Anyone into BDSM

[Colston36]

Not into BDSM stuff ballbusting/dungeons/strap on/cross dressing etc

But I am into female bodybuilders who do muscle worship/mixed wrestling/smothering/facesitting/who like to be sexually in control.

Amber Deluca is one of my favourites but she charges £1000 for her sessions

External Link/Members Only

Perhaps you should go and see the Ukrainian lady I (and others) have reviewed. She is eccentric but not expensive and quite an experience! Sorry can't recall her name (senility) but if you look through my reviews she's there.

[sub_marine]

My experience of Fetlife seems to be different from yours.  I've found that most of the members are open minded and like a bit of experimentation, wheather that be in fetish wear, power exchange, rope bondage, photographic techniques, kinky trips, etc. 

For instance the main girl I used to play with had a steady girlfriend and a few other play partner males.  She wasn't looking for a relationship with me.  The other girl was dating a guy who crossed dressed and again had a few males she would play with.  So that was my point of view of the site, but I also know of males that have a sort of hareem of girls that also play together. 

I would think it would be highly unlikley you'll find a girl who advertises specifically looking to kick males in the shins, however find a girl who wants to explore her sadistic side and you might be in with luck

One thing to remember is that your eroctic fantasys have been going round your head for years and you have explored every detail to the nth degree, there is no way you can convey that in a couple of messages and hope to experience your exact fantasy.  In the long run you'll get closer though, so stick in.

Another option is to stick with a pro-domme and each visit fine tune the session a little bit, most pro-dommes will be happy to work on the scenario if it means repeat business.

[Mr_Shins]

Their constant insistence that it is "not a dating site" makes it hard to find people to meet.

Yes I prefer it is not a site to find an exclusive life partner, but a lot of people (like myself) are looking for fetish-play.

It's like having a site about tennis and saying you shouldn't use the site to find suitable people to play tennis with because it isn't a dating site, and it probably wouldn't be, but you'd still be looking for compatible people (either to play against solo or to play doubles with).

[ulstersubbie]

My experience of Fetlife seems to be different from yours.  I've found that most of the members are open minded and like a bit of experimentation, wheather that be in fetish wear, power exchange, rope bondage, photographic techniques, kinky trips, etc. 





Another option is to stick with a pro-domme and each visit fine tune the session a little bit, most pro-dommes will be happy to work on the scenario if it means repeat business.

Fetlife is an option for some people, not for me though as too many time wasters seem to be on that site. Pro dommes are a more realistic alternative, a lot of them are lifestyle players and better understand the dynamics involved in a BDSM relationship.

[Mr_Shins]

One thing I notice is the number or subs saying they "want to learn"...

Maybe because I don't "get" the D-S side of BDSM but whilst it did take some time for me to discover exactly what my kink is, and what really makes an erotic experience, it feels to me that for too many people it is exchange one set of conformance rules for another, and they want to "learn" how to fit into a "scene".

fetlife needs to be a place for people to be far more expressive about what they *really* are looking for, what their strange kink is, and really I'd like to see far more open "play" regarding it.

If they made it more clear that fet-play isn't sex (even if it is something you get aroused with) and it isn't porn then it may improve things, in my opinion.

[Colston36]

Fetlife is an option for some people, not for me though as too many time wasters seem to be on that site. Pro dommes are a more realistic alternative, a lot of them are lifestyle players and better understand the dynamics involved in a BDSM relationship.

I think age is relevant. I am 84. I may be - well, I am - very fit indeed. But most Fetlifers are much younger. In 5 years I have only had 3 successful meetings as a result of being on there. Actually I was put on there by a domme I had a relationship with.

[Mr_Shins]

I'm not that old, but 55 still sounds ancient to some of them on there.

I don't care if they bring someone along with them - even a male partner if he doesn't disagree to her doing any of this. I wouldn't want him to join in (other than filming it, as happened when I did the videos with Mistress Cameo long ago).

[Cambridgy]

One thing I notice is the number or subs saying they "want to learn"...

