Regret - damned if you do, damned if you don't...

[od13218]

I suspect this is something most guys on here will have learned to handle long ago... but may be of interest, and I'm curious to know other's views and experiences.
I used to have dreadful guilt as a married punter, and would agonise for days afterwards. I don't feel like this any more - at least, not to this extent -  and in fact I think I am in general a better husband than I was when I spent my days frustrated! But I do still have a little remorse to work through every time - as much to do with spending the money as anything else.
So whenever a punting opportunity arises, I have a dilemma - sometimes I go for it, ready to handle any guilt, and sometimes walk away, feeling temporarily "virtuous". Today was a "walk away" moment, and I've been regretting it ever since: I was in Soho and popped in to 70a Berwick St to find that Eva was there - never tried her but read good things - but I was a bit short of cash and made myself go home, thinking I'd regret the spend: on the contrary, I feel like I squandered a damn' good opportunity for a kinky session with a lovely tall blonde!
So, do any guys share my dilemma, or am I just a bit green...?

[anonyorks]

I don't feel guilty about punting, never have. It's removed the need for drunken mistakes, secret f**ebook messaging and generally being a dickhead. You pay to walk away at the end of the day. I've not spent money I shouldn't have and I spend far less than the average spend on clothes and handbags I see nowadays. Ask yourself why you want to see a WG?

[od13218]

I'm coming round to that way of thinking - I've only been doing this as a married man for a few months, so I'm still quite new to everything. What I do know is that giving up is not an option! There are needs that ain't going away...
I guess I just need a better paid job so I can relax about the cash

[SirFrank]

I often have mixed feelings about punting as I am married. However, if I have an exceptional punt then I rarely feel guilty or dwell on it. It's when it's lacklustre that I tend to feel shit because I've usually spent a lot of cash for sweet FA. My most recent punt made me feeling disappointed in many ways. I then usually think I wish I hadn't bothered

[od13218]

I often have mixed feelings about punting as I am married. However, if I have an exceptional punt then I rarely feel guilty or dwell on it. It's when it's lacklustre that I tend to feel shit because I've usually spent a lot of cash for sweet FA. My most recent punt made me feeling disappointed in many ways. I then usually think I wish I hadn't bothered

Yes, I know what you mean: so in fact the regret is more about the waste of money/missed opportunity. I was really struck by how low I felt on the way home today, having chosen the "virtuous" option, but I think that explains it: I had the opportunity and blew it! (Though at least I've still got my cash saved for next time.) Lesson learnt!,

[Jock-Scot]

I often have mixed feelings about punting as I am married. However, if I have an exceptional punt then I rarely feel guilty or dwell on it. It's when it's lacklustre that I tend to feel shit because I've usually spent a lot of cash for sweet FA. My most recent punt made me feeling disappointed in many ways. I then usually think I wish I hadn't bothered

Likewise! I don't often go to the pub or have any expensive hobbies, (apart from WG's  ) and it's money I can afford. I'd feel guilty if the mortgage wasn't paid or the kids weren't getting fed and I was still spending cash on WG's.

[CupidStunt]

Obviously know nothing of your situation but know someone who punts after his wife essentially shut up shop after their last kid.

Was putting a real strain on the relationship so he punts now and things are much better. When he ran the situation by me I told him I  thought he'd only have to feel guilty if others got hurt because he was careless and got caught/caught something. Much less risk of any kids being put through a divorce by seeing a sp than having an affair imo.

[johnnyboy61]

Much the same as previous situation. The sweet shop was only really opened when she wanted kids. Sex virtually stopped when we married partly because of an eating disorder which had been bubbling under for a number of years, after the shutters were slammed down again thought "you've only got one life and I damned if I'm going to the grave living like a monk" and have been punting for the last twenty years. Should I be the one feeling guilty? If she wants sex she can initiate it now as I had too many years of the cold shoulder treatment in the bedroom. Do I sound a tad bitter?? Well perhaps, but at least I've got a sex life back again and I've never had an affair, so guilt free, just wouldn't want to go through all the pain if I get caught.

