Best excuse for traces of lipstick on face?

[jack_walsh]

Last week I stupidly got caught out with lipstick on my face after visiting a WG. I had no excuse prepared and still can't think of one. So, whether you are in a relationship or single, can you think of anything I could say next time? 

[cockneybstrd]

You were attacked by a Tranny in a car park in the struggle they smeared lipstick on your face when attempting to bite your nose off.

That or just grab one of the prossie wet wipes and give your facea quick wipe down before going hime

[wristjob]

Leaving do at work and the girl who was leaving got pissed and snogged everyone.

You are a secret tranny

[Steely Dan]

A hen party was on the street and the bride-to-be was snogging everyone.  Say she was hot.  She will get mad at you for that - but only a little bit.

[dilettante]

You were playing with your young granddaughter / niece / cousin who had been fooling around with lipstick and you got some on your face.

[Cactus]

You were playing with your young granddaughter / niece / cousin who had been fooling around with lipstick and you got some on your face.

Rolf, is that you?

[Stealthshagger]

drunk woman in the street or a woman offering a cheek kiss for a pound for a charity (sadgit's commando course at the local creche, or anything else you make up)

[threechilliman]

Rolf, is that you?

 

tcm

[petitealice]

I don't wear lipstick for punters. Lip balm slightly tinted but nothing with lots of colour. Or wipe it off before you start kissing. If you worry about lipstick, ask the girl not to wear it before your punt or ask her to take it off when you get there.

If the lipstick on you looked like a kiss mark then there isn't much you can use in way of excuses. If it's a smear, try and find a similar colour lipstick and buy it for your wife/girlfriend  the next week as a surprise. You were testing lipstick like the woman in the shop did on her hand but then wiped it wherever the punt lipstick ended up. If it wasn't round your cock then I'm pretty sure she will believe that. Especially when she got a free lipstick out of it.

[ManInBlack]

Try and make sure there isn't a next time would be my advice!  Wash your face, wash it again, then wash it again for good measure.

I punt on my lunch hour and spend most of the afternoon in the toilets at work washing my face!

[CBPaul]

Rolf, is that you?

  

I like the kiss for charity one best.

I always check in a mirror now. A few years back I had lipstick marks and didn't realise, got some very strange looks in a petrol station which made me wonder and to my horror there were smears everywhere, I looked like the love child of a clown and Alice Cooper. Absolute bastard to remove too, must have been some of that long lasting waterproof stuff they advertise. Wrote off a couple of towels at work removing it in the end. As a result I always use the bathroom just before leaving and check out any incriminating evidence.

[cunnyhunt]

For sure lipstick on your cock has to be a worse situation to explain 

[threechilliman]

Try and make sure there isn't a next time would be my advice!  Wash your face, wash it again, then wash it again for good measure.

I punt on my lunch hour and spend most of the afternoon in the toilets at work washing my face!

Good advice. I have a 'return to normal' procedure which I follow meticulously

tcm

[Convince Me]

Rolf, is that you?

LMAO

[potato]

For sure lipstick on your cock has to be a worse situation to explain 

Especially if its right at the base  ( with luck  )


Work mate doing a prank - he draws lips on is hand with the lipstick then transfers to your face doing an Eric Morecambe...  a variation on the black ink on the binoculars/telescope eyepiece gag.   Its also an excuse you can use well after the event -  when your mate asks you the next day if you got into trouble at home....  or you mention the mystery lipstick mark to him and he laughs and confesses..

[dilettante]

Rolf, is that you?

"Can yer tell what it is yeat?  No it's not yer lipstick I'm putting back in your mouth, it's my willy!"

(sorry, that's in extremely poor taste I know ...  )

[Dani]

Why not just say one of the older women at work left and she kissed you on the cheek goodbye.  Say she was one of those that always wore too much  lipstick which was always running into the creases on her lips and your wife will have such an awful image she will probably believe you.

Its quite a simple explanation which will have actually happened to many people over the years including your partner

[rubric]

For sure lipstick on your cock has to be a worse situation to explain 

Years ago, I had a mate who had a seriously headcase girlfriend who used to be incredibly suspicious whenever he went out. On two occasions, the argument got to the point where she insisted on sniffing his cock to make sure he hadn't been having his end away.

