Author Topic: The joke thread (Read 152746 times)

WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #3500 on:** May 01, 2024, 11:51:37 pm »

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mr.bluesky · « **Reply #3501 on:** May 02, 2024, 12:05:15 am »

yes to every one of them apart from number 40

badsin · « **Reply #3502 on:** May 02, 2024, 12:12:38 am »

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webpunter · « **Reply #3503 on:** May 02, 2024, 12:54:36 am »

Quote from: mr.bluesky on May 02, 2024, 12:05:15 am

yes to every one of them apart from number 40

Cooking sunday lunch i might occasionally have a glass of HarveysBC or Croft Original
[prefer the former]
Before moving onto G&Ts then vino

MissWolf · « **Reply #3504 on:** May 02, 2024, 07:22:06 am »

Quote from: mr.bluesky on May 02, 2024, 12:05:15 am

yes to every one of them apart from number 40

Snap

Puntiff Sulyvahn · « **Reply #3505 on:** May 03, 2024, 09:14:06 pm »

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Jonestown · « **Reply #3506 on:** May 04, 2024, 08:07:18 pm »

When I came home from work the wife and kids were gone. There was a note on the fridge saying, “This isn’t working.”. I don’t know what she is talking about, I opened it to get a beer and it was working fine.

Ali Katt · « **Reply #3507 on:** May 05, 2024, 08:47:46 am »

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Ali Katt · « **Reply #3508 on:** May 05, 2024, 08:48:38 am »

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mr.bluesky · « **Reply #3509 on:** May 05, 2024, 04:01:38 pm »

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WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #3510 on:** May 05, 2024, 07:26:56 pm »

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WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #3511 on:** May 05, 2024, 07:30:00 pm »

Who had a hit with "Staying alive "
Was it:
(A) Gees
(B) Gees
(C) Gees
(D) Gees

WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #3512 on:** May 06, 2024, 10:49:59 am »

An Irish man (sorry about the stereotyping!) loses his dog and decides to put an advert in the local newspaper.
The advert reads:
"Here boy".

WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #3513 on:** May 06, 2024, 11:23:29 pm »

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Ali Katt · « **Reply #3514 on:** May 08, 2024, 09:11:44 am »

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WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #3515 on:** May 08, 2024, 11:10:43 am »

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Waterhouse · « **Reply #3516 on:** May 08, 2024, 02:21:44 pm »

Quote from: WARSZAWA16 on May 08, 2024, 11:10:43 am

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norwichfunseeker · « **Reply #3517 on:** May 08, 2024, 07:27:33 pm »

I recently opened a company selling trampolines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

Waterhouse · « **Reply #3518 on:** May 08, 2024, 10:30:42 pm »

Quote from: norwichfunseeker on May 08, 2024, 07:27:33 pm

I recently opened a company selling trampolines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

🤣🤣🤣

webpunter · « **Reply #3519 on:** May 08, 2024, 11:07:18 pm »

Quote from: WARSZAWA16 on May 08, 2024, 11:10:43 am

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Brilliant

Jonestown · « **Reply #3520 on:** May 08, 2024, 11:15:49 pm »

Quote from: WARSZAWA16 on May 08, 2024, 11:10:43 am

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The poor woman saw him a couple of times 40 odd years ago and has never been allowed to forget it.

mr.bluesky · « **Reply #3521 on:** May 08, 2024, 11:24:46 pm »

Quote from: Jonestown on May 08, 2024, 11:15:49 pm

The poor woman saw him a couple of times 40 odd years ago and has never been allowed to forget it.

Probably both still Virgins

WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #3522 on:** May 09, 2024, 05:40:57 pm »

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WARSZAWA16 · « **Reply #3523 on:** May 09, 2024, 06:41:54 pm »

Taking my girlfriend to Florida.
I'm going to Tampa with her.

mr.bluesky · « **Reply #3524 on:** May 09, 2024, 08:44:33 pm »

Thinking back this was probably the worst letter I ever wrote as a young kid

" Dear Jim can you fix it for me to appear on my favourite game show "It's a knockout" with my favourite pop star Gary Glitter.

Jonestown · « **Reply #3525 on:** May 09, 2024, 10:16:30 pm »

I stopped to give a hitch-hiker a lift. He said "Weren't you frightened that I might be a criminal?" I said "No, what do you think the odds are of two serial killers sharing a car?"

I picked a girl who was hitching, after a while she told me she was a witch, I said I didn’t believe her, but then she put her hand on my knee and I turned into a lay-by…

mr.bluesky · « **Reply #3526 on:** May 10, 2024, 10:55:49 am »

Bill and Mabel had been married for 60 years but wanted to spice up their sex life so Mabel visits her local library and comes back with a sex manual.
Reading through it she comes across a section about the 69 sex position. She says to Bill " here's something we haven't tried before, lets give it a go" "Ok says Bill" so they go upstairs to the bedroom and strip off. Mabel tells Bill to lay down on the bed on his back. Mabel then gets into position but before she can do anything she let's rip with a mighty fart right in his face. Mabel turns to Bill and apologises, she gets back into position but the same thing happens again, by this time Bill pushes her off the bed and says I'll be buggered if I'm going to put up with another 67 of them.

DastardlyDick · « **Reply #3527 on:** May 11, 2024, 12:29:09 pm »

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I thought this might belong here.

mr.bluesky · « **Reply #3528 on:** May 11, 2024, 06:01:02 pm »

My girlfriend says sex is better when on holiday, have to say it's not the best postcard I've ever received.

MissWolf · « **Reply #3529 on:** May 11, 2024, 10:41:19 pm »

Quote from: mr.bluesky on May 11, 2024, 06:01:02 pm

My girlfriend says sex is better when on holiday, have to say it's not the best postcard I've ever received.

Sorry dear

webpunter · « **Reply #3530 on:** May 11, 2024, 10:45:46 pm »

A reminder of a holiday joke

Mick: "Women are so stupid, my wife has just bought a car and she can't even drive!"

Sean: "That's nothing, my wife's on a diet and she's not even fat"

Paddy: "That's fuck all, my wife's taken 30 condoms to Benidorm for a singles holiday and she hasn't even got a cock!"