Maybe because I don't "get" the D-S side of BDSM but whilst it did take some time for me to discover exactly what my kink is, and what really makes an erotic experience, it feels to me that for too many people it is exchange one set of conformance rules for another, and they want to "learn" how to fit into a "scene".

fetlife needs to be a place for people to be far more expressive about what they *really* are looking for, what their strange kink is, and really I'd like to see far more open "play" regarding it.

If they made it more clear that fet-play isn't sex (even if it is something you get aroused with) and it isn't porn then it may improve things, in my opinion.

Agree with this - the scene seems to have a lot of members prescribing “Histoire d’O” as the rule book - which isn’t very nuanced. Finding a partner and safely, gently exploring the boundaries works best from experience.


From a Dominant perspective - being supportive of your Subs wellbeing and safe are the two most important things in establishing trust so they can let go over time.

[nbarnes]

The BDSM "scene" is totally dominated by the "domme-sub" side.

In addition, on most sites (including fetlife) people are looking to form "relationships". Now I'm happy in finding compatible people but that's different from relationships. There are far more men than women which is fine as long as they don't all try pairing up, which would leave a load of men on the shelf.

If it remains open then it would simply mean women get to play more than men do, but everyone will still get their chance.

Of course it is this huge imbalance that opens the way for women to charge men money, thus the pro-domme scene. Which brings us to this site - transactional "BDSM" where we pay for someone else to provide us with our fantasy.

Now if it's a hybrid session then yes, we need to look for escorts as they are selling sex.

I think there is however a place for a new site based on pure fantasy punts. It could attract far more women who don't want to sell sex but may well be willing to provide this kind of kinky activity. A proper "reverse booking" system where we state our fantasy and advertise for women who are willing to do it.

Ideally I would keep the site totally free of porn / nakedness. The women advertising there can wear latex suits and carry whips if they want, but it won't be necessary, "fetish-wear" is totally optional (and isn't what everyone is looking for anyway).

Now this is a really interesting point.
I've had the same problem where I want to get my fantasy fully fufilled (sex + bdsm and some other bits and bobs) and was thinking how to do it. (Plus filming, if you've gone to all that trouble setting it up - you want a permanent record! )

Would a reverse booking be able to do this? Is there enough scope to add info?

EDIT : Reverse Bookings are down while C19, but something to look at soon

[Mr_Shins]

reverse bookings on Adultwork are useless.

They are not feature/interest based they are all about location, time, duration and amount.

You don't state in the "headline" what kind of thing you are looking for, so the SP just sees a bit list and has to open each one to see what the person actually wants.

[Carpy]

I have recently (last 4 months or so) started seeing a full time  mistress/dominatrix. Done it a few times in past and enjoyed but never really fully satisfied me.

This has been as I’ve come to the realisation that I am probably a full switch. I have a civvie relationship where I am strictly dom, more because she is extremely submissive than anything and we have started to progress past kinky sex into more BDSM activities. However this is a full sexual relationship so I get all the fucking and other non kink activities from this.

I realised that I was missing something and that was being dominated and I also had things I really wanted to try... as such I found a mistress and have started to explore this. After several sessions I have started to let her guide me rather then ask for certain things. I can honestly say I’ve not liked all of them but have learnt that somethings are not that painful and can be really enjoyable for me.

Overall I think the whole Dominatrix scene to be a bit intimidating, I had a lot of reservations originally of having some cold bitch just dishing out pain and ordering me about. However with the current lady I see I haven’t had anything like that.

Still see regular Wg’s but much less nowadays generally this will be just straight sex

[Mr_Shins]

Overall I think the whole Dominatrix scene to be a bit intimidating, I had a lot of reservations originally of having some cold bitch just dishing out pain and ordering me about. However with the current lady I see I haven’t had anything like that.

Still see regular Wg’s but much less nowadays generally this will be just straight sex

It's how they come across on their profiles, so good to find the right ones.

Jessica Wood and Mistress Cameo before her never came across as "some cold bitch" and when I was seeing Mistress Arella she was very much GFE with it, and I think she did sex too but I was married at the time and didn't take it up. Mistress Arella was my regular for a while but then went abroad. She contacted me a couple of times when she visited the UK and I had sessions with her both those times.

[nbarnes]

I have recently (last 4 months or so) started seeing a full time  mistress/dominatrix. Done it a few times in past and enjoyed but never really fully satisfied me.

