best excuse

[nickshadow]

just wondering what excuse you give the mrs for when you disappear to go and see an escort for an hour or two?

[HarryRoss]

Never do that, she will eventually know.

[circusbizarre]

gym

[KentAde]

Always punt in my work lunch-hour so have a 'meeting'!

[mr-oraltastic]

chiropractor was mine for years, then I got a client who I had to work at that should take 2 days so used to work extra couple of hours on the first day and then like a lunatic on the 2nd day to free up a half day and just hope that the boss didn't contact me on the 2nd half day when i was "busy"

[CBPaul]

Never give an excuse.

I never go for a punt from home or at weekends, only from work. Might get away with one or two trips out that aren't part of the usual routine but wives are naturally suspicious creatures and will soon start asking awkward questions.

[smiths]

just wondering what excuse you give the mrs for when you disappear to go and see an escort for an hour or two?

Playing Golf or at the driving range. The great thing about this excuse is its not limited to a set location and i never say what course/range i am going to. I have a lot of choice in my area.

The most important thing about excuses to partners in my view is to make it believable to them. If they are of the nosy inquistive type you obviously have more of a problem than a partner who isnt.

[Dani]

Do you guys really have to give an excuse as to where you are going if you pop out? Can you not just say I am just popping out for a bit, see you later?  I never understand relationships where one has to explain where they are going and why.  Just popping out with a few mates for a drink or going out for a bit should surely be good enough unless there is no trust at all

[k]

Do you guys really have to give an excuse as to where you are going if you pop out? Can you not just say I am just popping out for a bit, see you later?  I never understand relationships where one has to explain where they are going and why.  Just popping out with a few mates for a drink or going out for a bit should surely be good enough unless there is no trust at all

A bit.... of what? [she might ask]

[SirFrank]

I'm often 'away with work'

[YouOnlyLiveOnce]

Do you guys really have to give an excuse as to where you are going if you pop out? Can you not just say I am just popping out for a bit, see you later?  I never understand relationships where one has to explain where they are going and why.  Just popping out with a few mates for a drink or going out for a bit should surely be good enough unless there is no trust at all

Well,  I live in the middle of nowhere, so "popping out" isn't easy. I also have kids, and the wife doesn't like me leaving her stuck with them for no good reason.

Sometimes I just book time off work without telling her, and sometimes I'm "working late".  Sometimes I actually DO work late, but I've also established a pattern of never going straight home when I'm not, I always get home at least an hour later than I theoretically could.  That makes it easier to hide the extra time needed for an after-work punt.

[jcdmj12]

Do you guys really have to give an excuse as to where you are going if you pop out? Can you not just say I am just popping out for a bit, see you later?  I never understand relationships where one has to explain where they are going and why.  Just popping out with a few mates for a drink or going out for a bit should surely be good enough unless there is no trust at all

Ironic that you mention  this, seeing as we're talking about people going out to fuck prostitutes behind their spouse's back.

[Aspen]

Do you guys really have to give an excuse as to where you are going if you pop out? Can you not just say I am just popping out for a bit, see you later?  I never understand relationships where one has to explain where they are going and why.  Just popping out with a few mates for a drink or going out for a bit should surely be good enough unless there is no trust at all

You have to be joking. I could never go anywhere on my own without a full explanation, even to the shops. To be fair she always used to tell me too, but she allowed herself a lot more flexibility on stopping for chats etc than I had. I've had friends wives occasionally ask me things which show they are clearly checking up on their OH. My wife used to check the mileage on my car and make a list of where I said I had been, and compare the two. She left her diary open on the bed one day and I wondered what all the strange figures were and then the penny dropped. And that was when I was not doing anything she wouldn't have approved of. She also sometimes asked neighbours what time I went out and returned. It wasn't until one of them told me about it that I realised what was going on. At the time I was completely innocent. One day I told a close friend about it and he said his wife was very similar. We were very close for years my wife and I, but that kind of broke the magic and as soon as our sex life went into a lull she made sure it didn't recover.
 

