Oddest thing to happen on a punt

[Plan R]

Got into the 69 position, and noticed a little piece of loo roll stuck to her butthole.
Did my job well and when she cum and everything started squirming around it fell off into my eye.

..and you've had a shitty outlook on life ever since ?
    (looks for coat)

[southern punter]

It is still a punt I find myself thinking about every now and then given the bizarre circumstances of it. And her face was so beautiful, sweet attitude, voice, everything.

I had an experience that was almost identical but exactly opposite.  Spanish, about 21, and unbelievably beautiful - "face, sweet attitude, voice, everything".  I wasn't her very first client but it was her first day I think.  But she was so tight I must've spent about 20 minutes trying to get in and never did properly manage it.  She was SO apologetic/embarrassed.  Said she was 'allergic to lube' - poor lass, I assume she didn't stick around in the industry.  Funny thing is for all her apologies she was just THAT stunning I still think about that punt every now and then, fondly, while many a punt where I got balls deep has faded from memory.

[MJ.spritzen]

My review featuring some poor punter called "Alan" was the wierdest one I've had.

See here: https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=396521.0

Then there was the single mum who would only fuck on her living room couch, then the dog made an appearance... see here: https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=395168.0

As you can see, Liverpool is hardly the beating heart of the punting world.

[MJ.spritzen]

Got into the 69 position, and noticed a little piece of loo roll stuck to her butthole.
Did my job well and when she cum and everything started squirming around it fell off into my eye.

Fucking pissing myself laughing at this 

[marc_hotsteppa]

My review featuring some poor punter called "Alan" was the wierdest one I've had.

See here: https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=396521.0

Then there was the single mum who would only fuck on her living room couch, then the dog made an appearance... see here: https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=395168.0

As you can see, Liverpool is hardly the beating heart of the punting world.

Tis a cracker that 

I remember someone on here posting that they'd been shouted at and had their shoes thrown out of a window at them in a review 

[akauya]

The oddest thing, but quite comical, was when I went to see a recommended girl (North London I think). IIRC she was part of a Hungarian or Romanian crew.

Two girls working in the flat. They divided a large room with a thin curtain in the middle; one punter was taken to one side and the other to the other side. You could hear everything that was going on the other side. Also the girls would talk to each other in their language (praising us punters on our sexual prowess, no doubt) and of course you could also hear the girls' moans.

The time I went I think I got into a competition with the other punter who could get their girl to moan loudest. Can't remember if we popped in unison though 

[RandomGuy99]

I had a Hungarian MILF insist on taking me into the bathroom at the end of every booking and washing my cock for me in the bathroom sink. Luckily it"s detachable.

[RandomGuy99]

I had a Hungarian MILF insist on taking me into the bathroom at the end of every booking and washing my cock for me in the bathroom sink. Luckily it"s detachable.

Well it is now...

[southcoastpunter]

in addition to be locked in with an escort (reply 14) i just remembered another daft situation:
 
again many years ago... there was a northern escort called Chloe Blond Beauty who sometimes toured down south to my south coast location. I had wanted to see her for sometime but sadly our calendars never aligned. Then one time it did so i booked and leaving enough time to find her and parked etc, off i go. she had texted her temp address which was an annexes in a house rather than a flat. I looked up google maps on my desktop at home, knew pretty much where it was (just off the coast road) and off i go.

Driving along the coast road i see the road and turn into it and look for the blue door on number 14. ah there it is so park up, send a message to say "here" and go and ring the doorbell on the blue door at number 14. No answer, ring again, no answer. so i go back out into the road and double check - yes number 14, blue door. I message her again and go back to the door and ring again. still no answer. She then messaged to say she was standing by the door and couldn't hear a door bell or see anyone at the door. I go back into the road and she says she still can't see me.

