Have you been caught or almost caught?

[petergriffin]

I had a close shave recently.

Went on a punt after work (nothing new there) and acted normally with the Mrs when returning home.

I was just getting undressed for a bath when my wife entered the bathroom and asked why I had my boxer shorts on back to front. I was clearly caught off guard and started spluttering and trying to think fast.

I told her I had a shower at work ( I very rarely do) as I felt a bit grubby but I don't think she's buying it. Got to be ultra careful now as I think she's suspicious

Just wondering if anyone else has had any close shaves and do you believe you are truly off the radar now?

[NelsonH]

Surely you lock the bathroom door?

[jeanphillipe]

I had a close shave recently.

Went on a punt after work (nothing new there) and acted normally with the Mrs when returning home.

I was just getting undressed for a bath when my wife entered the bathroom and asked why I had my boxer shorts on back to front. I was clearly caught off guard and started spluttering and trying to think fast.

I told her I had a shower at work ( I very rarely do) as I felt a bit grubby but I don't think she's buying it. Got to be ultra careful now as I think she's suspicious

Just wondering if anyone else has had any close shaves and do you believe you are truly off the radar now?

rule no 1 , never panic, just act surprised. pass it off, stay quiet try not to say too much and be vague at this point you don't know what the other person knows, they could be just digging ...

[The Outsider]

I had a close shave recently... Just wondering if anyone else has had any close shaves and do you believe you are truly off the radar now?

You're never off the radar! 

Whatever you do, don't make a big deal of this incident and don't bring it up again.  Be on your guard more than ever... for months!

[jeanphillipe]

also you have just advertised specifics of your event... if your mrs should be suspicious , is a mumsnetter, starts digging around; she will eventually learn about this site.

It will be a bit suspicious if another bloke was in a similar conundrum...   (next step she signs up, correlates your movements to your review history... etc  )

[mh]

asked why I had my boxer shorts on back to front

Here are some answers you can have ready for next time:

- They are not back to front, you're looking at me in a mirror right now
- I came in my pants when thinking about you so had to turn them round
- I shat myself (when thinking about you? ) so had to turn them round
- I've heard that it helps with erectile dysfunction

Or how about simply that you put them on backwards in the morning (or does she watch you get dressed as well as monitor your bathroom visits?).

[RedKettle]

Yea you over thought that one

I would have just acted the idiot - oh my god now I cannot even dress myself, nursing home next stop!!!

[mh]

I told her I had a shower at work ( I very rarely do) as I felt a bit grubby but I don't think she's buying it.

The fact that you said you had a shower at work and yet still then needed a bath afterwards would immediately ring alarm bells. Unless you're a miner.

[jeanphillipe]

The fact that you said you had a shower at work and yet still then needed a bath afterwards would immediately ring alarm bells. Unless you're a miner.

he probably is a miner, as he appears to be digging himself in to a hole, badum tish, ill get my coat...

[The Vicar of Dibley]

also you have just advertised specifics of your event... if your mrs should be suspicious , is a mumsnetter, starts digging around; she will eventually learn about this site.

It will be a bit suspicious if another bloke was in a similar conundrum...   (next step she signs up, correlates your movements to your review history... etc  )

Well I am sure that has put the OP's mind to rest and he will stop worrying now. 

[SlamBoy]

The fact that you said you had a shower at work and yet still then needed a bath afterwards would immediately ring alarm bells. Unless you're a miner.

Exactly.

Why not just: "They are??? Oh God I'm such an idiot. I must have been really tired this morning."

[Wooderz]

You're doomed.. dooomed I tell ya.. 

Since I openly brag to all I have only been in relationshits with women who couldn't care anyway as long as they get serviced ..

I was caught by cops midstroke and fined for shagging  a ho many years ago..

Does that count?

Usually cops would just move me on.. Even "midshag" I would be told "do your business somewhere else".. Laws regarding whoring are not as straightforward for the pork as many might think.. "evidence" is required.. For all they know you could be shagging your GF..