This has been as I’ve come to the realisation that I am probably a full switch. I have a civvie relationship where I am strictly dom, more because she is extremely submissive than anything and we have started to progress past kinky sex into more BDSM activities. However this is a full sexual relationship so I get all the fucking and other non kink activities from this.

I realised that I was missing something and that was being dominated and I also had things I really wanted to try... as such I found a mistress and have started to explore this. After several sessions I have started to let her guide me rather then ask for certain things. I can honestly say I’ve not liked all of them but have learnt that somethings are not that painful and can be really enjoyable for me.

Overall I think the whole Dominatrix scene to be a bit intimidating, I had a lot of reservations originally of having some cold bitch just dishing out pain and ordering me about. However with the current lady I see I haven’t had anything like that.

Still see regular Wg’s but much less nowadays generally this will be just straight sex

I'm a switch as well, probably leaning a bit more towards kinky sex than full BDSM though.
It's generally expected you get to fuck your subgirl as part of the session (as its part and parcel of female submission), but finding a good looking domme who does full sex is harder - kinda why I've not seen a domme for a while.

Sounds like you're basically living the dream, you've got a submissive sexual partner, who from the sounds of things is properly up for it - while you can go see dommes for the submissive side of you...even better, find a domme female to dom both of you

"Overall I think the whole Dominatrix scene to be a bit intimidating, I had a lot of reservations originally of having some cold bitch just dishing out pain and ordering me about. However with the current lady..."
A decent domme doms with psychology and sexuality, not fear or strictness.

Looking forward to exploring more of this in 2021

[Mr_Shins]

For me there is no such thing as vanilla, it's either mild to medium kicking to turn me on leading to sex, or a pure kicking session to give me an erotic experience of having been kicked.

In both cases however I get a thrill only if the woman is "feminine" in nature.

[Carpy]

I'm a switch as well, probably leaning a bit more towards kinky sex than full BDSM though.
It's generally expected you get to fuck your subgirl as part of the session (as its part and parcel of female submission), but finding a good looking domme who does full sex is harder - kinda why I've not seen a domme for a while.

Sounds like you're basically living the dream, you've got a submissive sexual partner, who from the sounds of things is properly up for it - while you can go see dommes for the submissive side of you...even better, find a domme female to dom both of you

"Overall I think the whole Dominatrix scene to be a bit intimidating, I had a lot of reservations originally of having some cold bitch just dishing out pain and ordering me about. However with the current lady..."
A decent domme doms with psychology and sexuality, not fear or strictness.

Looking forward to exploring more of this in 2021

Yes I agree with a lot of what’s been said. When I was chatting post session to the mistress I see. She said the coldness and ordering about come from that fact that some  people genuinely want that and it also helps filter out the time wasters.

I have really enjoyed it but it’s more learning what I like and don’t like with the mistress, Some of what we have done was amazing, some I really didn’t like... but if you never try’s you never know

At the moment I keep the mistress and sub totally separate, ones a relationship or sorts and ones a business transaction (always need to remember that). I’ve thought about doing a double domme but tbh I think I would use a wg for that but don’t think it will be for a good while yet.

[Mr_Shins]

I found my first contact to Mistress Arella, which I sent on Wednesday 14 October 2009 at 9:09pm, sent by e-mail. She used that e-mail address for professional contact.

Subject: sessions
To: mistress.arella@yahoo.co.uk
Date: Wednesday, 14 October, 2009, 9:09 PM

I found your website and also Domina Heelena. You are both pretty and I was impressed by the fact that your site was different from all the others because it showed a more natural you and it looks like you carry out your sessions in more regular surroundings and not the stereotypical women in "fetish" costumes in dungeons (although there were a few pictures of you in rubber outfits).
 
From your site:
 your name: Please use my pseudonym (which I gave her)
 age: mid-40s
 experience: fairly experienced in masochistic acts, have taken many kickings and tramplings
 likes: enjoyable sessions where I have a rapport with the mistress, and where she sticks her shoes or boots into me with a smile on her face. A combination of kicking, trampling and any other contact with shoes, not always hard. One day I would like to try an outdoor session too.
outfit preference: Important that it is regular clothing and regular footwear and that they must be closed at the toes. Can be trainers (with laces), shoes or boots (knee-length).
Date: Early next week, ideally Monday but failing that we can arrange another day as I know you are travelling to Prague later in the week. I come home usually via Swiss Cottage.
Time and length of the appointment: Around 6pm-6.30pm for about 1 hour. Once I know you we might try longer appointments and I might be interested in a double session sometime.
 