[RedKettle]

The sweet shop was only really opened when she wanted kids. Sex virtually stopped when we married after the shutters were slammed down again thought "you've only got one life and I damned if I'm going to the grave living like a monk" and have been punting for the last twenty years. Should I be the one feeling guilty? If she wants sex she can initiate it now as I had too many years of the cold shoulder treatment in the bedroom. Do I sound a tad bitter?? Well perhaps, but at least I've got a sex life back again and I've never had an affair, so guilt free, just wouldn't want to go through all the pain if I get caught.

Having taken out the eating disorder part - now that word for word could have been written by me - except replace 20 for 10.

I am bitter - the cold shoulder is a rejection on a regular basis in your bedroom where you should be secure and loved.  So like you I just stopped asking.

[smiths]

I suspect this is something most guys on here will have learned to handle long ago... but may be of interest, and I'm curious to know other's views and experiences.
I used to have dreadful guilt as a married punter, and would agonise for days afterwards. I don't feel like this any more - at least, not to this extent -  and in fact I think I am in general a better husband than I was when I spent my days frustrated! But I do still have a little remorse to work through every time - as much to do with spending the money as anything else.
So whenever a punting opportunity arises, I have a dilemma - sometimes I go for it, ready to handle any guilt, and sometimes walk away, feeling temporarily "virtuous". Today was a "walk away" moment, and I've been regretting it ever since: I was in Soho and popped in to 70a Berwick St to find that Eva was there - never tried her but read good things - but I was a bit short of cash and made myself go home, thinking I'd regret the spend: on the contrary, I feel like I squandered a damn' good opportunity for a kinky session with a lovely tall blonde!
So, do any guys share my dilemma, or am I just a bit green...?

I never feel any guilt nowadays, I left that behind many years ago. It used to spoil the fun of punting for me so being selfish ensures that doesn't occur now. IMO if the guilt outweighs the fun punting isn't for you, but that is obviously your business.

[cueball]

No regrets from me

[Drillakilla]

I don't suffer from guilt, I suffer from paranoia straight after and start doing a mental checklist that I have covered all bases, so as not to get caught out.

[anonyorks]

I don't suffer from guilt, I suffer from paranoia straight after and start doing a mental checklist that I have covered all bases, so as not to get caught out.

+1

[Toby]

Question from an unmarried punter to the married punters: why stay married if the sex life is dead? I can understand staying together if you have kids under 18, where you'd have to give the ex money for the kids.

[carefree]

My wife is a good un and still gets plenty of attention BUT.......after a punt i dont give a fuck, bad me

Oh, and we still have sex

[Drillakilla]

Question from an unmarried punter to the married punters: why stay married if the sex life is dead? I can understand staying together if you have kids under 18, where you'd have to give the ex money for the kids.

Who says my sex life is dead, I suffer from a primal instinct, in that I want to bang as many girls as I can. Think of it as lions in the wild who want to increase the size of their pride.

[Toby]

Who says my sex life is dead, I suffer from a primal instinct, in that I want to bang as many girls as I can. Think of it as lions in the wild who want to increase the size of their pride.

My question was to the people who consider their marital sex life is dead. It isn't all about you. 

[Drillakilla]

My question was to the people who consider their marital sex life is dead. It isn't all about you. 

Damn it, threads are more exciting to me, when they are about me

[johnnyboy61]

There are still lots of positives in our relationship, and my sex-life isn't dead because I punt.  She seems to be happy having no sex, and I'm happy having it with WGs, so divorce doesn't seem to be an unnecessary option. No doubt the time will come soon when neither of us fancy a roll in the grass, so eventually we'll both be back with the same libido. Sad, but probably true.

[smiths]

Question from an unmarried punter to the married punters: why stay married if the sex life is dead? I can understand staying together if you have kids under 18, where you'd have to give the ex money for the kids.

For some sex is just one aspect of a relationship so love and companionship is why some stay together despite no sex. Personally I wouldn't accept no sex from a partner, it would be a terminal end to a relationship but some others feel different of course.

[webpunter]

I don't suffer from guilt, I suffer from paranoia straight after and start doing a mental checklist that I have covered all bases, so as not to get caught out.