[jcdmj12]

You have to be joking. I could never go anywhere on my own without a full explanation, even to the shops. To be fair she always used to tell me too, but she allowed herself a lot more flexibility on stopping for chats etc than I had. I've had friends wives occasionally ask me things which show they are clearly checking up on their OH. My wife used to check the mileage on my car and make a list of where I said I had been, and compare the two. She left her diary open on the bed one day and I wondered what all the strange figures were and then the penny dropped. And that was when I was not doing anything she wouldn't have approved of. She also sometimes asked neighbours what time I went out and returned. It wasn't until one of them told me about it that I realised what was going on. At the time I was completely innocent. One day I told a close friend about it and he said his wife was very similar. We were very close for years my wife and I, but that kind of broke the magic and as soon as our sex life went into a lull she made sure it didn't recover.

Just curious... does your wife work (as in the normal sense of the word, not as in 'working girl'),  Aspen?

[wristjob]

You have to be joking. I could never go anywhere on my own without a full explanation, even to the shops. To be fair she always used to tell me too, but she allowed herself a lot more flexibility on stopping for chats etc than I had. I've had friends wives occasionally ask me things which show they are clearly checking up on their OH. My wife used to check the mileage on my car and make a list of where I said I had been, and compare the two. She left her diary open on the bed one day and I wondered what all the strange figures were and then the penny dropped. And that was when I was not doing anything she wouldn't have approved of. She also sometimes asked neighbours what time I went out and returned. It wasn't until one of them told me about it that I realised what was going on. At the time I was completely innocent. One day I told a close friend about it and he said his wife was very similar. We were very close for years my wife and I, but that kind of broke the magic and as soon as our sex life went into a lull she made sure it didn't recover.

It's a funny old world. Nowadays it's always men chasing women for sex, and women clearly have the upper hand. If it wasn't for kids and the way the law treats them after separation things would be very different.

[Toshiba]

Easy for me, always during work, never can i get rumbled in theory

 But im wary of purfume on me so im never complacent

[Aspen]

Just curious... does your wife work (as in the normal sense of the word, not as in 'working girl'),  Aspen?

Oh yes. She worked in a merchant bank. Maybe I should have mentioned that one of the reasons she was like that was she worked in an office where many of the men were having affairs, and she would sometimes pick up the phone to wives literally in tears asking where their husbands were. Happens a lot in city offices.

[Aspen]

It's a funny old world. Nowadays it's always men chasing women for sex, and women clearly have the upper hand. If it wasn't for kids and the way the law treats them after separation things would be very different.

I don't think so. My experience is that women beyond a certain age avoid sex like the plague. They just don't have the need for it. It seems to part of the bonding process for them, but once that's done it becomes a manipulation tool. There are some exceptions, but only a couple of percent, and those are always spoken for. So ironically I find women avoid intimacy with men because they know very well they will be wanting sex, and I find myself avoiding getting involved because I know very well the answer will always be no. So I don't waste the effort any more because it's futile. When I was much younger I never imagined that's what happens. The only incentive for middle age couples to form is economic. The bedroom rules are still the same. That's why this industry thrives so well.

[myothernameis]

Never give an excuse.

I never go for a punt from home or at weekends, only from work. Might get away with one or two trips out that aren't part of the usual routine but wives are naturally suspicious creatures and will soon start asking awkward questions.

What happens if you don't give an excuse, and you have left your phone on, and the wife phones  you

Darling im in the office, just finishing up some work, the boss wanted doing

Next week, your wife bumps into your boss, that was some work load you gave my husband

What work, Wife now          

[CBPaul]

Do you guys really have to give an excuse as to where you are going if you pop out? Can you not just say I am just popping out for a bit, see you later?  I never understand relationships where one has to explain where they are going and why.  Just popping out with a few mates for a drink or going out for a bit should surely be good enough unless there is no trust at all

Problem is if this approach is out of the ordinary. I've always said just popping out to ...... so going off for a couple of hours without saying where and coming back freshly showered to remove suspicious smells will in itself raise suspicions.

