Feeling Safe & Leaving with a Smile

[Vice Admiral]

Now and then members of this site make adverse comments about the regular Adult Work feedback formula "Treat her well, guys."  And quite rightly so, (a) because it's vacuous and (b) because it carries the implication that, if the girl had turned out to be rough as fuck, future visitors should feel free to treat her badly.  Which runs counter to the spirit of the times.

There are, however, two phrases that occur now and then in UKP reviews that I also find odd.

One, in referring to a general location, is "I felt safe". 

Now I've punted in Paulsgrove, Stamshaw and Leigh Park and (in the past) in Boscombe and the St Mary's area of Southampton.  None of these locations is easily confused with Belgravia or Virginia Water, but nor are they downtown Baghdad or Mogadishu – and, although I'm more Rimbaud than Rambo and more Ernie than Arnie, I've never felt in the least nervous in any place I've visited.  (Admittedly I'm not a three o'clock in the morning punter, and I'd probably avoid a secondary or tertiary location in a big city at that hour.)

The second phrase that puzzles me is, "I left with a smile on my face."

I've tried leaving a building with a smile on my face, and it just doesn't work, even if I summon up one of Jimmy Tarbuck's best.  And, if I did manage it, I'd worry that I might get sectioned – because people who wander round the streets grinning at nothing tend to look a bit deranged.

Still, each to their own.  And perhaps I'm missing something?

If not, are there phrases that crop up in reviews that others find puzzling? 

[Atrueyorkie]

“Treat her well guys”, that common reoccurring feedback is useless.

In terms of the area being safe “I felt safe”. I take that feedback quite seriously. I’d like to know what I’m walking into. Is it a rough area? What’s the likelyhood of me being uneasy passing through. Any kind of people or things I need to watch out for.

[datwabbit]

"I won't divulge what happened between us"

More AW than ukp but what's the point of a review if you don't share.

[Vice Admiral]

"I won't divulge what happened between us"
More AW than ukp but what's the point of a review if you don't share.

The usual reason given being: "I'm too much of a gentleman."

You know how it is with gentlemen: they open doors for ladies, bring them flowers, avoid talking about religion or politics, and never fuck on a first date.

Oh, and they pay young women good money to perform various orthodox and less orthodox sexual activities, all of which are openly listed (and often described) on the young women's profiles – but never spill the beans.

As it were.

[FLYING BLUE]

I had to think twice about reviewing, because I wanted to keep her all to myself...........................

[limarasa9]

"Hiding behind the door..." - I have never understood why this is mentioned in a review. All the SPs that I've met have opened the door hiding behind it. With the kind of clothes they are wearing or not wearing rather, i don't think anyone would open the door the normal way!!

[Whiteknight]

"Hiding behind the door..." - I have never understood why this is mentioned in a review. All the SPs that I've met have opened the door hiding behind it. With the kind of clothes they are wearing or not wearing rather, i don't think anyone would open the door the normal way!!

Usually at the end of a booking, they don't do the hiding behind door and are happy to have a final cuddle and kiss before I walk out of the door 

[mr.bluesky]

"Hiding behind the door..." - I have never understood why this is mentioned in a review. All the SPs that I've met have opened the door hiding behind it. With the kind of clothes they are wearing or not wearing rather, i don't think anyone would open the door the normal way!!

I expect them to run down the garden path in their skimpy clothing and give me a big hug and sloppy kiss before I've reached the front door 

[Marmalade]

Yeah many.

“The best ever”. Especially if it’s only his second review”

“Nobody could possibly complain”. Really? Try me!

“The best looking women I’ve ever seen”. = doesn’t get out the house much. 

“She never disappoints”. Probably she actually opens the door.

“Another outstanding meeting”. If they’re all ‘outstanding’ how can any stand out from the others??

“Genuinely enjoys herself”. More than stacking shelves at Lidl.

Wow. They all sound like the experience of lifetime. Shouldn’t that be £300 a minute??

[signy]

One, in referring to a general location, is "I felt safe". 

Not interested in this, but would be far more useful if the comment was "felt that my car was safe".

[lamboman]

Still, each to their own.  And perhaps I'm missing something?

Yes you are,I like a safe location and I do sometimes leave with a smile on my face.

[Marmalade]

Not interested in this, but would be far more useful if the comment was "felt that my car was safe".

An excellent comment Particularly when some p4ps live in shitville. 

[LLPunting]

I expect them to run down the garden path in their skimpy clothing and give me a big hug and sloppy kiss before I've reached the front door 

Awww mate!  Have you never had them chase you to the gate and dry hump you one last time?