Regards,

Looking back I think that's quite a good first contact. Some niceties about how I found her profile and liked it but then I get to the point: what I'm looking for to reasonable detail and also setting in motion a time I can visit her, plus some of my experience so she could understand it. Mid 40s was indeed my age at the time.

Looking at my e-mail where it says "From your site" it looks like she had asked for all those things if you are going to make contact.

And so we did... she became my regular. Clearly she was from Prague and Heelena was her sister and they worked from the same address, but I only ever met Arella. (What is it I have with girls who share a place with their sister?)

Unfortunately we never did outdoor. We were planning it, but then there was snow in the early part of 2010 and she didn't want to do sessions in the snow. Then she went away and we met only on occasion when she visited the UK.

[Sunny]

Perhaps you should go and see the Ukrainian lady I (and others) have reviewed. She is eccentric but not expensive and quite an experience! Sorry can't recall her name (senility) but if you look through my reviews she's there.

Cheers I have come across her before but looking for someone bigger/taller, more muscular. Usually use wb270/sessiongirls but with covid no ladies are touring around. Sure there are some domestic based ladies but hard to find

[Colston36]

Cheers I have come across her before but looking for someone bigger/taller, more muscular. Usually use wb270/sessiongirls but with covid no ladies are touring around. Sure there are some domestic based ladies but hard to find

She's not very tall, but she is very muscular. The one I fancy is in Stoke, but she does bareback. I suspect she does better than anyone on here, She's almost always the heaviest promoter on AW.

[s0whatsnew?]

I've found that most dommes have their own tried-and-tested routines which they have difficulty in deviating from.   Clients get stereotyped as 'just another man' for whom a physical whack is assumed to be the only thing that counts.  Maybe i've just been unlucky or over-cynical (or projecting my own stereotypes) or haven't yet found my gem.

[Mr_Shins]

So regarding the one on fetlife who actually advertised they were looking for play-partners in London, and appeared to be one I may have some fun with, not only did she send a very rude reply to my message, but she's now added 14 males as friends within a short space of time, and of course I am not one of them. If you "follow" someone you can see all their activity.

It's noted that the oldest of those she added is 42, she is down as 36 and I am 55. I guess there is a very "ageist" approach on there too. I don't find that with SPs who are perfectly happy to see a man in their 50s.

You don't find many women (of any age) looking for play-partners, and certainly none around the 50 mark, who have usually "discovered" themselves by that age.

[Puntypants]

Or more specifically femdom type stuff? I don't see many posts about it on this forum but I'm pretty sure it's popular as so many women can make a living off of it.

Yes, I am! I always choose a girl who provides cp services as well as the usual stuff.

[ulstersubbie]

I don't find that with SPs who are perfectly happy to see a man in their 50s.

Most Pro dommes prefer a more mature sub/slave, the younger ones can be a tad childish when it comes to playing in a session. Some won't see clients under 25.

[Mr_Shins]

pro-dommes don't care how old you are as long as you pay them and treat them with reasonable respect.

Those seeking a "play partner" on fetlife probably also want some kind of sexual thrill and will feel they get that best from a younger man. From her response to me it seemed clear it was sexual to her, she just said it in a very rude manner.

[Mr_Shins]

"Pro-dommes" generally have their own website and will often not state their rates on their site, so you have to contact them, state exactly what kind of thing you are looking for, and then if they are willing to do that, will state what the tribute is.

I guess their rates may vary dependent on what session you ask for.

This site: External Link/Members Only

provides a list of pro-dommes, many of whom have been around for a long time. I was seeing Miss Jessica Wood between around 2011 and 2014, and Miss (Amy) Hunter around the same time.

My question on EscortingHub of why more women don't get into providing such services didn't go down well (partly I guess because it was in a general topic about why escorts do the job).

