Hiding Punting Equipment

[Doc Holliday]

Tell you what, somehow I couldn't see the guy dobbing you in, especially as his viewing for the next two weeks was now taken care of. Additionally, it would have made him an accessory to your crime  .

Assuming he had a VHS player? He probably had a look in another skip for one of those 

[winkywanky]

Assuming he had a VHS player? He probably had a look in another skip for one of those 

I bet his house is an absolute goldmine of all kinds of stuff, perk of the job, innit? 

[Thecunninglinguist]

A good way to go, no? 

A coital heart attack may not be the worst way to go but l have seen a couple and they do rather tend to freak out the lady concerned 

[winkywanky]

Are you at liberty to explain how you were in the presence of two mid-punt heart attacks? 

[Doc Holliday]

That is exactly the point of this thread - where do you lock it up never to be seen? 

I don't think you can?

I used to know a guy many years ago who used to do furniture clearances from houses, often on behalf of families of poor old dears who had passed on.

Old people, especially back then, never trusted banks and it was common to find envelopes of cash, not so much 'under the mattress', but taped under drawers and behind mirrors etc

I would suggest currently that if you have been coughing for longer than five days with breathlessness, you should put your guilty secrets in the bin before the ambulance arrives 

[winkywanky]

...either that or take everything down to Doc's local tip where his mate will relieve you of your burden with a smile  .

[Happylad]

If you're not dead, yet lying in your coffin, even if you manage to get a signal you might find an Outcall somewhat troublesome.

Maybe, but think of all the fun I`d have sending my family messages from the grave.

[OakTree]

That is exactly the point of this thread - where do you lock it up never to be seen? 

I should of been a bit more clearer. By locked I meant passwords. My laptop is password protected and the documents I write are password protected. Probably not totally infallible but it would take some effort to get access.

[B4bcock]

I should of been a bit more clearer. By locked I meant passwords. My laptop is password protected and the documents I write are password protected. Probably not totally infallible but it would take some effort to get access.

Damn!   For one moment I thought you had the answer.   

[Vic69]

As a SP I live a bit of a double life and this has often worried me! I have loads and loads of "work" clothes, toys etc.  My OH has been told if anything should happen to me then he needs to have a big bonfire with my stuff (just hope the dildos dont smoke too much lol)

[cotton]

I dont think theres anything to feel ashamed about with condoms , hooker contact details or pills , thats all relatively normal and respectable. What youd need to worry about was if you were a closet homosexual or similar or indulged in some especially deviant sexual activity that would poison your loved ones memory of you forever.

[B4bcock]

I dont think theres anything to feel ashamed about with condoms , hooker contact details or pills , thats all relatively normal and respectable. What youd need to worry about was if you were a closet homosexual or similar or indulged in some especially deviant sexual activity that would poison your loved ones memory of you forever.

I feel that somehow my family's definition of what is normal and respectable may differ from yours, Cotton!   

[HarryZZ]

I'm agreement with the underpants guy, I don't have any apparatus at all, why would I have condoms, SP always provides, if they don't have any I'd walk? Perhaps I"m doing it wrong.
I have a punting phone but there's no numbers stored on it and I delete all text message threads when I've concluded my business.

[freeze44]

As a SP I live a bit of a double life and this has often worried me! I have loads and loads of "work" clothes, toys etc.  My OH has been told if anything should happen to me then he needs to have a big bonfire with my stuff (just hope the dildos dont smoke too much lol)

  bet wg's will have more that punters!

I've got a second phone, AW hotlist, condoms in case get lucky  , and enough internet history to give the game away but no dildo's to burn!! 

[Vic69]

bet wg's will have more that punters!

I've got a second phone, AW hotlist, condoms in case get lucky  , and enough internet history to give the game away but no dildo's to burn!! 

I have 3 massive suitcases full of stuff that I have to keep pad locked away from prying eyes!

[winkywanky]

Maybe, but think of all the fun I`d have sending my family messages from the grave.

 

[winkywanky]

I should of been a bit more clearer.

Damn!   For one moment I thought you had the answer.   

Damn, for one moment I thought within the space of eight words there might have been room for three grammatical errors instead of only two  .

[winkywanky]

Sorry OakTree, couldn't resist  .

[winkywanky]

As a SP I live a bit of a double life and this has often worried me! I have loads and loads of "work" clothes, toys etc.  My OH has been told if anything should happen to me then he needs to have a big bonfire with my stuff (just hope the dildos dont smoke too much lol)

Tell him to take the batteries out of the dildoes first, otherwise he's liable to torpedo his face when they explode.

[winkywanky]

I dont think theres anything to feel ashamed about with condoms , hooker contact details or pills , thats all relatively normal and respectable. What youd need to worry about was if you were a closet homosexual or similar or indulged in some especially deviant sexual activity that would poison your loved ones memory of you forever.

So being homosexual is more socially unacceptable/shameful than paying prostitutes for sex?