Do the guys in the provinces not get the bold brasses who throw open the door and bellow "Cum' 'ere you big cock and give me one!  These puppies are barking for a rogering!" ?

[JD1]

Regarding the "hiding behind the door" thing...

I actually did once have an SP come out of her house wearing just panties and a camisole into the middle of the street, in broad day light, and wave her arms in the air to get my attention (parked a few doors down) to tell me to come in.

[LLPunting]

Yeah many.

“The best ever”. Especially if it’s only his second review”

“Nobody could possibly complain”. Really? Try me!

“The best looking women I’ve ever seen”. = doesn’t get out the house much. 

“She never disappoints”. Probably she actually opens the door.

“Another outstanding meeting”. If they’re all ‘outstanding’ how can any stand out from the others??

“Genuinely enjoys herself”. More than stacking shelves at Lidl.

Wow. They all sound like the experience of lifetime. Shouldn’t that be £300 a minute??

Some prime examples Marms. 

Any unqualified praise or criticism (for a service):  "Good at fucking", "Great at giving head", "Crap at doggy", "Delightful HR", "She looked amazing", "My top 3/5/10 at [insert service] ever"

[mr.bluesky]

Awww mate!  Have you never had them chase you to the gate and dry hump you one last time?

Nah, they know at my age I can only manage to cum once 

[Stevelondon]

I never fall for that “I felt safe” crap anymore.

Read the review. “Treat her well”…… so I did.
“I felt safe”…….. tripped up over a paving slab as I left the luxury apartment block and chipped a tooth as my chin hit the concrete.

Bollocks. 😂

[limarasa9]

Regarding the "hiding behind the door" thing...

I actually did once have an SP come out of her house wearing just panties and a camisole into the middle of the street, in broad day light, and wave her arms in the air to get my attention (parked a few doors down) to tell me to come in.

  … that definitely needs to be alerted to other punters.. 

[limarasa9]

Another one that I have seen is a member who reviews that he has seen the most beautiful Hungarian until he comes across the next Hungarian SP.. don’t want to name & shame but if you have read his reviews you will know who I am talking about… 

[Liverpool]

"You're reviewing her, so I won't bother" or "she's been reviewed extensively so what's the point?" Or "I only review well reviewed girls so there's no point" are huge bug bears. It's bad when it's a new member, unforgivable when it's an established member.

[Stevelondon]

"You're reviewing her, so I won't bother" or "she's been reviewed extensively so what's the point?" Or "I only review well reviewed girls so there's no point" are huge bug bears. It's bad when it's a new member, unforgivable when it's an established member.

Laziness pure and simple.

[Punterperson1971]

And when they say the bj/sex was only just bordering positive how did she suck or fuck you 000000.000001% better than you thought she would
Or when they say “I’ve seen the same lady”so you check their ZERO reviews 😂😂 then how long they’ve been a memeber on here and find out they been here longer than yourself 

[JasonsAllRound]

This is from the SP’s perspective, but I always laugh when they write ‘treat yourself’ in their bio. It usually means their prices are ridiculous.

[Liverpool]

Or when they say “I’ve seen the same lady”so you check their ZERO reviews 😂😂

This happened to me yesterday. Someone tried calling me out on my review, I went to check his reviews and couldn't find it and called him out. The guy then told me he 'couldn't be arsed' to review everyone he saw. 

[Punterperson1971]

This happened to me yesterday. Someone tried calling me out on my review, I went to check his reviews and couldn't find it and called him out. The guy then told me he 'couldn't be arsed' to review everyone he saw. 

After I typed this I went in to the midlands board and there was a guy who has been a member 2 years before me(2013) me 2015 and he had zero reviews but wants help

[Marmalade]

After I typed this I went in to the midlands board and there was a guy who has been a member 2 years before me(2013) me 2015 and he had zero reviews but wants help

fuck sake. has he heard of the samaritans?

[Munter84]

re: "I felt safe" - that's absolutely something I'd value knowing before going in! If an otherwise great SP is in some filthy crackhouse flat in a stabbing hotspot estate, that would swing my decision.

re: "Walked away with a smile on my face" (or similar) - I'm guessing that's not intended to be read literally, more of a reviewer underscoring a positive experience. As opposed to, you know, wandering off feeling a bit underwhelmed, short changed, or generally re-evaluating your life decisions despite there being nothing in particular wrong with the SP or her services.

My personal bugbear is non-reviewers ("She's well reviewed and I don't have anything to add" - lazy sods).

