Moral issue if the wife turns the tap back on?

[RedKettle]

We have had countless threads about the morality of punting when married and I do not intend to repeat that angle here. (Incidentally those threads are really good and were very helpful to me.)

I have always said that if my wife had kept our sex life going I would never have become a punter and I believe that is the case.  I have also said that once a punter, always a punter - being hooked on the variety of shagging different women I could not see myself stopping.

Well now I have that dilemma. For some reason our sex life has been reignited and I now find myself grappling with this issue, should I carry on or should I stop at least until it becomes clear that this is proper return to form?  (There have been the odd time before when it seemed to start again but always quickly burnt out, but this seems more promising.)

I have had a few punts since the sex life started again and there was no troubled conscience during the meetings, I had a great time.  However I have to say that when looking over UKP and AW to plan visits it does cross my mind that this is not fair now.

I think where I am going to end up is reducing the volume of punts, probably dropping the quick ones with an inexpensive girl that are just to meet a need and only carry on with the "event" ones.

Not asking anyone to decide what I will do, it is between myself and my conscience. However interested if anyone else has faced this issue and in general on views.

[cheshiremark]

devils advocate this, I dont know who you are or your circumstances. In my case sex dried up because my wife was getting it elsewhere. When that affair stopped, she came back on to me for sex. Th e reason, I subsequently found out was that she had fallen pregnant and was attempting to convince me the baby was mine...she is of course now my ex....

[hungrypunt]

I still fuck my ex rarely if we meet at events, but when she stopped my tap, when we were together and turned it back to almost a drip I started to cheat and also to see Wgs, even when we were back on. I used to think fuck it, I can get laid when I want, Im in charge of that not you.

It was the fact she instigated the downturn in sex and also becoming a bloater that I looked elsewhere, Ive since had great times with prossies, sugar babies, and civvies in all manner of places and holes and experienced great sex (mostly) and also met some great girls.

If I was to get back with her Id still do what Im doing now, and view it that she made me go that way, so shes been erm. superceded

Lifes too short

[anonyorks]

I'd start saving up the cash for the punts you no longer require then if things go back to how they were you have the funds to punt whoever you want, even tick off some bucket list punts.

[RedKettle]

devils advocate this, I dont know who you are or your circumstances. In my case sex dried up because my wife was getting it elsewhere. When that affair stopped, she came back on to me for sex. Th e reason, I subsequently found out was that she had fallen pregnant and was attempting to convince me the baby was mine...she is of course now my ex....

Yes that is a valid point. I am fairly confident that is not the case here, I have a good feel for why she is now interested in sex again but to say so here would be sharing too much!

[RedKettle]

I'd start saving up the cash for the punts you no longer require then if things go back to how they were you have the funds to punt whoever you want, even tick off some bucket list punts.

That is a very good idea

[Dorsetpunter]

I think where I am going to end up is reducing the volume of punts, probably dropping the quick ones with an inexpensive girl that are just to meet a need and only carry on with the "event" ones.

Not asking anyone to decide what I will do, it is between myself and my conscience. However interested if anyone else has faced this issue and in general on views.

Well put Rk, I'm pleased to say now the last child has gone to uni I'm facing a similar dilemma, which if CIM and A levels came back too I would find it really difficult to justify punting. My current view sounds similar to yours that it needs to be an event

Whether that is by activity or the numbers involved, but at least by dropping the "need" punts it becomes easier to save for the more expensive event ones.

[RedKettle]

Well put Rk, I'm pleased to say now the last child has gone to uni I'm facing a similar dilemma, which if CIM and A levels came back too I would find it really difficult to justify punting. My current view sounds similar to yours that it needs to be an event

Whether that is by activity or the numbers involved, but at least by dropping the "need" punts it becomes easier to save for the more expensive event ones.

if you get CIM and A levels with the wife you are one lucky bugger!!!  i now get OWO again which is great but no way is CIM on the cards.

