First NHS GUM clinic visit!!

[DragonAgeInquisition]

Having started punting in May and only doing the first punt protected, I hesitantly agreed to engage in OWO from the second punt onward (a few in the mix have insisted on OW).

Now, I have strictly only ever visited various private STI clinics in/around Harley street. However, about a month or so back I decided it might be worth visiting an NHS clinic as it costs nothing! (could put money towards a punt). This is definitely a mistake for those who like discretion, privacy and suffer from anxiety.

Nevertheless, I braved it and sat there for a whole two hours (fucking joke). I was really surprised as to who I saw there, people of all backgrounds, colours, shapes and sizes, young and old! Old men and women at an STI clinic, I have seen it all now (I guess its wrong of me to judge a book by the cover). There were also underage children escorted by parents which I found hilarious.

I got slightly pissed off at the pleb behind the counter and almost had an argument with him when he kept sending my form back as I chose not to complete it properly (did not want to provide GP details, address etc). Maybe he was just doing his job and this is the procedure in NHS clinics, who the fuck knows. Made some info up and sent him back his form.

Would I brave an NHS clinic again, maybe really early in the morning although I suspect they are busy all the time. I believe the comfort of a decent sofa in the waiting room and a cup of tea, not to mention no waiting time at all is what you pay for (albeit it not worth the price tag).

I must admit to being a bit of a hypochondriac despite only engaging in OWO as the only "risky activity". Despite having the flu the past few days I have resisted going in for a check up. I will now be sticking to three full health checks per year.

If anyone knows of any decent private STI clinics (or even NHS ones if they exist?) please do tell.

Regards,

[WARSZAWA16]

The following recent thread regarding home testing may be of interest:

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=226584.0

[woulddoanything]

For a drop-in service, I always go into my local NHS clinic as soon as it opens and I've never waited more than half an hour. Why not book an appointment to avoid a wait?

[DragonAgeInquisition]

For a drop-in service, I always go into my local NHS clinic as soon as it opens and I've never waited more than half an hour. Why not book an appointment to avoid a wait?

Can't get through without holding for years, available slots are useless to me, most slots are gone as soon as they become available. Other Clinics do not operate appointment systems.

[uncle jessie]

Not just GUM that is suffering,its what the Tories do best, fucking up the NHS  .

[scutty brown]

OP, you sound an arrogant fool, welcome to the real world. Yes, diseases can hit anyone, not just yuppies like you.

[Sureshot]

How much do you pay for private testing?

[DragonAgeInquisition]

OP, you sound an arrogant fool, welcome to the real world. Yes, diseases can hit anyone, not just yuppies like you.

Interesting, nevertheless apologies and I will remember to adhere to community guidelines with future posts.

With regards to the use of the term "Yuppie", words can't describe the abhorrence in which I hold the comment for I am, and will always remain proud to be, working class.

 

[DragonAgeInquisition]

How much do you pay for private testing?

£175 - £295

It varies depending on type of test/package/the clinic itself etc. Happy to help.

[DragonAgeInquisition]

Not just GUM that is suffering,its what the Tories do best, fucking up the NHS  .

Yes, but I strongly believe Chairman Corbyn is not the answer.   

[DragonAgeInquisition]

OP, you sound an arrogant fool, welcome to the real world. Yes, diseases can hit anyone, not just yuppies like you.

Upon deep reflection, I acknowledge the original post immediately strikes the reader as one made by a ditzy person (arrogant, i'm not too sure). Trying to articulate feeling via text is a skill and i concede this is not a strong point of mine.

The point i tried to make was that i did not expect to see old people in a clinic, for a number of reasons I will probably not share 

[Stevensmiles]

Old people still punt !!!!!


Never 

[monstar]

Having recently tried to book an appointment, I noticed my area now offers free home testing kits which I ordered, completed and highly recommend!

It's delivered in a very discreet package similar to DVD size through the letterbox, and contains a sample kit for urine and blood, and freepost bag to send it back.

Urine is piss-easy () to complete. Blood from finger tip obtained by piercing with a "lancet" and letting it drip or squeezing slightly into the small tube.

Results received by text within a week - all tests negative 

[aquilla]

The point i tried to make was that i did not expect to see old people in a clinic................

Good grief why ever not!
Do you think that sex or even paid for sex is only for the young?

To sit and judge others in the waiting room is arrogant in the extreme IMHO

[aquilla]

.

There were also underage children escorted by parents which I found hilarious.

