I don't hate my wife...... Romance isn't dead

[Thephoenix]

Maybe for the benefit of guests and mumsnet,  we don't all hate our wives.

Reasonably happily married for 57 years, and that's not a bad thing.

Married men punt for a variety of reasons.  Some reasons might be considered honourable to actually save their marriage , and some because their wives are no longer able to have sex for a variety of reasons.

Often they have to live with the guilt and ill informed judgement of others.

Married in church and only afterwards realised why......Aisle, Altar, Hymn.

So now I've got my wife exactly where she wants me and I'm stuck at home, I want to try and bring back some romance.

When things get back to normal, I was thinking about booking romantic dinners once a week.
She could go on Fridays, and I'll go Saturdays.

In the meantime I could buy her a new sexy girdle, so she could stand nearer to the sink, and maybe a puncture outfit to repair Flossie my inflatable doll which keeps going down on me.

Any other tips?

[mr.bluesky]

On the other hand been shut up at home with the other half for 24 hours a day for 3 months might see a sudden increase in divorce cases 

[Billy no mates]

On a serious note.

I do love my wife, we’ve been together for 35 years, we are best mates, and I feel pretty lucky.

[sadolddeejay]

I love my wife too - she's an amazing woman and a real beauty (former  public relations promotion girl and professional dancer), quite a bit younger than me and absolutely devoted to me.

So, why do I punt? Cos when I married I felt I had not played the field enough, and I like the thrill of the risk. I think if she found out she would actually, literally kill me. I really should give up this hobby. (Maybe just a few more first though.)

[sparkus]

I've been deeply in love with all my OHs and thoroughly enjoyed the quality sex with them or otherwise I'd never have shacked up with them.

But there's certain itches you can't scratch or perhaps it's just even if you have Park Lane and Mayfair on the Monopoly board you still need the utilities and a couple of railways stations to win.  Even Old Kent Road doesn't do any harm in the portfolio.

[daviemac]

I love my wife too - she's an amazing woman and a real beauty (former  public relations promotion girl and professional dancer), quite a bit younger than me and absolutely devoted to me.

So, why do I punt? Cos when I married I felt I had not played the field enough, and I like the thrill of the risk. I think if she found out she would actually, literally kill me. I really should give up this hobby. (Maybe just a few more first though.)

I wonder how many of those there are around, you do know this can be read by anybody don't you?

[sparkus]

I wonder how many of those there are around, you do know this can be read by anybody don't you?

In terms of PR women and professional dancers, probably more self-identify as such than actually are.  He's safe.

I'm personally picturing a leathery bloke with an early 00s Range Rover living in Surrey.  I'm probably wide of the mark, thankfully.

[sadolddeejay]

I wonder how many of those there are around, you do know this can be read by anybody don't you?

Strange as it might seem, in the industry I worked in there are loads and loads of DJ's who married promo girls, many of whom studied dance, so I'm not worried about being identified. That's just in radio. You won't believe the number of cruise ships with DJ's (many ex radio) who have met and married a dancer in the ship's resident troupe.

[sparkus]

Strange as it might seem, in the industry I worked in there are loads and loads of DJ's who married promo girls, many of whom studied dance, so I'm not worried about being identified. That's just in radio. You won't believe the number of cruise ships with DJ's (many ex radio) who have met and married a dancer in the ship's resident troupe.

Perk of the job, no doubt.

At least it lasts longer than a couple of one night stands and move into the next anyway.

[Doc Holliday]

I wonder how many of those there are around, you do know this can be read by anybody don't you?

You beat me to it 

Strange as it might seem, in the industry I worked in there are loads and loads of DJ's who married promo girls, many of whom studied dance, so I'm not worried about being identified. That's just in radio. You won't believe the number of cruise ships with DJ's (many ex radio) who have met and married a dancer in the ship's resident troupe.

You have just narrowed it down further. Your reviews put you down to a specific area also. There will no doubt still be many that fit the profile and who may now die unnecessarily 

If you stop posting we will never be sure if it was your wife or the virus that killed you 

[sparkus]

It's up to us to create plausible deniability for sadolddeejay.

