It has been a while since I have been on these forums, and this thread is one of the more interesting and helpful ones (if only a place where I can see I am not the only one and it is refreshing, if somewhat sad to hear others with similar problems and what their thoughts are).
For me, it has been deadroom for about 15 years, but all but dried up some 4 years prior. After the first child, OH suffered mild post-natal depression and despite best efforts of support (which were probably inadequate), the taps went off.. from memory until the period about 6 months prior to conceiving number 2 - it took that long. To be honest, it was during this period that I started to lose my attraction to her.. the sex was perfunctory and with the sole purpose of procreation. I am not one to have sex with pregnant women, so I was hunkering down for a long wait for the next time once she was confirmed pregnant.
Baby came around the middle of the year and OH made it plain that she was no longer attracted to me and although we didn't know it at the time, it was put down to post-natal depression. However, the only time she felt horny, I was afflicted with a bad flu and by the time I recovered a few days later, she had lost it again.
We have not had sex since. I engaged the services of a few SPs, preferring to find one I liked and sticking with her until she went underground. However, I stopped seeing them as I realised, it wasn't just the sex with OK that was missing, but it was the whole intimacy, closeness and partnership/companionship of a relationship I missed..
Although OH and I are not married, she is financially dependent on me, so when the inevitable split comes, I am actually going to be volunteering the lion's share of the assets to her, leaving me enought to purchase a modest home for cash and have a little left in the bank to play with. Although I have about 10 years left to retirement, I am not at all worred about the fact that I will have a lot less than if I stayed with her because my needs are modest.. a roof over my head in a village/small town, afford an SP of my liking, and an inexpensive hobby that can also generate some cash. I would prefer that than a nicer home and car, but be unhappy.
Ironically, COVID for me can justify an informal split (before the kids finish school/go to college), to which I was very surprised my partner (originally) supported.
Now, to read some reviews.. could be looking for a SP to invest in
[edit] forgot to mention, the Better Batchelor vid on the 50,000/month allimony was, I infer, because she was dependent on him after quitting her job... My guess is that was the main reason....
In NZ and Aus, the laws are similar - although from memory living together as a couple (usually with some other evidence such as a child, bank account, sleeping in the same room, etc), one is considered a de-facto couple, which in their law gives the same rights as if they were married (more or less), except if one of the partners is still married - in which you think it would be defacto biggamy, but the married partner has priority over the unmarried partner. I can't recall the period of time they have to be together living as a couple, but from memory, in Australia, it was as little as 3 months and in NZ was 12 months. But it was a long time ago.
