Being a Dom / Sub (how to)?

[misterx]

How does it work?

Does one, after sorting out payment and discussing limits, stay in character throughout the session? Or drifting in and out between different activities?

It must be quite hard work to stay in character for the whole hour session? Dom/Sub is not a genre that I understand but I am curious.

I had the odd WGs who enjoyed being a sub, and was happy to engage in spanking, choking, slapping etc, but I’ve never experienced a full on ‘dom’ (me being the ‘dom’) session.

Anyone got any tips or experience to share? Or any good ‘Dom/sub’ reviews here so I can have a read? Thanks.

[freeze44]

How does it work?

Does one, after sorting out payment and discussing limits, stay in character throughout the session? Or drifting in and out between different activities?

It must be quite hard work to stay in character for the whole hour session? Dom/Sub is not a genre that I understand but I am curious.

I had the odd WGs who enjoyed being a sub, and was happy to engage in spanking, choking, slapping etc, but I’ve never experienced a full on ‘dom’ (me being the ‘dom’) session.

Anyone got any tips or experience to share? Or any good ‘Dom/sub’ reviews here so I can have a read? Thanks.

Big question! In a sentence then think it's what you want it to be as no 'dom' or 'sub' template.

I would say that penetration and male/female sex is naturally dom/sub. Some like to mix things up, switch, or experiment. From my experience would say have found that the best experiences come from mutual respect and honest communication about limits etc.

Would also say there a risk of pushing things to far and then not being able to enjoy less extreme sex. Punting is great for helping to learn about what you like etc but can be addictive and for me the super macho 'dom' or the extreme sub wanting to be owned etc is pretty sad and must have underlying issues.

Try something you think might be fun and if the experience is positive then great and add's to the fun of punting to me trying things out. 

[misterx]

Thanks.

Yes, agree with you that punting has been great of exploring new things, rather than the generic GFE etc

Trying to understand this Dom/Sub genre at the moment. Not sure if it’s for me but won’t know til I’ve tried!

[Ali Katt]

How does it work?

Does one, after sorting out payment and discussing limits, stay in character throughout the session? Or drifting in and out between different activities?

It must be quite hard work to stay in character for the whole hour session? Dom/Sub is not a genre that I understand but I am curious.

I had the odd WGs who enjoyed being a sub, and was happy to engage in spanking, choking, slapping etc, but I’ve never experienced a full on ‘dom’ (me being the ‘dom’) session.

Anyone got any tips or experience to share? Or any good ‘Dom/sub’ reviews here so I can have a read? Thanks.

Read my reviews. That's a good start. My review with Celeste talks about subbing, characters and negotiation.

But to answer the question:
* I usually email and ask limits and tell a bit about myself and what I am into, if it is roleplay or I am bottoming\subbing I talk about the scene I want.

* A good female domme will discuss YOUR limits with you before the scene starts, possibly the same with roleplay as well. When I dom I discuss limits before meeting the girl, usually they are on her profile and if she is a serious sub they probably should be anyway.

* If roleplay or I am acting bratty I will stay in character. With female dommes they only break character in the inbetween stages - that is before the scene and if there is a break for toilet breaks, refreshments etc or you need to stop. You should always keep hydrated BTW.

* No it's piss easy to stay in character. An hour isn't really a longtime, certainly I wouldn't recommend a quickie booking unless it is say just one or two activities like over the knee spanking on you and a BJ.The key to it all for me is I'm sort of naturally dominant so don't find it too difficult, what I learnt is my own style which is more playful, but firm when needed. My substyle is playing a college boy brat which is also me. Most subby girls will have their own style which ties in with their "real life" personalities and also dommes vary some are the iron fist velvet gloves, others are your worst nightmares and some are like a mummy role.

I had the odd WGs who enjoyed being a sub, and was happy to engage in spanking, choking, slapping etc, but I’ve never experienced a full on ‘dom’ (me being the ‘dom’) session.

I class that as rough sex. Rough sex can be part of subbing, but it isn't the only way. I can dom without doing all the things you list including manhandling; it's more a mental state. People have seen Pascal's sub sluts who is no doubt good at what he does, but that's not me. I mainly dom using voice, tone and eye contact.

