The post that started this off was a troll who wrote:
If married men use prostitutes they deserve everything they get 
Actually of course, they all people deserve what they pay for in good faith, and sometimes they get it, sometimes they don't, hence ukpunting.com.
Now if the ranter's man caught her having an affair (Of course, women don't "do" that the same as women "don't" do No.2s... but statistics show otherwise.) So if a woman got 'caught' or her man suspected she was 'cheating' would she 'deserve' a man going ballistic, making obsessive private-dick style investigations? I think she might rather hope he would try harder to make the marriage mutually satisfying or else tell her (lovingly) that he still loved her but couldn't handle an open sexual relationship.
Men amd women, when they have affairs, do it differently. For a man, there is usually less emotional attachment and he tends to trade down. A woman tends to have a fling with someone who is more attractive (can be emotionally rather than physically), earns more is a better 'catch'; so from a marriage point of view, the woman has less to worry about over him sleeping with someone else, but she projects her fears of what it would be like if she were 'unfaithul' and magnifies the problem.
Studies show that it is the more productive, financially independent women who are more likely to cheat on their husbands. It is the "kept woman" who is so jealous of her comfortable status and the main plank pushing for criminalisation of men who buy a service that is freely offered to them. (Punters are already in favour of stamping out anything that is not freely offered, and the illegality of prostitution -related activites and pushing genuine exchanges between consenting adults, a man and woman having sex with teh exchange opf money, already makes it that much harder to catch criminals.
Well, for a start, the wives need to find more fulfilment in their lives instead of relying on their husbands to provide it all. But what about the 'prostitute' issue? Some facts. Do you really think a man is going to desert his wife to live with a prostitute? Highly, highly unlikely (even if she would have him!) The biggest danger is if he is obsessive and spends much their joint life savings (assuming they are joint and it isn;t all his earnings.) In such a case, she should hope he
would join UKP and get some common sense from fellow punters!
Most of the prostitutes and ex-prostitutes who go on Mumsnet are very bitter at having failed at the work they chose to do and are not at all typical. Instead of saying they made a choice that didn't suit them, they attack the industry as a whole and look for sympathy by attacking men (the 'industry' includes many successful women who have become financially independent, do not have horrible clients, and retire early owith their mortgage paid off). Then there's the 'disease' nightmare. Worried wives who scan UKP will see that 1) it is an issue a lot of beginner-punters fret over; 2) they are generally persuaded to take proper steps to avoid stds; 3) unless they the men go with street walkers (unlikely) and fail to protect themselves (fairly unlikely), the chances of catching a disease from a professional escort is much lower than if he has a one-night-stand (or of the wife had a one night stand). The reason being that nearly all prostitutes other than street prostitutes insist on precautions against serious stds and are professional about ensuring precautions are adhered to. thei rmind is on the job, not distracted by alcohol and the excitement of a one-night stand or clandestine affair.
Here's some stuff from an expert guide:
Both men and women cheat for a variety of reasons – due to problems in their relationship, due to their need for intimacy, or because they have a high sex drive – just to name a few (see, why people cheat).
But, when focusing on sex differences alone - differences based on biology - men and women cheat in different ways. Men are more likely to cheat opportunistically. That is, more often and with someone who may be less attractive or desirable than their current partner.
Women, by comparison, tend to cheat more selectively. Women tend to be more flirtatious, risk-taking, and act in sexually provocative ways when they are ovulating (see, Thornhill and Gangestad, 2008). Women are also attracted to more masculine and physically attractive men when ovulating (see, Thornhill and Gangestad, 2008).
The argument goes like this: because women are more limited in their ability to reproduce (see, why men cheat), women who acted in ways that increased their reproductive success - like mating with the best men available when ovulating – were more likely to have healthy and attractive children. Possessing this trait or tendency would have led to a reproductive advantage, which would have become widespread over the course of human evolution.
In short, men and women are different. Women are more likely to cheat up while men are more likely to cheat around.
But it also helps to keep in mind, that while there may be sex differences when it comes to cheating – men and women are more alike than they are different. Both sexes cheat for a variety of reasons.
ref: Thornhill, R., & Gangestad, S. W. (2008). The evolutionary biology of human female sexuality. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.