[winkywanky]

I have 3 massive suitcases full of stuff that I have to keep pad locked away from prying eyes!

How the hell do you get it all through Customs?

[advent2016]

I have a lockup with stuff in them - phone,spare passport, money  clothes, washbag, towels, shoes, details of contacts etc.

I leave a letter with the concierge at a club I visit regularly  add a last seen by date on it. If it's more than say 6 months old a trusted buddy (or delegates) will open, follow wishes , dispose, use the money as required then go to the pub and play the last post on his phone and place a notice in the London Gazette.  If you don't know,  look up the origins of the Gazette on Wikipedia.

[Doc Holliday]

How the hell do you get it all through Customs?

On a trolley stupid 

[winkywanky]

Duh! 

 

[pong]

What other than a phone do you have.

[OakTree]

Sorry OakTree, couldn't resist  .

Should it be clear or clearer?

My english is as good as my maths... shite. 

[winkywanky]

Should it be clear or clearer?

My english is as good as my maths... shite. 

It's because you said more clearer. You can say more clear, or clearer. But no both. 'Clearer' means more clear already, so to say more clearer is effectively saying the same thing twice.

Is that clear enough? 

Your spelling of shite was exemplary though    .

[Vic69]

How the hell do you get it all through Customs?

I could tell you a few stories about me and my suitcases getting through airports and getting stopped at customs lol

[winkywanky]

I bet you could.

And I bet ze Germans were the most interested in the contents of your suitcases, compared with the others.

[cotton]

So being homosexual is more socially unacceptable/shameful than paying prostitutes for sex?

Well i guess it alot depends on how the deceaseds loved ones would view things , wether theyd be more disturbed that their hubby or dad had been shagging a few female hookers or that hed been paying to shag geezers , personally im intuitising that finding out he was paying to shag geezers would be more upsetting cos its like a double whammy shock of hookers and homo rather than just simply hookers. 

[Thecunninglinguist]

Are you at liberty to explain how you were in the presence of two mid-punt heart attacks? 

A previous life lead me to become involved such experiences........Not at the exact moment of passing I hasten to add.......

[winkywanky]

Well i guess it alot depends on how the deceaseds loved ones would view things , wether theyd be more disturbed that their hubby or dad had been shagging a few female hookers or that hed been paying to shag geezers , personally im intuitising that finding out he was paying to shag geezers would be more upsetting cos its like a double whammy shock of hookers and homo rather than just simply hookers. 

Why are you seemingly attaching the homosexuality with prostitution? One doesn't necessarily include the other?

[OakTree]

It's because you said more clearer. You can say more clear, or clearer. But no both. 'Clearer' means more clear already, so to say more clearer is effectively saying the same thing twice.

Is that clear enough? 

Your spelling of shite was exemplary though    .

Ahh right. Got it. 

[winkywanky]

A previous life lead me to become involved such experiences........Not at the exact moment of passing I hasten to add.......

I'm glad you explained that, it sounded quite spooky  .

[cotton]

Why are you seemingly attaching the homosexuality with prostitution? One doesn't necessarily include the other?

Ok well i just figured if a guy pays to have sex with other guys then that tends towards a presumption of homosexuality 

[winkywanky]

Ah, you hadn't made that clear in your initial post. You seemed to just compare seeing hookers with being homosexual.

[Steve2]

A brilliant series of thoughts for which I'm grateful. I wasn't actually thinking of providing cash - nor for the women I 'invite' would they want it as they've become friends, trust me. I do think a couple of rounds of drinks would be appropriate and my punting executor will be appropriately furnished.

That could be the coveted invite of the year Uncle    Just hope we survive NOT to tell the tales

[cotton]

Ah, you hadn't made that clear in your initial post. You seemed to just compare seeing hookers with being homosexual.

Well you could throw shagging guys on a non paying basis into the equation , really it all depends on how the deceased relatives view things and if they know their dad/ brother shagged hookers already or alternatively did they know he was a homosexual , did they know he payed to shag guys. If the relatives knew about it already then its not a big issue , its if they didnt know and its a shocking revelation that it might upset them , like personally id think finding out your hubby/dad/brother shagged guys and was a closet homosexual was a bigger surprise than finding out your hubby/dad/brother shagged female hookers . Not because of any ideas of social acceptability but just cos of the surprise.

[sadolddeejay]

I keep mine in the boot of my car, behind a flap where one accesses a compartment containing a  first aid kit.

If I snuff it, it's unlikely to be found, but as I'm the second owner of my car I suppose there could be some doubt over the ownership of said stuff if it's found.

I keep a slush fund of a few hundred in cash there too. The only problem I have is when the car goes in for a service I have to find an alternative cubby hole.

I had kittens when the OH and I were watching the first series of Doctor Foster and the adulterous husband kept his secret phone in his boot. I hoped she wouldn't get any ideas and go on a little search! (She didn't.)