That said there's people way more dom than me, but like I say my style is my own and hard to imitate (or maybe that's my ego talking). The main thing is to be safe and make sure the girl is comfortable or if you sub that the domme makes sure you are comfortable. Also, ask yourself why you think you should be this way.

[ulstersubbie]

Trying to understand this Dom/Sub genre at the moment. Not sure if it’s for me but won’t know til I’ve tried!

No you won't, will you. A lot of posters come on here and ask about BDSM and are never heard of again, because they were never really interested to begin with. Hopefully you will be more honest and actually have a session with a Dominatrix. Look forward to your review, should make fascinating reading for an old sub like me.

[Ali Katt]

No you won't, will you. A lot of posters come on here and ask about BDSM and are never heard of again, because they were never really interested to begin with. Hopefully you will be more honest and actually have a session with a Dominatrix. Look forward to your review, should make fascinating reading for an old sub like me.

I've seen that before, but MisterX has been a member for a few years and has reviews so I took the time to reply; if he was a first time poster I wouldn't have replied.

[Doc Holliday]

I class that as rough sex.

Agreed. And in the punting world many SP won't even go that far. There are limits if you are looking to pay to be the dominant one, just on safety grounds alone if the girl is working solo. That said I have been aware of a few who have allowed themselves to be tied up even though unaccompanied!!! If you are looking to move up the domination spectrum then as it becomes more extreme you will likely need to seek this outside of punting.

If on the other hand you want to be the sub then the sky is the limit and everything is available when you part with your cash.

[Ali Katt]

Agreed. And in the punting world many SP won't even go that far. There are limits if you are looking to pay to be the dominant one, just on safety grounds alone if the girl is working solo. That said I have been aware of a few who have allowed themselves to be tied up even though unaccompanied!!! If you are looking to move up the domination spectrum then as it becomes more extreme you will likely need to seek this outside of punting.

If on the other hand you want to be the sub then the sky is the limit and everything is available when you part with your cash.

This is a good post. I think what people think of being domination and the reality are two very different things. As I've said elsewhere I can't do rope apart from two key knots so that is a no-no for me. Choke play also not really my thing. I think people have the danger of "trying all the things" instead of spending time getting good at a few.

With subbing one thing to watch is dommes who don't offer sex including BJs, RO and penetrative sex. Usually hand relief is available, but not always.

Also, with regards civvies relationships, I don't think I could have a long term relationship with anyone who isn't kinky.

[Lou2019]

Does anyone mind if I contribute to this thread? ( just asking as an SP I always feel like I’m intruding)

[Ali Katt]

Does anyone mind if I contribute to this thread? ( just asking as an SP I always feel like I’m intruding)

It's fine. In the past girls like Red Kitten and Midori have contributed to kink threads and the information they gave was useful.

[ulstersubbie]

Fair enough Ali, I wasn't having a pop at the OP, just trying to point out that BDSM is different. For a lot of punters visiting a Domme would be a real challenge, fantasy/reality as I alluded to in a post I made many months ago.

[Ali Katt]

Fair enough Ali, I wasn't having a pop at the OP, just trying to point out that BDSM is different. For a lot of punters visiting a Domme would be a real challenge, fantasy/reality as I alluded to in a post I made many months ago.

Yep, I didn't take offence, not sure if my post read more aggressive than it should have done, I'm to the point. I find subbing a lot harder than domming, but that's because I want to be "forced" into submission. The OP doesn't seem to know what he wants, but will he reply back?

[ulstersubbie]

No your post wasn't aggressive, being a sub is complex and I've been one for nearly twenty years! 
 

[Ali Katt]

No your post wasn't aggressive, being a sub is complex and I've been one for nearly twenty years!

Anything related to BDSM is complex and I think people forget that. Sometimes I think if only I could just do ball drain punts. But the buzz I get from domming is better than any vanilla sex I've had and the pure energy of bouncing ideas off someone and the moment it all clicked into place. When I was younger I though it was just master and slave stuff.

[misterx]

Thanks everyone, particularly Ali.

Ali, that’s really helpful, thanks. That Celeste review was a good read.

I like what you said about your style being ‘playful dom’, I think that’d be mine too because of my personality.

Interesting distinction between Dom & rough sex; I must say I enjoy rough sex (with the WGs’ permission of course) but even then I usually mix it up with ‘GFE’ in the same session.

