The OP is very similar to my experience of Secret Benefits.
I chose SB because the credits don't expire so they are still there when you go back to look for a new person. The basic idea is that it costs 10 credits to start a conversation (or read the first message if the lady starts it) and messages expire after 28 days. I also chose it because Manchester/Lancashire/Yorkshire seems to have more genuine looking profiles than Seeking.
It's easy to ping messages to glamorous ladies living the highlife until reality hits that you're not going to get a good response from ladies posing with expensive handbags in swanky penthouse bars if your profile doesn't indicate you're going to support that lifestyle. So go for those with friendly down earth profiles and don't be greedy about age, seems like 15 years younger is realistic limit (I'm late 40's).
I tend to favourite profiles I like and then see if that person favourites my profile or sends me a message. I only message the person at that point. I also try to be disciplined in only responding to profiles that explicitly mention or have a pic of something that I also mention. It's about something outside the usual platitudes, examples are a hobby, sport, live music, theatre etc. Then you know they're more likely to reply to you.
Within a couple of days of chatting you'll be asked what you are looking for. You'll probably already have a hunch if it'll go further but it's useful practice to have that conversation with people even if you don't think you'll meet up. The key thing is to explore what sort of dates you each like, ie meals out, drinks, partying, travel etc. Try to use open questions such as "I think I'd like to do xxx but it really about what works for both of us, what sort of thing do you like?". The death knell is when a lady asks about cash or gifts because you know she's signalling the conversation is going to end if you can't agree on the amount.
Fortunately the first lady I chatted to had approached me with a highlighted message. Ladies can message for free but they can also pay for highlighted message so you know they are likely to be interested if they have spent credits to say hi. She was really friendly and explained how it works. Key lesson from this is that many (most?) ladies filter out men who go straight into talking about sex so don't do that! You're really both trying to find out that you could have a conversation if you meet. After a couple of days of messaging one of you will suggest "It might be easier to move to Whatsapp if that's easier for you?"
Results of those who moved to chatting on Whatsapp:1 - First lady was really chatty for a couple of weeks about how the place works. She was a bit too far away for me and we had a few funny moments talking about expectations and realised we were completely mismatched on what we thought would be good dates!
2 - Second lady was also really chatty and we arranged a date but she backed out. I was caught out with "don't worry about cash it'll just be nice to have a gift when we meet" and "we can meet when it suits you". The lesson from this is that just because someone doesn't ask for cash they are doing the same sums in their head as someone asking for cash. So they do expect to know what sort of gift you are offering and trying to work out if you are going to be a reliable regular. You still need to say what you will gift and how often.
Fortunately this lady gave me a second chance when I got back to her to say I appreciated her help and could we meet for a coffee because I have something to thank her for her help, included a photo of £40 vouchers for her favourite shop. I think if I met her now it could have become a regular thing and her gift ideas were £150 a date.
3, 4, 5, - The next three were great fun to chat to. Ladies 1&2 hadn't shown their face in the pics and had a very girl next door vibe. For 3, 4, & 5 I had picked a few more upfront profiles not more than 10 s younger than me and avoiding the glamour models. They were great fun to chat to, very genuine and gave an insight to what I'm definitely not offering! One was £100 per hour for social only, the next was for £300 weekly dinner date with extra for staying over (aka sex), the other was £350 for 4 hour dinner & hotel dates. They also casually mentioned getting gifts of £100 to £400 in addition to the cash arrangement.
6 - My only scammer who initially seemed like 1 & 2 but after a good couple of days chatting first red flag was asking to meet in a hotel and not in public, second red flag was how she'd had a couple of no shows so asked for a payment in advance to come to a hotel room that I was to arrange.
7 - I would have met number 7 regularly because we genuinely had common interest but distance was an issue. She was a cash person, suggested £200 for a monthly date then settled on on £150 to spend a day on our particular hobby (no sex), or £300 to include overnight at her place (with sex). Unfortunately we both live in small towns so we'd used nearby cities on our profile and it turned out we were 3 hours drive away from each other.
8 - I got on really well with the eighth lady. After a week or so I realised we hadn't talked about "expectations" (SB euphemism for cash) so I casually mentioned that I was newish so how do people work out arrangements for dates. She explained her usual arrangement (£200 for dinner, £400 for dinner and hotel). A few days later after chatting about our common hobby/interest we agreed to meet for that hobby. I asked about expectations and she said not to worry and it'll just be nice to a face to the name. We ended up going away for a long weekend! Having learnt my lesson from before I did get a nice gift of some things she'd previously mentioned that she liked and some petrol money. I would have picking up the bill for the weekend and meals if I'd gone on my own so it only cost £150 extra.
Overall Response rate was hopeless at the start but I'd say I now get 50% responses with my most recent 15 messages with 5 going to whatsapp and 2 offers to meet.
I've used 40 credits:
- Probably 15 wasted at the start on young glamour model types with no response
- Maybe 12 on those I'd think of my target type with no response
- Maybe 5 chatted but not whatsapp
- Eight got to whatsapp and had enjoyable conversations
Number 2 could have become regular if I met her now I know how it works. I might contact her again if I'm looking again.
Number 7 was very tempting and would have been good match if I had time for the travel.
Number 8 is a friend with benefits who's 15 years younger than me and very open minded!
40 contacts seems like a lot of effort for 3 dates but the £140 fee for the SB has got me two offers to meet up for £150 for a day or £300 overnight, as well as a third agreeing to a long weekend for £150 ! Another three would meet up for equiv £75 to £100 per hour plus restaurant/hotel costs (note the hobby dates don't incur extra cost for me because I'd be doing that anyway).
Caveats:
- Looking for a specific/hobby interest targets your searching but it narrows you down to a handful of profiles.
- It's straight forward to find ladies who'll meet up for a dinner & hotel date if you are upfront about splashing the cash on fun night out at £75 to £100 an hour.
- If you focus on a specific hobby/interest you can have company for much less, ladies 2 & 7 were £150 for a full day or £300 to include staying over. Compar that to the hourly rate for an escort.
If you're lucky you can find someone who is happy to date without gifts ... just make sure you do give some sort of gift though!
