Looking For Some Advice

[male_21]

Now admittedly, I'm not the most frequent poster to the site and I dont want this to come across "fluffy" but hoping I can get some advise or at least some points of view.

I'm early 30s, in a longe term relationship and I am very much in love with my GF, however there are aspects of the relationship that are lacking, particularly in the bedroom, particularly in the oral department. My GF, isn't a massive fan of giving blowjobs, and Im lucky if I get one twice a year. Like any man, a blowjob is definitely a desired thing and so we've had conversations about it but nothings changed.

I was a user of escorts before the relationship and therefore never went without even when single.

My question simply, I struggle with the concept of "cheating" and I know if I got caught it would be goodnight Vienna and I'm not judging, each to their own, its just something I struggle with. However due the lack of, I have started to consider visiting an escort for OWO, purely because that's the one thing I desire that I'm not getting. I'm telling myself there wouldnt be any feelings involved, which there wouldn't be, and it's just the act and maybe in a weird backwards way it would actually help my relationship because it would take the frustration away that I feel.

Realistically I'm just looking for advise and opinions on this as I'm sure I'm not the first bloke in this boat.

[Corus Boy]

I'll bite.

If BJs are what you lust for and miss most, the reality is that if you go for a punt to satisfy this desire, you will not be stopping with one punt.

It's certainly cheating and as you say that will be the end of your budding relationship.

I'd say something has to go, your sexual desires or the relationship!!!!!!

You need to make some hard choices.

[daviemac]

Now admittedly, I'm not the most frequent poster to the site and I dont want this to come across "fluffy" but hoping I can get some advise or at least some points of view.

I'm early 30s, in a longe term relationship and I am very much in love with my GF, however there are aspects of the relationship that are lacking, particularly in the bedroom, particularly in the oral department. My GF, isn't a massive fan of giving blowjobs, and Im lucky if I get one twice a year. Like any man, a blowjob is definitely a desired thing and so we've had conversations about it but nothings changed.

I was a user of escorts before the relationship and therefore never went without even when single.

My question simply, I struggle with the concept of "cheating" and I know if I got caught it would be goodnight Vienna and I'm not judging, each to their own, its just something I struggle with. However due the lack of, I have started to consider visiting an escort for OWO, purely because that's the one thing I desire that I'm not getting. I'm telling myself there wouldnt be any feelings involved, which there wouldn't be, and it's just the act and maybe in a weird backwards way it would actually help my relationship because it would take the frustration away that I feel.

Realistically I'm just looking for advise and opinions on this as I'm sure I'm not the first bloke in this boat.

To be honest I wouldn't class less than 6 months a long term relationship so I doubt I would be able to help with your other points.

I actually haven't used the site for a long time as I was in a relationship, but since that went keput, I'm back looking. Didn't realise I would offend by not logging in every day! 

[RandomGuy99]

Uncle RandomGuy writes:

Dear Male_21,

An escort I knew told me she gets lots of clients who come to her for sexual things they're not getting at home, so it seems pretty common.

As to how you deal with cheating and would it be Goodbye Vienna if your GF found out is something you will need to work out for yourself. I suspect that the majority of women wouldn't be happy with you seeing an SP when in a relationship with them, so it might better to not see the SP and just accept that you're not getting blowjobs more than twice a year and enjoy the other stuff your GF does enjoy doing.  It's a compromise you may have to make to continue the relationship with your GF.  The alternative is that you pressure your GF to do something she doesn't like, which sounds wrong to me and is likely to cause a break up.

Personally, I think I'd just accept that I'm not getting blowjobs as sex is only one part of the relationship.

Best regards,

Uncle Random

[Fuzzyduck]

Right, so you used the site for a couple of days in May this year, in-between your previous and current long term relationships? My advice would be to grow up.

[male_21]

I appreciate the feedback of people who genuinely offer advise. For the others, sometimes if you haven't got anything nice to say... You know the rest.

But genuinley I appreciate the advise of others. Thank you

[RandomGuy99]

I appreciate the feedback of people who genuinely offer advise. For the others, sometimes if you haven't got anything nice to say... You know the rest.

But genuinley I appreciate the advise of others. Thank you

That's what my Mum said, but it doesn't really work for a review site.  Zero negative reviews and 1000s of positives.  The SPs would love it though.