So, Smashy, how long have you been banging one of Legs and Co?

[20jay]

I read here with astonishment how much some love their wives so much but fuck others for money.  Will your wife who trusts you continue to love you if she knows what you are doing.  My respect everyone who says "we have been married 20 years and good friends" instead of this hypocrisy.  Okay, I'm not married any longer and I won't get married either.

[winkywanky]

I love my wife too - she's an amazing woman and a real beauty (former  public relations promotion girl and professional dancer), quite a bit younger than me and absolutely devoted to me.

So, why do I punt? Cos when I married I felt I had not played the field enough, and I like the thrill of the risk. I think if she found out she would actually, literally kill me. I really should give up this hobby. (Maybe just a few more first though.)

I have to say, some people never realise when they have it all.

That's not a judgement by the way, you seem to be admitting as much.

[sparkus]

I've met several WGs/SPs who have husbands in tow who either don't know about what they do or turn a blind eye.

Anyhow, it makes sense to not discuss our professions on here as mentioned, though as an astronaut I'm finding working from home a wretch.

[winkywanky]

At least you're not a Space Cadet, Lord knows there's a few of those on here.

[sadolddeejay]

It's up to us to create plausible deniability for sadolddeejay.

So, Smashy, how long have you been banging one of Legs and Co?

I also do a lot for charidy but don't like to talk aboud id. Now, here's Bachman Turner Overdrive... Let's rock!

Not banged one of Legs and Co but did meet Ruth Pearson of Pans People once. Really lovely lady, wicked sense of humour. Sadly died of the big C a couple of years ago.

[Payyourwaymate]

I read here with astonishment how much some love their wives so much but fuck others for money.  Will your wife who trusts you continue to love you if she knows what you are doing. 

Why is it shocking? I think that when men fuck other women instead their GF or "other half" it's not for an emotional reason, more so a physical outlet and has little relation to love. Although you can argue "well if he loves her, he would not do something that could potentially hurt her  "... Well, lust is hard to contain. It's one reason I would not get married; especially if I had money, your options seuxally when you have money flowing becomes almost boundless... all the things you would wonder about that you could do with women will no longer be a dream with the money available to make it happen.

The amount of willpower needed to not "cheat" when you have options must be insane. I personally think the reason why some men do not "cheat" is not because they are as faithful as they think they are...it's because they really do not have a lot of options if any, apart from their current GF or "wife".... and if they did have options but had a wife, living in a western society where the judicial system will as good as castrate a man financially in the divorce courts, it's not worth the risk. Plus, as crazy as it seems...it does makes sense that they still love their wifes so much; it's why they try their hardest to not let them find out due to the damage it will cause.

There are some genuine good guys that are faithful, and to be honest... I would have been one of them, pre-punting. However, that would have only because I did not really have many options then, not because I wanted to be with one woman for the rest of my life all lovely dovey toodledoo. I no longer think it would be possible for me to remain "faithful" if I did get into a relationship for longer than 9 months, the lust would get the better of me. Does that make me weak willed in that sense? Yh pretty much lol.

I do wonder if men are meant for monogamous relationships or if they were just forced into it by societal "expectations". 

[Thephoenix]

I read here with astonishment how much some love their wives so much but fuck others for money.  Will your wife who trusts you continue to love you if she knows what you are doing.  My respect everyone who says "we have been married 20 years and good friends" instead of this hypocrisy.  Okay, I'm not married any longer and I won't get married either.

I'm really reluctant to respond  because I'm wondering what your motives are to post this.

Are you just stirring the shit, or from mumsnet?

A topic like this  must have been discussed a lot on this forum before I joined.

I'm really surprised to read a generalisation like that, about such a multifaceted situation, on this forum.

I'm not going to respond by talking in detail about my own personal circumstances, but it only needs some thought and imagination to come up with circumstances within the relationship,  or about one or other of the partners,  whereby
somebody might decide to punt, and yet still love their wife.