Being ‘sub’ isn’t for me (for now, without ever experiencing it) but maybe an avenue to be explored in future.

[cueball]

I asked the same question a good while ago 
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=154379.0;all

I'm still none the wiser 

[Ali Katt]

Thanks everyone, particularly Ali.

Ali, that’s really helpful, thanks. That Celeste review was a good read.

I like what you said about your style being ‘playful dom’, I think that’d be mine too because of my personality.

Interesting distinction between Dom & rough sex; I must say I enjoy rough sex (with the WGs’ permission of course) but even then I usually mix it up with ‘GFE’ in the same session.

Being ‘sub’ isn’t for me (for now, without ever experiencing it) but maybe an avenue to be explored in future.

I personally would recommend subbing\bottoming to doms at least once just to see what it is like from the other side. That was the main reason I did it and morbid curiosity. I enjoyed it. I quite liked the fear side of it, as well as the pain side. Most submission isn't about that, but I want to push extremes of what I can take. Also, I had seen Celeste before, so I knew what she was like and we get on.

It's all about a little bit at a time. I was mainly tired of girls giving dirty talk and I was giving nothing back or being embarrassed to ask for what I want. I also forgot this thread:
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=227465.0

[Ali Katt]

I asked the same question a good while ago 
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=154379.0;all

I'm still none the wiser 

I saw this thread, but I didn't reply as I wasn't punting much at the time and didn't really feel I was as deep as I am now.

[Picti]

Anything related to BDSM is complex and I think people forget that. Sometimes I think if only I could just do ball drain punts. But the buzz I get from domming is better than any vanilla sex I've had and the pure energy of bouncing ideas off someone and the moment it all clicked into place. When I was younger I though it was just master and slave stuff.

Agreed. I think that the OP would be better exploring the BDSM scene outside of punting, as that would allow him to learn the conventions, the negotiation / boundaries, the safety considerations, get practical advice to guide his activities, ascertain his preferences, etc. He would find better guidance and support in the community than in punting.

I've been in that community for 25+ years, and only introduced it (to an extent) into my punting a couple of years ago. It can work well with the right election of WG and the right approach, but in my experience it takes more consideration and limits the potential activities and extents.

Furthermore, if the OP gets this wrong once and e.g. hurts someone, then that's his punting reputation gone.

[NickyBobby]

If you need a how to do it guide it’s probably not for you. It’s not about being in character, you either are or aren’t.

[misterx]

I asked the same question a good while ago 
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=154379.0;all

I'm still none the wiser 

Not had the time to read the whole thread yet, but post #8 by hungrypunt is probably what I now (having read this thread and Ali’s review) agree with. I think.   

@Ali, cheers

[misterm]

I enjoy the dom/sub stuff, can't say I'm particularly great at either though in both I've found it takes a few meetings with lady to really get things going

- as a sub the lady will likely want to start light and build up slowly (they typically don't want to hurt their client and some have less pain tolerance than they think I guess

- as a dom, it takes a few meetings for lady to trust you, as in not to be a rapist/criminal etc (both somewhat easier if they are tied up) and that you won't accidentally or otherwise go over thirty limits. For first time I make a point of making any bondage easy to release  self from(eg cuffs with quick release tab etc)

[Ali Katt]

I enjoy the dom/sub stuff, can't say I'm particularly great at either though in both I've found it takes a few meetings with lady to really get things going

- as a sub the lady will likely want to start light and build up slowly (they typically don't want to hurt their client and some have less pain tolerance than they think I guess

- as a dom, it takes a few meetings for lady to trust you, as in not to be a rapist/criminal etc (both somewhat easier if they are tied up) and that you won't accidentally or otherwise go over thirty limits. For first time I make a point of making any bondage easy to release  self from(eg cuffs with quick release tab etc)

TBH nobody is good at anything to begin with. How many can claim to be good at penetrative sex all the time or cunnilingus?

I think the most important thing you can do apart from being safe and not taking stupid risks is to observe the woman's body language and feelings. I've had punts where I could have been a lot "rougher", but it wasn't right as she didn't want that. Likewise agreeing stuff before the booking is so important, things like name calling is contentious or spanking, if I get vague answers or despite being advertised as "a kinky whore" or whatever sometime in emails it is apparent they are not really into anything beyond a GFE.