[male_21]

Right, so you used the site for a couple of days in May this year, in-between your previous and current long term relationships? My advice would be to grow up.

I don't feel I need to justify my post to you and how I find myself in this position. I came for advise hoping someone would be able to give me some based on their own experiences, which some have done. If you don't want to be constructive that's fine, but theres no need to be rude in commenting

[daviemac]

I appreciate the feedback of people who genuinely offer advise. For the others, sometimes if you haven't got anything nice to say... You know the rest.

But genuinley I appreciate the advise of others. Thank you

With a post like this do you really think your post history wouldn't be looked at?  In May your long term relationship had ended and now you're in a long term relationship, it doesn't add up.

[male_21]

I'll bite.

If BJs are what you lust for and miss most, the reality is that if you go for a punt to satisfy this desire, you will not be stopping with one punt.

It's certainly cheating and as you say that will be the end of your budding relationship.

I'd say something has to go, your sexual desires or the relationship!!!!!!

You need to make some hard choices.

I appreciate your advise sir. If I'd have offered someone advise on this, I probably would have replicated what you've said. Excuse the pun but the situation is a bit sucky, and even though I knew the answer, it's the sort of situation where your hoping for another answer to jufity it even though it won't

[male_21]

With a post like this do you really think your post history wouldn't be looked at?  In May your long term relationship had ended and now you're in a long term relationship, it doesn't add up.

In May the relationship did break down, however we have since managed to make it work

[male_21]

Uncle RandomGuy writes:

Dear Male_21,

An escort I knew told me she gets lots of clients who come to her for sexual things they're not getting at home, so it seems pretty common.

As to how you deal with cheating and would it be Goodbye Vienna if your GF found out is something you will need to work out for yourself. I suspect that the majority of women wouldn't be happy with you seeing an SP when in a relationship with them, so it might better to not see the SP and just accept that you're not getting blowjobs more than twice a year and enjoy the other stuff your GF does enjoy doing.  It's a compromise you may have to make to continue the relationship with your GF.  The alternative is that you pressure your GF to do something she doesn't like, which sounds wrong to me and is likely to cause a break up.

Personally, I think I'd just accept that I'm not getting blowjobs as sex is only one part of the relationship.

Best regards,

Uncle Random

You are right and appreciate the advise sir. I know from the outside perspective it may seem stupid, being so caught up over a sexual act. Its hard to fight a desire though. But I do really appreciate your advise

[contentguy]

I don't feel I need to justify my post to you and how I find myself in this position. I came for advise hoping someone would be able to give me some based on their own experiences, which some have done. If you don't want to be constructive that's fine, but theres no need to be rude in commenting

You came for advise (sic), Fuzzy gave you advice by politely suggesting you grow up.

I'll advise you to post asking for people to say it's ok to see an escort whilst in a relationship.  Also suggest you ask us to confirm that it's ok to have OWO with the risk of you catching something that you could pass on to said GF.

Hope that's constructive enough for you 

[pewpewpew]

I too justify the "cheating" as a means of keeping the relationship with the other half going. If she won't put out I won't be happy, though in most other aspects she is right for me. I have come to accept that it always dries up with a woman, so if I get my sexual needs taken care of elsewhere then it's good for her too, but I doubt that she'd agree

[RandomGuy99]

You are right and appreciate the advise sir. I know from the outside perspective it may seem stupid, being so caught up over a sexual act. Its hard to fight a desire though. But I do really appreciate your advise

Uncle Random writes:

Have you discussed with her what she doesn't like about blowjobs?

Maybe there's a way the two of you can work together to make it something more acceptable to her?

Flavoured lube? Extra washing? Shaving your bits? Removal of foreskin (crosses legs)? Going easy at it?  Maybe she just isn't that experienced sexually?

Talk about it some more in a non-pressured way.

Warmest regards,

Uncle Random

P.s. have you seen the knitting patterns for willy warmers on page 69?

[male_21]

Uncle Random writes:

Have you discussed with her what she doesn't like about blowjobs?

Maybe there's a way the two of you can work together to make it something more acceptable to her?

Flavoured lube? Extra washing? Shaving your bits? Removal of foreskin (crosses legs)? Going easy at it?  Maybe she just isn't that experienced sexually?

Talk about it some more in a non-pressured way.

Warmest regards,

Uncle Random

P.s. have you seen the knitting patterns for willy warmers on page 69?