I accepted a few cautions, which frankly, I shouldn't have .. But state bullies in blue will keep you in the van forever.. I am going back some years obviously.. those days are over for us all now.. I have heard cops are worse now but I don't know in practice if they enforce laws harsher or what?

Whoring has paradoxically both become more accepted mainstream, and at the same time, less tolerated on the punters side..

My theory is anything that enables the state to tax sex.. is being encouraged.. whereas anything untraceable isn't..

I was a bit of a rebel in my youth and probably pissed the cops off big time with comments such as "so, it's ok for me to pick your 16 year old daughter up in a park and plonk her for free if she likes , but I can't enjoy a good time with a 35 year old stranger legally for 15 quid as she likes?"..


 

[Shearer1955]

Next time you put on your skivves ... make sure your wife is watching you doing it and put them on back to front as though its forgetfulness or a daft mistake ... hopefully she may make some disparaging comment but it might just may allay her fears you are playing away 

[mikexxlong]

right

if you haven't suitably covered your tracks and over looked something
--- and that arse puckering pant shitting moment arises of almost getting caught

the rules are;
 
1) Don't panic

2) DON'T PANIC (worth repeating)

3) Admit nothing,

4) Deny everything,

5) Demand proof.

6) Make counter accusations

7) Deploy any suitable excuses
and or muddy the waters to confuse(as you might as well if it's got to this stage)
to try and save the situation

8) Blame someone else

[scutty brown]

Just to admit to senility
comes to us all

[Thecunninglinguist]

Just say " l wondered where the draught was coming from all day" and laugh.

[Wooderz]

Y Backs
Underpants normally worn by men of the homosexual persuasion, whereby the opening pouch is located at the rear as opposed to the front.
I'm going out speed fudging tonight, so I got me Y Backs on for easy access!
#pants#y-backs#gay underwear#underwear#homosexual

External Link/Members Only

[petergriffin]

Thanks All

I think the trick is being one step ahead and staying calm

Easier said than done when your least expecting it but some words of wisdom from fellow punters will be taken on board

Everything quiet on the western front at present so hopefully it’s blown over?

[itk]

I had a close shave recently.

Went on a punt after work (nothing new there) and acted normally with the Mrs when returning home.

I was just getting undressed for a bath when my wife entered the bathroom and asked why I had my boxer shorts on back to front. I was clearly caught off guard and started spluttering and trying to think fast.

I told her I had a shower at work ( I very rarely do) as I felt a bit grubby but I don't think she's buying it. Got to be ultra careful now as I think she's suspicious

Just wondering if anyone else has had any close shaves and do you believe you are truly off the radar now?

I think I could come home with mine on my head and the missus wouldn’t notice.
Years back coming out of a flat after a punt saw my girlfriends ( at the time) mate walking the other way. Sure enough next day I was asked if I was where I’d been seen, told her I was playing golf, argument went on for weeks with her eventually believing her mate was out to split us up.
Going back even further when it was only street hookers I punted with,  I had left calling cards from the phone boxes in my car overnight, only seeing them when the girlfriend got in.
Best one though happened to a punting mate who got in his car the morning after to find a WG’s mini skirt on the back seat. We went back up that night and gave it back to her 

[The Bandit 5342]

A lady of my acquaintance left her wig plait in the door pocket of my car - the next passenger was my Mrs!

Explain that!

Five years on and they know about each other and even go to occasional functions together with me!

Explain that!

[MrMatrix]

Got a parking ticket at a hotel which was sent to my house. Very nice picture of me in my car. Luckily I was the only one home when the letter arrived. Never stayed in a hotel car park since.

[Wooderz]

A mate of mine (several actually have done this) would toot up in my car knowing full well I don't approve of drugs but my libertarian principles don't usually have me complaining much as crack heads just won't fucking listen anyway.. However when they moan at me when people ask why they have been acting odd recently I say.. "don't do anything you are scared of your nearest and dearest knowing about, or have the sense to do it in private"..

