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Comms: Started easy – texts then AW booking, turns out texts are handled by her “friend” a random Gaylord, more later, things got sticky on the day, she texted a postcode the day before, I texted her at noon to confirm, it took an hour and a half to get into a text conversation to confirm and I made my way to the postcode and ten minutes before time texted I was there and asked for the address.
No response so I called the number and spoke to the aforementioned random Gaylord who is to the art of effective communication what Donald Trump is to natural looking hair. He promised, laconically to text the address which was a fucking different one. I questioned it and he/she/it said she was staying at a friends’, so I drove round, not too far away. I texted I’m here, eventually got the flat number, paid another £6 parking and walked to the door which was sticky and only opened on the fourth attempt.
I entered a nice enough flat in a big building, 20 minutes after the scheduled start time, got a pretty good kiss from Isabella kinda pretty, she grabbed my hand and I followed an arse that Brazilian Martian would drool over upstairs to a tiny bedroom with an en-suite shower room.
Stated: 24, 5’8” size 8, 34EE natural tits which look great in the photos, long brown hair, brown eyes.
One good review on here, all AW feedback positive, looks awesome in the photos and was flirty and efficient in texts, now I know I've been text flirting with a gay I feel a bit sick.
£200 for an hour – my initial reservations were, she’s expensive,
I was right, massively overpriced – will she be much older than 24,
yes +10 years - will she be much bigger than an 8,
yes, 10 to 12 - are the pictures accurate –
are they fuck, the cunt who did the photoshopping took all the hook out of her nose and at least two dress sizes!She had come straight from the gym and said she showered there, she seemed fresh enough but slightly clammy.
She got her kit off, dealing with a text and refusing a call during the strip, to reveal a fat, un-toned figure – she needs to have a word with the gym instructor - with good natural tits and a big Brazilian arse and thick thighs, both suffering from cellulite.
She kisses and hugs me, tells me I'm handsome and she likes me, grabs my cock through my trousers and buggers off to organize drinks and a shower for herself, answering texts and blabbing on in her native tongue like I was a rude interruption to her busy day.
She returned, still naked, slightly glistening from the shower and rubbed up against me, whispering in my ear, kissing me, looking me deep in the eyes, stroking my cock. I undressed, remember I’d just been away on a sex starved holiday so a good oily wank from Susan Boyle would likely produce a cumshot, I was rock hard at being with a shiny, naked, albeit mid thirties bird .
She lay on her front on the bed, I positioned my cock at her mouth level and she started opening a condom, I said don’t be daft luv, she understood and gave me a hands and teeth free sloppy blow job with ball licking for a few minutes before rubbering me up.
I jackhammered her in missionary and doggy before explaining that I wanted to cum in her mouth, using sign language, my finger jabbing into her mouth withdrawing then saying boom, she refused and pointed to her sweaty chest.
I grabbed her and placed her next to the bedside mirror for more hands free oral and then unleashed an impressive load over her tits and her shoulder.
I cleaned up in a shower so small you can’t turn fully around with a hard on, well, I couldn’t anyway while she attended to more texts in her busy social schedule.
She showered and returned to be somewhat surprised to find me on the bed with a semi, encouraging her for more oral, she obliged, and included a prostate massage for good measure, then put another nodder on and rode me cowgirl with moaning that was so fake it made Hillary Clinton seem genuine, this made me go at it with the pace and intensity of a young Fred Truman before whipping off the rubber and pushing her head down to finish me off by hand and mouth, again over her tits.
She got up and said the immortal you wanna shower line with a glint in her eye like she had finished business for the day and taken £200 of my hard earned for 30 minutes work.
I had lost interest by this time despite the fact there was probably another shot in me. I asked for half my money back, she refused and as we argued her poor grasp of the English language miraculously deteriorated. She did however say one hour was a two shot service, I'm a bad man and threatened me with her two friends who were allegedly waiting nearby. I told her couple of Brazilian puffs didn’t scare me and again requested a part refund, she again refused and started making texts and calls, wailing away in Portuguese.
Realising there was no way she was going to cough up and being too much of a gentleman to ransack the place to find her stash, I dressed and left, after she tried to open the door for me, failed and left me to my own devices.
Not being a pump and dumper, I assume that what she actually delivered was a £70 two shot pump and dump.
She texted me ten minutes later, one word: "bad", I responded with a few more words.
In the words of Harry Enfield in the great Yorkshireman sketch, I’ve got two words for her and her service – shite………and shite!
First post holiday punt and it's a shocker, tomorrow's will be better, right?
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