[Conker]

It's that duality of men, we want to stay faithful but our urges and instincts compell us to see multiple vaginas. I have personally learned to detach myself from any emotions regarding punting, I don't regard it as cheating on my OH as their is no emotional entanglement with the escort, so it is more like a instinct pacifier.

[figleaf]

Similar situation here.  I'm going off punting due to poor quality.  As I've punted less, I've got the girlfriend warmed up a bit which in turn leading to less desire to punt. 

After 17 years of punting this has been unexpected to say the least.

[anotherwoody69]

You allude to a reason she's turned the tap back on, so thats a deeper issue you have to deal with and its a relationship thing I would think.
By fixing the relationship are you happy and satisfied? Happy and satisfied enough to go back to shagging one woman?

She's not looking for a baby though?

I'm in somewhat of a similar situation myself.
Like HP I've been busy on the SB side, and a few escorts, but a few months ago we seem to have turned things round.
Now, I still have the desire to punt but am restricting myself to massages.... which in my head (and of course everyones different and this only applies to me) works.

Tough call, only you can say what works for you.

[escortman]

Me Personally i can't afford to punt that often, but even if she did turn back on the tap would not be drinking the water. I stay for the sake of the kids.

I have had some nice times elsewhere , nice post.

[JamesKW]

My O/H never turned it off but it is so sporadic and lacking any enthusiasm(a bit like the worst Romanian WG).My problem is that if you continue to see WGs it cannot be on impulse with the O/H as it is always BB,and I don't want to risk even the tiniest chance of passing on an STI.This means waiting two weeks to book the GUM,now they are extremely slow it took them two and a half weeks to get back to me with the results.

[shagmore]

Only you can decide, but some very good points made here.
1. save your punt money for a free for all if the tap is closed
2. is/was the OH having an affair
3. is it just a short term thing - relates to 1 above
4. STI's and BB with the O/H and the length of time for the results etc
5. In a women world, there is always some other motive, things may not be what they seam

[bigmanbigman]

Guessing you may find the real Reason for the change
Later !!!!!

[joe diddley]

Interesting dilemma, red kettle. I have read of some punters who routinely deny their wives sex (with excuses) as they are saving up their love custard for clandestine punts. This can add another area of tension to a marriage and offers another aspect to this moral issue.

[JamesKW]

Interesting dilemma, red kettle. I have read of some punters who routinely deny their wives sex (with excuses) as they are saving up their love custard for clandestine punts. This can add another area of tension to a marriage and offers another aspect to this moral issue.

In this scenario you need to use a kind of reverse phsycology by coming onto them all the time,knowing you will be mainly rejected, so they cannot accuse you of neglecting them.

[Gomez42]

For me, if I am getting it at home, I have no need to punt. I have had punting breaks of over a year, and would again.

When the carrot is dangled and then withdrawn, repeatedly, I get to the point where I set a date in my head. When that date is reached, with no carrots, I punt.

Last night, with a Craigslist civvie almost half my age, was one of the best punts I've ever had, if she started escorting properly, I'd be a whithered husk of my magnificent self :-)

[WKD123]

If you are able to strike up a sexual relationship with your OH, then you should follow that path. I personally have just started down the escort road because it is clear, for the moment, that it is not possible to engage in sex with the woman I married. I don't want to continue to be a sad wanker who beats off to online porn for the rest of my life. So, I have turned to punting which I am not proud of, but I need that moment of intimacy, I need to feel that I am still worth having sex with even though I know in my heart that I am a sad old bloke.

If you can resurrect what you had before with the woman you love(d) and committed to, then grab it with both hands. I sincerely hope that moment will come in future for me.

[RedKettle]

You allude to a reason she's turned the tap back on, so thats a deeper issue you have to deal with and its a relationship thing I would think.
By fixing the relationship are you happy and satisfied? Happy and satisfied enough to go back to shagging one woman?

She's not looking for a baby though?