[CBPaul]

What happens if you don't give an excuse, and you have left your phone on, and the wife phones  you

Darling im in the office, just finishing up some work, the boss wanted doing

Next week, your wife bumps into your boss, that was some work load you gave my husband

What work, Wife now          

Phoning in the middle of a punt is a nightmare too. Has only happened once and I got close to digging my own grave, probably the feeling that I needed to make an elaborate convincing excuse for not answering the phone when she asked when all that was needed was 'got dragged into a meeting'.

[willbred]

Never actually go to a punt from our house - potential to get waylaid/ held up by some domestic issue. Apart from that there's the dead giveaway smirk and message on my forehead that's only visible to the OH and says " I'm off to get laid..see you later"

[willbred]

Do you guys really have to give an excuse as to where you are going if you pop out? Can you not just say I am just popping out for a bit, see you later?  I never understand relationships where one has to explain where they are going and why.  Just popping out with a few mates for a drink or going out for a bit should surely be good enough unless there is no trust at all

That's just the problem, there is "trust" until the wife finds out 

[Rochdull lad]

Phoning in the middle of a punt is a nightmare too. Has only happened once and I got close to digging my own grave, probably the feeling that I needed to make an elaborate convincing excuse for not answering the phone when she asked when all that was needed was 'got dragged into a meeting'.

As a bloke not in a relationship, this thread isn't directly applicable to me; but surely you'd switch off your mobile as the WG's counting your cash, wouldn't you?  Any queries later on; "Sorry, dear; I was in a meeting."  [Which you were, of course!]

[titanph]

You have to be joking. I could never go anywhere on my own without a full explanation, even to the shops. To be fair she always used to tell me too, but she allowed herself a lot more flexibility on stopping for chats etc than I had. I've had friends wives occasionally ask me things which show they are clearly checking up on their OH. My wife used to check the mileage on my car and make a list of where I said I had been, and compare the two. She left her diary open on the bed one day and I wondered what all the strange figures were and then the penny dropped. And that was when I was not doing anything she wouldn't have approved of. She also sometimes asked neighbours what time I went out and returned. It wasn't until one of them told me about it that I realised what was going on. At the time I was completely innocent. One day I told a close friend about it and he said his wife was very similar. We were very close for years my wife and I, but that kind of broke the magic and as soon as our sex life went into a lull she made sure it didn't recover.

What the fuck, she sounds crazy, checking the mileage on your car. I would be straight out of that one, even if I wasn't punting I don't want my other half so paranoid, eventually she will explode.

As for excuses, I can't say that i'm just popping out. Return about 2 hours later (1 hour punt, half hour travel both ways), the OH would be suspicious definitely, as for seeing friends and all that, we share a lot of friends. Only one I can think of would be watching the football with mates, but then you have to rely on your friends to not reveal the truth.

Always a working late situation for me, also make sure I stay in the office a while after work so I don't come home at 6 most days and 7.30 the next.

[Sandman1874]

I'm lucky in that my job involves meeting clients and potentially irregular hours. Means I just tell the OH that I'm meeting clients. My client meetings can take anything up to 3 hours so I've got plenty of leeway. Only once did I get close to being caught. I punted on a Saturday before I was due to meet the wife. She turned up at the meeting point (which is where I was supposed to be) an hour early due to a mistake in timings. Had to come up with the excuse that the work I was doing took far less time than I thought and I'd gone shopping and forgot to turn my mobile back on. It was 10 years ago now and I'm still married so she must have believed it. Lesson learnt - never punt if your missus is expecting to meet you later.

[willbred]

I'm lucky in that my job involves meeting clients and potentially irregular hours. Means I just tell the OH that I'm meeting clients. My client meetings can take anything up to 3 hours so I've got plenty of leeway. Only once did I get close to being caught. I punted on a Saturday before I was due to meet the wife. She turned up at the meeting point (which is where I was supposed to be) an hour early due to a mistake in timings. Had to come up with the excuse that the work I was doing took far less time than I thought and I'd gone shopping and forgot to turn my mobile back on. It was 10 years ago now and I'm still married so she must have believed it. Lesson learnt - never punt if your missus is expecting to meet you later.

