When wanking just isn't enough . . .Married Man Dilemmna

[wheeliebinwanking]

So it's the usual thing I have posted before and I am ready to be ripped apart. . .

I haven't had sex with the OH for coming up to 100 days I reckon. Valid reasons  which I don't need to go into, some of which are medical though. But I am struggling......

I am usually a massage man and I;ve had 2 or 3 in this time frame and they've been awesome but feel I really need to get my leg over. Starting to get distracted at work and manual relief doesn't seem to cut it anymore.

I've punted before but it's not something I am into that much so don't do it, but things are getting pretty desperate!

Feel like I need to find a pump and dump WG. I know I will feel guilty as but I can see me pursuing this on my next business trip unless something changes at home.

Any thoughts or words of encouragement / discouragement

[vw]

Is there light at the end of the valid reasons tunnel ?

[wheeliebinwanking]

I am sure there is...probably a few more weeks away. I should really just hold out

As when we do get on with it, it's plenty enough for me! 

WBW

[vw]

I am sure there is...probably a few more weeks away. I should really just hold out

As when we do get on with it, it's plenty enough for me! 

WBW

Maybe try some advanced wanking, if its light at end of tunnel.

[yorkshire123]

Can't say I've ever understood the rub & tug thing but each to his own.

Go for your normal punt & ask how much for her to hop on-board, at the very least you will be in familiar surroundings & the itch will be scratched.

[Hawkwind71]

My only observation is that you are carrying a lot of baggage with regards to guilt and marriage. Unless you can deal with that you will never move on and have a really good punt.

No sex at home is a valid reason, its why I do it, as a species our brain is not wired for celibacy. So I think that is your real choice. Go back to your wife or embrace punting and stop wasting your money on scratching the surface.

[anyfucker]

Perhaps your OH can give you some hand/mouth relief if you explain to her you know it's hard for her but fancy her like heck/are desperate/what works best for you

[wheeliebinwanking]

Thanks for the reasoned responses gents

More background. Medical reasons have accounted for probably 30 of the days and I am not a complete bastard and totally understand that. But the first 60 or so days were just the usual apathy and to be honest like many other men here, I have stopped asking....Not for fear of rejection I just couldn't be bothered.

She has said previously 'You must be desperate' so she acknowledges yet doesn't want to do anything about it. I just reassure her saying it's 'fine' so it's in part my fault.

FBSM will always be my thing, it's bloody excellent and I have had probably 20 in the last 3/ 4 years as opposed to 2/3 punts. It's not something I am toying with...I just get a lot out of it but in the context of some action at home (once every few weeks!)

I'm just starting to feel the lack of 'getting balls deep' The best Massue and Happy Ending in the world or BJ (which I don't go for either) won't fix it.

My masseuses don't do FS as far as I am aware but I guess I could ask them ....What's the worst that can happen?

WBW

[two20]

Get over to LoveHoney and get a Head Honcho male masturbator, change from 15 quid. Don't forget the lube though:)

[pumps]

It's a shame women get like this.

go punting I say,  you have no need to feel guilty, by calling you desperate she's proven that she doesn't care about your sexual needs!

[threechilliman]

She has said previously 'You must be desperate' so she acknowledges yet doesn't want to do anything about it....

It shows that women don't understand men and our needs.....

tcm

[mh]

It's a shame women get like this.

go punting I say,  you have no need to feel guilty, by calling you desperate she's proven that she doesn't care about your sexual needs!

I agree with this but I'd refine it just a little...

    she's proven that she doesn't care enough about your sexual needs to help you out

My wife has occasionally apologised for the lack of sex and once in response I blurted out "not sorry enough to give me a blow job or wank me off". I didn't get any action for 3 months. So about par...
 

[webpunter]

FBSM will always be my thing

I do like FBSM - although bollocks to the massage stuff other than for a warm up.  IMO good massage girlies are ace at edging.  They need to be to keep punters coming back.  Being at the point of coming a good few times in the space of an hour with start-stop-start etc is mind-blowing.  Think my record is 20x in a two hour booking.  Nearly fainted when i shot my bolt & the orgasm lasted way longer.  And an impressive 'load' compared to normal

My masseuses don't do FS as far as I am aware but I guess I could ask them ....What's the worst that can happen?