I'm in somewhat of a similar situation myself.
Like HP I've been busy on the SB side, and a few escorts, but a few months ago we seem to have turned things round.
Now, I still have the desire to punt but am restricting myself to massages.... which in my head (and of course everyones different and this only applies to me) works.

Tough call, only you can say what works for you.

No question of more kids! Grandkids more likely!

Relationship has always been strong, other than the sex. Very happy staying with her, so with sex now back on it has me seriously wondering whether I should knock the punting on the head.

[RedKettle]

If you are able to strike up a sexual relationship with your OH, then you should follow that path. I personally have just started down the escort road because it is clear, for the moment, that it is not possible to engage in sex with the woman I married. I don't want to continue to be a sad wanker who beats off to online porn for the rest of my life. So, I have turned to punting which I am not proud of, but I need that moment of intimacy, I need to feel that I am still worth having sex with even though I know in my heart that I am a sad old bloke.

If you can resurrect what you had before with the woman you love(d) and committed to, then grab it with both hands. I sincerely hope that moment will come in future for me.

Thank you, a very heartfelt response.

[scutty brown]

To the OP
its a con, she's after something. Are you expecting a windfall from an inheiritance or similar?
Divorce her quick

[bushman]

If you are able to strike up a sexual relationship with your OH, then you should follow that path. I personally have just started down the escort road because it is clear, for the moment, that it is not possible to engage in sex with the woman I married. I don't want to continue to be a sad wanker who beats off to online porn for the rest of my life. So, I have turned to punting which I am not proud of, but I need that moment of intimacy, I need to feel that I am still worth having sex with even though I know in my heart that I am a sad old bloke.

If you can resurrect what you had before with the woman you love(d) and committed to, then grab it with both hands. I sincerely hope that moment will come in future for me.

Agree, with the above. However I am not sad nor old. Sex is so much better with the one you love or loved.
If you do decide to mix the two, remember no OWO, RO or anything risky.

[bigmanbigman]

Wgs want money for sex
Wife girl friend want
The same and more.
Much more.

[JamesKW]

I don't want to continue to be a sad wanker who beats off to online porn for the rest of my life.

There is nothing wrong with porn,it is part of the sexual cocktail,for the many that cant afford to punt and the O/H isn't offering it everyday of the week.

[JamesKW]

No question of more kids! Grandkids more likely!

Relationship has always been strong, other than the sex. Very happy staying with her, so with sex now back on it has me seriously wondering whether I should knock the punting on the head.

If she has passed menopause,then sex is most likely to be BB (if it wasn't already).Though it is extremely unlikely you would catch a STI from a WG,it is the last thing you want to pass on to the O/H (and the costly and emotional consequences that involves).It is OK if sex with the O/H is sporadic and predictable but if it becomes impulsive and often, seeing WGs as well is probably not a good idea.

[JamesKW]

Wgs want money for sex
Wife girl friend want
The same and more.
Much more.

Maybe in the 70s, but wives and partners earn and contribute to the relationship nowdays,some earn more than the men.With WGs and SBs it is just money going out.

[tantraman]

I have always said that if my wife had kept our sex life going I would never have become a punter and I believe that is the case.  I have also said that once a punter, always a punter - being hooked on the variety of shagging different women I could not see myself stopping.

This is a predicament, OP ... I myself still enjoy regularly "making love" with the OH. But I still punt, and I guess by now "I'm Hooked On A Feeling, I'm High On Believing" that I need to sexperience all types of women ... I can't see myself giving up this "hobby" (read: "addiction"), irrespective of whether my wife keeps the tap on or off.

I think where I am going to end up is reducing the volume of punts, probably dropping the quick ones with an inexpensive girl that are just to meet a need and only carry on with the "event" ones.

I get this ... and I think it's fair enough. Life is to be lived ... enjoy those "events"!

[Acerimmer]

It all depends on what you get from punting, I’m happily married and still have sex with her but I punt to do the things I like but don’t want to do with my wife, the slightly kinkier things.