[Ali Katt]

If you need a how to do it guide it’s probably not for you. It’s not about being in character, you either are or aren’t.

I thought he was referring to RP, a lot of dommes are really nice in person but play the queen bitch role which is a character, then you get mummys and brats. I personally take parts of my real self and just sort of heighten it or tap into that little dark place.   

As for how to guides: the new loving dominant and the new topping book are really good.

[Ali Katt]

Agreed. I think that the OP would be better exploring the BDSM scene outside of punting, as that would allow him to learn the conventions, the negotiation / boundaries, the safety considerations, get practical advice to guide his activities, ascertain his preferences, etc. He would find better guidance and support in the community than in punting.

I've been in that community for 25+ years, and only introduced it (to an extent) into my punting a couple of years ago. It can work well with the right election of WG and the right approach, but in my experience it takes more consideration and limits the potential activities and extents.

Furthermore, if the OP gets this wrong once and e.g. hurts someone, then that's his punting reputation gone.

This is a good post. Finding a kinky civvy is hard. I think the trick is baby steps and re-jig the formula each time.

[tessex7544]

I only recently started seeing a Doms over the last year or so. It has been a very strange but enlightening journey. I was interested in being beaten up and abused (no obvious sexual elements more 'therapy' of sorts (!) so emailed a bdsm prodom found online and listed what I wanted as per above (did not review here as no obvious sexual elements - eg was not there to cum). She replied yes I do these things come and visit me. Was given a safe word and then set about really. Not sure in answer to the OP I needed to act a character as it felt very natural and organic - she led the way testing and pushing my boundaries. I was given intox as well as all the rough stuff. I left extremely dazed, bruised (in less obvious places) but exhilarated . I know it is very niche and for sure not 99% of folks cup of tea, but all adds to the spice of life and it is something I find is great stress relief! Lol.

[Mystique88]

It really comes down to what you want out of the session. It doesn't have to include role play or 'characters'. I have some sub sessions that are completely different characters and I will stay in that character until the client calls an end (which isn't always at the end of the booking), I don't find it hard work personally, you get quite into it and some that are more laid back and I can just be my usual 'subby' self.

My advice would be to think about what you want out of the meeting and try those things with an experienced sub, then slowly expand from there. Do lots of research too, you can never be too informed with this stuff!

I spend quite a lot of time prior to a sub booking making sure everything is discussed in detail so that there are no surprises on the day.

Hope you guys don't mind me adding my opinion here

[Ali Katt]

It really comes down to what you want out of the session. It doesn't have to include role play or 'characters'. I have some sub sessions that are completely different characters and I will stay in that character until the client calls an end (which isn't always at the end of the booking), I don't find it hard work personally, you get quite into it and some that are more laid back and I can just be my usual 'subby' self.

My advice would be to think about what you want out of the meeting and try those things with an experienced sub, then slowly expand from there. Do lots of research too, you can never be too informed with this stuff!

I spend quite a lot of time prior to a sub booking making sure everything is discussed in detail so that there are no surprises on the day.

Hope you guys don't mind me adding my opinion here

The most difficult thing I've found with RP is knowing where to start. I've found thinking of "characters" or at least roles then a scenario seems to work for me; I couldn't do the whole uniform thing without a scene around it, but many men can.

When I am with subs it is as you say knowing limits and then deciding what I want and what they will do. On the day I read body language and mood and either tone it down or amp it up, usually the former.

[Home Alone]

If you need a how to do it guide it’s probably not for you. It’s not about being in character, you either are or aren’t.

I'd agree with this.

I usually go for a fairly vanilla service with Milfs; but, late last year, I saw two lasses separately as a precursor to having an MFF with the pair of them. One of them advertised herself as a Sub and I found the booking with her on her own really quite difficult because I'm quite "fluffy" - to quote my last Regular.

[tessex7544]

Yes in my initial exploratory email to Dom sent a short list of the things that I was interested in trying and also some of my red lines. Never gone in for the heavy scripting as being surprised within limits and having boundaries pushed a little adds to the whole session (especially the feeling of genuine fear, not knowing what's coming next). I get the impression many Prodom's get a lot of fantasists who write lengthy essays to them without booking to meet in person. I started with a 30 minute quick meet to see if we were compatible.