[Marmalade]

re: "I felt safe" - that's absolutely something I'd value knowing before going in! If an otherwise great SP is in some filthy crackhouse flat in a stabbing hotspot estate, that would swing my decision.

re: "Walked away with a smile on my face" (or similar) - I'm guessing that's not intended to be read literally, more of a reviewer underscoring a positive experience. As opposed to, you know, wandering off feeling a bit underwhelmed, short changed, or generally re-evaluating your life decisions despite there being nothing in particular wrong with the SP or her services.

My personal bugbear is non-reviewers ("She's well reviewed and I don't have anything to add" - lazy sods).

I had a bet with myself before clicking on your reviews that you’d have no reviews marked negative.

I was almost right: your only negative was for a punt that didn’t take place (though you still managed to write a long review). My conclusion: safe to say, “smiles rather easily”.

[Home Alone]

Over the years, I became proper friends with the three Escorts I probably saw most often. Each of them said to me some considerable time after she'd retired something on the lines of, "You did know that as soon as I put the black nylons on, I became someone completely different, didn't you? Anyone who thought they were seeing the 'real me' was deluding himself."

It's 'the rules of the game', isn't it?

[Marmalade]

Over the years, I became proper friends with the three Escorts I probably saw most often. Each of them said to me some considerable time after she'd retired something on the lines of, "You did know that as soon as I put the black nylons on, I became someone completely different, didn't you? Anyone who thought they were seeing the 'real me' was deluding himself."

It's 'the rules of the game', isn't it?

Fucking right.
I’ve even known one or two who actually looked nice when they weren’t working!

Comments I’ve heard (in reply to a compliment) over the years include:
“Well I’m not going to go to all this trouble for a punter!”
“You don’t think I’m going to wear this dress so some punter can come all over it do you??”
“I’m not going to let my hair down for work — some idiot will just come in it.”
And the funniest:
“Would you like to hear my ‘work voice’?”

Of the ones I’ve shagged in and out of work, I can say all of them were fairly crap shags in work compared to life, even the ones that were proud of their ‘routine’.

[bristolnick]

One someone says "Made love" or "On with the raincoat" 

[Munter84]

I had a bet with myself before clicking on your reviews that you’d have no reviews marked negative.

I was almost right: your only negative was for a punt that didn’t take place (though you still managed to write a long review). My conclusion: safe to say, “smiles rather easily”.

Really not sure what your point is  I mostly go for sure bets (I'm paying, why wouldn't I) but have also had my share of so-so or neutral experiences, including a couple of parlour visits that wouldn't have flagged as full reviews.

Smiles rather easily? I'll take that. Punting is supposed to be enjoyable, no?

[Marmalade]

Really not sure what your point is  I mostly go for sure bets (I'm paying, why wouldn't I) but have also had my share of so-so or neutral experiences, including a couple of parlour visits that wouldn't have flagged as full reviews.

Smiles rather easily? I'll take that. Punting is supposed to be enjoyable, no?

More a touch of the white knight.

Whether on Amazon or UKP, it's the negative reviews that usually tell more... Personally I find your 'sure bets' idea a load of bollocks. No offence. 

[Munter84]

More a touch of the white knight.

Whether on Amazon or UKP, it's the negative reviews that usually tell more... Personally I find your 'sure bets' idea a load of bollocks. No offence. 

None taken 

I do my reseach, I rarely TOFTT, and I tend to go with well reviewed SPs that sound like they'll tick my boxes. As a result I have a pretty healthy Positive rate. If I was going for new talent or throwing darts in a board I suspect I'd have more of a mixed bag.

Ultimately reviews are subjective - sorry I don't meet your required level of cynicism!

[Marmalade]

None taken 

I do my reseach, I rarely TOFTT, and I tend to go with well reviewed SPs that sound like they'll tick my boxes. As a result I have a pretty healthy Positive rate. If I was going for new talent or throwing darts in a board I suspect I'd have more of a mixed bag.

Ultimately reviews are subjective - sorry I don't meet your required level of cynicism!

Not meaning to get at you but we hear this "I do my research" thing so often. Great. It's just not believable that a punter sees enough SPs without having a negative experience.

And actually, it sounds more like do have negative experiences but for some reason just don't want to rate them as such.

For instance, Erica:  "I really didn't fancy her and couldn't be bothered to see how much further VFM could be extracted from her." How the fuck is that not a negative. The assisted shower was shit. The room was so small she couldn't massage you properly. There was "Minimal body to body action". Did you have a great time? Apparently not. But you just put 'neutral' after spending £120 and noting her "friendly conversation".