WTF!!
You can have absolutely no idea why they're there. Could be a child found to be in an abusive situation. A child having been raped. And yes, underage children trying out sex before they should.

Hilarious it is not!

[daviemac]

Upon deep reflection, I acknowledge the original post immediately strikes the reader as one made by a ditzy person (arrogant, i'm not too sure). Trying to articulate feeling via text is a skill and i concede this is not a strong point of mine.

The point i tried to make was that i did not expect to see old people in a clinic, for a number of reasons I will probably not share 

I have to agree with others, you come across as an arrogant idiot. I'm in my late sixties so according to you I shouldn't punt, or do you just mean I shouldn't be responsible get tested.

I find your comment on underage children abhorrent, if indeed they were underage and it was them receiving treatment, to find humour in such a situation shows just what kind of person you are.   

[PLeisure]

OP, you present yourself as simultaneously pompous, sheltered and naive   

You stake a claim to be 'working class' yet refer to the receptionist as a "pleb".

Stick to your Harley Street specialists; you may be more comfortable without having to share the waiting room with young children and OAPs

[Moresomes]

There were also underage children escorted by parents which I found hilarious.

Standing out among the rest of the shite in your post, the above statement clearly says to me that you are a total cock.  No offence. 

[Bigwilts]

Just for reference, it’s not only punters and prostitutes that get tested at GUM clinics.
Ordinary people do too - even if they aren’t promiscuous, clinics offer many services.

External Link/Members Only

As a matter of privacy, unless you stand out as being a public figure, or have an argument at the desk about filling in a form then nobody will particularly notice you. 
The only ‘risk’ to an average person is to meet someone they know.
If you have something to hide then that’s your problem and there are other solutions.

There are ways to make appointments, different clinics have different ways of working.  There may be appointment only days, drop in only days and online booking etc.  I don’t book in, but I can drop in at a convenient time, just with the knowledge that it may be quick or it may be slow.  Monday morning after a pay day weekend is probably going to be slow.

How do you know that they were underage kids escorted by parents, and if correct how do you know what service they were getting?
Did the kids fill in the form and get called in?  Did they all go together when called?
What’s wrong with dealing with the issue that may have occurred? What’s wrong with being practical and preemptive about contraception, and there’s definately nothing wrong with parents making children consider consequences with a trip to the clinic when they lose their virginity in a fumble without contraception - or even with contraception to realise that nothing is guaranteed.

Old people have sex too, if they couldn’t in the past they have viagra to back them up now.  Or maybe they are just old and lonely looking for any chance of a chat - and to have a nurse have a good look at their cock.

[Formicahunt]

This could have been a useful thread if it was designed to encourage people to visit a clinic more readily but it was really just unnecessary showing off.

OP has made the mistake of imagining verbosity equals intelligence. Wait, this isn't Boris Johnson is it?

[datwabbit]

Old people still punt !!!!!


Never 

True.

The sight of your dad at the GUM never leaves you.

[datwabbit]

When I'm old, if I cannot afford an SP I'm going to the GUM just to have a young woman fumble with my bits.

[DragonAgeInquisition]

Shit yeah, sensitive point about the children and abuse/abortion etc. One I did not consider at all.

No, i stand by my insult to the receptionist, working in customer service you should have some wits about you. From the questions I was asking "i would rather not like to display my address if thats alright?" amongst others and my general uneasy demeanour he should not have taken a tone. You were not there, he did not even bother coming to the counter and just lay back in his chair deep in chit chat with a colleague assuming every visitor knew what to do (take a slip complete at a station and return).

edit - i seem to have put my foot in it not having realised the word "pleb" is a derogatory word to the lower social classes by definition.  In which case i would be insulting myself. Therefore I would retract that insult at once and use "twat" instead. So yes I deserve stick for that 100%.

As one tried to articulate unsuccessfully in the original post, I was genuinely overwhelmed by the variety and sheer number of people at the clinic (as the title indicates, I have not been to one before) so yes, I think sheltered and naive are accurate in there entirety. Of all life experiences this has definitely been an eye opener.  An experience worth sharing as it may be worthwhile to those on this site who are considering visiting but perhaps not brave enough or needed questions answering.

PS. I guess older folk get around, sorry to offend those offended. 

[scutty brown]

OP, you sound an arrogant fool, welcome to the real world. Yes, diseases can hit anyone, not just yuppies like you.

I got that wrong, you're an arrogant ignorant twat.
Actually that's what I originally meant to say but I thought I'd give you the benefit of doubt. You've removed the doubt.

