Best excuse to dive out for a punt?

[Generalstockinghead]

You’re feeling the horn and the punt you’ve been hoping comes off has a cancellation and if you step out for a couple of hours you’re having a great time.

What’s your excuse to get out without grief?

I don’t have a specific go to excuse, but I’m partial to call out, mates house or out shooting.

[Jonestown]

I'd rather not say, if you don't mind.

[daviemac]

Brilliant!!! nearly as good as posting the best hiding places for your punting phone.   

[scutty brown]

the dog needs a pint

[RogerHealey]

I've got to attend a micro aggression awareness course.
..... yes, I know it's 8pm on a Saturday but it's important.....

[stampjones]

Im not a very good liar unfortunately so Ive had to move my family to cambridge, take up boating and only see escorts on sunny days so I can honestly say Im going for a punt 

[jamiekinkxxx]

Im not a very good liar unfortunately so Ive had to move my family to cambridge, take up boating and only see escorts on sunny days so I can honestly say Im going for a punt 

 

[sensualencounter]

You’re feeling the horn and the punt you’ve been hoping comes off has a cancellation and if you step out for a couple of hours you’re having a great time.

What’s your excuse to get out without grief?

I don’t have a specific go to excuse, but I’m partial to call out, mates house or out shooting.

Do you want us to hand over our real name, mother’s maiden name, place where we were born, postcode and blood type whilst we’re at it?

I could even tell you where I’ve hid the body of you ask nicely 

If it wasn’t for the fact you have a fair few reviews I’d ask if you’re a member of mumsnet or have a press affiliation with that kind of question.

[PumpDump]

You’re feeling the horn and the punt you’ve been hoping comes off has a cancellation and if you step out for a couple of hours you’re having a great time.

What’s your excuse to get out without grief?

I don’t have a specific go to excuse, but I’m partial to call out, mates house or out shooting.

Going to an AA meeting, otherwise I think I might go on a 5 day bender!

[Generalstockinghead]

Looks like this is not a suitable topic.  Thought it might be a laugh but obviously not. Sorry lads

[alabama1]

Looks like this is not a suitable topic.  Thought it might be a laugh but obviously not. Sorry lads

We all make mistakes 

[Hotdogboy88]

Am I missing something? What’s so bad about it?

[Lou2019]

Looks like this is not a suitable topic.  Thought it might be a laugh but obviously not. Sorry lads

It’s more the point it’s been done to death

[limarasa9]

Looks like this is not a suitable topic.  Thought it might be a laugh but obviously not. Sorry lads

Did a search for “punting excuse” in the search box and found at least 6 threads on the topic before I stopped scrolling further…

[daviemac]

Am I missing something? What’s so bad about it?

I can't believe you are asking that.

If you need to make an excuse to a partner to sneak out for a punt do you really think it's wise to post a list of excuses to use on the internet for all to see and then for them to be reposted elsewhere including mumsnet. I personally think it's stupidity.

[Hotdogboy88]

Ah I see. I’d thought they be the same standard excuse as someone having an affair, which pretty much everyone knows anyway. Like playing golf with mates I’d imaging that 99% of the time men really are playing golf with they mates. It’s hardly concussive evidence just because it’s mentioned in this thread, be much easier and accurate to follow the bloke. And wives have they own standard same excuses as well.

Anyway you’ve convinced me enough Dave that I’m Keeping quiet. 

[Hobbit]

You’re feeling the horn and the punt you’ve been hoping comes off has a cancellation and if you step out for a couple of hours you’re having a great time.

What’s your excuse to get out without grief?

I don’t have a specific go to excuse, but I’m partial to call out, mates house or out shooting.

This makes absolutely no sense to me. Maybe I'm stupid or you are not articulate enough.

If you are saying that the punt was cancelled then why would you need an excuse to go out?

[Doc Holliday]

This makes absolutely no sense to me. Maybe I'm stupid or you are not articulate enough.

If you are saying that the punt was cancelled then why would you need an excuse to go out?

It is perhaps not the best wording but I understood he meant the SP had a last minute cancellation so you had to leave sharpish and come up with an excuse.

If you are very brazen

"Sorry luv, my mistress has phoned and I have to go around and see her straight away"

"Yeah right .. you're off to the pub again aren't you?"