Punting and drugging and many things are more a problem being they are something folks have to hide away than anything else I would suggest..

Never a good idea really if we are wanting an easy life eh?

 

[Wooderz]

A lady of my acquaintance left her wig plait in the door pocket of my car - the next passenger was my Mrs!

Explain that!

Five years on and they know about each other and even go to occasional functions together with me!

Explain that!

you married it?

[randydandy2013]

Was spotted driving in a part of town where I wouldn’t normally be by someone I know. Had to make an excuse that I had went to a shopping centre for a look at a certain store.

[Boristheboy]

Christ knows I have put my boxers on back to front getting dressed normally so many times. The best option is to just say they have been like that all day.

[AllenTheMan]

I agree with the majority of people above, just say you're a fool who can't get dressed anymore!

[petergriffin]

Just a final question to either put my mind at ease or change my ways...

Can anyone find out which websites you have visited when using incognito mode on google chrome ?

I am actually using incognito mode writing this post

Many Thanks

[Wooderz]

Just a final question to either put my mind at ease or change my ways...

Can anyone find out which websites you have visited when using incognito mode on google chrome ?

I am actually using incognito mode writing this post

Many Thanks

External Link/Members Only

[mh]

Just a final question to either put my mind at ease or change my ways...

Can anyone find out which websites you have visited when using incognito mode on google chrome ?

I am actually using incognito mode writing this post

Many Thanks

Not a casual user, no.

Your ISP can (and is obliged to hand over the details if asked by law enforcement). Any router or Home Hub in your property has the potential to record the information, but probably doesn't.

The warning you see every time you start an Incognito tab is quite clear:

You’ve gone incognito
Now you can browse privately, and other people who use this device won’t see your activity. However, downloads and bookmarks will be saved. Learn more

Chrome won’t save the following information:
-Your browsing history
-Cookies and site data
-Information entered in forms

Your activity might still be visible to:
-Websites that you visit
-Your employer or school
-Your Internet service provider

[Silver Birch]

I was just getting undressed for a bath when my wife entered the bathroom and asked why I had my boxer shorts on back to front.

Simple answer "it's Tuesday isn't it love?"

Monday = Normal
Tuesday = Back to front
Wednesday = In side out normal
Thursday = In side out back to front

[Jayf]

I once got caught shagging a street walker when I was 18. Got arrested, £100 fine and it stayed on my record for 2 years. I'm just grateful they gave me a lift back to my car after I'd been to the police station. That would of been a long walk.

[Wooderz]

I once got caught shagging a street walker when I was 18. Got arrested, £100 fine and it stayed on my record for 2 years. I'm just grateful they gave me a lift back to my car after I'd been to the police station. That would of been a long walk.

Was that recent? I was copped 30 years ago and not arrested, just given a day in court to attend, a fine and a free front page ad in the local rag telling everyone who i was and where i lived..  consensual sex between adults clearly is frowned upon as ever..

[bushman]

Not a casual user, no.

Your ISP can (and is obliged to hand over the details if asked by law enforcement). Any router or Home Hub in your property has the potential to record the information, but probably doesn't.

The warning you see every time you start an Incognito tab is quite clear:

You’ve gone incognito
Now you can browse privately, and other people who use this device won’t see your activity. However, downloads and bookmarks will be saved. Learn more

Chrome won’t save the following information:
-Your browsing history
-Cookies and site data
-Information entered in forms

Your activity might still be visible to:
-Websites that you visit
-Your employer or school
-Your Internet service provider

Don't lock into your gmail/yahoo or hotmail account whilst in incognito.They will still record your activity/search regardless. You have to manually delete those if you do.

[mikexxlong]

Was that recent? I was copped 30 years ago and not arrested, just given a day in court to attend, a fine and a free front page ad in the local rag telling everyone who i was and where i lived..  consensual sex between adults clearly is frowned upon as ever..

yep the perverted cunts who hand out the fines and sentences much prefer forcing themselves on children!

