Does punting = being unfaithful?

[KingAlpha]

I'm sure this has been raised before but the search box didn't throw anything up. Question being: if you punt inside a relationship, does it count as being unfaithful? The punter in me says it's just assisted masturbation, but I doubt I'd be so laissez-faire on learning that a partner had paid for sex.

[Cuntminion]

Don't think there is a grey area, I would say yes

Depends more if you give a monkey's or not

[Ipunter]

It's not cheating if you pay for it...

[DG]

I'm sure this has been raised before but the search box didn't throw anything up. Question being: if you punt inside a relationship, does it count as being unfaithful? The punter in me says it's just assisted masturbation, but I doubt I'd be so laissez-faire on learning that a partner had paid for sex.

Given my circumstances that a lot of punters share ie. No action at home, I try to convince myself I'm not being unfaithful. Having said that I don't feel at all guilty because I have often discussed the lack of sex with my wife, telling her I would go elsewhere for it. I think she has her suspicions but doesn't want to broach the subject with me, although I think if she's honest she prefers that I don't bother her for sex. Her pride however would never allow her to publicly condone it.

[sticko]

Yes, of course it is.  But we all have our own a. reasons for doing it, and b. moral framework in which to do it.  Personally, limited sex at home and much higher sex drive than Mrs S, so paid sex provide an outlet for frustrations that would otherwise get in the way of a pretty harmonious family life.  The real problems start when WGs become friends, but that's a subject for a whole other thread...

Excuse the poor syntax and grammar, I'm a bit pissed, on a mobile and on the bus.

S

[cueball]

Oh no, it's not cheating, think of it as 3D porn



Err, course it's cheating

[peewee]

Get real guys and don't hide behind the notion that paid sex is not being unfaithful. It is - just accept it and live with it. Perhaps hiding behind a false name gives a false persona which means it isn't really you.

[Cuntminion]

If I was in a relationship I wouldn't be able to do it

Just couldn't , not judging others though

[Zeusthedoc]

Get real guys and don't hide behind the notion that paid sex is not being unfaithful. It is - just accept it and live with it. Perhaps hiding behind a false name gives a false persona which means it isn't really you.

The fake name/persona just means you've got something to lose

[KingAlpha]

I suppose I was thinking more about a walk-up or window type punt than sessions with a regular, where there's plainly some element of attachment (if only on the part of the punter)

[OakTree]

You might not think you're being unfaithful but just try telling her indoors that you're regularly balls deep in a fit young hottie who does it just for cash. My take on it is that wives and girlfriends regard it as worse than having an affair and certainly unfaithful.

To think otherwise is just false justification.

[DG]

Get real guys and don't hide behind the notion that paid sex is not being unfaithful. It is - just accept it and live with it. Perhaps hiding behind a false name gives a false persona which means it isn't really you.

Obviously I have never given a WG my full name, but I do use my first name. I would find it really awkward trying to be someone else. I don't care that the WG uses a working name, although some have told me their real name; even though I found out my regular's name by chance, I still use her WG name because it's her I'm having sex with, not her real persona. That's important to me because, as shallow as it may sound, I'm not having a relationship with a 'real' person. Maybe that's how I justify myself.

[HappyandLucky]

Yes. As said many times punting is not for the faint hearted.
OP, is there a reason vehind the question other than general interest?

[MancSean]

I remember watching an American chat show once in new York and thus guy was on denying cheating on his ex. His take on it is you haven't cheated if you don't get caught.  Quite liked his twist on things

[peewee]

The fake name/persona just means you've got something to lose

Like your real relationship?

[Malvolio]

Try dropping it into conversation with your other half and see what she thinks.

[spkmstr48]

I think this is a question that we all have to answer for ourselves, so here's how I see it for me.

Am I cheating? Yes. Am I starved of sex at home?  No. Why do I do it? It's exciting, because I can, because the type of sex I want is different from what my OH is offering. Is she trying to improve and give me what I want? Yes. Will I stop punting? No. Am I a selfish bastard? Yes.

 

[MancSean]

I think this is a question that we all have to answer for ourselves, so here's how I see it for me.

Am I cheating? Yes. Am I starved of sex at home?  No. Why do I do it? It's exciting, because I can, because the type of sex I want is different from what my OH is offering. Is she trying to improve and give me what I want? Yes. Will I stop punting? No. Am I a selfish bastard? Yes.

 

Like your reply so true that's how I felt with my ex. Btw who's the bird in your avi she's fucking gorgeous

[spkmstr48]

Like your reply so true that's how I felt with my ex. Btw who's the bird in your avi she's fucking gorgeous

Some photo model I suspect, it's a book cover.

 

[Marmite]

Excuse the poor syntax and grammar, I'm a bit pissed, on a mobile and on the bus.

I hope you're not driving the bus as well.....this expecting men to multi task is getting out of hand.