[Stealthshagger]

Years ago, I had a mate who had a seriously headcase girlfriend who used to be incredibly suspicious whenever he went out. On two occasions, the argument got to the point where she insisted on sniffing his cock to make sure he hadn't been having his end away.

to make sure he hadnt been having bareback anal and not washing his cock after? Presumably if he were cheating he'd wash after, not rocking up at home with the other womans cum on his cock and lipstick on his nutsack.

[SeekingtheTruth]

Last week I stupidly got caught out with lipstick on my face after visiting a WG. I had no excuse prepared and still can't think of one. So, whether you are in a relationship or single, can you think of anything I could say next time? 

I was too lazy to look in a mirror when leaving my last appointment, or in the rear view mirror of the car, or any reflective surface I walked pass?

[Cactus]

For sure lipstick on your cock has to be a worse situation to explain 

I encountered this when I was in Hamburg last year, got OWO off a hot young German rock chick prossie who left my cock smeared with her pillar box red lipstick, I'd had a few beers, so wasn't paying my usually maticulously high standards to cleaning myself up with a babywipe.

Anyway, later that night, I pulled a young frauline in a boozer, went back to hers, got naked and I noticed the red smears up my cock.  She didn't ask too many questions, although did make a joke about it, so think she knew the score, but carried on regardless.

Not a bad evening actually 

[jack_walsh]

I was too lazy to look in a mirror when leaving my last appointment, or in the rear view mirror of the car, or any reflective surface I walked pass?

Too lazy and stupid to just use a baby wipe I accept but a couple of points in my defence (slightly) here.
Poor lighting in the WGs apartment especially the bathroom where all spot lights but one were blown out.
Came home on the train. (even chatted to a very pretty young woman for 10 minutes, she didn't say owt either)
I don't normally check myself in reflective surfaces that I walk past (I know how ugly I am, no need to keep looking).

There won't be a next time. Reverting back to my normal MO.

[threechilliman]

she insisted on sniffing his cock

....and whilst you're down there......

tcm

[charming_red]

Last week I stupidly got caught out with lipstick on my face after visiting a WG. I had no excuse prepared and still can't think of one. So, whether you are in a relationship or single, can you think of anything I could say next time? 

Who caught you out (wife, bird) and since you had no excuse what happened after?

[Cactus]

Who caught you out (wife, bird) and since you had no excuse what happened after?

He came clean about being Jaqueline Walsh on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he's meant to be playing snooker with Big Trev down the minors.  Liberal application of lippy, prior to giving Trev his bi-weekly gam resulted on some heavy streaking down Trev's johnson.  Jackie then cleaned herself up & Jack emerged, Trev being the dirty sort he is pinned him down and wiped his cock on Jacks cheek, an old private school gag of theirs, leaving a liberal smear of lippy down old Jackie boys face.  Jack was running a little late for the train and erreneously opted for applying some chalk to his cue (just incase Mrs Walsh was suspicious - look love my cue has fresh chalk on her) rather than checking his reflection.

Upon his arrival home, Mrs Walsh didn't ask to check the cue, but instead calmly asked "what the fuck is that on your cheek".

At that point Jack broke down and admitted his secret life to Mrs Walsh.  He no longer plays snooker with big Trev on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but instead attends couples councelling.  Luckily he does still get out for his weekly game of squash with Barry every Friday after work...

[jack_walsh]

Who caught you out (wife, bird) and since you had no excuse what happened after?

Wife and possibly others but all I heard at the time was something like "What's that red stuff around your mouth? It looks like..." and she stopped there. I knew what it was straight away and instinctively bolted out of the room and quickly wiped it off. Nobody got a second look. I came back shortly with a lame "dunno what that was" and crossed my fingers. The had a day of the silent treatment but since the evidence was removed quickly there could be no further questioning. Things have been a bit warm and cold since so I think I'm under observation/surveillance now. She's not stupid but in my normal persona I don't even talk to opposite sex so it's a massive stretch for her to conclude that I've been with another women.

I'm usually very meticulous in all aspects work and personal life. For this punt I broke all my own rules and operating procedures. The WG I visited was amazing though and must have, er, cast a spell on me or something like that.