As the no. of repeat visits increase then so do the chances of this being suddenly on the menu.  If they're up for having their pussy & clit played with then things are looking on the up.  You just need to warm them up and a bit of RO doesn't do any harm.  Worth taking extra cash - just in case.  Have had a few times when this was rolled in & no mention of money 

[webpunter]

My wife has occasionally apologised for the lack of sex and once in response I blurted out "not sorry enough to give me a blow job or wank me off". I didn't get any action for 3 months

Well not from your missus 

[Ben4454]

Get over to LoveHoney and get a Head Honcho male masturbator, change from 15 quid. Don't forget the lube though:)

I purchased many over the years. Great piece of kit.

I recommened a decent POV video to go with it. Sasha Grey blowjob POV videos go down well.

[mh]

Well not from your missus 

Indeed.   

[Hawkwind71]

It shows that women don't understand men and our needs.....

tcm

Let us imagine for a minute that my punting career was found out........

The real irony for me is the absolute indignation that would ensue about my need to punt, after the tap at home had been turned off. I am criticised now, if I look at a young lady in the street, want to see the new movie starring my favourite film babe. Its like not only do they expect abstention, they truly believe that celibacy is what we should want and the natural evolution of a spouse.

Fuck off............ 

[webpunter]

Let us imagine for a minute that my punting career was found out........

The real irony for me is the absolute indignation that would ensue about my need to punt, after the tap at home had been turned off. I am criticised now, if I look at a young lady in the street, want to see the new movie starring my favourite film babe. Its like not only do they expect abstention, they truly believe that celibacy is what we should want and the natural evolution of a spouse.

Fuck off............ 

+1  It's like they become holier-than-thou.  I've experienced it for periods of time.  Know some blokes & their OH's are like this all the time.  I'm sure they have "mother's meetings" & discuss at length how desperate for sex their husbands are for it.  Some of them look like battle-axes & are fire breathing dragons.  I see the husbands losing the will to live on occasion - some of them seem to just get used to not having sex or any relief of any kind other than Mrs Palmer & Her Five Daughters
They really can FRO !

[RedKettle]

  I'm sure they have "mother's meetings" & discuss at length how desperate for sex their husbands are for it. 

Some time ago a female friend of ours (a really hot one) was talking about a bloke who had had an affair and much to my surprise she was saying it was probably the wife's fault for not giving him enough sex!!  What a gal.  I desperately looked around for my wife to try and get her into the conversation....

[RedKettle]

She has said previously 'You must be desperate' so she acknowledges yet doesn't want to do anything about it. I just reassure her saying it's 'fine' so it's in part my fault.

Yes I have done the "its fine" thing and now kick myself.  My wife did once say that she wished someone else could do the sex part of the marriage - I said don't be daft etc etc.  However I have stored that away and if ever found out punting that will be my defence.  And no I am not expecting it will work.

[webpunter]

My wife did once say that she wished someone else could do the sex part of the marriage - I said don't be daft etc etc.  However I have stored that away and if ever found out punting that will be my defence.  And no I am not expecting it will work.

Make sure that you write down when / where she said it.  And in what context.  Women do remember detail - so better if you have the info - more in relation to how she said it and what you took it to mean.  Shagging loads of hookers then you will no doubt be doomed.  But she won't know the intricate details / no's & you can say it was just a massage + HJ.  And that you just needed a 'release' and didn't want to do anything like have an affair.  Your chances of success will be slim but better than zero.  If the wheels do ever come off then you could always ask her what she does to have orgasms.  Like you think she is still a sexual woman - if she thinks that you don't think this then not good.  Just don't let her think that you've long given up on her & enjoy hookers & massage girlies

[Hawkwind71]

Make sure that you write down when / where she said it.  And in what context.  Women do remember detail - so better if you have the info - more in relation to how she said it and what you took it to mean.  Shagging loads of hookers then you will no doubt be doomed.  But she won't know the intricate details / no's & you can say it was just a massage + HJ.  And that you just needed a 'release' and didn't want to do anything like have an affair.  Your chances of success will be slim but better than zero.  If the wheels do ever come off then you could always ask her what she does to have orgasms.  Like you think she is still a sexual woman - if she thinks that you don't think this then not good.  Just don't let her think that you've long given up on her & enjoy hookers & massage girlies

I don't any longer see it as cheating or betrayal.

I see it as a rebalancing of the scales.

And yes my town is full of brow beaten men and I truly feel sorry for them.

[AgedCases]

I'm so glad my frigid wife walked out on me. I'm free to pursue the world of punting without fear of being caught, free to enjoy sex when I want with no strings attached.

I hope all goes well for you.

[Hawkwind71]

I'm so glad my frigid wife walked out on me. I'm free to pursue the world of punting without fear of being caught, free to enjoy sex when I want with no strings attached.

I hope all goes well for you.