[Ali Katt]

Yes in my initial exploratory email to Dom sent a short list of the things that I was interested in trying and also some of my red lines. Never gone in for the heavy scripting as being surprised within limits and having boundaries pushed a little adds to the whole session (especially the feeling of genuine fear, not knowing what's coming next). I get the impression many Prodom's get a lot of fantasists who write lengthy essays to them without booking to meet in person. I started with a 30 minute quick meet to see if we were compatible.

Yep. That's pretty much what I do. I try to keep it as short as possible and include a bit about myself and what I am like. I never deny I am on the brat side. I've never had anyone say "no thank you" ... yet.

Agree 100% on fantasists. I think you get it from both sides. Women who own a whip and a leather catwoman suit and think they are Miss Whiplash and a lot of men who think they are Christian Grey because they once spanked a woman and called her a rude word!

[misterm]

Yes in my initial exploratory email to Dom sent a short list of the things that I was interested in trying and also some of my red lines. Never gone in for the heavy scripting as being surprised within limits and having boundaries pushed a little adds to the whole session (especially the feeling of genuine fear, not knowing what's coming next). I get the impression many Prodom's get a lot of fantasists who write lengthy essays to them without booking to meet in person. I started with a 30 minute quick meet to see if we were compatible.

Some of more GFE than prodom meets I've had as a sub (prodom doesn't appeal due to lack of sex), have suffered from the need to both describe what you like/don't etc, but also the need for the dom to take control. As a sub the last thing I want is to know exactly what will happen and when, or be asked what next. It does get easier though to identify those who are into it, and to build trust as time goes on

[iverthickone]

I found out I enjoyed being dom through punting.  In "real" life I am known as a "nice guy".  Thus to change in to a role where I order a girl around (as I do), really gets me off.  It is amazing too how many girls are also really in to it!

My biggest pointer would be to do all agreeing on comms before the meet.  Also if you get a regular as I have, then you can say what you did enjoy and not so much, and ask anout any new things you would like to try.  I always ask what they do and don't enjoy.  A good example is spitting on a girl's face.  Some girls absolutely love it, some hate it and it's a turn off for them.

I can't actually really hurt a girl either, and I let them know that.  Some more extreme girls are in to flogging etc...I just can't and don't want to do that.  The pain element is fun, and fleeting low level pain can be erotic, but it is 95% in your head where the eroticism is, and hurting a lzdy is not a turn on for me.

A good example of not really hurting a girl, whilst being in control is hair pulling (almost universally liked in my experience by subs).  Pulling a lot of hair rather than a small bit doesn't hurt them, but does give you control.

Try small steps like that first I think.

[freeze44]

I found out I enjoyed being dom through punting.  In "real" life I am known as a "nice guy".  Thus to change in to a role where I order a girl around (as I do), really gets me off.  It is amazing too how many girls are also really in to it!

My biggest pointer would be to do all agreeing on comms before the meet.  Also if you get a regular as I have, then you can say what you did enjoy and not so much, and ask anout any new things you would like to try.  I always ask what they do and don't enjoy.  A good example is spitting on a girl's face.  Some girls absolutely love it, some hate it and it's a turn off for them.

I can't actually really hurt a girl either, and I let them know that.  Some more extreme girls are in to flogging etc...I just can't and don't want to do that.  The pain element is fun, and fleeting low level pain can be erotic, but it is 95% in your head where the eroticism is, and hurting a lzdy is not a turn on for me.

A good example of not really hurting a girl, whilst being in control is hair pulling (almost universally liked in my experience by subs).  Pulling a lot of hair rather than a small bit doesn't hurt them, but does give you control.

Try small steps like that first I think.

Good example that 

Agree about the control and not wanting to actually inflict pain. Met some wg's who seem to get off on extreme things and having marks left etc but as you say doesn't turn me on.

Communicaion and building trust is key and can be great fun and really horny with the right person!

[Ali Katt]

I found out I enjoyed being dom through punting.  In "real" life I am known as a "nice guy".  Thus to change in to a role where I order a girl around (as I do), really gets me off.  It is amazing too how many girls are also really in to it!

My biggest pointer would be to do all agreeing on comms before the meet.  Also if you get a regular as I have, then you can say what you did enjoy and not so much, and ask anout any new things you would like to try.  I always ask what they do and don't enjoy.  A good example is spitting on a girl's face.  Some girls absolutely love it, some hate it and it's a turn off for them.