Me neither with guilt.  If you feel guilty then don't fucking do it !  "Oh i wish i hadn't done X, Y or Z".  Save this for the OH [if she ever finds out] & if she falls for it then you just know she's either desperate or shagging behind your back
I don't think you're suffering from paranoia.  Just fear of fucking up & making an error where you could be caught.  Seems pretty normal to me.  Gordon Gekko quoted 'greed is good'.  When it comes to punting then i figure 'fear is good'.  It focuses your mind.  My tip is to focus before you punt rather than afterwards - when the post punt euphoria is kicking in.  Much less risky - proper preparation & planning prevents piss poor performance

[od13218]

Having taken out the eating disorder part - now that word for word could have been written by me - except replace 20 for 10.

I am bitter - the cold shoulder is a rejection on a regular basis in your bedroom where you should be secure and loved.  So like you I just stopped asking.

I'm saddened - but sort of relieved - at how many guys seem to say this. My situation was very similar: for years I toiled with the anxiety every night of "will she say yes?", and after so many "no"s I figured - you know what? I'm tired of asking and being rejected: I don't want to feel like a bloody teenager again! When she wants it, she can ask, and meanwhile I'll find my own solutions...

In fact, every now and again she now *does* initiate, but we're talking about maybe once every 2-3 months...

Thanks to all of you for your comments  - appreciate the honesty!
Doug

[od13218]

I don't suffer from guilt, I suffer from paranoia straight after and start doing a mental checklist that I have covered all bases, so as not to get caught out.

Yes, there's that, too!
Reminds me of that old saying: "If you always tell the truth, you never have to remember everything" - so true! Can be tiring making sure all tracks are covered...

[od13218]

Question from an unmarried punter to the married punters: why stay married if the sex life is dead? I can understand staying together if you have kids under 18, where you'd have to give the ex money for the kids.

Hi Toby,
fair question: for me it's simple - 1. I do have young kids and don't want to screw their lives up (the money comes second) and 2. Everything else about the marriage is great - we get on brilliantly, laugh a lot, have great holidays - and on the rare occasions that we do have sex, it's awesome.
In short, as they say on facebook - it's complicated
Doug

[wheeliebinwanking]

Hi Toby,
fair question: for me it's simple - 1. I do have young kids and don't want to screw their lives up (the money comes second) and 2. Everything else about the marriage is great - we get on brilliantly, laugh a lot, have great holidays - and on the rare occasions that we do have sex, it's awesome.
In short, as they say on facebook - it's complicated
Doug

I am a newbie here but find the post and replies very interesting. Writing this reply will be very cathartic for me

I love my wife beyond words but her appetite for sex is rock bottom right now. We have a child and in between trying for another. When trying it's great, sex every other day and I became quite conditioned to it. But when not trying and the shop is shut, I find it very difficult. She knows there's a problem and has often said 'You must be desperate' but she bizzarely doesn't do anything about it. I was actually getting annoyed as I stopped asking, but I was actually getting annoyed for waking up and going to bed with raging stiffies.

Wheelie Wanking (see what I did there) has helped  A LOT, but I fear I need to feel the real deal soon.

Funny thing is, sex with the wife though vanilla is amazing. I can only do one round and I often pass out afterwards as I feel very satifisfied. But I always remember a time a few years ago (before we got married) I messed around whilst on holiday and managed 5 rounds with some girl one night. It's like I can flip into two different modes. Pure lust & love modes if you will...

ANYWAY, enough with the side track. I feel bad for writing this in a way as I don't want to give a bad impression of my wife. But fcuk it, you don't know either of us and I can use the forum to vent my sexual frustrations. There are some very valid reasons for her shutting up shop but they only go so far at times.

I haven't made a WG booking as you. I messed about with massage ladies whilst working away a few years ago. But I am ready to start my guilty journey

To the unmarried guys, it's all good and well giving it large, but things change when married. My wife was verging on nympho when we were dating. I had to tell her to leave me alone as I was too drained for work but as the years go by, libidos change. Not for all women, but clearly for a good fair few

W

[socks]

I work hard, care about my kids, provide for the OH and go above and beyond what i'm sure most would put up with. That i get fucking nothing back from her is the price i pay for putting my kids first. Like johnnyboy says, i'm not living like a monk and regretting it on my deathbed. So i punt and have no guilt whatsoever,  quite the reverse. I am glad i take this option and if i'd known about it sooner i'd have saved myself years of frustration.