No worries here mate. I punt what I can afford so all good. 

[webpunter]

And yes my town is full of brow beaten men and I truly feel sorry for them.

I occasionally think shall i mention the purple one & decide that the downsides far outweigh the upsides - so i rapidly dismiss this thought
I'm sure that just a few of them secretly dabble in punting - they must do.  Especially the ones that if they ever get some action - then its from some big unit that looks like the back end of a bus.  I can't imagine what life would be like without UKP & AW - at least a couple of times a month.  I'm on two this week since Monday & there are 3 days left !  It does take careful research & planning which is all part of the fun

[Hawkwind71]

I occasionally think shall i mention the purple one & decide that the downsides far outweigh the upsides - so i rapidly dismiss this thought
I'm sure that just a few of them secretly dabble in punting - they must do.  Especially the ones that if they ever get some action - then its from some big unit that looks like the back end of a bus.  I can't imagine what life would be like without UKP & AW - at least a couple of times a month.  I'm on two this week since Monday & there are 3 days left !  It does take careful research & planning which is all part of the fun

Its hilarious when they talk about the local slag who does the rounds.

Then you see the local slag all these guys are excited about. 

[jcdmj12]

So it's the usual thing I have posted before and I am ready to be ripped apart. . .

I haven't had sex with the OH for coming up to 100 days I reckon. Valid reasons  which I don't need to go into, some of which are medical though. But I am struggling......

I am usually a massage man and I;ve had 2 or 3 in this time frame and they've been awesome but feel I really need to get my leg over. Starting to get distracted at work and manual relief doesn't seem to cut it anymore.

I've punted before but it's not something I am into that much so don't do it, but things are getting pretty desperate!

Feel like I need to find a pump and dump WG. I know I will feel guilty as but I can see me pursuing this on my next business trip unless something changes at home.

Any thoughts or words of encouragement / discouragement

Be careful, it's a bit like opening Pandora's box.  I started because tap at home was turned off, however as time went on my reasons have changed. Put simply, I'm a dirty dog, and the only women I've found in the past who could continually match my tastes were generally utter fruitcakes.   Being able to experience exactly the sex I am in the mood for regularly with a variety of attractive women is a powerful drug, and sometimes I think about making an effort get things restarted with my missus, and pause, because I'm not sure whether that's what I want.    I'm currently having the sex life I've dreamed of since being a teenager (although not as frequently as when I was a teenager because I'm too busy with other stuff to fit it in    ).   

[webpunter]

Be careful, it's a bit like opening Pandora's box

+1   Just added this one to HL: External Link/Members Only "X Pandora's Box X"   43 on AW with 'Pandora' nic
Well 42 when not including  "pandora_ventura" whose real name is probably Derek External Link/Members Only 

[Hungarian Lover]

Hi, like quite a few people I'm a unhappily married man, my sex life stopped years and years ago, so faced with never having sex again or paying for it I took the path of paying for it. Today I met a lovely young student from Spain and had an hour of glorious sex with her! Do I feel guilty? Hell no, I feel ten feet tall and I just wish I had done this fifteen years ago when I was much longer.

[Hawkwind71]

+1   Just added this one to HL: External Link/Members Only "X Pandora's Box X"   43 on AW with 'Pandora' nic
Well 42 when not including  "pandora_ventura" whose real name is probably Derek External Link/Members Only 

Poor Derek, what a plonker.

Thanks for my nightly chuckle.  It's why I love UKP 

[Rich42]

Some time ago a female friend of ours (a really hot one) was talking about a bloke who had had an affair and much to my surprise she was saying it was probably the wife's fault for not giving him enough sex!!  What a gal.  I desperately looked around for my wife to try and get her into the conversation....

 

[Marathon69man]

I'm so glad my frigid wife walked out on me. I'm free to pursue the world of punting without fear of being caught, free to enjoy sex when I want with no strings attached.

I hope all goes well for you.

I had one of those who walked out to live with a proffesor of chemistry five years ago 

Best thing that ever happened to me, since hooked up with the sexiest girl I've ever seen petite 8 tiny waist huge enhanced tits and a filthy look about her .... Every day is like a punt day ... Still like the occaisional bit of fun though but after my latest with naughty aimy a long time hl girl, I'm pretty much retired from the game now.

Shame she took the dog ... I don't half miss him

[wheeliebinwanking]

Thanks to Web and Hawk and all of the other great posts

It's clear I am not alone. This marriage business is complicated! Part of me thinks that if I do make a THING about it and she either does nothing or grudgingly does something, should the situation arise in the future would she think again i must be DESPERATE? and why am I not saying anything? I can imagine her mind coming to conclusions...

