High Class Alice my arse, low class Bulgarian tart with fancy nails and daft painted eyebrows who is not the girl in the photos despite the assurance "100% real photos" on her page and verbally when I called her, they may be real photos - but of someone completely fucking else.
Booking had been easy, a call around 10:30 for a 12:30 meet, one hour at £150 with the option that I requested to extend to 90 minutes, her lack of feedback was a worry but she looked good and answered the phone, was flirty with good English, or rather, as I discovered later, her maid, who she "logged in" was.
She was tall, likely the 5 foot 7 in the profile, slim, pretty good body, clean hair, smelt neutral, dark haired, brown eyed with small tits, not the 34C puppies advertised, pussy stubble, dodgy teeth and an attitude that was so crap I should've walked but she had a cheeky glint in her eye which I mistook for come hither, it was more "give me your money you fucker because I know you've got a semi right now because I'm female and in my underwear."
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External Link/Members OnlySo it starts, the little fella rules as always and I've built up for a punt so I stay in the tropically warm small flat in the infamous Chelsea Cloisters and she invites me onto the bed to discuss what I want. I say oral and sex, nothing unusual, she says oral without, I say yes, I'm clean and smell good, she says no, I say give me my money back, she says ok, get undressed.
I undress, she watches, no help or engagement, I get on the bed ion my pants, undo her bra to an admonishing look and start to remove her knickers, she says "slowly", grabs my cock and I take off my pants.
She holds it, wipes it with a baby wipe, gives me the obligatory "its very big" line, tells me not to cum in her mouth and proceeds with a rough hand job with intermittent placement of my helmet and the first half inch of shaft [it wasn't sucking, merely moving in and out] into her mouth, uncovered for a dozen bobs at a time. Any attempts to gently push her heads down or get her to lick my balls or shaft are met with a few seconds of her tongue darting in and out over the offending area.
Ridiculously I've got a hard on from this pathetic attention so I say "What about sex" so she lazily gets a condom, puts it on with her hands, again remarking on my massive size [about the only true part of the whole episode
] lubes it up and gets on board, tentatively, then starts to push up and down, consuming no more than three inches on each trust. I grab her arse and try to push in deep, she says "not too deep", I sigh and close my eyes feeling her tight pussy basically massaging my bell end, it feels good so I shoot my wad.
We are 25 minutes in at this point and she removes the condom, handling it in the way you would pick up dogshit in a poo bag, disposes of the evidence, wipes my dick, sits on the end of the bed looks at me and says "what now". I say I want to go again, she says, no, one time in an hour, I say that I paid for her time not a number of orgasms, she says that's her rule.
I say fuck this for a game of soldiers, I want my money back, you gave me crap service with a bad attitude and you are not the girl in the pictures, we debate, calmly, she really does not give a fuck. She says, ok, you pay for half an hour, £100, I give you £50 back.
I dress and leave thinking that the line in her profile, shouting in capital letters UNFORGETTABLE EXPERIENCE is absolutely true, just for the wrong reasons. If I could kick myself up the arse I would still be doing it, I'm an experienced punter, not a novice, but as per usual cock ruled head and I feel like a cunt.
You know what was the biggest giveaway, she was wearing flip flops, my nemesis from my last bad punt, fucking flip flops with lingerie, because heels will fuck the wooded floor, a nice pair off Louboutins would surely have penetrated the surface deeper than I penetrated her. AVOID.