[sticko]

I work hard, care about my kids, provide for the OH and go above and beyond what i'm sure most would put up with. That i get fucking nothing back from her is the price i pay for putting my kids first. Like johnnyboy says, i'm not living like a monk and regretting it on my deathbed. So i punt and have no guilt whatsoever,  quite the reverse. I am glad i take this option and if i'd known about it sooner i'd have saved myself years of frustration.

Likewise.  I also do most of the cooking (although this is another hobby really - it's a necessity but I enjoy it  ).  Kids come first, I still get on very well with my missus, but the last time she put her lips round my cock was last August. 

No guilt, no regrets; quite the opposite in fact.  I'd have left her in a messy divorce by now and be both poorer and not seeing my kids as much as I do were it not for punting.

S

[johnnyboy61]

Funny that, I do most of the cooking too (and consequently the shopping, and because I make the mess the washing-up too)!  Perhaps as we carry out some of the more traditional female roles our wives have decided that we really aren't entitled to our traditional conjugal rights. Maybe I should give up the cooking to get more sex, mind yo, if you've sampled my wife's cooking perhaps not, I'll carry on chefing (film title?) and carry on paying for sex (not such a good film title).

[Sandman1874]

I used to feel guilty in the early days. Don't any more as its far easier than trying for an affair. As long as I keep it discrete and spend my own funds then I can live with it.

[Drillakilla]

Me neither with guilt.  If you feel guilty then don't fucking do it !  "Oh i wish i hadn't done X, Y or Z".  Save this for the OH [if she ever finds out] & if she falls for it then you just know she's either desperate or shagging behind your back
I don't think you're suffering from paranoia.  Just fear of fucking up & making an error where you could be caught.  Seems pretty normal to me.  Gordon Gekko quoted 'greed is good'.  When it comes to punting then i figure 'fear is good'.  It focuses your mind.  My tip is to focus before you punt rather than afterwards - when the post punt euphoria is kicking in.  Much less risky - proper preparation & planning prevents piss poor performance

Your right on many points, though, when I focus too much before hand on organizing, I've had my missus say 'you're acting different!' I thought oh fuck, need to cancel that one. My problem is I've been caught before so my punting windows are now few are far between.

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Funny that, I do most of the cooking too (and consequently the shopping, and because I make the mess the washing-up too)!  Perhaps as we carry out some of the more traditional female roles our wives have decided that we really aren't entitled to our traditional conjugal rights. Maybe I should give up the cooking to get more sex, mind yo, if you've sampled my wife's cooking perhaps not, I'll carry on chefing (film title?) and carry on paying for sex (not such a good film title).

I think your right on the "role" point women seem to ask for one thnig but really expect another, and they want treating as equals but when you try to do that they get all awkward with it.

I don't think thousands of years of evolution will change overnight;!.

It 's like that women are attracted to bad boys, seen that happen in practice more times that I care to remember. I had a couple of girlfriends many years ago who pissed off with a couple of right bastards One of them put her in the club then sodded off leaving her to support the poor child. Wittered on about what a great bloke he was and then asked me I if I'd like to be involved as its "Dad", not bloody likely silly bitch..

[Siadwel]

I'm reading all these and beginning to think that I must have been a callous, cold-hearted bastid when I was married. I punted whenever I could, even though my ex and I had a perfectly satisfying sex-life, right up until we separated. Our last fuck was about four days before I went away and she walked out, and the separation was absolutely nothing to do with sex, punting, lack of sex, too much sex....we just both had enough of being married. I'd still like to fuck her, even though she's 57 and a bit pear-shaped, but we both know it wouldn't be wise. Besides which, I don't think I could compete with her Ann Summers sooper-dooper hand-held shagging machine thing.