Others can do so if they wish...... There's a long list

[Thephoenix]

Why is it shocking? I think that when men fuck other women instead their GF or "other half" it's not for an emotional reason, more so a physical outlet and has little relation to love. Although you can argue "well if he loves her, he would not do something that could potentially hurt her  "... Well, lust is hard to contain. It's one reason I would not get married; especially if I had money, your options seuxally when you have money flowing becomes almost boundless... all the things you would wonder about that you could do with women will no longer be a dream with the money available to make it happen.

The amount of willpower needed to not "cheat" when you have options must be insane. I personally think the reason why some men do not "cheat" is not because they are as faithful as they think they are...it's because they really do not have a lot of options if any, apart from their current GF or "wife".... and if they did have options but had a wife, living in a western society where the judicial system will as good as castrate a man financially in the divorce courts, it's not worth the risk. Plus, as crazy as it seems...it does makes sense that they still love their wifes so much; it's why they try their hardest to not let them find out due to the damage it will cause.

There are some genuine good guys that are faithful, and to be honest... I would have been one of them, pre-punting. However, that would have only because I did not really have many options then, not because I wanted to be with one woman for the rest of my life all lovely dovey toodledoo. I no longer think it would be possible for me to remain "faithful" if I did get into a relationship for longer than 9 months, the lust would get the better of me. Does that make me weak willed in that sense? Yh pretty much lol.

I do wonder if men are meant for monogamous relationships or if they were just forced into it by societal "expectations". 

That's why it's reputed to be the oldest profession

[Billy no mates]

I read here with astonishment how much some love their wives so much but fuck others for money.  Will your wife who trusts you continue to love you if she knows what you are doing.  My respect everyone who says "we have been married 20 years and good friends" instead of this hypocrisy.  Okay, I'm not married any longer and I won't get married either.

Easy peasy, I sometimes bring my wife with me when I punt 

[Doc Holliday]

Easy peasy, I sometimes bring my wife with me when I punt 

I sometimes take your wife with me also   

[sparkus]

I sometimes take your wife with me also   

"I'm Brian of Nazareth and so's my wife!" 

[Malvolio]

I'm really reluctant to respond  because I'm wondering what your motives are to post this.

Are you just stirring the shit, or from mumsnet?

A topic like this  must have been discussed a lot on this forum before I joined.

I'm really surprised to read a generalisation like that, about such a multifaceted situation, on this forum.

I'm not going to respond by talking in detail about my own personal circumstances, but it only needs some thought and imagination to come up with circumstances within the relationship,  or about one or other of the partners,  whereby
somebody might decide to punt, and yet still love their wife.

Others can do so if they wish...... There's a long list

If you loved your wife you'd be honest with her.  If you were honest with her you'd tell her you like fucking WGs.  She might be fine with that - or she might not...

[sadolddeejay]

If you loved your wife you'd be honest with her.  If you were honest with her you'd tell her you like fucking WGs.  She might be fine with that - or she might not...

Sometimes men are not honest with their wives because they love them. The obvious instance is when asked "does my bum look big in this?" The honest answer is "Yes, you went a bit mad with food at Christmas and could do with losing a few pounds." The loving answer is "No, love, you look great."

When you love someone you don't hurt them. What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

[20jay]

I'm really reluctant to respond  because I'm wondering what your motives are to post this.

Are you just stirring the shit, or from mumsnet?

I do not understand why members let themselves out here how much they love their wives .. This is a Punter forum.

That is sheer hypocrisy. I was been married long enough and would never do it again. 99% of the couples in my acquaintance are still together because of children, debts, habit. With a lot of luck they are still friends and don't just live side by side without a word. The fact that one does not tell the truth to one another has mostly economic reasons.

So why ventilate the subject here in this way? Can you see my "motives"? That is just my opinion. In my last years of marriage I also visited hookers, of course, but at some point I was tired of this spectacle, the children grew up, and of course the hookers were not the official reason for divorce.

So much for Mumsnet

[sadolddeejay]

The reason this is a topic is as a diversion until life gets back to normal. However, the psychology and reasons behind happily married men punting are worthy of discussion.

[20jay]

However, the psychology and reasons behind happily married men punting are worthy of discussion.

Really ..if they would be "happily married" they would not have reason to fuck other girls , baaam done. Simple fact
Men are not designed for monogamy, but to pass on their genetic makeup to as many as possible. Okay, the death rate for newborns, children and women at birth are not as they were back then, but the program still works as if it were.