I can't actually really hurt a girl either, and I let them know that.  Some more extreme girls are in to flogging etc...I just can't and don't want to do that.  The pain element is fun, and fleeting low level pain can be erotic, but it is 95% in your head where the eroticism is, and hurting a lzdy is not a turn on for me.

A good example of not really hurting a girl, whilst being in control is hair pulling (almost universally liked in my experience by subs).  Pulling a lot of hair rather than a small bit doesn't hurt them, but does give you control.

Try small steps like that first I think.

There is an art to hair pulling and its holding at the base rather than the tips and as you say in bunches.

I only have experience with crops and it is limited. I wouldn't use a whip, cane etc without a lot of experience. I've never encountered anyone I would class as a pain slut.

[Cambridgy]

There is a lot of good information online - e.g. External Link/Members Only

[freeze44]

There is an art to hair pulling and its holding at the base rather than the tips and as you say in bunches.

I only have experience with crops and it is limited. I wouldn't use a whip, cane etc without a lot of experience. I've never encountered anyone I would class as a pain slut.

Yeah experience is key! Used a whip but with soft ends so no real pain.

Pain slut....have met a couple and found it to extreme for me. I think can give a good spanking and leave some light redness to get the rush going but one wanted it harder and harder which would have left big bruises and broken skin...not for me as think most of this in the mind and meeting a like minded person.

[Ali Katt]

Yeah experience is key! Used a whip but with soft ends so no real pain.

Pain slut....have met a couple and found it to extreme for me. I think can give a good spanking and leave some light redness to get the rush going but one wanted it harder and harder which would have left big bruises and broken skin...not for me as think most of this in the mind and meeting a like minded person.

Most of my sadism is through teasing, but that sounds fucking hot.

[Mystique88]

I found out I enjoyed being dom through punting.  In "real" life I am known as a "nice guy".  Thus to change in to a role where I order a girl around (as I do), really gets me off.  It is amazing too how many girls are also really in to it!

My biggest pointer would be to do all agreeing on comms before the meet.  Also if you get a regular as I have, then you can say what you did enjoy and not so much, and ask anout any new things you would like to try.  I always ask what they do and don't enjoy.  A good example is spitting on a girl's face.  Some girls absolutely love it, some hate it and it's a turn off for them.

I can't actually really hurt a girl either, and I let them know that.  Some more extreme girls are in to flogging etc...I just can't and don't want to do that.  The pain element is fun, and fleeting low level pain can be erotic, but it is 95% in your head where the eroticism is, and hurting a lzdy is not a turn on for me.

A good example of not really hurting a girl, whilst being in control is hair pulling (almost universally liked in my experience by subs).  Pulling a lot of hair rather than a small bit doesn't hurt them, but does give you control.

Try small steps like that first I think.

This is why I'm very clear on my service being sub, not PSE. I don't want, nor like pain or being marked. It's about control and feeling overpowered 

They are VERY different things. (Sorry if my input isn't wanted/needed lol)

[HailWood]

I asked the same question a good while ago 
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=154379.0;all

I'm still none the wiser 

Having dated an ex-sub for a while, I have discussed this with her at length. Her  previous relationship was a voluntary non paid for Dom/Sub relationship and she subjugated herself because she got a kick out of it. While this might seem strange, the sub is in control of the relationship. In that if the Dom wants to continue he has to find things which the sub is willing to do and which excites her. A Dom has to ‘earn’ his right to be the Dom continuously or lose her. From what I was told the most important aspect of earning this right is earning the respect of the sub and non-physical (mental) control is critical; for example she would work hard to please the Dom just to be told “good girl”.

BDSM is different to domination / submission but often linked; especially where the sub enjoys a degree of pain or restraints. I am a bit of a plastic Dom (admittedly) but from what I do in (mild) Dom/Sub  meetings tends to be one of giving. That act of restricting breathing, for example, does nothing for me sexually, but does increase the intensity of the experience for the sub. As does spanking, restraining etc etc depending on the Sub.

I am no expert on this subject which is very broad indeed, so just relating a curious lay-man’s view of what he has learned.

Hope this helps Cueball. Leather and greasy hair not mentioned once   

[jesse4585]

If you need a how to do it guide it’s probably not for you. It’s not about being in character, you either are or aren’t.