In essence I'd love to see more women introduce to becoming what in the end we called "Fetish providers" or "fetish session providers" because apparently we don't really fit into "domme" - "sub", although the mistresses on the site, whilst they don't take "instruction", will take requests for specific roleplay scenarios and if you pay for such, they will do it.

All my sessions with Jessica Wood and Amy Hunter were based on roleplay scenarios.

[Jimmyredcab]

"Pro-dommes" generally have their own website and will often not state their rates on their site, so you have to contact them, state exactly what kind of thing you are looking for, and then if they are willing to do that, will state what the tribute is.

I guess their rates may vary dependent on what session you ask for.

You are correct but I avoid any service providers who refuse to display their rates, I prefer places like The London Retreat, £100 for 30 minutes plus £5 for the maid, no extra charges.

[Mr_Shins]

If they don't display their rates they have a far higher risk of what they'd consider "time-wasters", i.e. people who enquire, then don't book a session when they find out how expensive it is.

I'd prefer it if they expressed what kind of rates you'd pay for different things, which would possibly be based on whether it needed specialist equipment or a dungeon for hire.

[Mart_sm]

I like the concept of this thread. I myself predominantly have experience with pro domes and recently I have been designing with Mistress Vixen down near Derby (intend on writing a review in the near future).

However my reasoning behind joining this website is once I am comfortable enough with the restrictions easing in 2021 to try out 1 or 2 women who would be more aligned within the WG category. However if there was an opportunity to combine them both, that would most definitely be of interest to me!

[daviemac]

I like the concept of this thread. I myself predominantly have experience with pro domes and recently I have been designing with Mistress Vixen down near Derby (intend on writing a review in the near future).

However my reasoning behind joining this website is once I am comfortable enough with the restrictions easing in 2021 to try out 1 or 2 women who would be more aligned within the WG category. However if there was an opportunity to combine them both, that would most definitely be of interest to me!

Please check for current threads on the topic you are posting about instead of ignoring the red warning about reviving old threads and posting on one that is 4 years old.

[ulstersubbie]

I like the concept of this thread. I myself predominantly have experience with pro domes and recently I have been designing with Mistress Vixen down near Derby (intend on writing a review in the near future).

Look forward to your review. Never had a response from her when I have e mailed in the past.

[Ali Katt]

Or more specifically femdom type stuff? I don't see many posts about it on this forum but I'm pretty sure it's popular as so many women can make a living off of it.

Sometimes, but only if sex is involved with it.

[Ali Katt]

Fetlife doesn't work like that, the sites that do allow searching certain attributes have a membership of about 90% males looking for females, 8% males pretending to be females looking for men and about 2% actual females looking for men.  That's why fetlife has been so successful and retains its female members so well. 

So to get the best from fetlife, you need to fill out your profile with as much information as your happy to supply, then join which ever groups pique your interest.  Once you get into your groove you will start to find people with similar interests.  You can read each others profiles and maybe have a social meet.  The munches that fetlifers meet at are in vanilla environments usually, just a group of peoples having a drink together.  Once you start building social relationships then the trust can be built which will allow people to engage in some of the kinky shit your interested in.  A lot of prodommes are on fetlife but not using it for work purposes, they use it as a mainly social site like facebook but full of kinksters who they can relax with and not have to worry about posting weird kinky memes.  There are pages where prodommes can advertise, and some prodommes do have details of there work on their profile, but most have a second work profile.  I once got chatting to a girl in one of the national shibari groups and was setting up to meet her as a rope bottom, but work schedules ended up getting in the way, it was only afterwards that I realised she once a very well known prodomme, but she had created a new profile to keep her private play away from work life.  If your really into the scene and get involved you'll get a lot more back, if your just wanting to message attractive local girls and tell them your fetish, you'll probably get nowhere

Hopefully you can understand why its called Fetlife and not Fetsession, its aimed and used mainly by people who are out about their kinks. and have no reason to creep about. 

Silvercityblondie has an account on Fetlife, she is into some pretty submissive stuff going by her pictures, she might even go to the local munches.  I've met and reviewed my meet with her but under her previous name

Maybe I've not spent enough time on it, but main problem I've found is it is more centred around USA.

