Punting whilst in a long term relationship . . . .

[Ilikemuff]

Your wife's friends husband followed you after work then grassed you up? What a creep of a bloke, he needs a good hiding.

+1

[hawkzville]

+1

Well thank you fellow punters for such supportive words!

The thing is though this was such a long time ago now and (having been through an awful lot of expensive therapy) I have learnt to forgive and let go; he knows what a weed-of-a-man he was (probably still is, no idea not seen him since the divorce) so he isn't worth the effort of even thinking about - but I'd shake his hand and wish him well were I to ever meet him again, because I know that holding on to anger, bottling it up is akin to a cancer, in that it just eats you up from the inside out.... same with my ex-wife... I completely forgive her tactics; she was just incredibly hurt by what I'd done to her, which I understand....

life as they say is "too short"; all I wanted to say through posting my story is that (1) your OH is smarter than you think, she will notice little behaviour changes, that you are late home, where is the cash going, how you smell, the extra miles on the car etc etc and she will build a little case against you in her mind (2) beware the sisterhood - if they start to work together you are "toast" (3) If you are going to punt never ever ever tell anyone who is even 1% in your social circle and if you ever get seen/found out etc deny it at all costs (4) saying it again - don't get caught. If you do and your OH nails you make sure you have stashed money somewhere to keep it out of the divorce!

[Fat Bob]

Well thank you fellow punters for such supportive words!

The thing is though this was such a long time ago now and (having been through an awful lot of expensive therapy) I have learnt to forgive and let go; he knows what a weed-of-a-man he was (probably still is, no idea not seen him since the divorce) so he isn't worth the effort of even thinking about - but I'd shake his hand and wish him well were I to ever meet him again, because I know that holding on to anger, bottling it up is akin to a cancer, in that it just eats you up from the inside out.... same with my ex-wife... I completely forgive her tactics; she was just incredibly hurt by what I'd done to her, which I understand....

life as they say is "too short"; all I wanted to say through posting my story is that (1) your OH is smarter than you think, she will notice little behaviour changes, that you are late home, where is the cash going, how you smell, the extra miles on the car etc etc and she will build a little case against you in her mind (2) beware the sisterhood - if they start to work together you are "toast" (3) If you are going to punt never ever ever tell anyone who is even 1% in your social circle and if you ever get seen/found out etc deny it at all costs (4) saying it again - don't get caught. If you do and your OH nails you make sure you have stashed money somewhere to keep it out of the divorce!

and thank you hawkzville for your words of wisdom!

[tynetunnel]

and thank you hawkzville for your words of wisdom!

+1. Thanks for sharing your sorry tale, and it’s good that you’ve let the anger go, its best for your health to do that.

[Mil 34]

I bet he visits there himself now.
Why don’t you follow him and see what dirty little secrets he has hidden away.
What a cunt of a man

[earlgreyman]

Well thank you fellow punters for such supportive words!

The thing is though this was such a long time ago now and (having been through an awful lot of expensive therapy) I have learnt to forgive and let go; he knows what a weed-of-a-man he was (probably still is, no idea not seen him since the divorce) so he isn't worth the effort of even thinking about - but I'd shake his hand and wish him well were I to ever meet him again, because I know that holding on to anger, bottling it up is akin to a cancer, in that it just eats you up from the inside out.... same with my ex-wife... I completely forgive her tactics; she was just incredibly hurt by what I'd done to her, which I understand....

life as they say is "too short"; all I wanted to say through posting my story is that (1) your OH is smarter than you think, she will notice little behaviour changes, that you are late home, where is the cash going, how you smell, the extra miles on the car etc etc and she will build a little case against you in her mind (2) beware the sisterhood - if they start to work together you are "toast" (3) If you are going to punt never ever ever tell anyone who is even 1% in your social circle and if you ever get seen/found out etc deny it at all costs (4) saying it again - don't get caught. If you do and your OH nails you make sure you have stashed money somewhere to keep it out of the divorce!