[anonyorks]

Walking across the road to a hotel my Auntie was coming down the path behind me and called out to me.

Luckily I had a speed awareness course in the same hotel a week later so I had an excuse. Avoid said hotel and most hotels in general since.

Also went straight for a shower when getting in from a massage/HR which used way too much baby oil. Mrs commented what was I up to as I never do that. Avoid massages if I cannot shower without knowledge now.

[Jayf]

Was that recent? I was copped 30 years ago and not arrested, just given a day in court to attend, a fine and a free front page ad in the local rag telling everyone who i was and where i lived..  consensual sex between adults clearly is frowned upon as ever..

Was about 10 years ago. I think it's still frowned upon now lol

[Stiltskin]

The fact that you said you had a shower at work and yet still then needed a bath afterwards would immediately ring alarm bells. Unless you're a miner.

Yep, unless you’re going to tell her you shit yourself at work and again on the way home, taking a shower followed by a bath doesn’t make any sense. If you’re going to carry on punting you’ll need to act like Jason Bourne for the next 3 months at least.

[Locallad1]

No never have. Best to avoid home city, have punting phone, and list of excuses ready just in case. Like why you are in the area.

[hawkzville]

Oh I've been caught alright....

[hawkzville]

Oh I've been caught alright....

[Punterperson1971]

Oh I've been caught alright....

Please tell

[hawkzville]

I put this post up on the massage shop mini-review thread a few months back but aren't sufficiently "tech savvy" to know how to create a link (I did try as above and failed) so cut and paste below:-



.. basically my ex wife suspected I was up to something and had a friends husband follow me after work a couple of evenings; I'd become quite complacent by then and didn't for one moment think she had any clue - anyhow, he took pictures of me going in and out of a massage parlour - twice over the course of a week! My ex tied it up to sizeable cash withdrawals, then invited my parents over for dinner where she presented her "reveal".


It was the worst moment of my life - as mentioned, hideous divorce/fall out etc - I ended up pretty much penniless and very much alone in the world.


You would have thought it would have put me off punting; instead it just put me off relationships instead.


When I asked her "what made you suspicious?" She told me that sometimes I'd smell of perfume or oil or something similar - which is what prompted me to post this on here as the "smell of punting" was what did for me in the end.

[threechilliman]

I put this post up on the massage shop mini-review thread a few months back but aren't sufficiently "tech savvy" to know how to create a link (I did try as above and failed) so cut and paste below:-



.. basically my ex wife suspected I was up to something and had a friends husband follow me after work a couple of evenings; I'd become quite complacent by then and didn't for one moment think she had any clue - anyhow, he took pictures of me going in and out of a massage parlour - twice over the course of a week! My ex tied it up to sizeable cash withdrawals, then invited my parents over for dinner where she presented her "reveal".


It was the worst moment of my life - as mentioned, hideous divorce/fall out etc - I ended up pretty much penniless and very much alone in the world.


You would have thought it would have put me off punting; instead it just put me off relationships instead.


When I asked her "what made you suspicious?" She told me that sometimes I'd smell of perfume or oil or something similar - which is what prompted me to post this on here as the "smell of punting" was what did for me in the end.

Jeez, I feel your pain with that one.....

[mh]

...then invited my parents over for dinner where she presented her "reveal".

It was the worst moment of my life - as mentioned, hideous divorce/fall out etc - I ended up pretty much penniless and very much alone in the world.

You would have thought it would have put me off punting; instead it just put me off relationships instead.

Invited your parents over? Wow, she really did want to stick it to you! I don't mean to be harsh, but it seems like she hated your guts and was delighted to have found an excuse that she could then serve up in a very personal shaming. She sounds delightful...

I would like to think that my OH would be more forgiving, perhaps I am deluded!

In the circumstances I can completely understand why you chose to drop relationships rather than punting.

