Getting Outed - Injuries On The Job

[Thephoenix]

Reading the thread on outed post mortem, made me recall the occasions that I've been 'injured on the job', and how that could have resulted in some embarrassing situations or even worse.

I'm not just talking about injuries sustained during the act, or injured pride some of us have probably experienced, but including other accidents occurring at the premises or en route, that took some quick thinking explanations.

Of course, there have been cases of poor blokes having heart attacks or even dying on the job, and as we get older that becomes a concern when the old ticker is beating out of your chest during moments of ecstasy, and trying to explain that away might be beyond even the most experienced punters.

I've had my fair share of slips in the showers etc, but fairly recently I thought I'd badly sprained my ankle at a popular Thai shop in the North West.
I was haggling about the cost of extras and when agreed the lady insisted I give her the money first...(which I hate at the best of times).
So I had to waggle over grumbling in semi darkness, without my glasses, over to my clothes.

I completely missed a step down from where the table was, and almost went arse over tit.
I managed to stop myself from completely falling but went crashing into the wall and badly twisted my ankle.
The young lady was quite concerned, but like a true punter I was determined the show must go, particularly as my raging erection had somehow escaped unharmed.

As it turned out it was just a strain and a few bruises on this occasion, but I wonder if anyone's had any similar or worse experiences that could have outed them or required imaginative explanations.

[tynetunnel]

That sounds very nasty TP, and you were lucky not to be more seriously injured. I haven’t sustained any ‘difficult to explain at home’ injuries yet, but did have a very lucky escape earlier this summer.

I was traveling to a meeting on the motorway, and literally 2 minutes behind me was a serious pile-up in which several people sadly died, and the resultant recovery and investigation led to the road remaining closed until the following day. On my way home there was chaos on the surrounding local roads and I was diverted off the motorway as the opposite carriage way to the accident had also been closed.

This was the first I’d heard of the crash, but reports next day stated the time of the accident. I knew exactly when I’d left home, and calculated that I literally missed the incident by being about 2 minutes ahead.

Based on where I was supposed to have been, I had no alibi for being on the motorway. So it was a close call, and I often wonder how I’d explain accident damage on an insurance report on a road I have no legitimate reason to be on (as far as the wife is concerned)

[catweazle]

I had my back go into spasm while sat on the edge of the bed receiving a blow job at a Thai  massage place. Luckily  it passed quite quickly.

Currently  I am out of action due to a broken arm and have been wondering  if a kindly SP would consider  a straightforward  BJ as undressing is very awkward!

[ik8133]

I had a double dose of cramp in my calves' when I visited a girl in one of the windows in Ghent.  Think it was a bit of dehydration after walking around after taking viagra.  Girl thought I was having a heart attack, I did manage to carry on!   

[ragged]

Not an injury but a condition - new medication caused a bout of hypoglycaemia.  The conversation with the SP went something like.

"Please go into my bag...yes that bag over there... and get me a handful of jelly babies.  Jelly Babies.  No I don't know what Portugese for Jelly Babies is.  Yes those.  Stop laughing and bring them over here.  Yes I am fucking serious..."

[Gas74]

Broke my arm on the way to/or in a punt, just walked out of my house on the way to the bus on a cold and frosty night, slipped and went down like a sack of spuds. Was looking around more out of shame of anyone seeing me do a tumble and thought nothing of it, just slightly sore and though would have a bruise in the morning. Went off to a parlour, selected girl and got down to it, went into missonary and was holding myself up in position when suddenly pain became excruciating. Woman then helping me get my clothes on and calling a taxi for me, thanks I'll just wait outside 'The Massage Club' for it to arrive then. Was lucky just a compression fracture, thinking about it now gutted at the £60 spent without having a pop.

[Matrix]

External Link/Members Only

Heard that it's happened a few times.

[myothernameis]

One very hot summer, temperatures in the mid 30's, cabin was like a steam room, so were banging away, and guess the heat got to me, and I fainted.  So fell of the table, and luckily didn't hurt my self, but it certainly scared the escort, and after a glass of water, soon recovered

[Watts.E.Dunn]

I had a double dose of cramp in my calves' when I visited a girl in one of the windows in Ghent.  Think it was a bit of dehydration after walking around after taking viagra.  Girl thought I was having a heart attack, I did manage to carry on!