Others sound ok but "unique proportions" and nice provision of toothpaste... another is "mouthwatering"like a "hottie from a high-end nightclub". Then there's the one that lives in a run-down place with a broken bathroom light but nevertheless has "unique appeal". next one is "flawless", "jaw-dropping" etc. THESE ARE PROSTITUTES FFS.

Your reviews sound like softcore adverts for a luxury cruise.

[LLPunting]

How many of his "cba to report" punts are based on UKP intel?

[LLPunting]

After I typed this I went in to the midlands board and there was a guy who has been a member 2 years before me(2013) me 2015 and he had zero reviews but wants help

Thanks to those there for voting him out of the UKP house. 

[Marmalade]

Before UKP there was a 'review' site that was actually run mostly by prostitutes. Hardly anyone ever got a critical review. The slightest shortcoming was couched in flowery language. NO-ONE TRUSTED THE REVIEWS.

If you went to Booking dot com or Trip Adviser and all their reviews were five stars unless the place had gone bust would you trust them as 'independent reviews'?? Of course you wouldn't!

UKP came about to make distinctions. If punters can't do that it seems a waste of time to write or read eulogies written as if it's a competition for flowery language.

[Munter84]

This is turning into a saga...

And actually, it sounds more like do have negative experiences but for some reason just don't want to rate them as such.

For instance, Erica:  "I really didn't fancy her and couldn't be bothered to see how much further VFM could be extracted from her." How the fuck is that not a negative. The assisted shower was shit. The room was so small she couldn't massage you properly. There was "Minimal body to body action". Did you have a great time? Apparently not. But you just put 'neutral' after spending £120 and noting her "friendly conversation".

No, I didn't have a great time. I had a neutral time, hence I rated it Neutral!

One man's low neutral is another man's negative, it's inherently subjective.

If I could turn back the clock and change one of my ratings it would be Thai Ella, replacing the existing Neutral with a Negative - that was my first FS punt and I didn't have the benefit of any personal point of comparison at the point I wrote up the review.

If there's one point I will defend myself on though, it's any accusation that I'm being a white knight. Slightly fluffy, maybe. But I'm pretty open and honest discussing the flaws and limitations of girls/services and have never engaged in "defending an SP's honour". Want to slag off one of my regulars? Go right ahead!

Others sound ok but "unique proportions" and nice provision of toothpaste... another is "mouthwatering"like a "hottie from a high-end nightclub". Then there's the one that lives in a run-down place with a broken bathroom light but nevertheless has "unique appeal". next one is "flawless", "jaw-dropping" etc. THESE ARE PROSTITUTES FFS.

Don't understand the issue  This is a punting review and discussion forum. I'm reviewing SPs and discussing my experiences. It's a bit verbose for you? Horses for courses.

Your reviews sound like softcore adverts for a luxury cruise.

Let's just agree to disagree, eh? My writing style is perhaps a bit flowery and over descriptive at times, which I assume some readers appreciate and find useful. Your review style is much more succinct and no-nonsense, which again will cater to some but not to others.

[Marmalade]

Dear Munter...

It's not so much a question of style but of efficiency. My 'acerbic' comment is simply as that is usually the best way to get through to people...

I'm not in a position to tell you what to write; or if your 'style' should be based on how many people 'like' it (there are many on the forum with a similarly unfortunate way of writing – you just happened to come to my attention: it's not personal). I'm simply hoping that if I am clear enough you might work it out for yourself.

There are three type of posters:

• those who write for prossies. Basically they are only a small step up from AW reviewers. They don't want to "offend" by saying anything critical. They justify it by hoping that some punters might like their reviews.
• those who write for themselves.They employ a style worthy of an old-fashioned porn novel, spinning it out in beautiful terms, patting themselves on the back. Many enjoy reading it, which gives them the impression that their 'reviews' are useful.
• those who write to help other punters. These will get flack, mostly from fanboys who claim the particular prossie had no faults, and occasionally from prossies, mostly when they work out who the fuck is writing them and was silly enough to give away personally identifiable information.

It doesn't take an Einstein to work out which is the more efficient in term of helping other punters make rational decisions.

This Forum puts the interests of Punters first through the sharing of Reviews.

The basics don't take up much space. It means another punter can scan eleven or more reviews, not just yours, of the same SP quickly and make a rational decision based on facts, not lengthy colourful writing. From the UKP Wiki Guide:

*Logistics; booking and communication.
* Location (for in-call); safety, discretion, facilities, comfort, accessiblity. as it says below ... 'WITHOUT identifying the specific address.'
* Looks; face and figure, approximate age, height and dress size, hygiene, outfit, accuracy of photos, nationality and language.
* Services used and the price paid (detailing time and extras charged). Mention enthusiasm, attitude, time keeping.
Try to be objective and factual. Avoid hyperbole; use superlatives sparingly. 'I found her attractive' is factual. 'She is the best looking girl in Birmingham' is not. Remember you can be as fluffy as you wish DURING the meeting but do not come across as delusional no matter how good the GFE illusion provided by the WG had been.