I'm thinking this is silly and double check with her - nos 14, blue door? yes! so i go back to the door and ring again, quite a long time this time - and hear some movement from inside. The door eventually opens and a lady is stood there - about mid 30's with a dressing gown just about around her and looking very sleepy. Even thought it was 2.30 in the afternoon, i had obviously just woken her up! Although i was pretty sure of the answer i said "hello, sorry, you aren't Chloe are you? a shake of the head. "oh sorry, i was meant to be meeting a Chloe here"
.
She looked at me almost with a knowing look and said "there's no chloe here .......but.....do you want to come in anyway? another time i might have said "yes" but not this time - i wanted to see chloe blond beauty! so i left, went back to my car and messaged CBB to say "lets call it a day". so i drive off and as i turn back onto the coast road i see that i was in Stourwood ave and not Stourcliffe Ave. Stourcliffe was the next turning after Stourwood but i had just seen Stour something and thought "yep, thats it" and then number 14 had a blue door!!

Anyway messaged CBB again to explain, we meet up and had a good laugh about it and a very good punt too. She was lovely!!

But i often wonder what would have happened if i had gone in (to the wrong house) and i def did learn to check my road names more carefully in the future!

[rocket88]

Many moons ago I punted an indie gilf in Manchester. On one occasion as I was preparing to leave she gave a £5 note. I asked her what it was for and she said it was a discount because my RO skills were so good! 

[MJ.spritzen]

She looked at me almost with a knowing look and said "there's no chloe here .......but.....do you want to come in anyway?

I wonder if she was a civvie who got tired of turning punters away she started offering services herself, or if she just took advantage of the opportunity to have regular no strings sex with random men?

[The Monk]

Just over a year ago booked with Brazilian WG she had just moved into a newly built ground floor flat she was renting and the bedroom had a large French doors with a view on to communal gardens with the bed facing the view. She was grinding and bouncing in CG position with her back to the French doors and I could hear a strange noise look over her and a window cleaner was standing at the French door watching in amazement. I point at him and the WG got up to the French doors and shouted your next for a £100 mate 

[Punterperson1971]

I remember seeing a well reviewed wg Gina diamond in Birmingham and I turned round to leave after a good punt and I smashed her base with my bag as I left,must have been 8/9 years ago

[alabama1]

I remember seeing a well reviewed wg Gina diamond in Birmingham and I turned round to leave after a good punt and I smashed her base with my bag as I left,must have been 8/9 years ago

Never heard it called that before  And it must have been quite substantial having managed to use your bag lol

[cunningman]

Never heard it called that before  And it must have been quite substantial having managed to use your bag lol

b is next to v?

[Punterperson1971]

Never heard it called that before  And it must have been quite substantial having managed to use your bag lol

Should have been vase bloody predictive text or my fat fingers

[alabama1]

Should have been vase bloody predictive text or my fat fingers

[PilotMan]

I remember seeing a well reviewed wg Gina diamond in Birmingham and I turned round to leave after a good punt and I smashed her base with my bag as I left,must have been 8/9 years ago

Are you sure it was a base and not a lead? 

I'll get my coat 

[Punterperson1971]

Are you sure it was a base and not a lead? 

I'll get my coat 

 

[catweazle]

Not odd as such  but a couple of punters  have mentioned doing odd jobs for the SP.  I installed a new door bell and a spy hole viewer in the front  door at Fingertips in Stretford ( home to the infamous Chelsea) at the request of the owner Connie.  Didn't get a discounted  punt though, though I did get a choccie  bikkie with my waiting room cuppa.

[Thepegmeister]

This happened mid 2000s when I did most of punting.

A new girl appeared on AW who was in an area I used to drive through during the day quite a bit. No face pics, but mid 20s and the photos she did have looked legit and great.

Contacted her and arranged a meeting and she gave me the address.

I pull up to the address and it’s a bit of a random street for an escort to be working from. Almost like Sheltered Housing.

I park up quite near and as I approach the gate a lass gets out of a car parked just outside and introduces herself as the girl I’ve booked. She looks canny but she’s dressed quite casual with a big coat on. Discreet though, so I’m happy with that.