[James999]

I got slightly pissed off at the pleb behind the counter and almost had an argument with him when he kept sending my form back

So you can't fill in a form and that makes him a pleb 

And now you go running to Admin because people point out you're a twat 

[DragonAgeInquisition]

The following recent thread regarding home testing may be of interest:

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=226584.0

Cheers, did not mean to overlook this. Very useful.   

[snaitram99]

Shit yeah, sensitive point about the children and abuse/abortion etc. One I did not consider at all.

No, i stand by my insult to the receptionist, working in customer service you should have some wits about you. From the questions I was asking "i would rather not like to display my address if thats alright?" amongst others and my general uneasy demeanour he should not have taken a tone. You were not there, he did not even bother coming to the counter and just lay back in his chair deep in chit chat with a colleague assuming every visitor knew what to do (take a slip complete at a station and return).

edit - i seem to have put my foot in it not having realised the word "pleb" is a derogatory word to the lower social classes by definition.  In which case i would be insulting myself. Therefore I would retract that insult at once and use "twat" instead. So yes I deserve stick for that 100%.

What did you think pleb meant?

NHS GUM clinics vary. Some also do contraceptive services so may have young females there for this (or they may be prossies). I think they usually assume older blokes are gay until you say why you are there. You can make up a false address but the postcode is I think used for recharging the right area. The first half should be sufficient. You don't have to give your GP although some will try for it.

 City based GUMs more used to seeing men who see WGs (use the PC term sex workers to keep them happy) so more likely to be understanding, especially older staff who have seen it all.

[Bigwilts]

edit - i seem to have put my foot in it not having realised the word "pleb" is a derogatory word to the lower social classes by definition.  In which case i would be insulting myself. Therefore I would retract that insult at once and use "twat" instead. So yes I deserve stick for that 100%.

Pleb: an ordinary person, especially one from the lower social classes.

By definition a pleb is just an ordinary person, but in use it’s a derogatory put down.  You should pay more attention to the upper classes.  Andrew Mitchell learned not to overuse the term a short while ago

[houseboot]

First visit to a NHS GUM clinic, an alternative view to the OP's:-

I had my first experience of visiting one (Bristol) 18 months ago ... a Positive rather than Negative experience.

First you can "walk in" or make an appointment.

I chose to "walk in" and arrived at 10:30 am.

The first surprise was how big, bright and airy the reception and waiting area was.  How busy it was and how normal everything seemed.  People, both male & female, just sitting there doing what people do when they're waiting, eg reading books, playing with their phones etc. Nobody looked up, no one stared, no one was bothered about who else was there.

The second surprise was being given a card and asked to return at 3:30pm, yes, 5 hours time!  However, before I left I was asked to complete a form.  Side 1 - Personal details (I guess if you're really worried you might get away with faking these, I didn't, I just gave my real info), Side 2 - Why you were there.  You're given various options which probably cover most of the reasons why you might want to visit such a place.

I was told that, although I'd been given a time slot, it was possible that there might be up to an hour delay.

I duly returned at 3:15 pm hoping that they might be running early.

This time I was directed to a male waiting area and the third surprise was there was not one, or two, or even three doctors/nurses but six! just for the males (alright it's a big city).

Finally, at 3:50 pm, I was called in by a young, female doctor.

I confirmed who I was and why I was there. There was disclosure of relevant facts, yes, a few details relating to my hobby (I indulge in FBSM not FS).  I'm sure she's heard it all before.

Then it was on with her rubber gloves, a bit of groping, two swabs taken (yes, one made me jump and was painful) and an "armful" of blood taken (I'm of the Tony Hancock era) then off to the loo with two bottles and a pipette. The clever bit being a hatch from the loo to their analysis area so you don't have to carry the bottles back.

A short wait in reception before being called back in to be told the initial two tests were clear, ie no infection present.

Then a two week wait for the results of the other tests but with the reassurance that it was very unlikely they were going to identify anything nasty.

Phew!  Panic over.

HOWEVER, the main purpose of writing this is:-

IF IN DOUBT, GET IT CHECKED OUT.

The whole process is as normal as normal can be, don't be put off by the OP's comments.

Ages? There was at least one person there over 60.

[DragonAgeInquisition]

Pleb: an ordinary person, especially one from the lower social classes.

By definition a pleb is just an ordinary person, but in use it’s a derogatory put down.  You should pay more attention to the upper classes.  Andrew Mitchell learned not to overuse the term a short while ago

Yes indeed, it would've served me well to pay that story a lot more attention.