Perhaps I am more comfortable with the OH just thinking I am not that bothered? Like I said normally masturbation / massages etc do the trick but it's a long run this time.

I do like the massage bit to be honest, but the best experiences have been edging. Once from a Tantric Godess and the second from a frumpy middle aged wifey type at a TCM...both glorious experiences

If the truth be told, part of me knows that in 5+ years time I the proverbial tap will be turned off for good or will flow on only special ocassions

I do wonder what frumpy OH's do though? Like it's been said, they're sexual beings as well. I do remember my OH telling me she can masturbate in super quick time via couple of well time squeezes! (ie without visible stimulation)....so I am sure she's getting by with this

But I need more!

[wheeliebinwanking]

Oh and I agree about writing down the dates and times that the OH had agreed about the whole desperate thing.

I truly hope that no one gets caught who doesn't want to get caught of course. But part of me believes that the OH with the tap turned full off would be reasonable about it and agree you say it was a one off...but one the seal is broken you'll never be trusted again no doubt

WBW

[jimbobwood]

It doesn't matter if you write down dates/record evidence. She will still screw you over in court! Her saying you must be desperate sexually doesn't mean shit.  Keep on at her and continue to punt or get a divorce.

[Sparquin]

To add a little spice to your self abuse, try using a Fleshlight.

[sticko]

I don't any longer see it as cheating or betrayal.

I see it as a rebalancing of the scales.

+1.  I do feel slightly guilty about the money as this is cash that could go to the family, but I'm not poor so there's no real damage done. Otherwise HW has summed it up perfectly.

[winkywanky]

WBW...what a difficult situation you're in! I feel for you.

Everyone here will give you slightly differing advice - because of their own differing personal circumstances, different 'moral stance', life experience and different attitudes!

You feel the deep need to get rid of the total frustration, yet you know you'll have feelings of guilt. You even feel guilty just talking about it, that much is obvious.

But I think in a way, you answered your own question: maybe a quick pump & dump is exactly what you need? A type of girl who will give you no personal connection whatsoever. I'm not suggesting you purposely go for a girl who will give you a bad service, rather someone who will offer the opposite of GFE.

I don't know where you live, but the ideal thing might be a Soho walk-up. Failing that, an average-looking girl with little English but with a 'proven track record' of providing an adequate, basic service.

Does that make sense to you?

[winkywanky]

I do remember my OH telling me she can masturbate in super quick time via couple of well time squeezes! (ie without visible stimulation)....so I am sure she's getting by with this

But I need more!

An idea: despite the frustrating lack of sex at home, do you and the missus have the type of relationship where you could masturbate with each other? I mean autonomous masturbation. Broach the subject of your missus masturbating and ask if you can be there with her? You join in, one thing leads to another?

Bloody hell, I sound like Claire Rayner trying to 'revive a flagging marriage', but you get my drift? Previously with GF's in the past, they have enjoyed watching me wank, and vice versa. It might lead onto mutual, it might lead onto something more. It might not. But worth a crack?

[dave_59]

Married for 18 yrs.
I get to shag at home, wife 55.
I get to shag away for home wg ~25-30

Nop no conscious.

Its a very different kind of sex.

 

[threechilliman]

An idea: despite the frustrating lack of sex at home, do you and the missus have the type of relationship where you could masturbate with each other? I mean autonomous masturbation. Broach the subject of your missus masturbating and ask if you can be there with her? You join in, one thing leads to another?

Bloody hell, I sound like Claire Rayner trying to 'revive a flagging marriage', but you get my drift? Previously with GF's in the past, they have enjoyed watching me wank, and vice versa. It might lead onto mutual, it might lead onto something more. It might not. But worth a crack?

Up until 18 months ago or so wanking was something we did alone. Since then we've got our sex-life back where it should be and some times we resort to mutual masturbation if we can't have sex (kids). Sometimes she does me, sometimes I do her, sometimes we do each other at the same time and sometimes we just wank together. Occasionally one won't want it but we have a rule that it doesn't stop the other. I fallen asleep many times to her wanking. It's very soothing.

Talking about what you want from your sex-life is a good starting point - but you both have to approach with an open mind about what will satisfy the other. You also have to be open to each others kinks, whatever they are.

tcm

[cueball]

You also have to be open to each others kinks, whatever they are.

tcm

  good luck with that one 

[threechilliman]

good luck with that one 

I didn't tell her all of mine, just the one's she can 'help' with.

tcm

[cueball]

I didn't tell her all of mine, just the one's she can 'help' with.

tcm

 

[mh]

I didn't tell her all of mine, just the one's she can 'help' with.

tcm

Yep, unless she's a part time "he" I can see she'd have trouble. 

