts. Its not what I wanted to do but needs must in the end. I do feel shame though as this isnt what I'm really about.

[Doc Holliday]

Doc Holiday.. Too many times in 'Keyboard' debates the person or people argue or put forward their point,we find out are 'Keyboard' warriors who argue for arguments sake, yet actually have no real understanding...so thank you for your answer..so now at least I can see you understand as mean what your saying i.e. The sanctity of marriage... I disagree with your 'argument' as you do with mine.

This is not marriage specific but applies to the terms of any relationship. There are exceptions but most relationships are based on monogamy. In the general population the overwhelming majority view, irrespective of whether this was an emotional or sexual relationship (including paid sex) or a combination would be deemed cheating.

However my main point is that there is a view prevalent among punters, that punting is some kind of special category immune to the T&Cs of a relationship. This view becomes self propagating/perpetuating on forums, but it is still cheating if the other party has not given consent. This is my personal opinion and that of the majority of the population outside of punting forums.

Guilt is a separate issue. Some people will have feelings of guilt others none. My other point is that punters often categorise punting as not cheating in order to justify it and in their own minds mitigate that guilt.

There are frequent threads on here about relationships between SP's and punters and I can tell you from personal experience that, apart from a multitude of reasons this may be seen as a bad idea, there is a common one among SP's that punters represent a very high risk of not being faithful and therefore poor relationship material. An element of this is that many do not see punting as being unfaithful.

[Maak]

I'm glad I'm single, dating civvies & punting alongside.

 Last weekend I had a successful date, we spent the night together, beginning of last week had a nice punt with my regular.

[cheshirelad]

Once you go down this route you can’t go back. Have you discussed your frustration with your wife?  It’s not a cheap hobby once you start. What about spending the money taking your wife away for a weekend instead?

[Stevelondon]

Apologies....deleted post.

[Slow grinder]

This is not marriage specific but applies to the terms of any relationship. There are exceptions but most relationships are based on monogamy. In the general population the overwhelming majority view, irrespective of whether this was an emotional or sexual relationship (including paid sex) or a combination would be deemed cheating.

However my main point is that there is a view prevalent among punters, that punting is some kind of special category immune to the T&Cs of a relationship. This view becomes self propagating/perpetuating on forums, but it is still cheating if the other party has not given consent. This is my personal opinion and that of the majority of the population outside of punting forums.

Guilt is a separate issue. Some people will have feelings of guilt others none. My other point is that punters often categorise punting as not cheating in order to justify it and in their own minds mitigate that guilt.

There are frequent threads on here about relationships between SP's and punters and I can tell you from personal experience that, apart from a multitude of reasons this may be seen as a bad idea, there is a common one among SP's that punters represent a very high risk of not being faithful and therefore poor relationship material. An element of this is that many do not see punting as being unfaithful.

up until this post some of the comments you've made have been quite pertinant..excluding the last paragraph,which nothing to do with the original dicussion point....and your first 3 paragraphs are just generalised statement based on no factual evidence,just your opinion..Now your comment on guilt is interesting,emotionally I personally have never felt any guilt about punting..if I had passed on an ST I to her I would definitely have felt guilt as I would if the family had suffered any financial 'hick up' because of my 'hobby'! To this day I feel(historically) about spending and at times prefering to spend more time at work than with the family. I've never had to lie outright to my wife about my carnal endeavours,maybe if I had to do that on a regular basis then the adjective 'guilt' may come into play. Cheating! In MY opinion! Is a deliberate action intended to subliminally 'hurt', a loved one,a colleague,friend, acquaintance of family member. So back to your word guilt...if I was confronted by my wife about punting then .. even if she only had a suspicion..my feeling of guilt would be unimaginable..but would I feel like I had cheated? No is the answer, 'let her down' i.e. Loss of respect then yes..but cheating no.

[stevedave]

I'm glad I'm single

Amen

[Thephoenix]

Cheating definition: To act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage.

Guilt: A self conscious emotion that involves negative evaluations of the self, feelings of distress and feelings of failure.

Men are unfaithful for a multitude of reasons.
Maybe some don't feel guilty if they genuinely believe it's for the greater good.

[Stevelondon]

Cheating definition: To act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage.

Guilt: A self conscious emotion that involves negative evaluations of the self, feelings of distress and feelings of failure.

Men are unfaithful for a multitude of reasons.
Maybe some don't feel guilty if they genuinely believe it's for the greater good.

Amen to that.

Picking up on what Maak said. About glad he is single.
Why’s that then.

Is it a chosen thing. Or is it because no woman would ever have him. ?