This is wrong IMO.  I'd guess 95% of men could learn to dom, at least the mild sort of domination (which could just as well be described as 'taking the lead' sexually)

I'm thinking about contributing a 'How to guide' on mild domming, which I might do as a separate SlamBoy style thread, as it seems a little different to what the OP's asking for.  (I guess he's considering sampling the more hard cores BDSM scence which I don't know much about.)

Perhaps the most foundational skill is the same for all types of domming - giving orders in a tone of voice like you expect to be obeyed.   E.g. like a British army officer who knows he's in command, but also has an undertone of caring for his men.  To give a more specific example, the sort of way the Russel Crowe character issues commands in the Gladiator movie.

For a total newbie dom, start with commanding your woman into submissive positions in an authoritative tone of voice - "Down on your knees!",  "Turn over", "Head down!" etc.  That's advise for punting only - better to be more careful with a first time with a civvie, as some may feel threatened / coerced and experience it as abusive.

That said, woman close to universally like that sort of thing in my experience, there are studies suggsting about 90% do.

[bhudda]

This is wrong IMO.  I'd guess 95% of men could learn to dom, at least the mild sort of domination (which could just as well be described as 'taking the lead' sexually)

I'm thinking about contributing a 'How to guide' on mild domming, which I might do as a separate SlamBoy style thread, as it seems a little different to what the OP's asking for.  (I guess he's considering sampling the more hard cores BDSM scence which I don't know much about.)

Perhaps the most foundational skill is the same for all types of domming - giving orders in a tone of voice like you expect to be obeyed.   E.g. like a British army officer who knows he's in command, but also has an undertone of caring for his men.  To give a more specific example, the sort of way the Russel Crowe character issues commands in the Gladiator movie.

For a total newbie dom, start with commanding your woman into submissive positions in an authoritative tone of voice - "Down on your knees!",  "Turn over", "Head down!" etc.  That's advise for punting only - better to be more careful with a first time with a civvie, as some may feel threatened / coerced and experience it as abusive.

That said, woman close to universally like that sort of thing in my experience, there are studies suggsting about 90% do.

Can you provide a link to these studies?

Op ... i suggest you google queensnake bdsm ... they seem to have dom/sub nailed down ... probably literally in some of their videos but i havent seen them. The one where a lass gets her fanny filled with conkers (still in their spikey skin) is particularly erotic 

[Ali Katt]

Having dated an ex-sub for a while, I have discussed this with her at length. Her  previous relationship was a voluntary non paid for Dom/Sub relationship and she subjugated herself because she got a kick out of it. While this might seem strange, the sub is in control of the relationship. In that if the Dom wants to continue he has to find things which the sub is willing to do and which excites her. A Dom has to ‘earn’ his right to be the Dom continuously or lose her. From what I was told the most important aspect of earning this right is earning the respect of the sub and non-physical (mental) control is critical; for example she would work hard to please the Dom just to be told “good girl”.

BDSM is different to domination / submission but often linked; especially where the sub enjoys a degree of pain or restraints. I am a bit of a plastic Dom (admittedly) but from what I do in (mild) Dom/Sub  meetings tends to be one of giving. That act of restricting breathing, for example, does nothing for me sexually, but does increase the intensity of the experience for the sub. As does spanking, restraining etc etc depending on the Sub.

I am no expert on this subject which is very broad indeed, so just relating a curious lay-man’s view of what he has learned.

Hope this helps Cueball. Leather and greasy hair not mentioned once   

You don't sound like a plastic dom. A plastic dom to me is somebody who pretends to be dom to have sex with women Google beg for Jay for a good example of a parasite.

[Ali Katt]

This is wrong IMO.  I'd guess 95% of men could learn to dom, at least the mild sort of domination (which could just as well be described as 'taking the lead' sexually)

I'm thinking about contributing a 'How to guide' on mild domming, which I might do as a separate SlamBoy style thread, as it seems a little different to what the OP's asking for.  (I guess he's considering sampling the more hard cores BDSM scence which I don't know much about.)

Perhaps the most foundational skill is the same for all types of domming - giving orders in a tone of voice like you expect to be obeyed.   E.g. like a British army officer who knows he's in command, but also has an undertone of caring for his men.  To give a more specific example, the sort of way the Russel Crowe character issues commands in the Gladiator movie.