+1 and seriously, good on you for being able to forgive both the rat and the ex wife. I personally would've fucked that husband up and I bet he was no angel either. Definitely agree if you are married, keep a stash. This is another reason why i remain single and if i was ever to settle properly, never tie that knot - it's an expensive legal knot that costs half your life's worth.

[niftyfiftydave]

+1 and seriously, good on you for being able to forgive both the rat and the ex wife. I personally would've fucked that husband up and I bet he was no angel either. Definitely agree if you are married, keep a stash. This is another reason why i remain single and if i was ever to settle properly, never tie that knot - it's an expensive legal knot that costs half your life's worth.

Been married twice, divorcing for the second time, i can honestly say i had nothing other than rent to pay and a job going into both and came out of both with a fair settlement, and a lot more than i had going in, and a fantastic Son who is a great friend.
Still good friends with both and would do it all again. Everyone feels hard done by in these situations but if you look for positives i am sure they there.

[tynetunnel]

Been married twice, divorcing for the second time, i can honestly say i had nothing other than rent to pay and a job going into both and came out of both with a fair settlement, and a lot more than i had going in, and a fantastic Son who is a great friend.
Still good friends with both and would do it all again. Everyone feels hard done by in these situations but if you look for positives i am sure they there.

I think you Dave are the exception, rather than the rule! 

[Mac Miller]

ex-wife... I completely forgive her tactics; she was just incredibly hurt by what I'd done to her, which I understand....

make sure you have stashed money somewhere to keep it out of the divorce!

Has she forgiven you OP?   I would doubt it's within your remit to feel aggrieved and "forgive" her.?

However good to see sanity prevail than the many nonsensical comments over this debacle.

If your stupid enough to commit adultery (Yes that's me, same as OP) you must be on point at all times.
 I as the OP got complacent and took risks. Crazy when I look back, I just felt bullet proof. Lucky for me my oh was actually naive, i eventually jumped ship before my luck ran out, so no one ever found out what I had been up to.
Luck though nothing else. 

[Mac Miller]

.

[niftyfiftydave]

I think you Dave are the exception, rather than the rule! 

Know a few did better than me, years ago my mates wife didn,t even know they were splitting up, until the new owners of the house turned up with Pickfords. She did not have a clue, she was a very good looking tall blonde, but dumb as fuck.

[B4bcock]

its been 10 years since i last had sex with my woman, and theres no sign of it getting any better, but as people keep pointing out to me there is more to a relationship than just sex, my reply is i agree, but there has to be some sex, so anyway after 10 years of being faithful and watching an abnormal amount of porn i had my first punt just after christmas, incredibly i never felt guilty, but at least it got all that frustration out of my system

I was exactly the same after my first punt (a very awkward doggie in a seedy parlour).   I was seriously concerned beforehand that I would come away wracked with guilt, as once the deed is done it can never be undone and I had the feeling I may be doing something which could give me irreversible guilt.   I'm certainly not proud of it, but I walked out of that parlour feeling ten feet high and smiling.   Oddly, I felt I had restored a balance back into my life and have felt the same ever since.

[sensualencounter]

I was exactly the same after my first punt (a very awkward doggie in a seedy parlour).   I was seriously concerned beforehand that I would come away wracked with guilt, as once the deed is done it can never be undone and I had the feeling I may be doing something which could give me irreversible guilt.   I'm certainly not proud of it, but I walked out of that parlour feeling ten feet high and smiling.   Oddly, I felt I had restored a balance back into my life and have felt the same ever since.

Good description and I agree. Still get pants of guilt now and again no matter how much I justify it. But completely agree about restoring a balance back into my life.

[Fuzzyduck]

. . . . just a bit of precarious fun or does it help keep you together?

I started punting around 6 years ago when sex at home dwindled down to mish once every 4 to 6 weeks.   Apart from sex, we have a strong relationship and there are no other women I would rather be with long term.   I had a couple of chances to have an affair some years ago but avoided them as, to me, that is being unfaithful, whereas punting is purely a physical thing.   I have no doubt my bit of fun on the side has kept us together and me sane.