[spkmstr48]

Like your reply so true that's how I felt with my ex. Btw who's the bird in your avi she's fucking gorgeous

Re the OP's question, I think it's important to be honest with yourself, even if you are lying to everyone else.

 

[Marmite]

Question being: if you punt inside a relationship, does it count as being unfaithful?

How can it be anything else?  Unless you are in an open relationship and are being completely honest with each other.

[RedKettle]

This issue for married guys has been discussed at length in other threads.

Clearly yes being unfaithful.  The implication is unfaithful = wrong.  That is not such an easy judgement and depends on personal circumstances and your own moral code.  For some it will always be wrong for others it is an acceptable compromise and helps achieve a greater good.  Some of us are probably just kidding ourselves that it is OK but of course it is wrong.

[Quesadilla]

I'm sure this has been raised before but the search box didn't throw anything up. Question being: if you punt inside a relationship, does it count as being unfaithful? The punter in me says it's just assisted masturbation, but I doubt I'd be so laissez-faire on learning that a partner had paid for sex.

Being faithful by any definition means being loyal. When talking about relationships that generally means only having sex with your partner but of course in the modern world monogamy isn't the only choice when it comes to relationships.

So in my view the only thing that matters is what your partner would think if she found out.  If you know she wouldn't mind for whatever reason then it's not an issue.  But if you know that telling your partner would likely mean the end of your relationship (or at least opening up a huge shit storm) - then it's cheating. 

If you're married then it's even simpler - legally it's automatically adultery which has a special place in UK law - it is the only automatic grounds for your spouse to divorce you. 

[Zeusthedoc]

Like your real relationship?

not always.

but some people just dont want their business out there

[od13218]

I'm sure this has been raised before but the search box didn't throw anything up. Question being: if you punt inside a relationship, does it count as being unfaithful? The punter in me says it's just assisted masturbation, but I doubt I'd be so laissez-faire on learning that a partner had paid for sex.

Not sure how anyone could define it as anything other than unfaithful!! You have sex with someone other than your partner, that is infidelity, full stop. I did it today (review to follow!), and there's no way I can pretend otherwise. You either learn to deal with it, stop doing it or leave the relationship; I chose option 1

[Ralph]

If you're worried about it....don't do it

Either get it right in your head or walk away...or leave your unfullfilling relationship

[Stapler]

The punter is spending money he could/should be spending on his wife/kids/house.
On WHAT!? A prostitute!?

Can you imagine if the OH found out!?


..S...

[The_Don]

I'm single thus being unfaithful by definition, to a regular partner, doesn't apply

But may in others ways 

External Link/Members Only





unfaithful
ʌnˈfeɪθfʊl,-f(ə)l/
adjective
adjective: unfaithful

    not faithful, in particular:
        engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding.
        "you haven't been unfaithful to him, have you?"
        synonyms:   adulterous, faithless, fickle, untrue, inconstant, flighty; More
        informalcheating, two-timing
        "she found out that her husband had been unfaithful"
        antonyms:   faithful
        disloyal, treacherous, or insincere.
        "she felt that to sell the house would be unfaithful to her parents' memory"
        synonyms:   disloyal, treacherous, traitorous, untrustworthy, unreliable, undependable, false, false-hearted, faithless, perfidious, insincere, two-faced, Janus-faced, back-stabbing, double-crossing, double-dealing, deceitful; archaicrecreant
        "you have proved to be an unfaithful member of this community"

[Blackpool Rock]

I remember watching an American chat show once in new York and thus guy was on denying cheating on his ex. His take on it is you haven't cheated if you don't get caught.  Quite liked his twist on things

Presumably he was using the Bill Clinton style of justification 

[gary03]

way i look at it if you tell your partner its open relationship if you dont its chwating
i hasten too add i cheat!!!

[freddiej]

Given my circumstances that a lot of punters share ie. No action at home, I try to convince myself I'm not being unfaithful. Having said that I don't feel at all guilty because I have often discussed the lack of sex with my wife, telling her I would sgo elsewhere for it. I think he has her suspicions but doesn't want to broach the subject with me, although I think if she's honest she prefers that I don't bother her for sex. Her pride however would never allow her to publicly condone it.

Well this is my situation apart from the fact that she made the suggestion herself.  No, she didn't give me the go ahead, just said she wouldn't be surprised.  I just deny and keep quiet.

One thing I've realised is that my marriage is about a lot more than sex,  I wouldn't want it to end so I'm taking a risk I guess.
I do think I'm being unfaithful.

[sticko]

One thing I've realised is that my marriage is about a lot more than sex,  I wouldn't want it to end so I'm taking a risk I guess.
I do think I'm being unfaithful.

Nail on head, freddiej

[KingAlpha]

Yes. As said many times punting is not for the faint hearted.
OP, is there a reason vehind the question other than general interest?

General interest. I only started punting after I got divorced. I did punt very occasionally towards the end of a subsequent relationship, but only because the sex had tailed off almost completely by then. Equally I suspect a decade of semi-regular punting has had an adverse effect on my desire/ability to enter into another civvie relationship. Actually, I know it has!