This is where it gets weird.

She gets out a huge set of keys which she examines then finds one and uses it to open the front door. Once inside, it’s becomes obvious straight away that this house belongs to an old person. I’m about to say something along these lines when she directs me to a bedroom. Once in, it is VERY obvious that this house belongs to an old person.

I give her the money and then…she pounces. She’s hugely up for it and it’s proper full on rip off clothes stuff. When she removes her coat she reveals something that makes the penny drop: a Home Help/Carers uniform.

I think we can guess how she had access to this place.

Anyway, what follows is one of the greatest punts I’ve ever had. As I mentioned, she was full on and this never wavered. We both went for it, on the old persons bed. 

After we finished and got changed, she matter of factory asked me to help her make the bed, which I did, then we both got in our cars and left.

As slightly weirded out by this as I was, I also really enjoyed it. 

Sadly, she disappeared a few weeks later and I never got a round 2.

[rubric]

Sadly, no chance.

I've been having sex for 2 decades and her vagina was 10 magnitudes looser than anything else I've come across in that time span.

Vaginas vary in size like our own Johnsons, but she was truly on a spectrum of her own.

Curb's already done this External Link/Members Only

[Moby Dick]

Filled my car with rubbish and took it to the skip.

[rubric]

in addition to be locked in with an escort (reply 14) i just remembered another daft situation:

Years ago during the start of the EE invasion, I went to see a polish girl in one of those large older apartment blocks near Edgware Road. While the service was good, and the girl hot - slim blonde - she was somewhat pouty, and there was an underlying edge of simmering impatience.  After round one I went to the bathroom but on coming back I realised that the bedroom doors were of the sort made for a HMO where you could latch them from the outside, that I'd managed to lock the door when I'd gone out, and to my horror couldn't work out how to open it.  So there I was stuck in the corridor in the nude getting increasingly more panic-y., with the girl inside getting rapidly more angry and raising her voice.   After an age - which couldn't have been more than five minutes - her flatmate walked in the front door with her shopping. Less attractive, but far more cheerful looking, she quickly seized up the situation and came over to let her friend out, patting me on the bum as she went past and whispering firmly 'next time you see me dahlink'.  Rapid polish from both sides followed, with eventually my girl coming back and unbending only so far as to give me a vigorous - if slightly uncomfortable - hand job.

I did see her flatmate a number of times after that, but was always on pins in case I ran into the girl I'd seen originally.

[willie loman]

This happened mid 2000s when I did most of punting.

A new girl appeared on AW who was in an area I used to drive through during the day quite a bit. No face pics, but mid 20s and the photos she did have looked legit and great.

Contacted her and arranged a meeting and she gave me the address.

I pull up to the address and it’s a bit of a random street for an escort to be working from. Almost like Sheltered Housing.

I park up quite near and as I approach the gate a lass gets out of a car parked just outside and introduces herself as the girl I’ve booked. She looks canny but she’s dressed quite casual with a big coat on. Discreet though, so I’m happy with that.

This is where it gets weird.

She gets out a huge set of keys which she examines then finds one and uses it to open the front door. Once inside, it’s becomes obvious straight away that this house belongs to an old person. I’m about to say something along these lines when she directs me to a bedroom. Once in, it is VERY obvious that this house belongs to an old person.

I give her the money and then…she pounces. She’s hugely up for it and it’s proper full on rip off clothes stuff. When she removes her coat she reveals something that makes the penny drop: a Home Help/Carers uniform.

I think we can guess how she had access to this place.

Anyway, what follows is one of the greatest punts I’ve ever had. As I mentioned, she was full on and this never wavered. We both went for it, on the old persons bed. 

After we finished and got changed, she matter of factory asked me to help her make the bed, which I did, then we both got in our cars and left.

As slightly weirded out by this as I was, I also really enjoyed it. 

Sadly, she disappeared a few weeks later and I never got a round 2.

certainly met a fair few wgs, whose other job is social care.

