Punters Guide to Escorts

[Steely Dan]

External Link/Members Only

Note this new page on the wiki.  Have you have more tips for escorts?  And are there any UKP threads we should link on this page?  All these tips came from UKP posts, but most are comments on the end of reviews.

[vw]

Have you posted the link on uke and saafe ? 

Top stuff 

[scutty brown]

maybe I'm being thick, but that page is more like an escorts guide to customer service, not a punters guide.
Are you sure you've titled it correctly?

[vw]

maybe I'm being thick, but that page is more like an escorts guide to customer service, not a punters guide.
Are you sure you've titled it correctly?

Maybe call it a punters guide to being a half decent prossie !

[Sparta Prada]

Don't wear strong perfume?

[Steely Dan]

maybe I'm being thick, but that page is more like an escorts guide to customer service, not a punters guide.
Are you sure you've titled it correctly?

No, not sure it is named correctly.   New names suggestions  and all other suggestions are welcome.

[scutty brown]

Maybe call it a punters guide to being a half decent prossie !

Yep, sounds good!

(bloody hell.....you and me agreeing....)

[Steely Dan]

Don't wear strong perfume?

Good one.  Added.

[vw]

Yep, sounds good!

(bloody hell.....you and me agreeing....)

Congratulations on you being right for the first time !   

[scutty brown]

Congratulations on you being right for the first time !   

and a farty raspberry to you as well!

[Shearer1955]

Perhaps it could be titled something like "A Logical Guide To Escorting"

[Steely Dan]

Have you posted the link on uke and saafe ? 

I wonder if MN will find it soon....

[mrhappypants]

  New names suggestions  and all other suggestions are welcome.

1) I suggest framing your points as positive recommendations describing good practice.
2) Personally I think a guide should be written in full, grammatically correct sentences avoiding colloquialisms.  Language that is OK for the board looks sloppy and illiterate in a more formal context.
3) I am interested in the reaction of any WG's but I think in its current form it is patronising, parental and will seriously alienate your target audience.

Having you considered asking a WG for help / reality check?

[baranabus96]

what about "client tips for newbie escorts" or something along those lines as the new name.

[scutty brown]

I wonder if MN will find it soon....

here's a few you can add for MN's benefit
Always wax your pubic hair, don't shave it as shaving leaves you like a hedgehog.
If you bleach your ass, don't use Domestos.
Don't keep kippers in the bedroom

[Steely Dan]

1) I suggest framing your points as positive recommendations describing good practice.
2) Personally I think a guide should be written in full, grammatically correct sentences avoiding colloquialisms.  Language that is OK for the board looks sloppy in a more formal context.
3) I am interested in the reaction of any WG's.  I suspect in its current form you are going to seriously alienate your target audience. Having you considered asking a WG for help / reality check?

Good tips.  Thanks.  In terms of point 3, we want to get more tips from punter first, but yes getting the escort reaction later will be helpful, good idea.

[Juilius_Sneezer]

Based on a recent booking, something about a clean and tidy room without clothes strewn around (except those removed the the booking of course!)

Also have a bin readily available and visible for the "cleanup" instead of awkwardly putting wipes and bag on a bedside table or holding them like an idiot.

[Mansell]

Great guide, lets hope they read it. 

Sure over time other small improvements can be made, but the basics very good.

[PleadInsanity]

Bang on SD
AW should send a link to this to each service provider.

[Littlefoot]

External Link/Members Only

Have you have more tips for escorts? 

Make sure the bathroom is fully stocked with gents toiletries, mouthwash, shower gels etc
Make sure towels are fresh, clean and fluffy!
If the client requests you to dress and present yourself a certain way, do your utmost to fulfil his wishes.
Make sure the client leaves with everything he came with!

[kamu]

Interesting guide although not sure many will be interested to read it? Also not sure on a few of the points:

Don't blame the previous punter for time delays. We don't care about him. If he arrives late, he still leaves on time.

Worth mentioning to leave adequate time between clients to allow for this.

Play music. Not ITV nor MTV - an advert during sex is poor. Really, get an Amazon Echo or a docking station for your phone. Silence is poor. Normal TV is poor. Adverts are poor.