Simplicity, marriage and lifelong monogamy is against nature, like celibacy in the church.
Quod erat demonstrandum...

[sparkus]

I do not understand why members let themselves out here how much they love their wives .. This is a Punter forum.

That is sheer hypocrisy. I was been married long enough and would never do it again. 99% of the couples in my acquaintance are still together because of children, debts, habit. With a lot of luck they are still friends and don't just live side by side without a word. The fact that one does not tell the truth to one another has mostly economic reasons.

So why ventilate the subject here in this way? Can you see my "motives"? That is just my opinion. In my last years of marriage I also visited hookers, of course, but at some point I was tired of this spectacle, the children grew up, and of course the hookers were not the official reason for divorce.

So much for Mumsnet

I actually dread to think what Mumsnet must be like right at this moment...

[20jay]

I actually dread to think what Mumsnet must be like right at this moment...

..probably lost in translation .....how would you express it in the UK ?

soveel vir mumsnet..? So much to Mumsnet..?

[Thephoenix]

If you loved your wife you'd be honest with her.  If you were honest with her you'd tell her you like fucking WGs.  She might be fine with that - or she might not...

You've been reading those  Mills & Boon books again vicar.

Ah!  If life was so simple.

I suspect that many married men punt for lots of reasons, yet still love their wives.

They may do so, fully aware of the judgemental attitudes to this by some people in modern Western societies.

Often these individuals know nothing about the reasons or circumstances why these men punt, before making their judgement

The oldest profession of prostitution has existed so long for good reasons.

Perhaps experienced prostitutes are among the few women in the world who actually get to see the true nature of men.

Certainly those on Mumsnet will never understand men.

[20jay]

You've been reading those  Mills & Boon books again vicar.

Ah!  If life was so simple.

I suspect that many married men punt for lots of reasons, yet still love their wives.

They may do so, fully aware of the judgemental attitudes to this by some people in modern Western societies.

Often these individuals know nothing about the reasons or circumstances why these men punt, before making their judgement

The oldest profession of prostitution has existed so long for good reasons.

Perhaps experienced prostitutes are among the few women in the world who actually get to see the true nature of men.

Certainly those on Mumsnet will never understand men.

 Mills & Boon--> romantic fiction <---  that's what monogamy and marriage is 

[workinallweek]

 well my mate  just announced his wife ha suggested he gets a girl in to join them to spice up their sex life( virtually non existant)  .They are mid 50'S and she is a size 16  , his preference is size 12 max and mid 20's tops . This could get interesting

[Thephoenix]

 Mills & Boon--> romantic fiction <---  that's what monogamy and marriage is 

Maybe you're right,  but if someone says that they punt and still love their wife, why do you doubt them.

Are you calling them  liars,  without having any idea what their circumstances or reasons for punting are.

Why not just accept what they're saying.

You might not be able to imagine any such circumstances, or simply just choose to be critical of that concept,  but why not just accept what they say.

Here's a few to consider:-

Open marriage,
Living apart for long periods,
Wife unable or unwilling to have sex,
Wife has chronic mental or physical illness, dementia, or in care,
Husband is addicted to sex, or simply unable to get the sexual satisfaction from the relationship.
And I'm sure there's many more.

These sort of circumstances may occur more often,  but not exclusively with older couples.

There's a discussion on why you hate your wife....... I'm just offering a balance.

[winkywanky]

 well my mate  just announced his wife ha suggested he gets a girl in to join them to spice up their sex life( virtually non existant)  .They are mid 50'S and she is a size 16  , his preference is size 12 max and mid 20's tops . This could get interesting

The crucial thing is will she let him choose the girl?

And has he told his missus of his preference?   

[20jay]

Maybe you're right,  but if someone says that they punt and still love their wife, why do you doubt them.

Are you calling them  liars,  without having any idea what their circumstances or reasons for punting are.

Why not just accept what they're saying.

I didn't say liar, I said hypocritical.

Liar is a liar
Thief is thief

The reasons are for sure complex and often certainly understandable. Otherwise it was just my personal view one don't have to share it.