I never regretted or had guilt feelings about punting then or now. Maybe a little guilt over the money I was spending on whores instead of the family, but they never wanted for anything so any guilt feelings soon dissipated.

I feel deeply for those who've lost the sex in their marriages but still love their wives, and understand the dilemma it must put you in.

[cueball]

I have a great understanding with Mrs cueball....

I do all the cooking.... she eats it

We do all the shopping... she's pays for it

I pay the mortgage.... she enjoys living in the house

I put the fire on.... she pays the gas bill

I podge loads of prossies.... she knows fuck all about it

[webpunter]

I podge loads of prossies.... she knows fuck all about it

Ideal - especially the last one 

[socks]

Likewise.  I also do most of the cooking (although this is another hobby really - it's a necessity but I enjoy it  ).  Kids come first, I still get on very well with my missus, but the last time she put her lips round my cock was last August. 

No guilt, no regrets; quite the opposite in fact.  I'd have left her in a messy divorce by now and be both poorer and not seeing my kids as much as I do were it not for punting.

S

Quote
Funny that, I do most of the cooking too (and consequently the shopping, and because I make the mess the washing-up too)!  Perhaps as we carry out some of the more traditional female roles our wives have decided that we really aren't entitled to our traditional conjugal rights. Maybe I should give up the cooking to get more sex, mind yo, if you've sampled my wife's cooking perhaps not, I'll carry on chefing (film title?) and carry on paying for sex (not such a good film title).

Fuck me guys we're kindred spirits. I do all that too and can raise sticko's last august to sometime in 2010/11

[Quesadilla]

For some sex is just one aspect of a relationship so love and companionship is why some stay together despite no sex. Personally I wouldn't accept no sex from a partner, it would be a terminal end to a relationship but some others feel different of course.

+1 as someone separated for me the sex thing was the terminal end.  Having debated this point on here, in some cases quite heatedly, I can see that others feel differently. I don't envy them. 

[Nobby nobbs]

Regretting a missed punt opportunity...
Picking back up from the original post it's hard for me to regret a punt that never happened. It's tempting to imagine it would've been great. Maybe, but maybe she was in a bad mood from a previous asshole punter, maybe someone interrupted, maybe someone you know sees you walking out, maybe it was totally effing amazing... Point is, you don't actually know.

To guilt or not to guilt...
Because society, your significant other, kids, boss,  friends or religion  doesn't exactly approve of our hobby, and because you're a normal human, you'll get feelings like guilt, anxiety about getting caught and feeling crap about yourself to a greater or lesser degree. Some people genuinely feel nothing. Some are at peace with it. Some push those feelings down so well they will swear blind they are ok with it. Some build a wall of justifications.  Each man fights their own battles, who am I to judge what they do?  Point is, their are many ways thru the guilt maze but guilt-free people who at peace with their choices only got there by not shying from the anxiety and really thinking it over.

[Taggart]

I feel less guilty than I did 5-7 years back, and that only because the sex at home has diminished to nothing. I've had more WGs than sessions with Mrs T who seems to be on a permanent blob and fails to make any opportunity. Expects me to do the lawns and gardens tho !!

Years back I was guilty and nervous of being caught, but now it's easier, but there is a danger that when it gets easier one can get complacent, and that's when you make silly errors that can catch you out.

I use a separate phone that is relgiously wiped (factory reset) before I leave the WGs area; web browser set to leave no history/cookies, etc; punting takes place when I am away overnight in a hotel, or when Mrs T is at work, so as to create no suspicious absences from home; money is in my own account etc.

I've even dropped Mrs T off at work, headed off 25 miles yonder, had my session with the WG, showered, snacked at McDs, returned and picked her up after work. Happy as Larry.

Even though it is off to a fine art, I must confess to being a bit bored with it all now. Popular girls are now too busy to get a booking, too many poor service providers muscling in, too many Romanians, too many unattractive women, too many offering limited services with no DFK, so I am seriously contemplating a break for a few months from paying for sex, but will still be on here.