Not only will I not go straight to a punt from home, I'm also reluctant to go straight home from one. I, too, am fortunate in having a job where I'm out meeting clients a lot. Ideal punting hours for me are between 10-6 and as a bounus there's occasionally a night away!!

[wristjob]

I don't think so. My experience is that women beyond a certain age avoid sex like the plague. They just don't have the need for it. It seems to part of the bonding process for them, but once that's done it becomes a manipulation tool. There are some exceptions, but only a couple of percent, and those are always spoken for. So ironically I find women avoid intimacy with men because they know very well they will be wanting sex, and I find myself avoiding getting involved because I know very well the answer will always be no. So I don't waste the effort any more because it's futile. When I was much younger I never imagined that's what happens. The only incentive for middle age couples to form is economic. The bedroom rules are still the same. That's why this industry thrives so well.

My point was really what happens when one side is unhappy in a relationship. It's very easy for a woman to kick the man out - she'll likely get the house, no big deal really.

if a guy wants out the big problem is kids. Hell hath no fury - you dump a woman and see the stories that come out about the kids and reasons to withhold access. Essentially guys are forced to hang on in unhappy relationships so that can be part of the kids lives and that removes the incentive for women to make any effort - and not just at sex.

[wristjob]

Just had a thought.

i just bought something off ebay. I didn't really need it but it's about a mile away from a girl I want to visit again - so it gives me an excuse to get over there. I'm single, I don't need an excuse per se but I'm sure you know what I mean. Anyway if you fancy a punt you could always buy something you don't want in that area.  Something for the car, garden whatever - and when you got there the guy kept you chatting for ages....

[Whoremonger]

This is the last place I would tell people I had a wife/GF or the excuses I gave them. 

[Taggart]

I try to avoid excuses, as it can catch you out.

The OH works specific hours in the morning, so I know there's a window although I try not to abuse it and may visit someone every 6 weeks or so. As a rule I try to combine a punt when I am staying over night somewhere so it's more relaxed for me, or if I am enroute somewhere and build in the opportunity.

My biggest fear is having an accident somewhere where I am not expected/supposed to be, or picking up a speeding ticket meaning questions will be asked. Luckily I've used an unknown (to her) email address for the iPhone, so cant be tracked. Plus she's not that tech savvy so cant download my phone's GPS data. And neither do I use a sat nav for finding WGs addresses.

She did ring once when I was balls deep in a Thai girls arse....told her later on that the phone had slipped down between the car
seats !!!!!!!

[Aspen]

My point was really what happens when one side is unhappy in a relationship. It's very easy for a woman to kick the man out - she'll likely get the house, no big deal really.

if a guy wants out the big problem is kids. Hell hath no fury - you dump a woman and see the stories that come out about the kids and reasons to withhold access. Essentially guys are forced to hang on in unhappy relationships so that can be part of the kids lives and that removes the incentive for women to make any effort - and not just at sex.

Oh yes, I agree on that point.

It's also possible to have quite a good relationship in all respects apart from sex. In fact that's the normal scenario that most of my friends have gotton into.

[Aspen]

Do you guys really have to give an excuse as to where you are going if you pop out? Can you not just say I am just popping out for a bit, see you later?  I never understand relationships where one has to explain where they are going and why.  Just popping out with a few mates for a drink or going out for a bit should surely be good enough unless there is no trust at all

Ironic that you mention  this, seeing as we're talking about people going out to fuck prostitutes behind their spouse's back.

 

[dilettante]

I'm single so only have to worry about any workmates who check UKP correlating my activities with my posts, and if I wasn't I wouldn't do this - but seems like the situation where you try to avoid a few quid on a rail fare and sit there quaking and guilty in case you get caught - not worth it IMO, money vs nervous energy and negative emotions that sap your life force - same with punting?

[nickshadow]

Do men use punts because even though it works out expensive way to have sex, it also seems to be the only way as not like you can start a full on affair elsewhere without the other girl knowing you've got a gf/wife as sooner or later she will want to come back to yours