There's a discussion on why you hate your wife....... I'm just offering a balance.

..haven't seen the discussion ..so fair enough

[cunningman]

The crucial thing is will she let him choose the girl?

Under the circumstances, I would have thought 'Yes dear, you just sort it out' would be better than the alternative.  Which is 'nothing'.  After all, if she chooses first time, and a precedent is set, then maybe he can choose next time?

[Thephoenix]

I suppose it would be OK to just go and have a relaxing Thai massage at the local parlour to ease those stiff muscles, as that's not cheating anyway is it?.

If the masseuse accidently touches your gonads or accidentally puts a finger or two up your arsehole, or even rests her head on your nether regions when she's tired, that's definitely not actually having sex, is it

Therefore surely that must be OK

[Happylad]

I  must confess that from all the above comments it does appear that the majority of you have a rather one sided view of marital fidelity.  Suppose that you accidentally discovered that your wife`s apparent indifference to your sexual advances was because SHE thought YOU didn`t cut the mustard any more and bored the daylights out of her with your clumsy fumbling, and that when you thought she was at the monthly W.I. meeting she was actually paying a young stud £150 of your hard earned cash to fuck the arse off her.

Would you still regard her adultery with the same indifference that you do your own OR WOULD YOU BE OFF NEXT DAY TO SEE YOUR SOLICITOR?

I`ll get my coat ........

[20jay]

I  must confess that from all the above comments it does appear that the majority of you have a rather one sided view of marital fidelity.  Suppose that you accidentally discovered that your wife`s apparent indifference to your sexual advances was because SHE thought YOU didn`t cut the mustard any more and bored the daylights out of her with your clumsy fumbling, and that when you thought she was at the monthly W.I. meeting she was actually paying a young stud £150 of your hard earned cash to fuck the arse off her.

Would you still regard her adultery with the same indifference that you do your own OR WOULD YOU BE OFF NEXT DAY TO SEE YOUR SOLICITOR?

I`ll get my coat ........

Why not, as already mentioned, speaking of friendship instead of love ... if it has already to be. Of course one won't say that to ones partner's face for the reasons already mentioned. But why singing the high song on love without need, especially when one pay to fuck other women.
Did I mention hypocrisy ? 

[Thephoenix]

I  must confess that from all the above comments it does appear that the majority of you have a rather one sided view of marital fidelity.  Suppose that you accidentally discovered that your wife`s apparent indifference to your sexual advances was because SHE thought YOU didn`t cut the mustard any more and bored the daylights out of her with your clumsy fumbling, and that when you thought she was at the monthly W.I. meeting she was actually paying a young stud £150 of your hard earned cash to fuck the arse off her.

Would you still regard her adultery with the same indifference that you do your own OR WOULD YOU BE OFF NEXT DAY TO SEE YOUR SOLICITOR?

I`ll get my coat ........

Good point Happy.... In many cases that would happen, but not all.  Some marriages survive or are even made stronger through re examining the relationship.

You assume that men are indifferent to the fact they punt when married.

Some will be, but others are far from indifferent. Despite the logic in your post, why is it the case that lots of punters are married, although reluctant to admit that on this site, or even to close friends?
Maybe its because they will be judged adversely, even by fellow punters.

Why are they prepared to take the risks, possibly the conflict and guilt to punt?

It is double standards as you say..... So why is that?

Why have brothels been around since Roman times and probably earlier?

Why are most sex workers women providing services for men?

Why is there not a UKpunting for women?

Why do so many more men watch porn than women, and is that cheating?.... I suspect some wives would say it was.

Yes it's lying, cheating, double standards, hypocrisy, yet married men are still prepared to say they love their wives?

Food for thought and discussion?

[20jay]

As already described, it is the nature of men that is evolutionarily designed for the preservation of species. The "problem" exists only through the social and religious guidelines.
Monogamy creates peace in society because there is no longer any competition because of  "females". Celibacy in the church is also against human nature.

Women do not need an escort, if she wants to fuck she goes to the next pub and looks for a man , whom she gives the feels that he has conquered her

EDIT:Of course there are exceptions but roughly I should be right.