[DirtyHarry74]

Quite a number of years ago I popped into one of the massage joints near Paddington station.  About 20 minutes into the massage, there was a bit of commotion amongst the staff and raised eastern European voices.  There was a knock on the door and the masseuse left the room.  A couple of minutes later, she came back to tell me to get dressed and that I would need to exit the building out the back door, but before she left she refunded my massage fee.  Bemused, I got dressed and found the building completely empty.  When I exited the building, I found myself in the middle of a police cordon, with large crowds on both sides of the cordon!

Lots of shouting from the police to move my backside out of the cordoned-off area.  Turns out there was a suspicious item (an unattended suitcase) on the road nearby.

[Gch1965]

Had preciously posted this one but still makes me laugh.
Visited a Rom just as she's put condom on her phone rings she grabs it starts arguing, then shouts towards door, in comes Sergi takes phone starts shouting down it, she climbs on starts bouncing up and down, Sergi finishes passes phone back and they have a chat with her still bouncing up and down, Sergi leaves she says sorry punter threatening me. I quickly shoot by load and left lol

[Markc]

It was first time visiting Manchester and l was staying at a Premier Inn in Salford Quays for 3 nights.
A got WG’s from Secrets Escorts to visit me each night. The first 2 nights l saw  Nicky and Alex which where
both great but very vanilla GFE punts. On the 3rd night l saw an escort called Erin working and was described as
a cute 22 year old party girl who was full of life.

So l phoned the receptionist and made a booking and she told me Erin was a full on experience and to have a good time with her. About an hour later l meet this really pretty cute woman dressed in a very short skirt, tight white t-shirt with stockings and high heels. We got to my room and l payed her the fee. She then got out of her bag the condoms, lube and a handful of small silver torpedo like capsules. It turned out they contained compressed air for blowing up things like cycle tyres.

As l undressed she broke the seal on one and stuck it up her nose allowing all the air up her nose. It made her feel high.
She offered me one but l said no. She broke another one and put it up the other side of her nose and then dropped to her knees and started to give me a great blowjob. I was really hard now and could feel l was about to cum. We had not agreed on CIM
( and both the girls in the previous 2 evenings had refused this service ) so l kept warning her l was about to cum but she carried on and l unloaded my spunk in her mouth and she swallowed the lot.

She then wanted me to fuck her hard but l needed a little time to recover. She then used another 2 capsules and l was a bit worried if she fell ill how would l explain what l was doing with a 22 year in my room was l was over twice her age.

I asked if l could undress her and massage her while l recovered and after playing with her and doing reserve oral on her l was hard again. She almost forgot to put the condom on me before l entered her and l had to ask her for it. I fucked her in missionary, with her on top, cow girl and finished doggy style which felt great as l cum again. She was quite loud as we fucked and kept telling me to give it to her harder. My hour was up and she asked if l wanted to extended but l was l done for the night.

I walked her back to car park to meet her driver so l know she had left the hotel safely. When l got back to the my room and started to tidy up l picked up 7 of the empty air canisters she had used. I took them with me when l left the hotel and dumped them in a bin at a motorway service station on the way home. Overall she was great and really over the top.

[daviemac]

She then got out of her bag the condoms, lube and a handful of small silver torpedo like capsules. It turned out they contained compressed air for blowing up things like cycle tyres.

That'll have been the now illegal Nitrous Oxide, not 'air', they were bought in small silver metal capsules and inhaled to get a 'high'.

Be a bit pointless inhaling something from a capsule you were breathing anyway.

[Gynaemyte]

So, I’m letting this girl screw me in RCG, great views and minimum effort.
However, it does create quite an awkward “angle-of-dangle” in the Johnson department.
Later, she’s removing the con and there’s blood.
But it’s Inside.
Her : “Oh, you’ve probably just burst a capillary.”
Me : “Just? So, I don’t have to go to hospital?”
Her : “Oh, no.”
Me : “It’s just that I’ve never bled down there before.”
Her : “Huh, happens to me every month.”