I suspect believing this delusion (IMO) that punting isn't being unfaithful has also kept you sane. At the end of the day, whatever works for you, though you should really think about the risks and how you'd deal with a bad outcome. I expect though most partnered up guys bury their heads in the sand and hope shit doesn't go down (I would).

For me, it can only ever not count as being unfaithful if you have your other half's open blessing. Luckily my morality compass is fucked up.

[Digby232]

Wives just do not seem to understand we need sex! Nearly got to plead to get a 5 minute standard fuck at home now and no chance of a bj. Even hand jobs are not offered. That’s why I’m going to an escort. A business transaction yes but at least she will give you all the services you dream about.

[Tony4447]

Married 34 years, punted for about 15 of those years, sex at home was always average and the wife wouldn’t try anything new never had a bj from her, she was adventurous before we got married (anal) but it fizzled out in the following years, wouldn’t even do doggy nowadays  hence why I started punting.
We still have sex a couple of times a month .........but it’s me that doesn’t want it with her, although she gives a great handjob.

Then 3 years ago I went on Oasis and have had a relationship with a woman I met, sex is great she’s open to anything, not only fantastic sex (bj, anal, strapon, anything) but she’s a fun person to be around and she absolutely loves me, and I feel she’s good for me mentally as she has an optimistic outlook on life whereas I can get quite down and my wife doesn’t appear to care................so thinking of ending the marriage as we are both unhappy and I certainly see no future in staying together, do I love my wife.....not sure, I care about her and wouldn’t want to see anything bad happen to her, but I will be retiring in 5 or 6 years and don’t relish being with her for ever more.

Punting in the back-burner for now as I now get everything I could wish for

[earlgreyman]

Always bothers me that wives change after a few years - after having kids, or settling down - they get tired of being the filthy, anal loving, cum swigging fillies they started out as when courting a man. Is it some kind of apathy trap, knowing what men want, then as soon as the marriage decree is signed, kids birthed, they become more chaste than the virgin Mary?

Is it because men are less attracted to women after having kids or is it that women feel less attractive, like they don't have to try once they've got their offspring and nest built?

I understand sex drive tapers off for a lot of women (and men) for different reasons - but surely they know that men have innate needs and are almost guaranteed to stray if we don't get our tackle yanked once in a while.

[Mac Miller]

understand sex drive tapers off for a lot of women (and men) for different reasons - but surely they know that men have innate needs and are almost guaranteed to stray if we don't get our tackle yanked once in a while.

A "heads up"  so to speak for our younger listeners,

Hello Menopause, good bye sex drive. 

[earlgreyman]

A "heads up"  so to speak for our younger listeners,

Hello Menopause, good bye sex drive. 

Haha oh yeah, not quite there yet. Ta for the "heads up" HAHAHA

I do know this happens in younger relationships as well....maybe it's just boredom in those cases.

[Tom1986]

I'm married and punt, if I didn't punt I'd most likely be divorced due to lack of sex with the wife. If anything punting has saved my marriage. Sometimes I question if regular sex was available at home would I still punt? I think I still would, problem with punting as once u start it's very hard to stop altogether. Shagging the same woman just gets boring. With punting you see a hot chick, few text messages and couple of hours later your cock is down her gob. The line once a punter always a punter is 100% correct.

[earlgreyman]

I'm married and punt, if I didn't punt I'd most likely be divorced due to lack of sex with the wife. If anything punting has saved my marriage. Sometimes I question if regular sex was available at home would I still punt? I think I still would, problem with punting as once u start it's very hard to stop altogether. Shagging the same woman just gets boring. With punting you see a hot chick, few text messages and couple of hours later your cock is down her gob. The line once a punter always a punter is 100% correct.

I'm not married but +1

[B4bcock]

Men generally have sex for recreation, whereas women do it for a reason.   Initially, it is to attract the right mate and keep him, then usually later to have children.   After that, their only reason is if they want to keep their mate, so they try to get away with having as little sex as possible until they encounter resistance from him and, from that point on, it becomes a battle of wills.   Unfortunately for us guys, modern divorce laws mean the odds are stacked against us.