[Jayf]

I put this post up on the massage shop mini-review thread a few months back but aren't sufficiently "tech savvy" to know how to create a link (I did try as above and failed) so cut and paste below:-



.. basically my ex wife suspected I was up to something and had a friends husband follow me after work a couple of evenings; I'd become quite complacent by then and didn't for one moment think she had any clue - anyhow, he took pictures of me going in and out of a massage parlour - twice over the course of a week! My ex tied it up to sizeable cash withdrawals, then invited my parents over for dinner where she presented her "reveal".


It was the worst moment of my life - as mentioned, hideous divorce/fall out etc - I ended up pretty much penniless and very much alone in the world.


You would have thought it would have put me off punting; instead it just put me off relationships instead.


When I asked her "what made you suspicious?" She told me that sometimes I'd smell of perfume or oil or something similar - which is what prompted me to post this on here as the "smell of punting" was what did for me in the end.

That's really harsh,  imagine bringing parents into a divorce. That's really low in my opinion.

[GreyDave]

  I walked Past OH`s Sister on Berwick street Market a little while back, I shit a brick and chatted about refurbing flat in Charring x road( as we had done one a while ago.

Then worst of all walked out of a well known flat in to two neighbours little old ladies chatting right outside door as I left I pulled the refurb one again on them as they know I work in trade BUT The more wiser one knew about flat and mentioned it was a knocking shop as she knew landlord I asked who as I was just working for agency I said (digging an even deeper fucking hole for my self) ..... I am sure she knew what I was about as she never asked if I did the work and on a few occasions when I ve seen her joked about "looking for business and plying trade .....I never went back place is now a familly home

[hawkzville]

It's pretty much 20 years ago now, so almost feels like a different life - my ex married again pretty much as soon as we divorced to someone she had been seeing for a long time, so my conclusion has always been she "got lucky" that I was up to something sufficient to get rid of me hook, line and sinker that she stumbled upon. I was angry for probably a decade or so and avoided relationships, but time is a healer I'm surprisingly on good terms with ex and her husband having learnt the power of forgiveness...…

Anyhow, my point is to really "don't" get complacent, because if you DO get caught you'll find yourself in a very lonely place as no one will take your side.....

Be careful out there!

[Sureshot]

Caught by the police mid fuck with a street whore back in late 90s/00s.  Quickly zipped up while they took my details and gave me a slap on the wrist.  Drove home quick smart and was still wearing the johnny when i got in :

A few days later they came round my flat on suspicion of linking me to another incident that happened that night.  Proved i wasnt connected but it put the wind up me for a bit.

[itk]

I put this post up on the massage shop mini-review thread a few months back but aren't sufficiently "tech savvy" to know how to create a link (I did try as above and failed) so cut and paste below:-



.. basically my ex wife suspected I was up to something and had a friends husband follow me after work a couple of evenings; I'd become quite complacent by then and didn't for one moment think she had any clue - anyhow, he took pictures of me going in and out of a massage parlour - twice over the course of a week! My ex tied it up to sizeable cash withdrawals, then invited my parents over for dinner where she presented her "reveal".


It was the worst moment of my life - as mentioned, hideous divorce/fall out etc - I ended up pretty much penniless and very much alone in the world.


You would have thought it would have put me off punting; instead it just put me off relationships instead.


When I asked her "what made you suspicious?" She told me that sometimes I'd smell of perfume or oil or something similar - which is what prompted me to post this on here as the "smell of punting" was what did for me in the end.

As if getting caught wasn’t bad enough, to have your parents present when she revealed must’ve been awful. Makes all my routines prior to a punt seem more reasonable, I still park up before the meet and then move on and park elsewhere and then usually walk around the block a couple of times before knocking.

[windowlicker]

There is a certain irony to the fact that we all go to such lengths to cover our tracks and then we come on here and record a permanent record of our transgressions. Saying that the information from this forum is invaluable and if we didn't share information we would struggle.

My latest cover is going swimming before or just after a punt. Covers the reason for absence and explains why we have had a shower whilst out.