[Hotdogboy88]

This makes absolutely no sense to me. Maybe I'm stupid or you are not articulate enough.

If you are saying that the punt was cancelled then why would you need an excuse to go out?

Think he means a girl that you want to see has a last minute cancellation and offers you that slot

[FLYING BLUE]

As daft as the subject is, I don't need to make excuses to anyone.

No one to make excuses to

[Moby Dick]

Off to buy some quills for a bald hedgehog.

[Generalstockinghead]

Think he means a girl that you want to see has a last minute cancellation and offers you that slot

Spot on. That’s exactly what I meant

[RedKettle]

As you never want sex any more i am off to buy the service, a bit like we now pay for a cleaner.

I reckon you have three outcomes:

Ok then great that i no longer need to do that
No way, get un dressed we are doing it
Fuck off i want a divorce

2 out of 3 are not bad - and the 3rd might work out ok.

[RogerBoner]

I have used a fake call/text app that you can program to receive a fake text or call from an actual contact at a specific time. It was a long time ago and I don't remember the name of the app but there are many on Google Play. In my instance I received texts from a customer that required an immediate visit. It was convincing because the communication can be seen to be from a known customer. 

[Bonker]

You said that surprise and mystery has gone out of our marriage.

[Hobbit]

It is perhaps not the best wording but I understood he meant the SP had a last minute cancellation so you had to leave sharpish and come up with an excuse.

If you are very brazen

"Sorry luv, my mistress has phoned and I have to go around and see her straight away"

"Yeah right .. you're off to the pub again aren't you?"

Thank you for explaining. I'm glad I'm not stupid.

Personally, I don't do last-minute punts as it is to stressful.

[jeanphillipe]

" Honey I'm going out to see the mistress !"

Hide in plain sight....

[Stevelondon]

Being incredibly honest it’s difficult for me.

So I usually only say something like,
“I’m just popping out for a bit”

I always think it’s rather pointless seeing as it’s only the cat indoors. 

[RedKettle]

I always think it’s rather pointless seeing as it’s only the cat indoors. 

Punting when you have pussy at home!!

[unclepokey]

I make myself available to a local "Helping Help" style charitable body which helps mainly elderly folk attend appointments at doctors surgery or as day patients at local hospitals. So some of my patients/passengers are real, (and these are often really interesting individuals and a joy to transport and chat with)...and some are SPs and even more nice with whom to engage.
Uncle Pokey

[Stevelondon]

Punting when you have pussy at home!!

Now come on…….. a lot will have pussy at home and yet still punt. 

[youcantsnortpepsi]

I guess mine should be why don't you wanna do this stuff to me, but I could never say that!

I have used package collection, visiting friends, just basic excuses.

I am running out so any suggestions would be grand.

[deg_dilemma]

"Just popping out" ... hard to get away with admittedly.

Going for a meeting... though this is really hard with people working at home now.

Join a cheap gym and use that as an excuse to get out?

Wait 'til the Mrs goes out and then sneak out after her. Takes a lot of organisation .

[Moby Dick]

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=372074

[hairdownthere]

I guess mine should be why don't you wanna do this stuff to me, but I could never say that!

I have used package collection, visiting friends, just basic excuses.

I am running out so any suggestions would be grand.

Be upfront, "just nipping out to rattle a hooker, I'll get some milk on the way back"  She wont believe you :-)

Just dont forget the milk

[Punting2022]

Gym. Meeting friends,

[daviemac]

I'll merge this with the last equally daft thread.

[Steely Dan]

Daft?  A bit.  But helping 123,000 members might out-weigh the risk of the 3 or 4 partners that read this, then figuring out her guy is seeing escorts.  I think by the time she is looking at UKP  (or m*snet) to catch him, he is pretty much doomed anyway.  A suggestion here is not like the episode of Doctor Foster where they gave away a good phone hiding space.  That had 6 million views.  I think it is more like naming hotels - a small risk but the benefit to punters is greater.  Just my view.