[Omadon2001]

A few years ago I booked with a Rom in York. She told me the address and flat 4.

I couldn't find it. I text her and she told me where to go in her broken English. Eventually I found flat 4 and knocked. A rather plain looking English woman answered and invited me in.

In the room was a toddler. I asked where she'd like me. She pointed to the fuse box. She was expecting an electrician and I turned up. I'd got the wrong flat.

Even longer ago I visited a SP in her flat in Aberdeen. She was on top - bouncing up and down when her boyfriend walked in. He started shouting at her and told me to leave.
Looking back now maybe it was all planned to get me out of there - a scam

[Gynaemyte]

A few years ago I booked with a Rom in York. She told me

She pointed to the fuse box. She was expecting an electrician and I turned up.

Maybe she wanted you to check her RCG's.

[Steely Dan]

Even longer ago I visited a SP in her flat in Aberdeen. She was on top - bouncing up and down when her boyfriend walked in. He started shouting at her and told me to leave.
Looking back now maybe it was all planned to get me out of there - a scam

Could be.  They usually walk in just before the fucking starts though.

[bigboy96]

This happened in Benidorm, Spain maybe fifteen or so years ago. Had a very good punt with a thai lady in her 30's. She gave an excellent blow job, good fuck and a sweet tasting pussy. A week later i phoned for a repeat. Turned up at 10am the next morning, rang the bell and waited, and waited....as I kept ringing the bell. As I was about to give up the woman arrived late. Apologised, but wondered why I wasn't let it. It seems the Russian girl who had they key had also not arrived, and wouldn't  for another twenty minutes!  She said lets get a coffee while we wait. ok by me. It seemed strange to be sitting having a coffee knowing I'd soon be fucking her! Anyway the girl with the key eventually turned up, we go in, get undressed, started to give me a massage first, then when she climbed on top she decided it wasn't too good on the table, so suggested we use another room. We cross the passage naked, with he girl looking on, and continued there. She  gave me an extra twenty minutes for free as it was quiet and for my inconvenience.  It turned out to be another excellent blow job and fuck etc. Sadly that was her last week there , as she was moving to Valencia.

[dobob]

A very long time ago, when I was in my 30s, I saw a WG I liked the sound of from one of the review sites in a then well-known place in Reading that often had one or two working girls operating. She was a fairly striking looker around the same age as me. We kissed and mostly stripped and she did some foreplay on me and then she said that her young colleague was new to the job and needed some training. We agreed that a threesome with her would be on for an extra £20 (I said it was a long time ago). The following 45 minutes were very interesting: the newbie was a rather shy pocket rocket in her early 20s. The older WG proved to be quite a dominant type, but it was the younger WG she was dominating (and instructing), not me. Under instruction, the younger WG learnt to give me fantastic OWO ("Always keep playing with either the balls or the willie! Suck the balls if you are not sucking the willie! Don't make him come too soon!"), mish ("Control his pace with your hands on his bum! Here let me do it for you! Is that too hard for you? No then I'll make him work harder.") and cowgirl ("Time's up soon and I think he's nearly ready. He'll probably come if I squeeze his balls." - she was right about that - "I'll show you how you can do that yourself next time.").

[Logitech]

About 10 years ago I was seeing a mature lady in Nerth Manchester for a 15 minute visit. We were downstairs in her living room and I was stark naked while she was sucking me off and the door went. It was a new washing machine delivery and she opened the door to them in her full suspenders and bra and instructed them into the kitchen to drop it off and take the old one while she told me to hang fire for a moment. I was listening to her talk to them for a good ten minutes while I was sat there naked in disbelief and then she trots back in as soon as they leave and carries on sucking me off like nothing had happened.

Very surreal.

[jesterman]

Fucking pissing myself laughing at this 

Just remembered she was also the one who kept telling me to lick her Clematis ( English was not her first language)