[mikef2008]

I'm married and punt, if I didn't punt I'd most likely be divorced due to lack of sex with the wife. If anything punting has saved my marriage. Sometimes I question if regular sex was available at home would I still punt? I think I still would, problem with punting as once u start it's very hard to stop altogether. Shagging the same woman just gets boring. With punting you see a hot chick, few text messages and couple of hours later your cock is down her gob. The line once a punter always a punter is 100% correct.

+1
nothing beats the thrill of turning up at some young sexy fills flat and she lets you in and you think, OMG this beauty is about to suck my cock and let me fuck her senseless! v hard to get tired of that thrill

[christofferson]

B4bcock..." After that, their only reason is if they want to keep their mate, so they try to get away with having as little sex as possible until they encounter resistance from him and, from that point on, it becomes a battle of wills.   Unfortunately for us guys, modern divorce laws mean the odds are stacked against us." ... bang on, totally 100%. Square that when the kids arrive and the male part of the relationship becomes one of  a mere odd-job man, ATM, shopping carrier, DIY expert...et al. The way the world is being shaped by women for women, is leaving us blokes with even less of a voice.
Think of your favourite actress, shagging her solid for six months...it would still all get a bit routine.

[roberto23]

Great reading through this thread I don’t comment often on here but I’m going through exactly the same thing sex was all the time and whenever I wanted it now we live together and had a child it’s literally stopped completely the last 3 years.

[tynetunnel]

Great reading through this thread I don’t comment often on here but I’m going through exactly the same thing sex was all the time and whenever I wanted it now we live together and had a child it’s literally stopped completely the last 3 years.

Plenty of us have worn your shoes before you. Whatever you do, don’t get married! 

[Arbetare]

We'd been married for twenty odd years when the sex stopped, plus any other form of intimacy. It put a fair strain on our marriage as I still wanted that closeness, but was always turned away. So I stopped asking. After 5 years, and with various other problems in family life putting a massive strain on me, I decided I needed sex and some form of intimacy. I didn't want an affair, as I needed to stay.

Did a load of research on here and elsewhere, chose a well-reviewed Sp and had my first booking, which went exceptionally well. I've been punting ever since and I feel it's taken a lot of resentment away that I felt, and made coping with what's going on easier to deal with. Family life is much, much better than it was.

Am I cheating? To fucking right I am, and I'd be fucked if she found out. So I'm careful, cover my tracks as much as I can and hope she never finds out.

[B4bcock]

Quote from Arbetare;

Am I cheating? To fucking right I am, and I'd be fucked if she found out. So I'm careful, cover my tracks as much as I can and hope she never finds out.


There must be countless guys in this situation and it just shows what a fucked up state things can get into.     OH witholds all intimacy and sex yet the man still shits bricks at the thought of being found out.   Women seem able to get away with standing on some very shakey moral high ground, whilst as soon as a man puts a foot wrong he is toast.

[workinallweek]

Married 34 years, punted for about 15 of those years, sex at home was always average and the wife wouldn’t try anything new never had a bj from her, she was adventurous before we got married (anal) but it fizzled out in the following years, wouldn’t even do doggy nowadays  hence why I started punting.
We still have sex a couple of times a month .........but it’s me that doesn’t want it with her, although she gives a great handjob.

Then 3 years ago I went on Oasis and have had a relationship with a woman I met, sex is great she’s open to anything, not only fantastic sex (bj, anal, strapon, anything) but she’s a fun person to be around and she absolutely loves me, and I feel she’s good for me mentally as she has an optimistic outlook on life whereas I can get quite down and my wife doesn’t appear to care................so thinking of ending the marriage as we are both unhappy and I certainly see no future in staying together, do I love my wife.....not sure, I care about her and wouldn’t want to see anything bad happen to her, but I will be retiring in 5 or 6 years and don’t relish being with her for ever more.