Bit OTT? Something just to break the ambience should be ok?

Check him for lipstick/hairs/shirt tucked in before he goes.

Not a wg's responsibility really...

Also worth mentioning:

Not cutting punters short on time.
Brushing their teeth (especially if they are a smoker).

[Steely Dan]

Bang on SD
AW should send a link to this to each service provider.

Thank you for the kind words, but I am not the author. At best an editor, with AliKatt. All ideas are yours, taken from UKP threads.

[vw]

check no toilet paper hanging out of anywhere

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=1000.msg13235#msg13235

[RedKettle]

Great work.

If forced to cancel, for a genuine reason, offer some compensation like a reduced rate for another booking.

[Sparta Prada]

Hmmm, is it worth mentioning about

A) not offering bareback,
B) EAS from both the girl and guy's perspective?

[vw]

Keep white knight customers on a short lead, they don't help you.

[webpunter]

Politically correct & condescending

"Avoid listing that you do not see Black and Asian guys"

Maybe they don't want:
1. to be split in half by a 10" donger 
&
2. to have price negotiation [& i'm not referring to getting a few extras added on for free on repeat visits]

Who they decide to see is up to them
Numerous AW profiles have this included - usually with a reason
How fucking pompous suggesting this 
People have the right to choose who they will & won't do business with - if they want to.  So why should hookers have to be different ?

"All guys hate it when you say this"

Really ?  Not unless you happen to be called AsIf or Leroy

[vw]

"All guys hate it when you say this"

Really ?  Not unless you happen to be called AsIf or Leroy

Lots of members here are called that.

i imagine other members, look for the no Asians/blacks and book those girls only.

If they are going to give leroy and asif bad service best leave the sign up really, same with old or young "discrimination".  Just leave the bollocks die to bad experience of the profile.

[smiths]

If you accept a punters booking don't muck him about by turning your phone off when he arrives in your area as agreed.

And don't cancel bookings with bullshit excuses that insults the intelligence of some punters. Personally I have heard every excuse going and if only a fraction were true WGs would be the most unlucky people in the country. Women I do business with outside punting very rarely cancel on me and never turn their phones off.

Don't offer a massage at the start of a punt when you don't advertise you offer them, and it was never mentioned and agreed with the punter when enquiring or booking.

Don't tell a punter to hurry up when there is plenty of time left, in my case it will have the opposite outcome.

[webpunter]

Everyone faces discrimination.  Its a fact of life

Lots of businesses have criteria for who can be customers - like with some banks its wealth / income.  So it discriminates against the poor.  I wouldn't bank with them even if i did meet whatever is needed coz i wouldn't want to provide them with any income.  Fuck em

There are dull boring golf clubs where to be member [& thus use their services] you've got to:  be an ex bank manager / drive a green jaguar & be a total tosspot.  In reality i play fuck all golf.  The OH thinks i do - practice down at the range / a round at the weekend or on a summer afternoon or evening is perfect cover for punting.  And there are always the weekend golf trips [several] - even better !

Lots of members here are called that.

i imagine other members, look for the no Asians/blacks and book those girls only.

If they are going to give leroy and asif bad service best leave the sign up really, same with old or young "discrimination".  Just leave the bollocks die to bad experience of the profile.

[Steve2]

External Link/Members Only

Note this new page on the wiki.  Have you have more tips for escorts?  And are there any UKP threads we should link on this page?  All these tips came from UKP posts, but most are comments on the end of reviews.

Maybe "The ideal Escort, a Punters guide"

[Midori]

Good tips.  Thanks.  In terms of point 3, we want to get more tips from punter first, but yes getting the escort reaction later will be helpful, good idea.

Can I comment eventually? X

[Yeboahsleftfoot]

External Link/Members Only

Note this new page on the wiki.  Have you have more tips for escorts?  And are there any UKP threads we should link on this page?  All these tips came from UKP posts, but most are comments on the end of reviews.

Good stuff Dan, title suggestion: Guide for Escorts: What Punters Want

[vw]

Can I comment eventually? X

Nothing has stopped your touting on this forum so far !   

[mediumjoe]

 Tissues instead of wet wipes when you clean up your client and he is laid there knackered .