We have discussed the issues and I do get it, and I would never expect her to do something she isn't comfortable with. I suppose, I'm just being an arse.

[male_21]

I too justify the "cheating" as a means of keeping the relationship with the other half going. If she won't put out I won't be happy, though in most other aspects she is right for me. I have come to accept that it always dries up with a woman, so if I get my sexual needs taken care of elsewhere then it's good for her too, but I doubt that she'd agree

Exactly, by justifying it you are telling yourself it's OK, it's that part I struggle with and I'm very cautious about overstepping that line because you can't take it back. It's strange because I have friends who cheat on their girlfriends on holiday or a night out at the drop of a hat and even ones that use escorts as a release from their real life, I just struggle with it due to my conscious

For the record, I do feel like an arse even contemplating this and in a perfect world I wouldn't be, I wish our sexual likes matched up

[RandomGuy99]

We have discussed the issues and I do get it, and I would never expect her to do something she isn't comfortable with. I suppose, I'm just being an arse.

You are possibly over thinking it and are making it a bigger issue than it actually is. Everyone has sexual things they like and dislike for a variety of reasons. It's perfectly natural and healthy. It's good to talk and be upfront about these, so you both enjoy it.  In a relationship you need to compromise and land on stuff you both enjoy.  As long as she satisfies you sexually in other ways then stop over thinking it and just enjoy what you have. Who knows she might really like something you don't know about yet and that might be better than a blowjob.  Sometimes I do stuff just because I think it's expected or "normal" having watched too much porn.  Sex in porn isn't "normal sex".

It depends how important blowjobs are to you.  If they're your number 1 like and she doesn't like them then may you'll always be frustrated and so should end the relationship as you're not compatible sexually.

[Coriniumstud]

Girlfriend won’t give bj I say ditch the bitch 

[male_21]

You are possibly over thinking it and are making it a bigger issue than it actually is. Everyone has sexual things they like and dislike for a variety of reasons. It's perfectly natural and healthy. It's good to talk and be upfront about these, so you both enjoy it.  In a relationship you need to compromise and land on stuff you both enjoy.  As long as she satisfies you sexually in other ways then stop over thinking it and just enjoy what you have. Who knows she might really like something you don't know about yet and that might be better than a blowjob.  Sometimes I do stuff just because I think it's expected or "normal" having watched too much porn.  Sex in porn isn't "normal sex".

It depends how important blowjobs are to you.  If they're your number 1 like and she doesn't like them then may you'll always be frustrated and so should end the relationship as you're not compatible sexually.

Appreciate the advise mate, and your totally right. I would hate to think I'm that shallow I would break a relationship over it. I guess I've got the answer I knew all along, it would be a BAD idea and it may be something I have to accept for the sake of the relationship

[badsin]

Girlfriend won’t give bj I say ditch the bitch 

Wise words, and definitely don't lick her minge if she's not gobbling you off

[Prophet 999]

Wise words, and definitely don't lick her minge if she's not gobbling you off

Got no chance of anal either then 

[Watts.E.Dunn]

FWIW in most all the longer term relationships i was in, and that incudes Two marridges a 12 years and 20 years!, blow jobs were only for hi days and hollidays ie bugger all occasions!

Quite why escorts are so good at them, mystery of the universe!

Hope you get it sorted with your lady anyway!

[Doc Holliday]

How the f**k do you fall in love with someone who won't give you a blowjob?

[tynetunnel]

Or indeed why? 

[Fuzzyduck]

Appreciate the advise mate, and your totally right. I would hate to think I'm that shallow I would break a relationship over it. I guess I've got the answer I knew all along, it would be a BAD idea and it may be something I have to accept for the sake of the relationship

There you go. It wasn't so hard growing up, was it?

[unclepokey]

From what the OP said I detect that if he loves her he hasn't paid any decent attention to what her desires may be about receiving oral. He doesn't say whether he does or does not engage thus in any vigorous way. Sucking her tits isn't enough in my experience. I'm talking dining at the Y. Be a giver not just a taker and see what happens.

Hope this helps

[contentguy]

There you go. It wasn't so hard growing up, was it?

He’s grateful to you in his own way 

[OakTree]

How the f**k do you fall in love with someone who won't give you a blowjob?

Exactly! 

