Spanky,
I understand there maybe a chance that you're a troll / woman / or a pre pubescent child . . . but like the legal system, I'll presume you innocent until proven guilty. Unfortunately, many other forum members will not. To be fair, this forums attracts many of the above as well as fantasists
However, some folk come on here for a cathartic release. Whilst I empathise with you..many on here will not. Do not be offended by such replies.
So you've spent £12k...that seems quite a lot. If you can easily afford it, why sweat it? That's about a punt a week right?
The WG game is the oldest trade in the book, don't feel guilty for wanting some physical attention, but if you're unhappy and considering quitting then you need to find another life enriching / affirming hobby as you're clearly not getting it from punting anymore.
Take a break, find yourself...