For a total newbie dom, start with commanding your woman into submissive positions in an authoritative tone of voice - "Down on your knees!",  "Turn over", "Head down!" etc.  That's advise for punting only - better to be more careful with a first time with a civvie, as some may feel threatened / coerced and experience it as abusive.

That said, woman close to universally like that sort of thing in my experience, there are studies suggsting about 90% do.

I would say most people male and female are non kinky, vanilla or passive. TBH tone is part of it, but also eye contact and being clear and precise and knowing what you want. I don't raise my voice I use an even tone. If you want a good example listen to James Woods in Secretary.

[jesse4585]

Can you provide a link to these studies?

From a quick search I can't find the one that said 90%.

This says 75% of women prefer  the submissive role, but it's talking about those already in the scence, not women in general.
External Link/Members Only

This link says 65% of women in general fantasise about being submissive, though fantasy & true preference can be different.
External Link/Members Only

Like Ali Kat said,  "most people male and female are non kinky, vanilla or passive." As I remember the study saying 90% of women in general preferred the sub role was worded more to suggest they prefer the man taking the lead,  certainly not that the women were into full on BDSM type subbing.

I'd guess only about 25% of women like being sub to the point of enjoying a firm spanking, and less than 5% like full on BDSM stuff.

There's also some scientists saying that  all male & female brains can find pleasure in both submission & dominance, and the typical female preference for mild sexual submission may reduce over time as old fashioned gender roles continue become outdated.  I think probably not, as someone said above, in many cases the submissive is in the deeper sense the one in control...

[bhudda]

From a quick search I can't find the one that said 90%.

This says 75% of women prefer  the submissive role, but it's talking about those already in the scence, not women in general.
External Link/Members Only

This link says 65% of women in general fantasise about being submissive, though fantasy & true preference can be different.
External Link/Members Only

Like Ali Kat said,  "most people male and female are non kinky, vanilla or passive." As I remember the study saying 90% of women in general preferred the sub role was worded more to suggest they prefer the man taking the lead,  certainly not that the women were into full on BDSM type subbing.

I'd guess only about 25% of women like being sub to the point of enjoying a firm spanking, and less than 5% like full on BDSM stuff.

There's also some scientists saying that  all male & female brains can find pleasure in both submission & dominance, and the typical female preference for mild sexual submission may reduce over time as old fashioned gender roles continue become outdated.  I think probably not, as someone said above, in many cases the submissive is in the deeper sense the one in control...

Studies also show that 90% of internet posters who quote stats from studies cant provide links to the studies they are quoting from.

And before you ask ... after a quick search i cant find the study im quoting from either.

[jesse4585]

Studies also show that 90% of internet posters who quote stats from studies cant provide links to the studies they are quoting from.

I guess I'm in the 10% then.     Here's a link to a study that (according to wiki) says 88% of women prefer the submissive role.
External Link/Members Only

It's a bit of a generalisation, as said most women (& men) only like being submissive in fairly mild / non kinky ways.  But I think it helps support the point that it can be well worth some punters making the effort to learn how to be a dom.  As it's something many women appreciate when it's done right, and the dom / sub dynamic can bring a lot of pleasure to all involved.  Here's a link about studies showing the benefits:
External Link/Members Only

[HailWood]

You don't sound like a plastic dom. A plastic dom to me is somebody who pretends to be dom to have sex with women Google beg for Jay for a good example of a parasite.

Haha cheers, Ali.

The label was applied by others but I’m not a lifestyle Dom though my experience and understanding of this has improved over that last few months.. It’s more done to add a bit of spice to mine and my partners (civvie or reg) sex lives.

[HailWood]

I would say most people male and female are non kinky, vanilla or passive. TBH tone is part of it, but also eye contact and being clear and precise and knowing what you want. I don't raise my voice I use an even tone. If you want a good example listen to James Woods in Secretary.

Agreed here.It’s more what you say, how and when you say it. Makes the girl want to comply and even better if she isn’t really aware that she’s being controlled at the time.

[HailWood]

This is why I'm very clear on my service being sub, not PSE. I don't want, nor like pain or being marked. It's about control and feeling overpowered 

They are VERY different things. (Sorry if my input isn't wanted/needed lol)

Not at all unwanted from my perspective. The input from an experienced sub is always of value to me.