[atmos]

Yes - I'm into BDSM/Femdom - I'm a good 'subbie boy'.

I've never reviewed a Mistress on here because I have a regular one and everyone looks at things differently.

If I were to review I would happily say about Communications, venue, and access, etc., but one thing I wouldn't do in public is discuss costs and what she does to me ... I just think its too personal. If people want a 'blow-by-blow' account (Ouch!) well - if you like the sound of the place - all you have to do is book ...

[caramba]

Not into BDSM stuff ballbusting/dungeons/strap on/cross dressing etc

But I am into female bodybuilders who do muscle worship/mixed wrestling/smothering/facesitting/who like to be sexually in control.

Amber Deluca is one of my favourites but she charges £1000 for her sessions

External Link/Members Only

I also got in contact with her 2-3 years ago, she said the same thing to me. £1000 p/h.
I thought her schedule was full, so she was taking the piss. Now surprised to see the same thing here.
I understand that niche pleasures are costly, but £1000 is a serious amount.
I met Renata Hronova and Jana Linke-Sipple, those girls were more modest, charged £200 p/h.
Colette Guimond also asked for $400 or so, I politely declined her and towards her visit to London sent me another e-mail, expressing the lack of interest in London and offered a discount of my liking, in order not to waste her journey. I didn't go in the end.

[Fuggedaboutit]

Yes, absolutely... 

[Colston36]

I also got in contact with her 2-3 years ago, she said the same thing to me. £1000 p/h.
I thought her schedule was full, so she was taking the piss. Now surprised to see the same thing here.
I understand that niche pleasures are costly, but £1000 is a serious amount.
I met Renata Hronova and Jana Linke-Sipple, those girls were more modest, charged £200 p/h.
Colette Guimond also asked for $400 or so, I politely declined her and towards her visit to London sent me another e-mail, expressing the lack of interest in London and offered a discount of my liking, in order not to waste her journey. I didn't go in the end.

I see Colette Guimond is 59. Mind you she lives in Florida and U.S. rates are very high

[spiralnotebook]

A tart who I used to get on with told me she also did BDSM and  one of her clients used to get her to nail his balls to a plank of wood. 

[Fuggedaboutit]

A tart who I used to get on with told me she also did BDSM and  one of her clients used to get her to nail his balls to a plank of wood. 

I don't mind a little electrical play, but that's just nuts...

[Ali Katt]

A tart who I used to get on with told me she also did BDSM and  one of her clients used to get her to nail his balls to a plank of wood. 

Morning wood.

[Cum_again]

A tart who I used to get on with told me she also did BDSM and  one of her clients used to get her to nail his balls to a plank of wood. 

I once had my foreskin stretched round my cock (like a hot dog) and then staples used to hold it in place.
Love having needles in my nipples too.
Difficult to explain why, but there’s a huge buzz off it.  So I can get the nails thing.

Mind you, I’ve come to realise that I am a total pervert ....and proud...

[Fuggedaboutit]

A tart who I used to get on with told me she also did BDSM and  one of her clients used to get her to nail his balls to a plank of wood. 

Quite a risk for her if it got infected and he had to go to hospital; the law states (R v Brown) that you can't consent to ABH or more serious harm for the purposes of sexual gratification. This is basically the law they want to codify in the Domestic Abuse Bill to stop people claiming the "rough sex gone wrong" defence.

[Thephoenix]

I once had my foreskin stretched round my cock (like a hot dog) and then staples used to hold it in place.
Love having needles in my nipples too.
Difficult to explain why, but there’s a huge buzz off it.  So I can get the nails thing.

Mind you, I’ve come to realise that I am a total pervert ....and proud...

Blimey!.....hate to think what the double beefburger's like!

[ulstersubbie]

I once had my foreskin stretched round my cock (like a hot dog) and then staples used to hold it in place.
Love having needles in my nipples too.
Difficult to explain why, but there’s a huge buzz off it.  So I can get the nails thing.

Mind you, I’ve come to realise that I am a total pervert ....and proud...

Mistress Raven in Yorkshire does this activity on a regular basis, her videos are pretty hardcore.

[Colston36]

I don't mind a little electrical play, but that's just nuts...

Top marks for that appalling effort:-)