[Malvolio]

The only punting equipment I have is an old school phone - and I always delete any messages about the punt straight afterwards.

It's more likely someone will fire up my laptop and be shocked at the amount of porn I've been watching - but once you're gone you can't come back (c. Neil Young), so who cares what people think after you're dead?  It's more important to enjoy your life whilst you're still here.

[rathbone]

Does anyone have a foolproof hiding place so they can take their secret with them?

I imagine nowhere's foolproof, but there are locations that people in spy novels or Agatha Christie books use to hide valuables: a fake electric switchplate that's got empty space behind it, a biscuit tin buried in the garden, a safe deposit box at the bank and so on?  Pretty sure there have been threads about hiding places in previous years, people won't have given away their best ideas in case Mumsnet was watching!

[Happylad]

I would suggest currently that if you have been coughing for longer than five days with breathlessness, you should put your guilty secrets in the bin before the ambulance arrives 

I`ve been doing that for two years now; don`t frighten `em all for nothing Doc.

                 

[GingerNuts]

What other than a phone do you have.

A punting phone is probably all that most punters have.

By the way, what happened to yours? You seem to have hidden it in 2014 and have forgotten where you put it.

[WASA38]

I imagine nowhere's foolproof, but there are locations that people in spy novels or Agatha Christie books use to hide valuables: a fake electric switchplate that's got empty space behind it, a biscuit tin buried in the garden, a safe deposit box at the bank and so on?  Pretty sure there have been threads about hiding places in previous years, people won't have given away their best ideas in case Mumsnet was watching!

I would find it a little tiresome having to disinter a tin buried in the garden or visit my bank every time I was off for a punt.

However I recall that years ago when camping with my family I concealed most of our holiday cash and passports under a load of soiled underwear in a scruffy bag and left it in the tent whilst off for the day. When we returned we learned that several nearby fellow campers had had their passports pinched from their tents whilst we had escaped. So maybe therein lies the answer. I guess my daughters would recoil at the sight of (deliberately) tyre-marked pants and promptly chuck the bag into the skip without further investigation.

Video clips of me enjoying sexual activity with accommodating SPs I store on an inconspicuous, cheap-looking memeory stick with password protection.

[Home Alone]

Firstly the question must be asked: would that envelope have written on the front: 'In the event of my death, deliver to my punting executor'?

Secondly, despite you obviously having regulars and favourites among your WG 'family', do you honestly think they'd turn up at your funeral?   

(I guess they might be interested in the wake, and infact I guess a big part of their job, if they were any good, would have been 'waking up the dead'  )

Well, I'd be pretty sure that the two former Regulars - one with another of her former clients whom she subsequently married - who were at my 70th birthday party will be at my funeral and wake. The married one had accompanied me to a Dinner with some of my long-standing pals nine years before my 70th party, while the other former Regular and I had concocted a cover story to explain her presence at the party.

None of the other guests suspected anything!

[paper7]

IMO ..........
Idiot comment to a sensible question

Total 'Sense of humour failure'!

[paper7]

The only punting equipment I have ever had is that which normally lies in my underpants.  I don`t use pills, I rely on the SP to provide condoms (that`s a part of what I`m paying for) and I`ve never used any other than a perfectly ordinary 12 year old Nokia mobile `phone which is my normal `phone for all purposes.

Hopefully, when I die all will go into the coffin with me (the `phone in case I find I`m not dead after all)

You do realise that if you put your mobile phone in your coffin and get cremated, when the battery explodes you will go out with a bang!?

[MrMatrix]

Virtually all of us have paraphernalia associated with our punting (phones, pills, condoms etc) which, for obvious reasons, we keep well hidden.   However, I for one am aware that if I died suddenly it would only be a matter of time before it was discovered.  Obviously, there would be no direct comeback I would suffer, but the thought of my children and elderly mother finding out about my naughty habit concerns me.   Does anyone have a foolproof hiding place so they can take their secret with them?

My best friend knows about my hobby and I trust him implicitly. I told him if any thing happens to me hes got to dispose of these items. Hes got the PW to my punting phones as well. Having said that I wouldnt give a shit after the grim reaper had come to collect, but I rather no one else knew out of choice

[mr.bluesky]

Very timely topic for some of us over the coming months 

If it exists it will be found. I remember coming home from school one day and heading straight to my wanking fodder stash hidden in my bedroom which consisted of a few topless pictures. It had gone!

I felt sick and my erection rapidly subsided.

Not a word was said over dinner by my mum that night or since.

It wasn't your mum that found them Doc it was probably your Dad who added them to his collection 

[Georgejetson]

Boner Pills in a cuff links metal snap box 2 inch by 1 inch by 3/4 inch deep. Cuff links on top in the box sitting on a velvet placard, and the pills in a false bottom beneath. I highly recommend small false bottom boxes. They open the box and think “ok...cuff links”, shut it, and continue snooping. Unless she worked for the Stasi she isn’t looking for false bottoms.