I've had that bugger!, bloody breathtaking painful, but not both at one time!

Useually wake up with it, best in fact seemingly the only way is to get out of bed sharpish and put some weight on it that releaves it quite quickly but the poxy thing is sore most of the day afterwards!..

[Thephoenix]

                   ******** I had my back go into spasm while sat on the edge of the bed receiving a blow job at a Thai  massage place. Luckily  it passed quite quickly. *********



Currently  I am out of action due to a broken arm and have been wondering  if a kindly SP would consider  a straightforward  BJ as undressing is very awkward!

********Sorry to 😁😁, but that could have been quite nasty for the poor girl when you suddenly hit her tonsils. *****

I'm sure you could get a good blow job and you could ask her to sign your plaster.

[sparkus]

External Link/Members Only

Heard that it's happened a few times.

There was one in The Sun that happened in Southend, they enjoyed the circumstances and his big build.

I once cut my shin on the edge of a metal bed during doggy, fortunately the WG I was boning was an ex-nurse and had a decent array of first aid stuff, patched me up good and proper. 

[Thephoenix]

One very hot summer, temperatures in the mid 30's, cabin was like a steam room, so were banging away, and guess the heat got to me, and I fainted.  So fell of the table, and luckily didn't hurt my self, but it certainly scared the escort, and after a glass of water, soon recovered

In the really hot weather we had during Summer, I was walking to my car and the sun was cracking the flags.
As I opened the door the inside of the car was stifling.
As I went to drive off, I suddenly became very light headed and for a second thought I was going to faint.
Fortunately I drank some water and I was ok.
Probably a combination of heat, low blood pressure with meds and dehydration.
That scared me as I was about 30 miles away from home with no reason to be there.

As a result I'm unfortunately not unable to drive for a whle (doctors orders), until the problem is diagnosed.
May need a pacemaker?

[redveee]

One of my first punts way back was in Amsterdam, the session went well with no issue but as the girl walked down the stairs ahead of me I commented about how steep the steps were and as I did so I slipped own a step, luckily it was the bottom step and I regained my footing with nom damage to body or pride. Dread to think what would have happened if I'd injured my ankle/foot as I was on a cycling holiday and the 60 miles back to Hook two days later would have been fun.

[SeekingSteve]

Had one close ish call, was with my reg and was mid blowjob when she  was a little keen and accidentally caught my banjostring and caused a slight split. Fucking blood everywhere, needless to say that was the end of proceedings that day. That evening the wife was pestering for a bit of action so coming up with an excuse was fun....
Me and the reg still laugh about it to this day, the wife busts my balls and she burst my dick 

[Punterperson1971]

Had one close ish call, was with my reg and was mid blowjob when she  was a little keen and accidentally caught my banjostring and caused a slight split. Fucking blood everywhere, needless to say that was the end of proceedings that day. That evening the wife was pestering for a bit of action so coming up with an excuse was fun....
Me and the reg still laugh about it to this day, the wife busts my balls and she burst my dick 

Ouch !!!How did you get out of shagging the wife then

[Charlie Chalk]

Ouch !!!How did you get out of shagging the wife then

”Not tonight dear, I’ve got a headache”??? Let them know what it’s like for a change!

I put my back into spasm whilst walking to the bed after undressing at the start of a punt, bloody painful and cramped my style a bit. Told the OH I’d done it when getting into the car.

[SeekingSteve]

Ouch !!!How did you get out of shagging the wife then

As above has already predicted, I had an on set of a migraine. It had been looming all day 
Lucky I work away quite a lot so the healing time wasn't an issue, we try to keep things a little more careful these days so we dont have a repeat incident, not good fun scrubbing blood out of a carpet when you know how it got there 

[Thelonelymountain]

I had a TIA (mini stroke) in August whilst seeing a SP. Luckily I had the lady ring my friend who came and got me and helped me to hospital and help with an excuse for the wife 
I haven't done a review as I have no recollection of the night!!!!

[Addicted65]

I had a TIA (mini stroke) in August whilst seeing a SP. Luckily I had the lady ring my friend who came and got me and helped me to hospital and help with an excuse for the wife 
I haven't done a review as I have no recollection of the night!!!!