[od13218]

Regretting a missed punt opportunity...
Picking back up from the original post it's hard for me to regret a punt that never happened. It's tempting to imagine it would've been great. Maybe, but maybe she was in a bad mood from a previous asshole punter, maybe someone interrupted, maybe someone you know sees you walking out, maybe it was totally effing amazing... Point is, you don't actually know.

To guilt or not to guilt...
Because society, your significant other, kids, boss,  friends or religion  doesn't exactly approve of our hobby, and because you're a normal human, you'll get feelings like guilt, anxiety about getting caught and feeling crap about yourself to a greater or lesser degree. Some people genuinely feel nothing. Some are at peace with it. Some push those feelings down so well they will swear blind they are ok with it. Some build a wall of justifications.  Each man fights their own battles, who am I to judge what they do?  Point is, their are many ways thru the guilt maze but guilt-free people who at peace with their choices only got there by not shying from the anxiety and really thinking it over.

Thanks - good thoughts. Especially about the missed punt - you're right of course: I'm assuming I've missed something fabulous but as you say it could have been a dead loss!
I used to find the guilt crippling but now seem to have a manageable take on it: I know that many many people will find my choices morally unacceptable, and I know that my wife would end our marriage instantly if she found out. So I don't tell anyone (which is why an anonymous forum like this is fantastic for sharing experiences - thanks guys!), and I take damned good care not to arouse suspicion. I'm now getting towards the only regret ever being if I've overspent or had a bad punt, which seems a happier place to be...

Doug

[Boundless]

Question from an unmarried punter to the married punters: why stay married if the sex life is dead? I can understand staying together if you have kids under 18, where you'd have to give the ex money for the kids.

There's a lot more to married life than sex.
Me and the Mrs get on really well, have a fantastic life together, love each other's company, have loads in common etc, however, due to her age, hormones and various medical problems, she has no interest in sex.
I therefore obtain that elsewhere as I'm still very interested in sex. I don't feel guilty as the money is not a problem, however I don't like the deception aspect of punting but feel it is necessary.

[mf_1101]

It's interesting topic to read since I think this sort of life is ahead of me.

I am mid twenties now, started punting two years ago, about half way through it I dated a girl for a while, properly and I swore never to cheat. Of course it ended after a few months and first thing I did when it ended was bang a prozzer, but on the one hand I'd like to think I would never do this in a relationship...on the other hand, sex would dry up, get less interesting with the same girl, I'd prolly want to explore things she won't do....etc etc I think this is inevitable course of action for myself, to get married or have a long term relationship + kids and punt on the side because the sexual frustration would inevitably leave to unhappiness and stress for a long time. Most men are sexual beings who want sex and have partners namely for sex, even if I loved my girlfriend I would find it hard for her to be my girlfriend if I couldn't bang her now and again.

Am I right in this thinking married guys? More I think of it from coming on here, more hypocritical/naive it would be to think you can avoid this.

[Boundless]

Difficult to say.
We all have different views in this world of how things "should be".
Getting philosophical for a moment. We are all just a bunch of life forms that evolved by a very rare set of circumstances on a piece of rock hurtling through space orbiting a star that will one day go out. I don't believe that there is any master plan so we are very much free to do what we like. My personal philosophy is to try not to be a pain in the ass and to try to gat along with everybody and not worry about trivial things.
As I said, I have a great relationship with Mrs Sam, I punt to satisfy a sexual need that, so far, shows no signs of diminishing. The only down side of punting is the fact that I have to be secretive about it as I don't think it's in the best interests of anyone to "spill the beans", except over a fit young birds tits! 

[wheeliebinwanking]

mf_1101

Sometimes it's best to take a lighter approach. Have a look at this Chris Rock video

External Link/Members Only

In all seriousness, I love the line where he says Hilary wasn't doing her 'job' and whilst this does sound sexist, This line strikes a chord with me 'You know what happens when he doesn't get his medicine (sex)"

If I do not regularly 'release' it alters one's thinking. It's enoug to make you very frustrated but NOT enough to leave the marriage. House, Wife, Kids, etc ....

I am just rabbling on..but I honestly think that if the sex dries up (for whatever reason, valid or otherwise) than many men will revert to seeking services elsewhere, like Mr President