[NickyBobby]

There’s that saying,
Why does the bride smile when she’s walking down the aisle?
Because she knows she’ll never have to suck a dick again

[winkywanky]

Now admittedly, I'm not the most frequent poster to the site and I dont want this to come across "fluffy" but hoping I can get some advise or at least some points of view.

I'm early 30s, in a longe term relationship and I am very much in love with my GF, however there are aspects of the relationship that are lacking, particularly in the bedroom, particularly in the oral department. My GF, isn't a massive fan of giving blowjobs, and Im lucky if I get one twice a year. Like any man, a blowjob is definitely a desired thing and so we've had conversations about it but nothings changed.

I was a user of escorts before the relationship and therefore never went without even when single.

My question simply, I struggle with the concept of "cheating" and I know if I got caught it would be goodnight Vienna and I'm not judging, each to their own, its just something I struggle with. However due the lack of, I have started to consider visiting an escort for OWO, purely because that's the one thing I desire that I'm not getting. I'm telling myself there wouldnt be any feelings involved, which there wouldn't be, and it's just the act and maybe in a weird backwards way it would actually help my relationship because it would take the frustration away that I feel.

Realistically I'm just looking for advise and opinions on this as I'm sure I'm not the first bloke in this boat.

I guess the first thing to consider, is there any way of changing the situation at home? For instance, do you go down on your missus? I'm thinking you might be able to make her feel a little guilty at not returning the favour? Playing games with whipped cream? Do you know what it is she doesn't like? She thinks it's 'dirty', she's afraid you'll cum in her mouth, etc...?

The last-resort scenario you outline, where you see a WG solely for a blowjob, sounds reasonable in the context of your membership of UKP. But the thing is, can you feel totally sure you won't stray from that rather narrow remit? I guess one possibility is to find a WG who does really good blowjobs, but you don't actually find attractive? There is one such woman I've used a couple of times, and you'll see my review(s) of her. She's bloody good, she's cheap, but I actually don't find her sexy at all (apart from wanting to fondle her enormous tits when the vinegar strokes approach).

Ultimately though, you are cheating on your GF. Only you can decide how much of a cheat it is, and whether you can go through with it.

[winkywanky]

How the f**k do you fall in love with someone who won't give you a blowjob?

    

[OakTree]

Wether you like it or not it is cheating. Try convincing your girlfriend it isn't if she ever found you out. I can assure you she will be in little doubt as to what she thinks it is.

That all said, it's a short life. Don't waste it in frustration in the vague hope things will change. Probably most of us on here have been in a similar situation and the solution has been also just as similar, hence we are all on a punting forum.

My advice would be if getting a decent blowjob is something you really desire then go out and get one, then another and another and............

[Kev40ish]

It’s really simple really..
If you see anyone you’ll be a cheat...
If you want validation for it from a punting website it says more about you and your need for approval from others.

The basic fact is unless you GF is happy with it your being a cunt to her. If your happy to accept this go ahead...

Think about the simple facts if your happy for your GF to give me a BJ or me to fuck her then I don’t see any problem 

[Bonker]

May I clear up any doubts you may have?
"For the record, I do feel like an arse". You are an arse.
Advice, the noun, is spelt with a C.
Your girlfriend does like blow jobs, she gobbles me very well, especially so during your break.
You love her but... No you don't.
You're not cheating by going to escorts, as it's all in your mind.

Hope that helps.
Auntie Marge

[Waterhouse]

Comes across as a bait/troll post to me.  I’m thinking OP is either a kid trying to get a rise out of the forum, or as Fuzzy says, needs to grow up. 

[Payyourwaymate]

Before you she was probably sucking dick. After you she will be sucking dick. She probably just only does you twice a year because she can get away with it. Wait until you get married and find yourself in a deadbedroom and then start wondering where it all went wrong, like all of the other men in the deadbedroom forum; the lack of blowjobs is how it starts  . If I had a girl that wouldn't blow me, no problem...I'm finding another one. Good luck, I don't see light at the end of the tunnel for you, unless you leave her or can mentally run rings around her to the point that she wants to give you blowjobs. Oh well lol.

[Hobbit]

Now admittedly, I'm not the most frequent poster to the site and I dont want this to come across "fluffy" but hoping I can get some advise or at least some points of view.