My old man had a TIA in August, not you is it 😂😂😂

Not a nice experience, hope you make a rapid and full recovery

[myothernameis]

Probably a combination of heat, low blood pressure with meds and dehydration.

May need a pacemaker?

Kind of the same for me, bradycardia, with a resting heart rate of 35 bpm, occasional low blood pressure.  My health is like a yo yo, one minute Im in good health, but a few months later, could take turn for the worse

Gp talked about a pacemaker, but seemingly the consultant has said, Im not ill enough, so guess need to wait till Im about to drop

[Thephoenix]

Kind of the same for me, bradycardia, with a resting heart rate of 35 bpm, occasional low blood pressure.  My health is like a yo yo, one minute Im in good health, but a few months later, could take turn for the worse

Gp talked about a pacemaker, but seemingly the consultant has said, Im not ill enough, so guess need to wait till Im about to drop

That's interesting.
I've had bradycardia for years...40 - 45
It's not been an issue as I was always pretty fit.
However now add a valve prolapse and old age, and the docs sent for various checks with possiblity of pacemaker?

Wonder if anyone on here has a pacemaker??

[Thephoenix]

I had a TIA (mini stroke) in August whilst seeing a SP. Luckily I had the lady ring my friend who came and got me and helped me to hospital and help with an excuse for the wife 
I haven't done a review as I have no recollection of the night!!!!

Wow...what a nightmare!
Very lucky you were able to make those arrangements.
Hope you're on the mend.

[sparkus]

- injuries to your body could happen anywhere, an OH need never know
- banjo string etc. - say you were having a wank!

It's not injuries I fear revealing to OH but any STIs that can be caught and transmitted.

[Colston36]

Wow...what a nightmare!
Very lucky you were able to make those arrangements.
Hope you're on the mend.

Don't go into politics. Felix Faure, president of France, died on the job; so did Nelson Rockefeller.

[Thelonelymountain]

My old man had a TIA in August, not you is it 😂😂😂

Not a nice experience, hope you make a rapid and full recovery

Not another kid 
Thank you for your wishes

[Thelonelymountain]

Wow...what a nightmare!
Very lucky you were able to make those arrangements.
Hope you're on the mend.

Thank you and yes it was so lucky

[Thelonelymountain]

Don't go into politics. Felix Faure, president of France, died on the job; so did Nelson Rockefeller.

I should avoid religion also as there have been a few popes that have died on the job including one that was being fucked by an alter boy. Looks like a strap-on could be a roller-coster 

[sparkus]

I should avoid religion also as there have been a few popes that have died on the job including one that was being fucked by an alter boy. Looks like a strap-on could be a roller-coster 

I was reading a inter-war era set novel which involved an Anglican vicar robbing some poor teenage parishioner of her virginity etc. in the vestry and thought at the time "Author's fantasy, I doubt that'd happen,"

A formal inquiry or two later and it happened to thousands in this country.

[webpunter]

Like 5 years or so ago i went through a phase of visiting Soft Touch in Northampton
The maid 'knew' me & when i rocked up the burd i'd booked wasn't quite ready [finishing off some other punter no doubt]
Was asked if i'd like a tour as they'd just refurbed the place
Shown the jacuzzi room & i commented that with a bath, soapy bubbles & Johnsons what could possibly go wrong ?
Slippy as 
The maid commented 'funny you should say that' as they recently had a punter who slipped & broke his collar bone.  Ouch
He couldn't get out of the jacuzzi & the maid had to get another punter to help
And then a couple of the burds dried & dressed him, he was in agony
The maid said she offered to call an ambulance & on hearing that the punter nearly fainted 
The bloke who helped him out offered to drive him into town & dropped him off
The punter said he'd call 999 & say he'd tripped on a pavement [clearly an OH in play]
The bloke helping who had his session disturbed was given an hour on the house with two burds as a thank-you

[Noman]

Twice in my punting career, I’ve asked for a hard/deep tissue massage which then caused bruising/burns/red patches on my upper back. The first time I had no idea this could actually happen, so I had to quickly come up with an excuse to my other half when she spotted it all - something about carrying boxes at work… she believed me, luckily. The second time, I noticed it before it became an issue so i just ensured she never got to see my back and kept it that way until the bruising/redness subsided a few days later.

