Warning, not only does this review of a sex party include mention of crossdressers and transvestites, the reviewer was one of them. Turn back now if this upsets you...External Link/Members OnlyI'd been to the Bi Fun Club twice as a guy during 2019 and having dipped my er, toe, into crossdressing elsewhere, decided to go again in women’s clothes. I was hoping to get some “lesbian” action with other TVs (yes, lesbians can have stiff cocks in today's mixed-up, muddled-up, shook-up world). Plus some regular fun with the escort girls who are hired for this event.
I'm too cack-handed (and lazy) to master the art of makeup so I hired a pro to give me a makeover (this was the third one I've had in the last year). A very pleasant and talented lady came to my place early in the morning and made me look almost shaggable (in a dim light). Good value for £40. But she overshot her time estimate by an hour and by the time she finished it was 11am, the start time for the party in Sutton, five miles away. She very kindly gave me a lift there, which saved me from scrubbing off the lippy and wearing dark glasses on the train.
By this time she dropped me off it was nearly 12 noon, and after I’d booked in and paid the £20 admission fee for transvestites (bargain!), I went upstairs to the room where I'd seen girlies like me getting changed on my two previous visits. But the other trannies were presumably all dressed by now and, like the other bedrooms, it was being used for sex. Oh well.
It wasn’t too crowded so I commandeered a chair in the corner and changed outfits while one of the five or six escort girls entertained one guy on the king-sized bed and naked men wrapped in towels wandered in and out, watching and in many cases wanking.
This proved to be the major negative point of the day. Too many guys prowling in towels. There’d been more than 12 cross-dressers on my previous visit but this time there was only me plus three others. It turned out that two of them were only playing with men and one was only watching. For someone like me – an occasional cross-dresser who will play with men as part of a mixed group but not otherwise – this limited my options to the female escorts (who were in continuous demand throughout the event) and a few amateur “swinger” women, who were mostly overweight and unattractive.
There were also a few male-female couples, but as I’d observed before, the women tend to watch rather than join in, and if they do take the plunge then they have their pick of the younger, slimmer, sexier and better-endowed men of the 40 or more looking for action.
This time, on several walls around the venue there were little posters with the headline “No thanks, I'm straight” and a message saying that while everyone had to right to say no to sexual contact from anyone else, this was NOT an acceptable excuse to give at an event called the Bi Fun Club. The FAQ on the party website amplifies this and says: “You have to be at least bi curious to attend a Bi Fun Club party. Our definition of being bi curious is someone that doesn’t object to being touched and/or sexually stimulated by a member of their own sex. If you don’t meet that minimum requirement you would not be welcome at one of our parties.”
That’s all very well... but. I would estimate that more than 80 per cent of the men were there to play with the females and no one else. The rest would take a blow-job from a cross-dresser, and a smaller sub-section would fuck a CD up the arse. The nicest-looking of the other trannies, a petite, slim and very cute little creature, was in steady demand for this purpose. I chatted to her and we fondled each other’s legs on the sofa for a while but she didn't want to go further with another CD. I can’t remember her name, but she seemed to know everyone else so perhaps other punters can fill in the blanks left by my disfunctional memory.
As a 6ft 1ns cross-dresser in my early 60s I was not in great demand from the guys, though I was elegantly dressed and conducted myself with confidence. I can even walk in high heels without falling over these days. Going up stairs is easy because only your soles need touch the steps. Going down requires caution.
From time to time I politely dodged wandering hands from unappealing guys in towels and after a while the message must have spread because the approaches stopped coming.
On my previous two visits I had seen one or two gay men getting it on with each other, but not this time. For the most part the Bi Fun Club seemed to have turned into a straight sex party in all but name. Maybe there's not that much demand for full-on bi orgies out here in the semi-sticks. London has scores of full-on gay clubs and you can find a tranny-centred orgy on most nights of the week.
My own sexual preference (I sometimes dress as a woman, don't fancy men but am willing to suck a cock or be shafted up the bum in the right circumstances) seemed vanishingly rare.
To digress for a moment, much better for anyone as weird as me are the twin events held at the same venue on the last Wednesday of each month. Happy Wednesday is just for trannies and it runs from 11am to 3pm. After that, men are allowed in and it continues until 10pm. And the name changes to Lovejoys. Links just below:
External Link/Members OnlyExternal Link/Members OnlyI went dressed to these parties in female guise just once last year and had a very good time, fucking two cross-dressers, being fucked by one, sucking and being sucked by many more CDs, and (just before I left), allowing two very clean and polite men to fuck me from behind after the tranny who bummed me was finished. Trouble is, I can seldom get my schedule to line up with that event, while Mondays are easier to keep clear.
Anyway, back to the Bi Fun Club on February 10. I had a very pleasant time with three of the escort girls, getting covered blowjobs and fucking two of them in cowgirl. They seemed pleased to be fucked by someone dressed as a woman and we had a good laugh about it. One was a middle-aged coffee-skinned lady with short hair, not sure what nationality, and I kicked off the day’s action by giving her pussy and clit a good licking with my tongue. She lay back on the bed and seemed to regard it as a pleasant interlude from more onerous duties. But she didn't seem to be getting wet or aroused so rather than persist all afternoon so I got her to switch to 69, followed by cowgirl.