My own reviews are far from perfect, often maybe even missing a couple of points. I'm not trying to be a paragon, just underline the objective. If it makes you feel any better, I used to write your Mills-and-Boone type descriptions on ISG abroad long before UKP. It was fun but imore of a chat group. ISG mixes the two. Then someone was kind enough to be blunt.

Miss all the technicolor stuff and focus on good and bad. Not like a glossy advert.  Your reviews are laid out nicely though unhelpfully long. They don't balance good and bad enough and there's no telling what you think would be bad (other than a no show) as you never neg anything. Stop writing for fans: write to help punters make decisions: not on trust, but as part of the total input on any SP. End with a summary of positives and negatives: if you can bring yourself to it that is!!

Probably you'll just go into your own little hole and give some mumble about how you like doing your way.

[Plan R]

"Excellent oral skills"

In my fevered imagination that means she is an enthusiastic rimmer 
however it could just mean something much more tame - like she put the condom on with her mouth

[LLPunting]

Dear Munter...
...

Agree with what you're trying to say.

Doesn't really matter if the style is bullet points, score cards or prose, the problem is overly subjective statements of "fact".
"I found her attractive" is subjective "fact".  Confirming she looked like her photos is more factual, pointing out the discrepancies more so.  Saying you think she looks like x or a mix of x and y is perhaps factual as long as you qualify how much alike she is.

Stating a girl has 36 inch tits like it can only mean one thing just shows ignorance for the shape of women.

[estats]

I think comments on a safe location and "I felt safe" are fairly important. The OP says it's not like we live in a war zone, that is true, but punters are robbed, or approached by dodgy characters or have their own privacy put at risk, so I think a comment on the area or location is pretty important in a review.

Leaving with a smile, well yeah, that is pretty subjective.

[Munter84]

Dear Marmalade.

Thanks for the post, your points make a lot more sense now I understand the "issue". Contrary to your last sentence, I'm not going to curl up into a little foetal ball of angry defensiveness, I'm a big enough boy to take constructive criticism on the chin.

After a bit of introspection I would say my reviews are primarily for the benefit of other punters - at least that's definitely my intention - though I'll concede they may verge on the self indulgent some times.

I do take your main point though which is about demonstrating an ability to be even handed and unclouded in judgement. Now, I can't promise you my next few reviews will be Negs for the sake of achieving fairness and balance, but perhaps I'll endeavour to flag up pros and cons in a bit more of an unvarnished way, even if it's within the context of a personal and subjective review.

 

[Marmalade]

I do take your main point though which is about demonstrating an ability to be even handed and unclouded in judgement. Now, I can't promise you my next few reviews will be Negs for the sake of achieving fairness and balance, but perhaps I'll endeavour to flag up pros and cons in a bit more of an unvarnished way, even if it's within the context of a personal and subjective review.
 

Respect  most people would indeed just curl up or argue their righteousness, so good on you.

[lamboman]

I punted this morning in a lovely and safe apartment and left with a smile on my face which is still there now.

[vindici]

I punted this morning in a lovely and safe apartment and left with a smile on my face which is still there now.

Did you treat her well?

[Marmalade]

Did you treat her well?

[RedKettle]

There are, however, two phrases that occur now and then in UKP reviews that I also find odd.

One, in referring to a general location, is "I felt safe". 

The second phrase that puzzles me is, "I left with a smile on my face."

I am really puzzled as what is confusing anybody with these comments.   I have cancelled a punt because I simply could not find somewhere safe to leave my car nearby and I have at times been very conscious that I am in a suit and tie in a fairly dubious area.  (Would not happen now, that was back in the day when I fitted punts into a work day.)  Another punter saying they felt safe is indeed useful information for me, albeit that it was only their subjective view at a particular time.

To be puzzled by "I left with a smile" is surely being far too literal.  It is simply a way to say you enjoyed the punt and walked away happy.

Given the amazingly wide range of tastes in women on here I find it strange that some seem to want to force a uniformity in the way we express ourselves.

Although I agree with the view on "treat her well"!

[Tender.french.kiss]

I find it strange that some seem to want to force a uniformity in the way we express ourselves.

+1