[Midori]

Nothing has stopped your touting on this forum so far !   

Not touting. Not once have I tried to sell my services. That's what UKE is for.

[vw]

Not touting. Not once have I tried to sell my services. That's what UKE is for.

Your post was pointless and added nothing to the thread other than saying look at me, the equivalent of waving your arse in our face, that's touting in my book !   

Touting is not always about selling, this is more product placement.   

External Link/Members Only

[Midori]

Your post was pointless and added nothing to the thread other than saying look at me, the equivalent of waving your arse in our face, that's touting in my book !   

Touting is not always about selling, this is more product placement.   

External Link/Members Only

Oh, i'm sorry I didn't realise it would be perceived as that. My bad. Thank you for educating me, I will be more careful in future.

I was just trying to say that if an escorts opinion is needed I am happy to provide, but someone had said it wasnt wanted yet but would be eventually, so I was volunteering to help. I was trying to be helpful, so im sorry it didnt come across that way. Xx

[Watts.E.Dunn]

It would be really useful to mankind if the " How to be an escort" guide was translated into Romanian;)

[vw]

It would be really useful to mankind if the " How to be an escort" guide was translated into Romanian;)

Maybe that Romanian punter could do it for us?

I'm Romanian

[4kingace]

Pointless. Anyone genuinely thinks a working girl is going to take notice of those commandments needs their head looking at.

[DrGFreeman]

I think its a worthwhile endeavour
But in its current wording will attract derision from the ladies - it reads like you know how to be a better escort than they do
and some of the 'tips' are ridiculous :
Enjoy yourself. Rub your clit.....Pricing. Maybe lower your price? Try it for a few weeks.... be consistent with your service

I'd call it 'punter expectations of escorts and re-word it

[CityTillIDie]

Make sure the bathroom is fully stocked with gents toiletries, mouthwash, shower gels etc
Make sure towels are fresh, clean and fluffy!
If the client requests you to dress and present yourself a certain way, do your utmost to fulfil his wishes.
Make sure the client leaves with everything he came with!

Except the liquid contents of his bollocks...

 

[baranabus96]

Except the liquid contents of his bollocks...

 

And leaving with a bigger smile than when he arrived is also a bonus.

[Steely Dan]

Can I comment eventually? X

All members of this forum may indeed comment.  I make no commitment to follow any comment, but I will read with interest.

Of course, since the page is published already on the punting wiki, in fact you or anyone are welcome to just edit it as well. Or you could create another page called, say, 'UKE escorts guide to escorting'.  As long as the page follows the ethos of the site clearly.

[Steely Dan]

Pointless. Anyone genuinely thinks a working girl is going to take notice of those commandments needs their head looking at.

I agree it is unlikely to achieve much.  Few pages on the wiki, or on here, do cause changes in behaviour. Like when I see the 5th negative for a shit escort - how come no one listened to the first 4 reviews?  But if one comment helps one escort do one thing better, resulting in a punter having a better experience, it is worth while.  That punter might be you (or better still me). Also, it was amusing to write (meaning finding and editing the comments from UKP threads), and a few found it amusing to read.  Perhaps just a tad above totally pointless.

Also, more pages on the wiki on different topics make it grow.  The whole wiki is, after a while, greater than the sum of the parts.

[Shearer1955]

If nothing else it is a bit of lighthearted fun - I doubt it does any harm & perhaps some good might come out of it with escorts fully cognisant of a punters hopes & expectations even if some are fanciful at best

[Gatchaman]

Play music. Not ITV nor MTV - an advert during sex is poor. Really, get an Amazon Echo or a docking station for your phone. Silence is poor. Normal TV is poor. Adverts are poor.

I'd agree with this one, bloody Trivago advert did my head in on my last punt.  Every single ad break 

[Ali Katt]

Pointless. Anyone genuinely thinks a working girl is going to take notice of those commandments needs their head looking at.

Thousands have read these two. They were peeved off on Twitter.
External Link/Members Only
External Link/Members Only

[Ali Katt]

I'd agree with this one, bloody Trivago advert did my head in on my last punt.  Every single ad break 

Try having sex to the go compare advert and then the corny presenter telling loadsa shit jokes.