Another escort was a plumpish East European with reddish-brown hair. I don't remember the escort names and although I do recall playing with one other lady, I can't remember anything at all about her. Forgive me, the aged brain cells are disappearing every day. During my encounter with the plump EE girl, a guy who was lying next to me being pleasured by another escort reached out a hand and wanked me. He was young and slim and I'd have let him do whatever he wanted in a group session. But we both got wrapped up in the girls servicing us, and the moment was lost. That was the only “bi” element of that day's Bi Fun Club for me.
Hidden Image/Members OnlyJust at the point when I was thinking of cutting my losses and leaving (about 1.30pm), I was stopped in my tracks. I was sitting in the main downstairs room next to the aforementioned skinny TV, nursing my erection with an occasional wank, when two females marched in and put on a sensational sex show that left everyone both amused and aroused. One was a very sexy girl called Kelly, who didn't seem to be an escort and just appeared out of nowhere. Long dirty-blonde hair roughly tied back. Late 30s or early 40s. Big glasses. Sensational figure with big and possibly natural tits and a wasp waist . Brash, confident and very, very attractive. That's NOT her in the picture I’ve posted just above, it’s a porn star, but it’s not far off.
The other player in this game was not so appealing. Quite a pretty face and an extrovert personality – but a hugely fat body and pendulous breasts. Her pussy was hidden away at the bottom of a deep chasm which had to be approached between the fattest thighs you will ever see outside a documentary about obese Americans. Amid much catcalling and hilarity, this unlikely double-act sat down on the floor facing each other and inserted the ends of a very long and very thick doubled-ended dildo into their pussies. After barely 20 seconds of activity, one of them had a squirting orgasm that had people holding up their towels to protect themselves from flying pussy juice. This was at once a jokey response to the action and a wise precaution.
Less than a minute later the other one squirted too and this was repeated several times. It seems to be a party trick both have mastered and they have probably put on the same performance many times before. Blonde Kelly then put the double-ender away, strapped on a long, thick, dildo – maybe nine or ten inches – and gave the big girl a good rogering from behind. This caused more squirting, of course.
Meanwhile, a very pretty oriental woman in her 30s who was sitting on the floor to my left, started absently stroking my fishnet-clad legs. She and another sexy girl were sitting on either side of a good-looking alpha-male type black guy and I didn't see them play with anyone else – they were like his personal geisha girls. I rather hoped for more than the leg-stroking and gave the girl a winning smile when she glanced my way. She smiled back very sexily but it didn't lead to anything else, sadly.
Kelly was now asking for volunteers to be pegged by her strap-on. I briefly considered it but it did look a bit bigger than anything I'd ever tried before and though I'd given myself an enema before the make-up artist arrived, that had been at 7.30 in the morning. I wasn't confident that everything would still be clean inside – and can you imagine how horrible it would be if the dildo had come out covered in shit in front of an audience of around 20 people? So I kept my mouth shut and watched the action, though I can’t for the life of me remember who did volunteer.
After another saunter around the rooms I got together with the plump EE escort again and she gave me another nice blow job. All the oral action from the pro girls was covered, sadly, but she agreed that I could cum on her tits, so I wanked myself to a quick and satisfying climax.
With that, I grabbed some food and water from the buffet (didn't see any alcohol this time), retrieved my rucksack from the downstairs cloakroom, went back to that original bedroom to get changed, and found a mirror to check my make-up. I’d redone the lipstick at one point but it was almost all gone. I cleaned my mouth with a wet wipe and put on some extra large sunglasses to cover my still-perfect eye makeup and lashes. I’d bought them on Amazon the previous week for just this purpose.
No one gave me a second glance as I walked to the station, as I sat on the train, and as I walked back to my place. It was around 3.15pm when I got in, which gave me just over an hour before I planned to leave for the day's second orgy. Yes! Two in one day, with another report to come.
I spent the time giving myself another enema then putting on some of my outfit – dress, tights, open-crotch knickers – then covering them up with jumper, jeans and socks. As a teaser for the second event I went to, there are details on the organiser’s Twitter profile below... and I did have a LOT more fun.
External Link/Members OnlyRight, that's it. Show’s over folks.
What?
Say again?
You want to see what I looked like?
Really? Oh, it's not you...your wife/GF/WG-you're-shagging-right-now wants to know what I look like. I understand.
Oh well, I suppose so then....Hidden Image/Members OnlyI was wearing the exact same outfiit but this wig belonged to a previous makeup lady and is much better than mine. And my face is not actually made out of 12-pixel squares.
I’m probably being over cautious with the digital disguise because I don’t think even my kids or GF would know me when I’m dolled up. My mother might though... because I look remarkably like a long-deceased great-aunt.