Anyway, for me it is an ongoing struggle.  Best I got is:
* Job interviews.  I never seem to get the job.
* Speaking at conferences.  How come I don't get paid expenses, even if doing it for networking reasons? (But this does lead to job interviews!)
* Lunch with an old friend.  What if she really wants to come along to meet him?
* Going out when she is out.  Goes wrong too often.  Too many times, things change for her and she cancels or comes back early and innocently asks where I was.  I don't use this as the sole plan anymore.  Unless she is truly out of town overnight.
* I hate golf.  Can't even pretend.  Fuck Ryder and his cup.
* So I really might join the gym.  Because, if I go this route, I will need to actually go there 2 times a week to cover for the weekly punt, I guess.  If I never go at all, it seems my ignorance would trap me (Oh this is Biff - he also goes to your gym MWF mornings.  You must know each other.)


 

[daviemac]

Daft?  A bit.  But helping 123,000 members might out-weigh the risk of the 3 or 4 partners that read this, then figuring out her guy is seeing escorts.  I think by the time she is looking at UKP  (or m*snet) to catch him, he is pretty much doomed anyway.  A suggestion here is not like the episode of Doctor Foster where they gave away a good phone hiding space.  That had 6 million views.  I think it is more like naming hotels - a small risk but the benefit to punters is greater.  Just my view.

Things like this get plastered all over Mnet when there's a post about a woman suspecting her hubby and this site gets mentioned as well. Hotels don't get the same coverage. Just my view. 

[hunkybc]

If you don't have a legit reason my advise don't try and get out! It's not worth the risk dude!

[Charliehutton]

Daft?  A bit.  But helping 123,000 members might out-weigh the risk of the 3 or 4 partners that read this, then figuring out her guy is seeing escorts.  I think by the time she is looking at UKP  (or m*snet) to catch him, he is pretty much doomed anyway.  A suggestion here is not like the episode of Doctor Foster where they gave away a good phone hiding space.  That had 6 million views.  I think it is more like naming hotels - a small risk but the benefit to punters is greater.  Just my view.

* I hate golf.  Can't even pretend. 

Agreed. And Steely, you can pretend to play golf, and it will be the perfect excuse.

Buy a second-hand set of clubs, for less than the price of an average punt. After your pretend lessons, you can either nip to the driving range, or play 9 or 18 holes at courses near or far, according to how far you're travelling to punt, with people who can't ever blow your alibi because they don't exist. It's flawless.

[Thephoenix]

Why not say you've left your wallet in the car?

Oh no, I'm getting forgetful again, and getting my excuses mixed up.  

[chodu1]

Why not say you've left your wallet in the car?

Oh no, I'm getting forgetful again, and getting my excuses mixed up.  

Genius!! 

[signy]

Why not say you've left your wallet in the car?

Oh no, I'm getting forgetful again, and getting my excuses mixed up.  

I left my wallet in the car, and I left the car in town and walked home by mistake. I'll have to go back and get it; I might be a couple of hours. Now, where did I leave my keys?
 

[whiskeygogo]

I am running out so any suggestions would be grand.

Hobbies are a good idea, if you actually start a hobby, but then every-so-often pretend to do it. I saw a video recommending fishing, as it's all-day, requires travel, doesn't need a partner like golf, and can be remote with bad signal.

[Thephoenix]

Hobbies are a good idea, if you actually start a hobby, but then every-so-often pretend to do it. I saw a video recommending fishing, as it's all-day, requires travel, doesn't need a partner like golf, and can be remote with bad signal.

....and if you come home with a fishy smell, you've got the perfect excuse.

Sorry ladies that was a bit below the belt.

[Jonestown]

Join the Jehovah Witnesess and tell your loved ones that in future you're going to have to spend a considerable amount of time hanging around on street corners, knocking on doors, and saving fallen women.

[Southernbloke]

For me, rather than me looking for an excuse to get out for a punt. I make sure my OH has got something to keep her busy so when I want to go out she doesn’t notice too much.
A lot OHs only notice you are MIA because they aren’t busy themselves. My advice is bored wives are way too interested in where you are and what you might be up to.
Other members have said on previous threads have a reasonable or believable excuse for being where you are.

[sim0256]

Nipping into town for a couple of pints in Wetherspoons, They have an ale festival on and I'd like to see what they have got .

I actually do use the Spoons , quite often, as an excuse to get out . OH doesn't like it there so she never asks to come along.

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Join the Jehovah Witnesess and tell your loved ones that in future you're going to have to spend a considerable amount of time hanging around on street corners, knocking on doors, and saving fallen women.

Hah! brilliant that idea:)