[Hawkwind71]

good luck with that one 

Not to laugh at tcm's expense (respect) but this did make me snort in my beer. 

[wheeliebinwanking]

WBW...what a difficult situation you're in! I feel for you.

Everyone here will give you slightly differing advice - because of their own differing personal circumstances, different 'moral stance', life experience and different attitudes!

You feel the deep need to get rid of the total frustration, yet you know you'll have feelings of guilt. You even feel guilty just talking about it, that much is obvious.

But I think in a way, you answered your own question: maybe a quick pump & dump is exactly what you need? A type of girl who will give you no personal connection whatsoever. I'm not suggesting you purposely go for a girl who will give you a bad service, rather someone who will offer the opposite of GFE.

I don't know where you live, but the ideal thing might be a Soho walk-up. Failing that, an average-looking girl with little English but with a 'proven track record' of providing an adequate, basic service.

Does that make sense to you?

It does make sense and so does the idea on Masturbation. To open the hole even further, it maybe a case of me taking the courage to talk about it. We've done this before and talked about it before but must have been 5 years ago....in this time marriage and child birth have happened. To make things worse we're not sleeping in the same bed now due to some home improvements (should be complete in the next 2 weeks though)

She has a problem with p0rn and I promised never to use it (but I use it every week pretty much)...though I do have a cover story for that as we have some 'recordings' I told her I use when dusting off....This stuff is complicated but definitely needs talking about.

Bottom line for me is that I do not want to set her mind racing by talking about it, I know how the human mind works....it can lead to guilt and uneasy questions

WBW

[Sparquin]

I really feel for you. I think it is about a year since Mrs. Sparquin admitted me into her nether regions. Or expressed the slightest interest in things carnal.

I agree with those who favor a pump and dump approach but think it might be helpful to put that in context.  The real risk here is developing a taste/habit/addiction to punting as so many of us have.

I say this because if you go for a young, attractive girl then (a) she probably enjoys sex with you or at least gives the impression she does (b) she will be pretty damn good at it (c) she will do things your wife will not do (d) she will be someone you would never stand a chance of fucking in civvie land which is where you will return to after you close the door.  The last point alone will get you hooked.

And then there is the possibility of EAS.....

So I would suggest going for someone that seems fairly vanilla and of your own age. I have a reg that I visit for just those "break glass in case of emergency" punts and it works ok for me. If you can find some way of addressing your frustrations within the marriage, that would be the best of all. I wish you every success in that regard.

[Hawkwind71]

I really feel for you. I think it is about a year since Mrs. Sparquin admitted me into her nether regions. Or expressed the slightest interest in things carnal.

I agree with those who favor a pump and dump approach but think it might be helpful to put that in context.  The real risk here is developing a taste/habit/addiction to punting as so many of us have.

I say this because if you go for a young, attractive girl then (a) she probably enjoys sex with you or at least gives the impression she does (b) she will be pretty damn good at it (c) she will do things your wife will not do (d) she will be someone you would never stand a chance of fucking in civvie land which is where you will return to after you close the door.  The last point alone will get you hooked.

And then there is the possibility of EAS.....

So I would suggest going for someone that seems fairly vanilla and of your own age. I have a reg that I visit for just those "break glass in case of emergency" punts and it works ok for me. If you can find some way of addressing your frustrations within the marriage, that would be the best of all. I wish you every success in that regard.

Well stated  Mr Sparquin. Agree everything, just one comment.

I enjoy the young 20 somethings and I am very aware of the EAS possibilities and whether I would be better sticking with 40 year olds. I have gone the route of six to eight regulars in this age bracket and it works. No EAS cos I'm always looking forward to the next one.

So the guys who want to fuck young girls they would never stand a chance with in civvie. Solution: Safety in numbers. Works for me.

[BP96]

IMO good massage girlies are ace at edging.  They need to be to keep punters coming back.  Being at the point of coming a good few times in the space of an hour with start-stop-start etc is mind-blowing.  Think my record is 20x in a two hour booking.  Nearly fainted when i shot my bolt & the orgasm lasted way longer.  And an impressive 'load' compared to normal

Yesterday I had one of the most sensual experiences of my life and that was because I asked a massage girl, who I had seen once before, to keep touching my cock during the massage. I was on fire throughout 30 minutes of this and me groping her.

So I just want to thank 'webpunter' for talking about this