[willie loman]

I should avoid religion also as there have been a few popes that have died on the job including one that was being fucked by an alter boy. Looks like a strap-on could be a roller-coster 

i dont believe that about the popes, the catholic clergy only became gay in the last hundred years or so, historically the popes were rampant heterosexuals.

[Straightsix]

Twice in my punting career, I’ve asked for a hard/deep tissue massage which then caused bruising/burns/red patches on my upper back. The first time I had no idea this could actually happen, so I had to quickly come up with an excuse to my other half when she spotted it all - something about carrying boxes at work… she believed me, luckily. The second time, I noticed it before it became an issue so i just ensured she never got to see my back and kept it that way until the bruising/redness subsided a few days later.

Did she suspect you a cage fighter after work?

[jimbobted]

I remember once whilst crossing the road to a hotel in London, where I was to meet Scarlett May I nearly got run over. Stepped off the pavement right in front of a delivery bike rider (she was Spanish and fit). She managed to stop just in the nick of time and said "Oooff" in a way that meant "you lucky bastard" and smiled at me.
Would have properly messed me up if she'd hit me and I'd have had trouble explaining to the wife why I was in a London hospital with a broken leg when I was meant to be somewhere else entirely.
Punt was good fun though.

[The Vicar of Dibley]

A few years ago after a punt in Wimbledon I fell down a flight of stairs.
It was one of those places where you have to take your shoes off on entering. I went up the stairs ok but after the punt I was chatting to the SP who was telling me how much she had enjoyed me stroking her back whilst she was on top and how she had genuinely got wet. Feeling like billy big bollocks and soaking up the praise I stepped off the carpet landing onto the polished wooden staircase. My socks slipped and I went from top to bottom of the stairs on my arse. SP was mortified but I laughed it off even though my arse and lower back were agony.

[webpunter]

Quality 

A few years ago after a punt in Wimbledon I fell down a flight of stairs.
It was one of those places where you have to take your shoes off on entering. I went up the stairs ok but after the punt I was chatting to the SP who was telling me how much she had enjoyed me stroking her back whilst she was on top and how she had genuinely got wet. Feeling like billy big bollocks and soaking up the praise I stepped off the carpet landing onto the polished wooden staircase. My socks slipped and I went from top to bottom of the stairs on my arse. SP was mortified but I laughed it off even though my arse and lower back were agony.

[MrMatrix]

One bird being a bit over enthusiastic gave me what was a bit of a tooth BJ, it became a bit painful and I stopped her. Finished the punt off fine. Next day I looked down at my bell end and it was damned near black with all the bruising. A week later I was back to normal.

Also had cramp on a punt as well. That wasnt a lot of fun as I had to get off her, the escort was fine about it.

[Bonker]

Pride cometh before a fall.
You of all people should know this vicar.

[scutty brown]

Combination of viagra and a too-hot jacuzzi once made me pass out as I was getting out......two of the thai girls managed to get me on the bed and were about to dial 999 but thankfully I came round

[webpunter]

Lucky
Did you carry on with the session ?

Combination of viagra and a too-hot jacuzzi once made me pass out as I was getting out......two of the thai girls managed to get me on the bed and were about to dial 999 but thankfully I came round

You are two away reviews away from being a ton up
Try & pick a cracker for the 100th
Chop chop !

[scutty brown]

Lucky
Did you carry on with the session ?

You are two away reviews away from being a ton up
Try & pick a cracker for the 100th
Chop chop !

Carried on, but very passively

As for the ton..........not far away

[Pedalwall]

Not an injury to me per se but .....
Recent trip away, took advantage to punt in town I didn't know. Got a bit stressed trying to find the venue with time of punt getting close and no obvious roadside parking. Decided to use a multi-storey which must have had the smallest parking bays in the world. While negotiating one of them next to a pillar caught the car on said pillar and almost pulled the rear wing off!! After punt - not that memorable - headed back to hotel and used Dr Google to find body repair shop which turned out to be 10 minutes away. Turned up first thing in the morning and managed to get the car repaired with no obvious damage before completing business for the day and headed home with no one the wiser!!! Not an experience I'd want to repeat!