[claretandblue]

Of course it's cheating,if you come away from a punt thinking "well that was some good assisted masturbation " then that's a pretty shitty punt!

[Turtle Z]

I think the definitive answer to this question will only be found by asking the Mrs. Good luck with that one 

[anyfucker]

You might not think you're being unfaithful but just try telling her indoors that you're regularly balls deep in a fit young hottie who does it just for cash. My take on it is that wives and girlfriends regard it as worse than having an affair and certainly unfaithful.

To think otherwise is just false justification.

+1  was caught having an affair and MrsAF said at least you weren't seeing a prossie   

[KenniLingus]

Its not cheating if its you alter ego doing it!

Of course it is cheating.

[spkmstr48]

+1  was caught having an affair and MrsAF said at least you weren't seeing a prossie   

  Typical female logic 

 

[virtualplayer]

Yes it is cheating but we still do it.

Admit that it is cheating decide if you can deal with it or not. Move on.

I would much rather see and Escort than have a full affair.

[Hungarian Lover]

A program about this very subject on the radio the other month from the small amount I heard it seems most women were less concerned if their partner was seeing a prostitute than if they were having a full blown affair. Of course if your married and shagging a prosy you are definitely cheating, me included! Simples!

[spkmstr48]

Yes it is cheating but we still do it.

Admit that it is cheating decide if you can deal with it or not. Move on.

I would much rather see and Escort than have a full affair.

Affair vs punting

Affair is more time consuming, more expensive and greater chance of getting caught.

 

[The_Don]

Affair vs punting

Affair is more time consuming, more expensive and greater chance of getting caught.

 

The fact that if its an affair. You may have more feeling for that person than a W/G ?   

[flybynightpm]

Definitely unfaithful...

Suspect my OH would make no distinction between an affair or a WG.. she would be crushed and that makes me sad.. but then what is a man supposed to do? That argument wouldn't stand up for too long!

In every other way my missus is great.. just not in the sack.. 

[Qwerty]

There is no absolute definition of what is unfaithful

Some women - or men for that matter - might view even masturbation as unfaithful in some way. Or masturbation where you imagine someone else. Or masturbation where there is actually someone else, on the phone or a computer screen...

At the other extreme, others might be OK with full sex with a someone else, so long as the primary emotional commitment is to the partner.

But it is true that most would regard sex with a prostitute as being unfaithful - though as has been pointed out, some would regard it as more serious than having an affair, others less so.

[Why Is My Name Required]

At the other extreme, others might be OK with full sex with a someone else, so long as the primary emotional commitment is to the partner.

The idea of an "emotional affair" being cheating as much as physical is.  Does that then mean that sex without an emotional attachment is ok?  I don't think so!  Either way, getting caught gets you in grief.  As someone else said, punting is less likely to get you caught.

[Dani]

Of course it is being unfaithful. It's just a safer way of doing it with much less chance of your partner finding out as you don't have the complication of someone turning up at your door or turning into a bunny boiler so there is less chance of your partner getting hurt (unless you are daft enough to leave evidence lying around).  As some say you pay the prossie to walk away after the booking whereas an affair could end up going very wrong with her deciding to ruin your marriage as she wants more from you

It's not emotional so some women may find it not as bad as an affair but some may find it worse as you are spending what she will see as family money to have sex.  Either way if you get caught your life will be hell for a while and you may end up min a poxy flat paying put a fortune in child support each month and if she can prove you have seen X amount of escorts paying her the cost of those as well due to the money being marital assets that you alone spent and she is entitled to some of it or even all of it depending on the judge

[Ben4454]

Unfaithful. However if your wife is not putting out she is being unfaithful as well. Maybe not in the sense of sleeping with someone else but she is not looking after your needs. Lets be honest - men get into relationships for sex and women have sex to secure relationships. When the woman is no longer holding up her end of the deal - you withdraw the relationship intensity until sex is back on the agenda.

Personally I think life is too short. This is why I choose never to get married. I do not want one woman having the control of my sexual adventures.

[Hammertime99]

Affair vs punting

Affair is more time consuming, more expensive and greater chance of getting caught.

 

I thought about having an affair many times over before going down the escort route. There just seemed too many downsides to having an affair, the major one being that there would be a high risk of emotional attachment and being outed to the wife. There is no risk of any of the escorts I see getting emotionally attached & wanting me to leave my wife who I still love dearly.

I get my primeval urges seen to and my wife gets an unfrustrated husband - win, win I say.

[Quesadilla]

The fact that if its an affair. You may have more feeling for that person than a W/G ?   

Difficult to generalise - you might be bored with sex at home and have a civvy fuck buddy with little emotional attachment. Equally you might not be feeling loved at home and end up getting EAS for an escort.

Your partner might say that they think an affair is worse than seeing an escort or vice versa but I suspect in the cold light of day they would take a dim view of either.