Punting in the back-burner for now as I now get everything I could wish for

Oasis  ??

[Doc Holliday]

Oasis  ??

External Link/Members Only

[MrMatrix]

4-6 weeks...greedy git.......4-6mths  is par for the course after 40 yrs of marriage.

Thats more frequently than me. I gave up and decided WGs dont seem to get headaches.
And yes, it has kept our marriage together. Since I've been puting we have fewer arguements as I've come to terms with the fact that I am a punter.

[MrMatrix]

.. basically my ex wife suspected I was up to something and had a friends husband follow me after work a couple of evenings; I'd become quite complacent by then and didn't for one moment think she had any clue - anyhow, he took pictures of me going in and out of a massage parlour - twice over the course of a week! My ex tied it up to sizeable cash withdrawals, then invited my parents over for dinner where she presented her "reveal".

It was the worst moment of my life - as mentioned, hideous divorce/fall out etc - I ended up pretty much penniless and very much alone in the world.

You would have thought it would have put me off punting; instead it just put me off relationships instead.

When I asked her "what made you suspicious?" She told me that sometimes I'd smell of perfume or oil or something similar - which is what prompted me to post this on here as the "smell of punting" was what did for me in the end.

If my daughter in law had done that to me I would have asked her why do you think he needs to do this in the first place. And I would have been as blunt in my comments as she was as blunt in setting up my son for the reveal. Calculating bitch comes to mind.

Perhaps if she had looked at this thread No sex marriage & masturbation https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=174455.0 and listened to this counsellor she may have realised that sex is important in such a relationship External Link/Members Only This is worth watching.

Hope things look better  hawkzville 

[the_mysterious_one]

Sex at home is infrequent and boring.Would love to have sex with an escort but I am paranoid about catching STDs.Have been planning to see a high escort for six months but the paranoia about STDs is the reason for not doing it.

[Kev40ish]

Sex at home is infrequent and boring.Would love to have sex with an escort but I am paranoid about catching STDs.Have been planning to see a high escort for six months but the paranoia about STDs is the reason for not doing it.

6 months more like 5 years.. not going to be missed

[tynetunnel]

Sex at home is infrequent and boring.Would love to have sex with an escort but I am paranoid about catching STDs.Have been planning to see a high escort for six months but the paranoia about STDs is the reason for not doing it.

I see this guy managed 5 posts in 5 years and still hasn’t punted due to STI “paranoia”. Punting is clearly not for him! I wonder what a “high escort” is. Maybe 420 friendly, or just really tall! 

[mrbluerunner]

As others have said, the key is to be discreet and cover your tracks carefully.

My experience is like many on here who have been married for +25 years, the physical intimacy goes and for many of us men we need to find an alternative.  Intimacy without the drama is why punting rather than an affair works for me.

[mradventures]

I see this guy managed 5 posts in 5 years and still hasn’t punted due to STI “paranoia”. Punting is clearly not for him! I wonder what a “high escort” is. Maybe 420 friendly, or just really tall! 

i had/have similer fears... but if your not getting sex from the wife then ok theres the worry she might suddenly want sex and u got nobrot or your worried you have, but otherwise you could probably get treated on the quiet if the worst happened.

hiv/aids would be most serious one and thats what, 6-7week from infection to detectionable, then a week to 2 weeks for testing result

clymedia and co, guess week or two till tests will deffo pick it up, then i think 14 day treatment?

[django0700]

When you have steak at home sometimes it’s nice to eat a dirty burger

In some cases the burger is 22 with a tight snatch and willing to let you do her doggy and squirt over her face

+1 agreed, variety is for sure the spice of life...

[Thephoenix]

Reading these posts has reminded me of an old saying;

Men marry women in the hope they won't change; women marry men in the hope they will change.

Unfortunately, in most cases, both parties are wrong.

Just reading through all this, and this comment reminded me of the old warning given to blokes when considering a church wedding..................Aisle........Altar........Hymn.😮