External Link/Members Only or
External Link/Members OnlyI'm writing this at the behest of two other users on another thread and it would be a bit Jack not to at this point.
Apologies, wall of text incoming, it's the only way I know how to write, if you want to skip it all just read this-AVOID THE CUNT!
After 2 shit punts at the arse end of last year, I've had a great year so far seeing the likes of Danielle Delight in Bournemouth, Delicate Kimmy and Naughty Nelly Pussy in Basingstoke (not together unfortunately-now that would have been something!), Amazing Sophie in Banbury, #SOPHIE in Birmingham, Nicolestarxxx in Reading and now also Busty Irish Sarah in Kensington (i'm really going against the grain of what seems to be the general consensus here I realise, but I thought she was a great, sexy, very energetic fuck, fun and nice to talk to and I think I had a much better connection with than most other girls i've seen and would love to see again) all of whom I thoroughly enjoyed my time with and would recommend.
This review isn't about those girls however, allow me to just set the scene.
Sunday night I was scouring AW as I knew I was going up to C&W hospital for a return appointment the next day. Last time I went up it was an all day affair with lots of waiting around between testing and whatnot and the whole day was very boring. This time I decided it would be a great idea to make a whole, fun day of it and book an escort. My top picks were Platinum Cindy (who I contacted but was all booked up), Horny Lucy, Cute Jessie (A Romanian I realise but probably the only Romanian WG i've ever seen with consistent positive feedback and I believe is independent) and the aforementioned Busty Irish Sarah, all of whom i've had my eye on and wanted to shag for a while. Then, completely out of left field, comes the above profile, she looks amazing. Really my kind of girl, Raven hair, big lips, huge fake tits, slim but with something to grab on to, looks like a real slut...I worked myself up into a bit of a trance and naturally gave her a bell. She spoke very good English but had an obvious EE accent and was polite. She said that she was only working 6pm-6am shifts at the moment which I thought was a little odd but that was it, I said ok and put the phone down. Fuck she looked good in those pictures though so I sent her a text to say that 6pm was fine and i'd book a hotel as it was outcalls only. I then rang her, again very polite and she answered a few of my questions, explicitly telling me she was a Lithuanian (I asked as the aforementioned shit punts last year were with a Romanian and a Moldovan-two Nationalities I would rather not have anything to do with again), that there were no extras and that she would come to see me. I book the hotel in Fulham.
So the next day rolls around, I'm horny as fuck so I decide to drop Irish Sarah a text and I arrange a booking with her in the morning. She is great, I cum two massive loads, one between her lovely boobs and one shagging her from behind with her big arse bouncing in front of me, and end up getting carried away talking to her, leaving me 1 minute to get to my appointment but I definitely leave on a high note.
Sat around for hours on end in hospital.
Come out at about 17:30 and text her. No answer. Walk to the hotel and text again. No answer. Check in and call. No answer. It gets to about 10 past 6 and I haven't heard back, I seriously consider going back to Sarah at this point or getting CuteJessie round for an outcall so I haven't wasted money on the room (god I wish I had just done that). Call her again and finally she picks up, give her my details and says she will be an hour. No problem. An hour passes. Nothing. I text to ask where she is but it's ignored. Call and get hung up on straight away. Another half hour goes by, call again and get told she'll call back "just give me 2 minutes and I call back". She doesn't call back. We're now rapidly approaching the 2 hour mark, I message her again saying "are you coming or not" and she calls to say she is now outside and shall she just come up to which I say yes. Bear in mind all of this spoken correspondence if with the fluent in English "Lithuanian", who naturally is who I expect the girl to be. I walk down the corridor as I'll have to let her in from the landing and as she reaches my vision I start having doubts-she's a bit smaller than I was expecting but has the raven black hair and biggish looking tits so I let her in and we walk back to my room. Once there I ask "so you are the girl from the phone, the Lithuanian?", she just smiles, doesn't have a fucking scooby.
Oh dear why didn't I just boot her out there and then? She stripped off and yep, definitely not the girl from the profile pictures. I wouldn't say she was hideous but not attractive. Boobs were natural and quite saggy, she was very short, had a scar from what I assume was a C-section, perpetually wore an almost creepy smile. Whilst i'm taking all this in and just deciding whether or not to cut my losses she just exclaims money so I make a decision there and then to go ahead with it and hand it over. Get on the bed, she tries to put a johnny on. I obviously was expecting OWO from what I'd read and been told so tell her no. She says "extra extra" and holds up her fingers 3 times which I guess means £30. I try to explain what i've been told over the phone was that there were no extras and she just keeps saying "no capiche". It's around this times I point to her and say "Romanian" and she smiles and nods. Cunt.
So anyway, I hand over the £30 because I hate OW, she's sucking and i'll be honest and say I've had worse blow jobs but it wasn't great and certainly not the nirvana of being sucked off by Delicate Kimmy or Nicole Starxxx (in fairness from my experience it's quite hard to get me to finish from a BJ but these two are real pros-Nicole even swallowed the lot!). She keeps coming up and sucking my nipples which I usually don't mind but I just find quite annoying with her. She also keeps pinching them until I tell her to stop as it's fucking annoying. Then she goes to put the condom on-she's only brought one by the way-and I start fucking her in cowgirl, then missionary and doggy, she's quite small and I think I made her genuinely moan a bit during missionary but other than that she just lay there like a dead animal with her phone going off constantly, especially frustrating when Sarah had been energetically bouncing herself around on top of me at the speed of 1000 gazelles and pulling me further inside her with her legs during missionary earlier that morning. i ended up finishing in missionary at around the 25 minute mark and she kept asking "finish? finish?", presumably asking for my permission to leave but who knows with the language barrier. Obviously there wasn't much chat to be had so I just suggested she go back to sucking my cock which she was very hesitant to do. About 10 minutes passed with no joy. So I suggested I wank myself off onto her chest (i'll just add at this point on a tangent, especially after reading that "guide for prostitutes to make you come faster" or whatever it is, why do Escorts bother wanking you off? In my experienece at least most of them are utterly inept at it and jerking my knob around in what it sometimes actually a painful motion and most of the time not at all a pleasant one is likely to make me spunk slower, not faster as it's a real turn off. As sad as it may read, the best handjob i've ever had is from my right hand, i've never met a girl who can make me cum off of a handjob).
So i'm going at it giving it the old knuckle shuffle over her, again as she just lies there like a corpse, and then her phone starts pinging off again, she answers, I hear some bloke (presumably her pimp) say something and then she shouts "finish finish stop stop" and holds her hands up. I get off her, she hastily gets changed and leaves. i then look at my phone and it's about 21:03, I only sent my last message asking where she was at 20:07 and she turned up at least 10-15 minutes after that.
All in all I shouldn't need to tell you how crap it was bit by bit if you've read that but to summarise:
Turned up 2 hours late
Not Girl from photos (having come on UKP today and read a thread and followed up the information the pictures are of a stunning young Canadian model called "Sweet Krissy", if she'd have turned up at my room regardless of any language barrier-i'd have been fucking her good and proper well into the night, sparing no expense-believe me! And if you see this Krissy, call me!)
Crap at services
Unenthusiastic
Left Early
Can't speak a bleeding word of English
Not independent-I suspect part of some scum Romanian or Albanian prostitution racket.
So yes that's my first and perhaps only review. I hope it benefits someones out there because I'm still fucking gutted. My own fault really as should have read the warning signs but i'm newer to this punting game than most and sexual urges often seem to overtake my common sense!