I'm early 30s, in a longe term relationship and I am very much in love with my GF, however there are aspects of the relationship that are lacking, particularly in the bedroom, particularly in the oral department. My GF, isn't a massive fan of giving blowjobs, and Im lucky if I get one twice a year. Like any man, a blowjob is definitely a desired thing and so we've had conversations about it but nothings changed.

I was a user of escorts before the relationship and therefore never went without even when single.

My question simply, I struggle with the concept of "cheating" and I know if I got caught it would be goodnight Vienna and I'm not judging, each to their own, its just something I struggle with. However due the lack of, I have started to consider visiting an escort for OWO, purely because that's the one thing I desire that I'm not getting. I'm telling myself there wouldnt be any feelings involved, which there wouldn't be, and it's just the act and maybe in a weird backwards way it would actually help my relationship because it would take the frustration away that I feel.

Realistically I'm just looking for advise and opinions on this as I'm sure I'm not the first bloke in this boat.

My advice would be as follows:

1) Speak with your GF and tell her how you are feeling. If you are in a relationship then you both need to start relating to each other and communicate before it gets too late and the resentment builds up, at which point it's extremely difficult to come back from.

2) Ask yourself, is it really the blowjob that's missing in your relationship or it something else, and is the blowjob aspect just a smokescreen for something deeper?

3) If you do you see an escort for a blowjob only type of service, do you really think it would stop at that or would you end up having a full service instead and ultimately becoming addicted?

These are some questions you need to ask yourself before proceeding. I started seeing escorts over 20 years ago and I do regret having done so, it can be very addictive and you can end up spending too much money, time and mental faculties on something which is fun but also quite dangerous.

[Doc Holliday]

Can I just point out that he has already seen at least one SP so not a question of him starting?

[Hobbit]

Can I just point out that he has already seen at least one SP so not a question of him starting?

Yeah, I noticed that after I wrote my piece. In that case, I don't know why he's asking.

[Waterhouse]

Yeah, I noticed that after I wrote my piece. In that case, I don't know why he's asking.

Troll/bait post IMO.

[mr.bluesky]

How the f**k do you fall in love with someone who won't give you a blowjob?

Next thing you know she won't be offering him any sex especially when she's got that wedding ring on her finger.  I say go find someone  who does awesome blow jobs and enjoy yourself. Just be careful you don't get caught out.

[Jonestown]

I appreciate the feedback of people who genuinely offer advise. For the others, sometimes if you haven't got anything nice to say... You know the rest.

But genuinley I appreciate the advise of others. Thank you

Typical troll 2nd post after getting a few slaps round the head, thank you the nice guys and fuck off the rest of you.

[Jinx]

Easy
Obviously it is cheating getting BJs elsewhere. Tell your girlfriend it is over unless she ups her game.
You will be forever fretting if you do not do this. Tough but what else can you do? You want to be happy, right?
Jinx

[Horizontal pleasures]

I guess loads of members here have partners, whether married or not. There is no general right answer, only your personal compromise answer.

[oddson1970]

When l started punting ,l justified to myself by saying it was because my mrs never gave me head or let me put it up her arse.Now its just a case of l like shagging birds who are way hotter than my wife.....the initial whys and wherefores are irrelevant now

[Watts.E.Dunn]

How the f**k do you fall in love with someone who won't give you a blowjob?

Well there are a lot of other aspects that come into a long term relationship not just  blow jobs! Yes they did happen but not quite as often as we might like but was plenty of Anal offered and quite frequent sex sometimes 4 or 5 times a week and that was mainly with the married ones.

A woman may be the best blower in the world but if the rest of what forms a LTR ain't there?.....

[hungrypunt]

You do know that as long as your cock doesnt enter her pussy it isnt cheating dont you 

[male_21]

Read through all the posts and I appreciate everything everyone has said. The only reason I reached out on this forum is because I thought, as someone else said, others may be able to relate and have potentially had this dilemma in their own lives and therefore I could get advise. Ive not rushed out and made a booking and I still no morally for me it's not the right thing to do. But again I appreciate everyone's point of view.

[Fuzzyduck]

Read through all the posts and I appreciate everything everyone has said. The only reason I reached out on this forum is because I assumed, as someone else said, I would imagine some people can relate and have potentially had this dilemma in their own lives. Ive not rushed out and made a booking and i still no morally for me it's not the right thing to do. But again I appreciate everyone's point of view.

Just make sure you do a review, eh?