[DragonAgeInquisition]

What did you think pleb meant?

NHS GUM clinics vary. Some also do contraceptive services so may have young females there for this (or they may be prossies). I think they usually assume older blokes are gay until you say why you are there. You can make up a false address but the postcode is I think used for recharging the right area. The first half should be sufficient. You don't have to give your GP although some will try for it.

 City based GUMs more used to seeing men who see WGs (use the PC term sex workers to keep them happy) so more likely to be understanding, especially older staff who have seen it all.

I thought it meant generally a stupid person i.e "moron" or "imbecile"

[DragonAgeInquisition]

First visit to a NHS GUM clinic, an alternative view to the OP's:-

I had my first experience of visiting one (Bristol) 18 months ago ... a Positive rather than Negative experience.

First you can "walk in" or make an appointment.

I chose to "walk in" and arrived at 10:30 am.

The first surprise was how big, bright and airy the reception and waiting area was.  How busy it was and how normal everything seemed.  People, both male & female, just sitting there doing what people do when they're waiting, eg reading books, playing with their phones etc. Nobody looked up, no one stared, no one was bothered about who else was there.

The second surprise was being given a card and asked to return at 3:30pm, yes, 5 hours time!  However, before I left I was asked to complete a form.  Side 1 - Personal details (I guess if you're really worried you might get away with faking these, I didn't, I just gave my real info), Side 2 - Why you were there.  You're given various options which probably cover most of the reasons why you might want to visit such a place.

I was told that, although I'd been given a time slot, it was possible that there might be up to an hour delay.

I duly returned at 3:15 pm hoping that they might be running early.

This time I was directed to a male waiting area and the third surprise was there was not one, or two, or even three doctors/nurses but six! just for the males (alright it's a big city).

Finally, at 3:50 pm, I was called in by a young, female doctor.

I confirmed who I was and why I was there. There was disclosure of relevant facts, yes, a few details relating to my hobby (I indulge in FBSM not FS).  I'm sure she's heard it all before.

Then it was on with her rubber gloves, a bit of groping, two swabs taken (yes, one made me jump and was painful) and an "armful" of blood taken (I'm of the Tony Hancock era) then off to the loo with two bottles and a pipette. The clever bit being a hatch from the loo to their analysis area so you don't have to carry the bottles back.

A short wait in reception before being called back in to be told the initial two tests were clear, ie no infection present.

Then a two week wait for the results of the other tests but with the reassurance that it was very unlikely they were going to identify anything nasty.

Phew!  Panic over.

HOWEVER, the main purpose of writing this is:-

IF IN DOUBT, GET IT CHECKED OUT.

The whole process is as normal as normal can be, don't be put off by the OP's comments.

Ages? There was at least one person there over 60.

Thanks for the post, i have not heard of that before where they tell you to come back hours later, i can imagine that being troublesome to some schedules.

My experience was outside of London and I assume yours was too, It seems everywhere is just busy.

[claretandblue]

Is the op a friend or relative of mango man by any chance? 

[scutty brown]

Thanks for the post, i have not heard of that before where they tell you to come back hours later, i can imagine that being troublesome to some schedules.

My experience was outside of London and I assume yours was too, It seems everywhere is just busy.

It can happen when they're busy
"Walk-in" centres don't mean walk in and get instantly treated, it means walk in and get into the NHS system.
Its intended for the homeless / unregistered / disenfranchised / anyone who wants to remain anonymous whether you're a punter, illegal immigrant, sex worker or someone who lives on the streets.
They ask questions about address and GP, they expect you to lie. They're just going through the motions: all they are interested in is stopping the disease, they don't give a damn who you are, they just want to stop transmission. Just make sure they have a valid phone number in case the HIV test comes back positive

[cunningpunt]

[As one tried to articulate unsuccessfully]

Ah yes, common parlance amongst the downtrodden.

Mate, every time you come back on here you seem to dig a deeper hole for yourself. If visiting a gum clinic really is the most eye opening thing in your life I suggest you get off here and out more.

If you insist in further post hoc justification, clarification and self abasement then please get a bigger shovel...or spade

[LLPunting]

I thought it meant generally a stupid person i.e "moron" or "imbecile"

Not your finest hour DAI. 

I'm a middle class NHS pleb and a very thankful and content user of their GUM services which have always been delivered with discretion.
For the sake of an hour or two more than going private I've saved at least one decent punt, which I could've fitted in before returning to work.
So you're not only conceited but of very questionable punter judgement.