Women are less likely to cheat than men. While estimates of infidelity are difficult to establish, surveys consistently reveal that wives tend to be more faithful than husbands. But when a wife does cheat on her husband, she is more likely to have an emotional affair. Women are less likely than men to have a one night stand. Because women are more likely to have an emotional affair, cheating wives tend to cheat with someone who is part of their social group – a friend, a co-worker, someone from school, church, etc. A cheating wife is also more likely to "swap up" when she cheats. Cheating wives tend to have affairs with men who have more status and resources than their husbands. Or women cheat with men who are better relational partners – someone who is more attentive, appreciative and understanding. A cheating wife is also more likely to consider leaving her husband when she is having an affair.
Because female infidelity tends to be based on emotional intimacy, women often attach more significance to an affair. When women cheat, they are also more likely to view their infidelity as a symptom of the problems in their relationship. By comparison, men have an easier time separating infidelity from the problems they face at home.
Women are also more likely to draw positive inferences about their physical appearance when they are cheating (e.g., I'm still attractive, I'm still desirable, etc.). When a woman does have a one night stand, it tends to be with someone who is more attractive and physically fit than her husband. Women are also more likely than men to use cheating as a means of getting revenge. While using infidelity to "get even" is rare, "revenge cheating" is more common among women.
The UK's last major study of sexual behaviour - the 2000 National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (Natsal) - found that 15% of men had had "overlapping" relationships in the previous year, but only 9% of women. However, psychologists conducting the surveys say men may well exaggerate and women underplay it. Historically it was sometimes dangerous for women to admit being unfaithful, and in some parts of the world this is currently still the case for women and men. Some more recent surveys in the UK and the US though put the figure at between 25 and 70 per cent of women — and 40 and 80 per cent of men — have engaged in at least one extramarital sexual encounter.
What about their emotional worry, should guys follow suit? Here's from Mumsnet:
Most of these married/attached men try and be much more clever. Dedicated 'punting' phones.secret SIM cards, hidden where no one would ever find. Password protected phones and computer, private browsing. Working away from home or travelling with their job. How would you ever guess? Its hard to have faith in any man after reading the stuff on these sites. Some of the threads are actually dedicated to how to make sure the wife doesn't find out. Its stomach churning that these are someones husband and they go home after this to their unsuspecting wife.
Guys, what do you do if you think your wife might be cheating? a) hire a private detective
b) go through every bill, receipt and hiding place liek a psychotic Miss Marple?
c) think fuck it, I'll do it too, that way I won't obsess over it so much?
d) make lots of extra effort?
e) get some viagra and fuck her senseless till she's too tired to look elsewhere?
Personally I think all these are a bit self-defeating. The private dick might or might not work, but the best case scenario is divorce. And while you act suspicious, you increase the chance of pushing her away to another Tom, Dick or Cock. (People also cheat cos they think their partner is having sex with someone else when they aren't.) I'd say don't do any of teh usual 'tactics'. There are two possible states that get a result. One is to believe in your partner utterly, by definition, it's your partner and you should trust your partner. Only stop trusting the day you have irrevocable, undeniable, provable-in-court evidence AND you want rid of them. To do anything else is to torture yourself. Go and get a shag somewhere instead!
Hidden Image/Members OnlyTry reading a nice book:
Hidden Image/Members OnlyHey UKP are hard on bad "service providers" same as wives are hard on bad washing repair men. Doesn't mean good ones can't fix the pipes.
Hidden Image/Members OnlyIf your partner is going to be unfaithful, you can't force them to "lurve you more". Just hope it is with a prossie or a gigolo. It might pass. If it doesn't, maybe you could enjoyu life more with someone else. Getting neurotic about it is a knee jerk reaction, but do you really think it will get you a better result?
Hidden Image/Members OnlyTake care. Love without expecting in return. Smell the grass. Be responsible for your own emotional well-being. Refuse invites to appear on Jerry Springer!
Most of all,
Enjoy life.
